by Maegan Abel
I gave her the order, reading it from the paper in my hand and getting lost in the lilt of her voice when she read it back. I asked her to repeat the last part, just to hear it again, and she laughed outright. My heart settled back into a normal rhythm for the first time since the explosion.
Ridiculous. I was well aware of how it sounded, even if it stayed in my own head. But I didn’t care anymore. I’d figured out a long time ago that Evie’s happiness was my happiness. Life wasn’t just better around her; it was complete bliss when she laughed.
It didn’t take long to get to the diner so if I left now, I’d have to wait for my order. I didn’t care. I was excited for the excuse to spend a little time flirting with Evie. I tried so hard not to bother her at work, but I really needed to see her today.
I pulled into a spot at the front of the boardwalk and headed down toward Hawk Bay Diner. It was more crowded than I expected, but with the summer rush, it made sense that they stayed busy. They were known for having some of the best seafood in South Carolina. Evie was behind the counter when I approached, her face and neck a dark red as she ripped a sheet of paper off her notepad and spun toward the register. Sliding it underneath, she looked up, her body jolting a little as she noticed me. Her eyes told me just how upset she was. She smiled tightly and made her way around to stand in front of me. I did a scan, taking in the long length of tan leg showing beneath her black shorts and just the barest hint of the same flawless skin peeking below the shirt knotted at her hip. I’d seen her in this t-shirt bearing the diner logo several times but never with it tied. I continued up, flicking the end of her ponytail off her nametag and getting a ridiculous amount of joy from reading just the four letters of her name there.
“You look adorable,” I said, knowing I was poking a sleeping beast. Adorable would be the last thing she would ever want to look like.
“Yeah,” she murmured distractedly, her head turning to look around the room as her brow furrowed. She stepped back, moving to the counter again.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, sliding onto a stool at the bar.
“Nothing. Let me check on your order,” she said, slipping away behind a door to the kitchen.
Loud laughter drew my attention and I glanced toward the sound, spotting several waitresses standing around a table of people I recognized immediately. They were all looking in my direction and Anderson, one of the guys who’d been on the football team with me, waved me over. I slid off the stool and started their way, trying to keep from rolling my eyes. I didn’t have a problem with them exactly, it was more like they were the type of people who never wanted to move on from high school.
Courtney leaned into my side as soon as I made it to the table, her typical habit of trying to be in my space on full display today. “Okay, I have to ask, does she have some sort of magical vagina?”
My entire body tensed. “What?” I asked, incredulity dripping from the single word.
“Or, or, is it the oral skills? I mean, she’s got a mouth on her, so maybe that’s—” Anderson stopped talking as I bent down, placing my hands on the edge of the table with enough force to rattle the silverware. When I didn’t immediately speak, he laughed it off. “Oh come on, that hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and those big, brown blowjob eyes—”
“What the hell is the matter with you? Christ, we’re not eighteen anymore.” I had to beat back the urge to yank him from the booth and knock every one of his teeth down his fucking throat. The only thing stopping me was the uniform I was wearing. I leaned in close, reading from his expression and the tension of those around us that I was emanating every bit of my anger, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even bother to keep my voice down. “And as many times as I’ve caught you with Courtney in your car, I’ve never written you a ticket. I’ve never even told Jenny.” Jenny gasped and Courtney, who was still standing beside me, went solid. I let my eyes rake over the group, giving my words a chance to marinate. “Maybe you should all worry more about your own lives.”
I turned, ignoring the stares of the rest of the room, and strode back to the counter, my eyes locked on Evie’s. She looked unbelievable doing nothing more than standing there holding a white bag in her hand, the diner logo plastered across it in blue. I leaned in, not caring who was watching, and kissed her hard. She smiled under my lips and her body melted into mine. When I pulled away, she licked her bottom lip, keeping my attention as I fought the urge to just drag her out of the diner.
“You didn’t need to defend me. I’m a big girl. I can handle a table of assholes,” she said, but her calmer demeanor spoke exactly the opposite.
“You’re mine to defend,” I answered, watching as she pursed her lips and lifted an eyebrow but didn’t comment further. She just held out the bag and I smirked as I took it, my eyes scanning the logo again. “Does this mean I can go tell them you gave me crabs?”
“Har-har. I’m sure you’re the first one to think of that,” she said, shoving my shoulder playfully, her entire mood having shifted since the kiss. This was what I needed to see. My Evie was still here. “I took a shift tonight so I won’t be off until around nine.”
“How about I meet you up by the pier? We can go for a walk on the beach,” I said, leaning my head close to hers, enjoying the scent of the ocean that lingered in her hair these days. I wondered briefly if she’d noticed the change living so close to the water. When my eyes found hers again, they were clouded. Whatever had been bothering her last night reappeared just that quickly.
