by Jaden Skye
Deeply shaken, Cindy walked to the edge of the railing. Mattheus had no right to answer to her family for her. She could still call them, of course, and arrange the dinner, but what would that do to her relationship with him? Standing there, looking at the darkening sky, it seemed clear she would have to choose between them. At least for now.
“I need to speak to my family,” Cindy said silently.
“I can’t hear you.” Mattheus walked over to her.
“I won’t go to dinner with them,” Cindy spoke louder, “but I’m going to call back and speak to Frank and my mother. It’s not your place to answer for me.”
Mattheus grew silent and stiff at Cindy’s side.
“It’s going to have a terrible effect on our relationship if I have to give up my family for you,” Cindy went on. “How can I live with that over the long haul?”
“How will I live with them hovering over my life?” Mattheus retorted.
“I can see them separately.” Cindy’s voice grew dim.
“I need loyalty,” Mattheus said gruffly. “If someone is against me, I need you on my side.”
“I am on your side, Mattheus,” Cindy said, bitterness filling her heart. “I have always been on your side and I always will. Take a minute and really think about what you’re asking of me.”
The wind blew hard at both of them then, tossing Cindy’s hair across her face, which, to her surprise, was wet with tears falling.
*
Cindy tried to call her family several times, but they didn’t answer. As she watched the afternoon drift into evening, she realized that they would soon be boarding the plane to return home. Would this be the end of their relationship? The idea was incomprehensible to her, but stranger things had happened. She’d heard of families who hadn’t spoken for years. Of course, Mattheus’s feelings were also understandable. He’d felt hurt by them and Cindy realized that. She would have liked nothing more than to straighten it all out with her family and wondered if they’d ever pick up the phone again. After their discussion, Mattheus had gone downstairs alone, and Cindy was glad that he had. She hadn’t asked where he was going or when he’d be back, either. They both definitely needed time alone.
Cindy sat on the balcony and watched night fall, as a sliver of the moon glimmered behind the thick clouds. Cindy had seen this side of Mattheus before, but it hadn’t hit her as hard as it did tonight. Was this par for the course for an engagement? Everyone said it was a time when all issues with families came up to be handled. Or was this more than that? Was it a red flag, warning her of upcoming danger in her relationship with him?
It was quite a bit later when the phone finally rang. Cindy reached for it slowly, thinking it was either Mattheus or Frank. To her surprise, Edward was on the other end.
“Sorry to call you so late,” he said hastily. “Is it too late to talk?”
“No, go ahead,” said Cindy.
“Mitch Boden wants to meet with you tomorrow morning,” Edward went on.
“Who?” Cindy asked, confused for a moment.
“Shari’s psychiatrist. He’s down here visiting, helping both families. He’s spoken to Marla and also Doug. I told him you also wanted to talk to him.”
“Oh, yes, of course,” said Cindy, “that’s a good idea.”
“Great.” Edward seemed relieved. “Can you meet him in Doug’s room, at about nine thirty?”
“Sure,” said Cindy, “I’ll be there.”
Cindy hung up feeling relieved as well. It was great to have the case to focus on now. She’d have to go to bed early to be in shape for it. She got up, ran her hands through her hair and went to the bathroom to wash up.
On her way to the bathroom, Cindy heard the door to the suite open. It had to be Mattheus returning. Cindy rushed into the bathroom, closed the door, turned on the shower, took off her clothes and stepped into the shower, fast. As the warm water poured over her, Cindy stood there for a long while wondering what would happen between her and Mattheus next.
*
Cindy and Mattheus slept on separate sides of the bed, not speaking to one another. When Cindy awoke early to make her appointment, he was still sleeping. Once again, she left him a brief note.
I’m going to speak to Shari’s psychiatrist in Doug’s room. After that, we’ve got to talk.
Then she slipped into a new pair of linen slacks, put on a fresh blouse, did her makeup and walked out of the room ready for work.
