“Has he asked about me?” Melissa tries not to sound too hopeful, but it’s an impossible task.
“Not really.” Felicia’s words are to the point.
“Yowch, let her down gently, why don’t you?” Ali shakes her head at Felicia’s lack of subtlety.
But Melissa knows better. Felicia is blunt and to the point, and Melissa knows it’s nothing personal, it’s just the way she is. “It’s fine, Ali.” She makes a calming gesture to her friend. The last thing she needs right now is a face-off between Ali and Felicia. They are both feisty, and Melissa wouldn’t like to have to bet on one over the other. “It’s not like I really expected a different answer. When he left here, he said he couldn’t stand the sight of me. I’m pretty sure that hasn’t changed.”
Felicia sighs deeply, like she’s explaining something patiently to a four year old. “Hawk has a quick temper. He says things in the heat of the moment that he doesn’t mean.”
“Is that what he told you? That he didn’t mean it?” Melissa’s eyes flash, as she starts to lose a grip on her own patience. “You didn’t see the way he looked at me!”
“No, but I’ve seen the way he’s been moping around for the past few days.” Felicia looks nonplussed at Melissa’s outburst.
“If that’s true, then why hasn’t he called? It’s not like he doesn’t know how to find me!” Melissa throws her hands up in exasperation.
“Umm, because he’s a guy.” Felicia gives Melissa a look as if to say, ‘Don’t you know anything about men?’ “And not only that, he’s a biker. He’s proud—and he’s not all that good at admitting it when he’s wrong.”
“He doesn’t want to see me, Felicia. He made that pretty clear the night that he left here.” Melissa looks down at her feet, not wanting to remember the way he’d looked at her as if he didn’t even know her. She’d never known what it was like to utterly disappoint someone until she’d seen it in his eyes. She doesn’t have any plans for a repeat performance.
“Oh for Christ’s sake!” Felicia slams the bottle of beer that was halfway to her mouth back down onto the counter, making both Melissa and Ali jump. “Hawk has been round the block a few times. I mean, he’s been with a lot of girls. A lot.”
“And you’re supposed to be the one helping here?” Ali looks at Felicia as if she has grown two heads.
Felicia ignores her, focusing on Melissa, which just makes Ali more frustrated with her. “He’s been with a lot of girls. But I’ve never seen him act like he does around you. As soon as you turned up on the scene, he seemed happier, like the black cloud that seems to follow him around all the time had gone.”
“Nice save.” Ali’s commentary is muttered, but there’s grudging understanding in it.
“Since your little argument or breakup or whatever the hell it was, the cloud is back, and that is never a good thing—not for Hawk, not for the people that care about him, and not for the club.” Felicia takes a sip of her beer, as if she’s all talked out.
“Why? What’s with the cloud?” Ali voices the question that Melissa can’t quite manage to articulate. There are too many thoughts and emotions spinning around her head.
Felicia ignores the question, focusing on Melissa. “The Club doesn’t know about the article.”
Melissa frowns in confusion. “Hawk didn’t tell them?”
“No, the only ones who know about it are Hawk, Josh, and me.” She fiddles with the label of her beer.
“Why? Why didn’t he tell them all?” Melissa’s voice wavers, as she realizes how relieved she is that not all the Kings know about her betrayal. “I thought there weren’t any secrets between them; that was part of the whole brotherhood deal.”
“What do you think, Melissa?” Felicia levels her with a no nonsense glare, and Melissa swallows hard. “He knows what the club does to people who cross them. I don’t think he wants to see you get hurt.”
Melissa lifts her chin. “If that’s all that he’s worried about, then you can tell him that I can handle myself. I don’t need his protection.”
Felicia looks at her, and Melissa sees a little admiration creep into her eyes before Felicia shakes it off. Clearly, she’s not finished. “The club has always been the most important thing to him, at least until you showed up.” Felicia doesn’t quite manage to keep the bitterness out of her voice at that, but she at least tries. “Him not telling the club about you being a reporter—that’s a big deal, whether you’re willing to see it or not. And Hawk’s the protecting type, so if you two are going to be something, then you’re going to have to get over that whole ‘I can take on the world on my own; I don’t need anyone’ thing that you’ve got going on.”
Melissa blinks at her, momentarily speechless. “Felicia, what are you saying?” There is too much going on right now in her brain for her to take on board everything that’s just come out of Felicia’s mouth.
Felicia huffs an exasperated sigh. “Seriously? I thought she was supposed to be smart!” She looks to Ali for an answer.
Ali just shrugs her shoulders. “Don’t look at me! Women get all stupid when a guy’s involved.” She holds up a hand to stop Melissa before she makes a comment about Ali’s own love life. “This isn’t about me, ‘Mel. This is about you.”
“Felicia, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. The last thing I heard from him was that he doesn’t want to see me.” Melissa rubs her forehead, her emotions giving her a headache.