“Sure.” One word, but the hesitancy in it spoke volumes. Her eyes skidded off to the side, unfocused, and I frowned.
“Ev—”
“I need to check on my tables. I’ll see you tonight, okay?” She started to brush past me, but I caught her long enough to drop another kiss on her forehead.
“It’s a date,” I said, her forced smile feeling like salt water in an open wound.
The normally frosty environment of Hawk Bay Diner became downright arctic once the door closed behind Gavin. I wasn’t a favorite amongst the staff, or women in general, given I’d taken Gavin off the market and apparently every female in their twenties and thirties wanted to screw him.
But I didn’t take him off the market exactly. He could’ve gone out with any one of them at any point before I returned to Hawk Bay. He just didn’t. How was that my fault? That same uncomfortable feeling stirred in me at the reminder of Gavin saying he was never with anyone but me. I’d put it out of my mind that night, but over the last few weeks, as word spread through town about Cara and I staying with him, this shit had become a near constant reminder.
I never asked Gavin not to date. Did I? It didn’t sound like something I’d do.
Hell, he could go out with any one of them now.
Except that wasn’t true. Just based on what I knew about Infinity, and I was learning pretty quick a lot of what I was told wasn’t entirely true, it wasn’t exactly something that could just be ignored. At least, not on his part—or I didn’t think it was. I sighed, realizing I didn’t know half as much as I thought I did.
“Don’t let them get to you.”
I glanced beside me, giving Kyle a small smile. “They don’t bother me,” I lied.
“Good. They haven’t changed, ya know? The only reason they don’t give me shit anymore is Gavin. He’s always been that way, standing up for the ones who couldn’t stand up for themselves. I was such a nerd back in school and the rest of the football players were always picking on me. They would stuff me in lockers and…never mind. It was bad.” He looked down, shaking his head. “It was bad. But then Gavin stepped in. After that, they left me alone. They ignore me now and I definitely prefer it that way.”
“I understand that much,” I said through a laugh, trying to edge out the discomfort at his story. Something was teasing at the back of my mind—something I wasn’t sure I was ready to see yet.
“He’s always been that way,” he repeated. “And he’s always commanded that level of respect
. He gets what he wants.”
“I think you’re right about that one too,” I said, glancing back over at the table from hell, my body tensing at the thought of having to approach them again.
Clocking out a few minutes early, I slid the empty blue cup into my purse and headed to the small liquor store halfway down the boardwalk. They didn’t have a huge selection, so I grabbed a bottle of rum, deciding it would be my best bet for the night. Turned out, almost a whole bottle could fit in the cup I borrowed from the diner.
After my brief chat with Kyle, more of the memories came back to me. I didn’t want to think about this shit anymore and for that, I needed the alcohol.
I wandered out toward the pier, taking a few deep drinks from the cup. The rum wasn’t the best, but it would do. I found a spot in the sand and dug out a little hole for my cup to rest beside me. Watching the waves, I let my mind wander back to the dream…or the memory, if that’s really what it was.
The smile on Gavin’s face before he walked out in the dream was so different from the more cautious smiles I’d seen since I moved back. I closed my eyes, trying to remember a time when he genuinely smiled at me, and I realized it wasn’t just the smile. His eyes were different. Guarded. The Gavin in the dream was open and I could remember feeling his happiness. But it wasn’t those differences that bothered me most.
It was me.
Or her.
That girl, she was happy. Even in a wheelchair, which had to mean she’d had a rough go in life, she was happy. Happy in a way I couldn’t remember ever being. What did that say about her—about me?
What it said wasn’t pretty. That much was certain.
And then there was Gavin standing up for me today. Something about that whole thing brought back the memories of the day we met. Kyle’s insistence that Gavin was the kind of guy who, even when he was younger, defended others who couldn’t defend themselves clashed with the memory of him and the other boys knocking me off my bike. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to think back through exactly what happened.
I was riding down the boardwalk, moving quickly, but why? Who was I trying to get away from? I shook my head as I realized that part still wasn’t coming back to me. Pursing my lips, I remembered the second bike sliding out smoothly from the spot where the pier met the boardwalk. I’d slammed right into the front wheel, starting to lose my balance. There were hands then, and they were everywhere, yanking me to the ground rather than helping to break my fall.
“Freak.”
“Side show.”
“Loser.”
“Weirdo.”
Just remembering it made my hands flex and wrap around my middle. Fists and feet pummeled me and I cried out, but the boardwalk was nearly empty. Why? Oh, it was early. I’d seen the boys on their way to school. I didn’t go to school in town. My grandma didn’t trust the people in Hawk Bay.
Imagine that.
Someone yelled something then. My head shot up toward the sound and a foot came down on my forearm. At first, I didn’t feel anything. I heard more yelling and the footsteps scattered as the voices dissipated. It wasn’t until I looked down and saw bone sticking out of my arm and blood smeared across the wood of the boardwalk that I started to cry.