Chapter 16
Dr. Mitch Boden was a formidable figure. Tall, with salt and pepper hair and dressed in a beige linen suit and blue striped shirt, he stood at the sofa in Doug’s room when Cindy walked in.
“How do you do, Cindy,” Dr. Boden said in a resonant voice as soon as she entered.
“Pleased to meet you,” Cindy responded, extending her hand.
As the room was empty except for Cindy and Dr. Boden, she took a moment to look around. This was the room Shari had stayed in before her death. Cindy had been in the room briefly when she’d first met Doug, but hadn’t had the opportunity to inspect it carefully. She wanted to do so now. Cindy wondered, in passing, if any unseen evidence could possibly be lying around.
Open, airy and well appointed, there was nothing particularly noticeable about the surroundings, though.
“Won’t you sit down on the sofa, so we can talk.” Dr. Boden took charge immediately.
“Thanks,” said Cindy, walking over and scanning everything with care. As she approached the sofa, suddenly an odd-shaped peach-colored clay mark caught Cindy’s eye. It was ground into the light gray carpet, hardly noticeable at all. Cindy sat down, leaned over and rubbed her hands over it.
“Something wrong?” Dr. Boden asked, watching Cindy intently.
“No, not at all, I’m sorry,” said Cindy. “Just looking around at the room Shari and Doug shared before she died.”
“It’s interesting to talk to a detective,” Dr. Boden commented. “Quite a daring job for a young woman, isn’t it?”
“I love my work,” Cindy replied, immediately engaged.
“That’s wonderful,” he said.
“I understand that you knew Shari quite well.” Cindy changed the topic abruptly.
“Yes, very well,” Dr. Boden said quietly, reflecting on it all for a moment.
“This must be quite a shock for you,” Cindy went on.
“Absolutely, it is a shock,” Dr. Boden replied evenly. “Even though it’s not unusual for depressed patients to take their lives, it’s always a shock when it happens.”
Cindy valued and respected his honesty.
“I liked Shari very much,” Dr. Boden continued. “She was a lovely young woman in so many ways.”
“There was no sign that anything like this was coming?” Cindy was curious.
“If you are asking whether or not Shari reported suicidal ideation, the answer is no,” he went on. “However, over time, suicidal wishes can develop unconsciously. Patients who experience depression on a long-standing basis go through peaks and valleys.”
“Naturally, “said Cindy. “Shari was fortunate to have you caring for her all these years.”
“I was also fortunate to help her and the family,” he responded somberly.
“Was Shari happy about her upcoming marriage?” Cindy realized how strongly she felt something more was amiss, something she hadn’t yet discovered. “Did Shari have apprehensions she discussed with you?”
“Naturally, she had apprehensions, like any woman would. We worked on those over time,” Dr. Boden replied.
“Shari came to know definitely that Doug was the right one for her?” Cindy wanted assurances.
“Yes, it was a process that took time,” Dr. Boden agreed. “Over times couples get to see all sides of one another and gradually become at home with it all. Doug is a fine young man. He was a healthy choice for a mate for Shari.”
“But was she happy about the marriage?” Cindy needed a definite reply.
“Yes, she was,” Dr
. Boden finally concluded. “And it’s also important to note that a dangerous time for depressed patients is when the depression lifts and they start to feel good. It’s not uncommon for them to suddenly turn at those times and harm themselves.”
“That doesn’t make sense, though, does it?” asked Cindy.
“Not superficially,” Dr. Boden replied, “but sometimes the realization of what happiness feels like, and the horror at all the pain they’ve been in and time lost, causes an unexpected response. It often feels more familiar and safer to be depressed than to suddenly feel joy. Joy is threatening for many, they can’t tolerate it well.” Dr. Boden spoke calmly, seemingly enjoying the conversation.
“But I heard that Shari was quite happy when she was dating others.” Cindy decided to throw him a left curve. “I heard that she dated a lot when she and Doug were broken up, and that she enjoyed it.”
“Who said that?” Dr. Boden was curious.