“Was I talking to myself before?” Felicia looks around as if she’s asking the non-existent studio audience a question. “Listen, Melissa, I don’t know if you can’t hear me over those flannel pajamas or what, but read my lips or something because I’m not going to say it again. Hawk is moping; he’s miserable; and he’s making me miserable. The whole woe is me crap is getting old, and if I don’t kill him soon, then Josh might!”
Melissa allows herself an inward smile at the knowledge that she’s not the only one wallowing in her own gloominess. “So you’re doing this because you’re bored of him being a pain in the ass.”
“It’s not just about him being a pain in the ass—which by the way he is most of the time whether he’s moping around or not…you’ll learn that.” She throws Melissa a conspiratorial smile. “It’s about doing what’s right for him. He can’t concentrate; he’s not focused; and that’s how mistakes happen. Mistakes in his line of work can get him killed.”
“Who knew mechanics had such dangerous jobs?” Ali’s eyes open in mock-shock.
“Is she for real?” Felicia directs her question to Melissa, jerking a thumb at Ali.
“She’s going to law school. If she wants to pass the bar, she needs to be all hear no evil, see no evil when it comes to any potentially illegal activities.” Melissa looks at her friend, who she knows takes this stuff pretty seriously. “You don’t have to stay.”
“No, I’m good. You haven’t actually talked about anything that I shouldn’t know about—not yet anyway.” Ali rolls her eyes, as if to say it’s just a matter of time, but she doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave.
“A reporter and a lawyer, just what the club needs!” Felicia looks between the two of them as if she’s just walked into the Twilight Zone. “Anyway, like I was saying, being a King is all that Hawk has ever wanted for as long as I’ve known him. But if he doesn’t get his shit together, he’ll be jeopardizing it all, and I know that he’ll never forgive himself for that.” Felicia folds her arms, looking for a response. “So are you in or what, Melissa?”
Melissa regards the woman in her kitchen, ignoring the more pressing question in favor of the one that’s been playing on her mind since Felicia showed up. “Why are you helping me, Felicia? I know how you feel about Hawk.” It was a long shot, but the expression on Felicia’s face tells Melissa that her hunch was right.
Felicia looks shocked, like she’d thought she’d been keeping a tight lid on her feelings for Hawk. A look of pain passes across her face, and Melissa has to resist the urge to reach out and
squeeze her hand in solidarity. Now she knows what it feels like to care about someone without much hope of receiving anything in return. In short, it sucks.
A long minute passes as Felicia looks down at the beer bottle in her hands, formulating a response, probably trying to figure out how little she can get away with admitting. “I care about Hawk, but not like that…not anymore.”
Melissa folds her arms, leveling Felicia a ‘Don’t bullshit me’ stare.
“Alright fine, maybe that’s not exactly true.” Felicia bites her lip and takes a deep breath, like she’s admitting something that she hasn’t told anyone else. “Turns out it’s not all that easy to fall out of love with someone.” She shrugs sadly. “But I know that we’re not meant to be. I think I knew that even before you came on the scene, Melissa. But once I saw the two of you together, that was it. I don’t want to be the person that anyone settles for and that’s what Hawk would be doing with me.” Felicia’s eyes shine with unshed tears.
“Finally, something I can relate to!” Ali throws her hands up dramatically and grabs a beer from the refrigerator, settling herself on the stool next to the other blonde. “Felicia, I think that this might be the start of a beautiful friendship!”
Felicia looks at Ali curiously, but she seems to sense something in the other woman that she understands. She holds up her bottle for Ali to clink. “Come to the bar tonight.” Felicia’s attention is back on Melissa.
“I don’t think that’s such a great idea.” Melissa gives her a doubtful look.
“Why? Because you’re chicken?” Ali chimes in, clearly enjoying this far too much.
“What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he won’t even talk to me?” Melissa voices the fear that has settled in the pit of her stomach.
Felicia shrugs and pushes her stool away from the breakfast bar, making as if to get up. “If you’re going to let minor details like that stop you, then I guess you’re not the girl I thought you were.”
Melissa’s rational mind tells her that this is just a challenge thrown out by Felicia to get her to rise to it. She knows she’s being baited. But does it matter, Potter? Are you going to get your shit together or not?
“And the Kings definitely don’t know about the article I was supposed to write?” She gives up the last reason that she had not to go to Durangos and try to get back what she’d lost.
“They won’t know unless you tell ‘em.” Felicia regards Melissa coolly. “So, is that a yes?”
Melissa nods quickly, before she has an opportunity to change her mind.
“Good, I’ll hang here with Ali to wait.” Felicia settles herself back down on the stool.
Melissa gives her an uncomprehending look.
“I’m guessing you’re going to want to get out of that Bridget Jones get-up.” Felicia gestures at the supremely unsexy sleepwear that Melissa is comfortably ensconced in with barely veiled disgust.
“Right.” Melissa blushes to the tips of her toes, realizing just how ridiculous she must look.
“I’m good like this?” Ali holds her hands out, as Felicia gives her a once over and a nod of approval.
“You’re good. She, however, still looks like someone’s grandma. Weren’t you going to deal with that?” Felicia waves at Melissa again, as if she had some kind of disease.
“Ali, you’re coming? To a bar filled with outlaw bikers, where they deal pot and talk about gun running and God knows what else?” Melissa’s eyes almost bug out of her head. “What about the whole hear no evil, see no evil, thing?”
Ali seems to consider it for a moment, and then her eyes light up. “Plausible deniability, Potter, plausible deniability.” She clinks bottles with Felicia again. “Besides, I could use a night out, and I’ve been wondering about the guy who stole my best friend’s heart. I think it’s about time I meet this Hawk Ownes.” She winks at Melissa who can’t help but smile back at her.
As Melissa heads to her bedroom, she hears the low hum of conversation between Felicia and Ali. She feels the tingling of butterflies in her stomach. It’s a sensation she’s missed for the past few days. She is going to see Hawk.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“Stop fidgeting! You look hot!” Ali nudges Melissa in the back when she stalls outside the door of the bar.
She looks down at herself, suddenly uncertain. After pulling virtually everything out of her closet, she’d gone back to the first outfit she’d tried on. So here she was, in skinny black leather pants and an off-the-shoulder grey t-shirt that made her eyes look even more arrestingly blue. She was rocking the biker chick look hopefully more successfully than during her first foray.
“I feel nervous as all hell.” Melissa mutters the words under her breath, as if her quiet voice will help calm the butterflies in her stomach.
“Don’t chicken out on me now, Potter.” Felicia bumps her from behind, virtually shoving her through the door of the bar.
“Alright, alright, jeez Felicia, push much?” Melissa gives the diminutive blonde behind her a look that tells her just how little she appreciates the more than gentle nudge. “You know you’re way stronger than you look.”
Felicia allows herself a little triumphant smile. “When you dance in a club, you learn to make the most of what you have.” She levels Melissa with a hard look. “Now, if you’re done trying to distract me, can we go inside?” She doesn’t wait for Melissa’s reply before she steps through the door, vanishing inside, clearly expecting the girls to follow her.
Ali nudges Melissa in the ribs with a bony elbow. “You heard the woman. I didn’t come all the way here just to admire the sturdiness of the door. So are you coming or what?” She follows Felicia’s lead, walking inside without a backward glance at Melissa.
For a few seconds Melissa entertains the idea of turning around and escaping, but the truth is that her nervousness over seeing Hawk again and what he’s going to say to her is still outweighed by how much she misses him. She takes deep breath. Come on Potter—man up. She walks through the door, almost bumping into Ali who is standing stock still looking around the bar.
“Close your mouth, Ali, before a fly goes in.” She whispers in her friend’s ear, welcoming the distraction from her own tenseness.
“Is this place for real?” Her eyes widen, and Melissa takes in the now-familiar smell of pot in the air, the leather-clad bikers making out completely brazenly in front of everyone, and the general sense of testosterone and danger that hangs about the place. To her, this has all become pretty normal in a relatively short space of time. But she can see it from Ali’s perspective, remembering her first impression of the bar.
“This is probably one of the realest places you’re ever going to be, blondie.” Josh appears out of the shadows in the skulking way that he has, looking broad as a barn.
Melissa swallows hard, nervous at what his reaction to her turning up like this is going to be. He knows that she’s a reporter and that she’d lied to them all. She’s not exactly expecting a welcoming committee. But Josh surprises her, giving her a warm smile and throwing her a wink.
“Good to see you, kid. He’s been a living nightmare since you’ve been out of the picture.” He doesn’t bother to lower his voice as he says this, and Melissa has to force herself not to look around to see if Hawk is within earshot. But Josh has already moved on. “And who’s this?” He jerks his head at Ali not in an unfriendly way.
“This is my housemate, Ali. She was curious about where I’ve been spending my time.” Melissa shrugs, not adding that Ali was mostly just there to size up Hawk and to give her best friend some much-needed moral support.
“Ah, the one from the dare.” Josh sticks his hand out for Ali to shake.
Ali flashes a questioning glance at Melissa who shakes her head almost imperceptibly. She realizes that although Josh knows the truth about her role as a reporter, he’s backing up her story in front of the other bikers. He’s throwing her a bone despite the fact that she really doesn’t deserve one. They shake han
ds, both sizing the other up, and eventually Josh gives her a little nod of approval, before he heads off towards the bar.
“Any drinks these ladies want are on me, Matt.” He signals to the owner working behind the bar who just nods, clearly having watched the exchange between them with interest.
“So do you see him? Is he here?” Ali nudges her friend, doing a supremely unsubtle job of searching for Hawk.
Melissa doesn’t need to look around to answer in the affirmative. The moment she’d stepped into the bar she felt his presence like a gravitational pull. She didn’t need to see him to know that he was there. She had to actively stop herself from zeroing in on him as if he were the only light in the darkness. She can’t help but wonder if he’s noticed her or if the homing beacon effect only works one way.
“Let’s get a drink.” Melissa pulls her friend towards the bar, not quite ready for a conversation with Hawk yet, not before she has a little more alcohol buzzing around her system.
HAWK: The Caged Kings MC Page 10