Cindy was about to tell him, but then recoiled. “Someone who knew her for a long time,” was all she would reply.
“There are many ways of looking at Shari’s behavior.” He leaned forward toward Cindy and spoke in a confidential manner. “Shari based her world around the man in her life, something she and I worked on for a long time. It was difficult to make her realize how important it was to have an identity and life of her own.”
Cindy took a swift breath in. For a flashing moment she wished that Mattheus could be here with her now, listening to Dr. Boden. Of course Mattheus would agree with him, intellectually. But Cindy wondered if Mattheus would really get it, deep in his bones.
“Shari craved the security a strong man could bring,” Dr. Boden continued. “Of course that put her in a precarious position.”
“Are you suggesting that’s an illness?” asked Cindy, irked. “It doesn’t sound so unusual to me.”
“No, of course it’s not unusual,” said Dr. Boden, “but when Shari didn’t feel secure with the man in her life, her moods began to swing.”
“That’s not good,” Cindy agreed, realizing how common that was.
“It’s never good to depend so fully on someone else for your own sense of balance and well-being,” he said calmly. “People change, life brings challenges.”
“Are you suggesting Shari wasn’t feeling secure with Doug when they were down here looking for wedding venues?” Cindy was right on it.
“I have no idea what she was feeling at the time she jumped,” Dr. Boden replied, “I wasn’t here. But mostly, she did feel safe with Doug and that’s why we all thought she was ready for marriage and that he was an excellent choice.”
It seemed clear that Dr. Boden had made up his mind that her death was a suicide.
“You seem certain that Shari jumped,” Cindy commented.
“Yes, of course,” he replied without hesitation. “Given Shari’s history and the mixture of feelings she must have felt upon actually committing to a wedding venue, I believe the illness got the better of her. When people get close to getting what they want, it’s not unusual for them to suddenly sabotage their happiness. I see it all the time.”
Cindy couldn’t help but think of Mattheus. Was that what he was doing? Was she doing that, as well?
“Why did you ask me if I were certain that Shari jumped?” Dr. Boden seemed troubled by Cindy’s question. “What else could have happened to her?”
Cindy searched her mind quickly to find a suitable answer. She realized that at this point there was no way she could build a case for foul play. There was no solid evidence and no one was a viable suspect. Of course Edward suspected Deidre, but there was absolutely no evidence backing that up. Then, suddenly, Cindy flashed upon something.
“Did you know there’s recently been a small crime spree in Aruba? Two young women were killed here a few months ago,” Cindy declared. “Case went cold. Suspect still not apprehended.”
Dr. Boden seemed momentarily stunned. “No, I hadn’t heard it,” he finally said, “but that seems farfetched. Has there been any evidence at all pointing to Shari being another victim? Any connection between the cases? No one’s even suggested it.” He quickly stood up.
“I’ve looked into it,” Cindy continued, matter-of-factly, happy to have something to hang her hat on. “The suspect was thought to live in Amaneuten. I went down there and talked to people. Right now he’s nowhere to be found but the people down there are definitely nervous that he will strike again.”
“Why haven’t I heard about this?” Now Dr. Boden seemed nervous as well.
“I believe it’s easier for the police to lay low and consider it a cold case,” Cindy quipped. “There are tons of them around, especially in Aruba.”
“But what are the chances that something like that could have happened to Shari?” Dr. Boden looked at Cindy intensely. “Were the other victims similar to her? Is there some pattern repeating itself?”
“No,” Cindy admitted quietly. “The other victims were two single women who came down to Aruba to have a good time. They hung around at the clubs and casinos. From what I understand Shari was accompanied by Doug wherever she went. Except on her final walk the evening she died.”
Dr. Boden breathed more easily. “Thank heavens for that,” he uttered.
“Thank heavens?” Cindy replied softly. “Whether or not Shari was always accompanied by her fiancé, her life also came to a terrible end.”
“Yes, it did,” Dr. Boden agreed sadly. “And for that I feel deep regret. But I strongly urge you not to mention these other victims to the family. The idea of Shari being murdered would make her loss so much more difficult to bear. There’s no reason to bring that possibility into the picture without strong evidence to back it up. When I explain to the family that Shari’s illness took her, that’s more manageable for them, somehow. I explain that depression can be like an emotional cancer. It’s something they can get their minds around.”
Dr. Boden’s comments made sense, were well thought out and compassionate. There was only one thing wrong with them. They weren’t concerned with what actually happened, only with the best way to help the family recover from the shock. But whether her family could bear it or not, Cindy’s first responsibility was to find out what actually took place that horrible night.
There seemed little more to go over at the moment. “I really appreciate your time,” Dr. Boden said, obviously eager then for the interview to end. “It’s been my pleasure to help you.”
Before she left, though, Cindy wanted to hear his conclusion just one more time. “So, in your expert opinion,” Cindy repeated, “you would say that Shari took her own life?”
“I do believe that’s what happened,” Dr. Boden responded, looking at Cindy closely. “Why are you so reluctant to believe that?”
Cindy was surprised that her reluctance was so clear. “I’m working for Shari’s father,” she responded. “I’m committed to finding out the truth.”
“But you seem unwilling to even accept the possibility that Shari took her own life,” Dr. Boden repeated, an edge of exasperation in his tone.
In a flash Cindy realized that he was correct.
“That’s true,” she conceded. “At the moment I have nothing tangible to base it upon either, just something I’m sensing, that keeps getting stronger.”
Dr. Boden’s eyes opened with interest. “What?”
“There’s a lie going on here,” Cindy said boldly. “I don’t know what it is, I’m not sure who’s telling it, but the entire truth isn’t out.”
“The entire truth is never out,” Dr. Boden remarked, “and maybe it doesn’t have to be. The truth always has layers wrapped up around it. It can take years to understand why someone would do something so horrific at such a joyous time in their life.”
“It can take years,” said Cindy, unconvinced, “or the truth can come out in a flash. I’ve seen it appear in a second, just when you least expect it.”
“You’re a fascinating woman, Cindy.” Dr. Boden smiled at h
er slowly. “If I ever need a detective, you’re the only one I’d ever call.”
Cindy was grateful for his appreciation and smiled back in return. “CM Investigations,” she quipped. “I work with my partner, Mattheus. This isn’t a job you’d want to do alone.”
*
Despite Dr. Boden’s caring and intelligent manner, Cindy left the room feeling even more doubtful about Shari’s death. She wished she could talk to Mattheus about it, but it was clear that he wasn’t in that state of mind. Cindy figured she needed at least two more days on the case to get the certainty she needed. That was more than she and Mattheus had planned for, but what else could she do now? She was in too deep, and if Shari had been murdered, the one who did it was still at large, roaming around. Who knew who else might eventually be in danger? Who could say that the person wouldn’t strike again? If that happened and Cindy didn’t do her best now, she couldn’t live with the guilt of it on her head.
*
When Cindy got back to the hotel, to her relief, Mattheus was waiting for her in the lobby. Cindy went over to him as if nothing had happened, and reached out her hands for his.
Mattheus stood up slowly. “I thought you’d be gone forever by now,” he said.
“I’m never going to be gone forever,” said Cindy. “Not unless you want me to.”
Mattheus grimaced and slowly pulled Cindy to him. “This is a rough patch we’re going through, isn’t it?” he murmured, his face in her hair.
“Yes, it is,” Cindy whispered back. “But we can make it anyhow. We can go right through the rough patches and be stronger for it. Can’t we?”
“We have to,” said Mattheus, “and that’s what I love about you, Cindy. You bounce back, you’re resilient.”
“And so are you,” she whispered. “This wasn’t what you bargained for on our trip down to Aruba, and I realize the case just seems to go on and on.”
“That’s what I was worried about in the beginning,” he said. “One lead brings another and time stretches out.”
“You’re right, and I need a couple more days on it now,” Cindy said then quietly, drawing apart.