“It’s okay.”
I jerked when someone touched my shoulder, crying out again as the movement jostled my arm. I looked up then and even through my tears, my eyes locked on the softest pair of brown eyes I’d ever seen.
Gavin’s eyes.
He was the one who helped me.
His voice kept me calm.
His touch made me feel safe, even through the pain.
Grabbing the cup beside me, I swallowed back several long drinks.
“At least it’s not a bottle this time.”
It took his words for me to notice he was watching me. My eyes shifted to the left and I looked up at Gavin, unable to help the small smile.
“Someone told me glass was illegal on the beach, so I had to steal a cup from work to hide all my liquor.”
“Well, in that case, it’s a pretty small cup,” he said, grinning as he took a few steps closer.
“Which is why I didn’t bother adding Coke.”
He chuckled as he reached out a hand for me and I allowed him to pull me to my feet, giving him a quick kiss before offering him a sip. I frowned when he shook his head. “Oh, come on. We’re celebrating tonight.”
With an indulgent smile, he took the cup, making a face after just a few drinks. “That’s terrible.”
“I didn’t have time to go to a decent liquor store. Cut me some slack.” I shoved his shoulder and snagged my cup away from him.
“You are no longer in charge of buying alcohol,” he stated firmly, shaking his head.
“Hey, you had the whole evening. You could’ve shopped for it,” I said, sticking out my tongue.
He grabbed my face, tilting it up to his as he placed a kiss on my forehead and then my lips. The tingle that shivered up my spine proved just how much I enjoyed this little habit. “You know all you had to do was tell me you wanted something and I would’ve picked it up.”
“Shouldn’t you be anticipating my wants and needs by now?” I teased, dancing backwards a few steps when he nipped my lip with his teeth a little harder than necessary.
“Don’t push it.” His eyes shone with his smile and I found myself getting lost in them for a moment. I didn’t protest at all when he slipped his fingers through mine and started down the beach. Something as simple as holding hands made the connection between us come to life. It was strange. The longer I was around him, the more I learned, the closer I got, the more I could feel it. I stared at the soft waves, losing myself in thoughts of Gavin and the history I was starting to understand was real.
“Are you ready to talk to me?” His voice pulled my attention to him again, not that I could’ve forgotten his presence.
I glanced over, pausing as my eyes readjusted to the dimness. I hadn’t realized just how dark it was, but with the clouds blocking the moon, the only light was from the boardwalk in the distance. My first response was no, I wasn’t ready to talk to him. But this all had to come out eventually.
Stepping back, I glanced around the beach until my eyes landed on a large piece of driftwood. Dropping his hand, I walked over to it, lodged my cup beside me as I settled in, and leaned back against the wood. Gavin watched me, his eyes intense, and I patted the spot beside me. He sat with a grace I’d never noticed. Thinking back on the last few months, I realized everything Gavin did, he did with purpose. Every movement showed his easy confidence. He was so sure of himself…except when it came to me.
It wasn’t a pleasant thought. Knowing I was the one thing, the unknown variable that kept him wary and nervous, didn’t make me feel like I had the power in our arrangement. Instead, it just amplified my wonder of why he continued down this path with me.
“My grandma told me you pushed me off my bike and helped those boys who were fighting me. But that’s not what happened, is it?” I asked, watching up close as his eyes darkened.
As soon as he realized I could see his emotions, he dropped his head. “No.”
Something was building, tightening everything around us, making the very air press in and crackle like it was going to snap, but I took a deep breath and continued. “You stopped them, didn’t you?”
Just his eyes lifted, locking on mine from beneath those dark lashes and that furrowed brow. “Yes.”
I licked my bottom lip, trapped in this stare down with the only person left on the planet who could truly shred every part of my soul. I could see it on his face every now and then, the hope mixed with fear, the love and frustration. While I was growing up being taught he was the enemy, he was just waiting for me, knowing I would return. He was fully aware of this connection, of who I was and how it could be, and he continued holding out hope no matter how much I pushed.
“I didn’t ask you to…I mean, you don’t have to wait for me.” His head tilted to the
side and I realized my leap in conversation didn’t make sense to him. “We aren’t childhood sweethearts this time. It’s not like I could blame you for having needs,” I said, stressing the last word. “It’s not exactly fair that you sit around waiting for me and I’m off…” I didn’t finish. Suddenly, and for the first time in my life, I was ashamed of how I’d lived.
“Hey,” he whispered, scooting to sit in front of me. He trapped me in place, the driftwood at my back, his broad chest in front of me, and his legs, knees bent, forming an impenetrable wall. He surrounded me. He consumed me. “Stop, okay? Stop looking at it like I made some big sacrifice or romantic gesture. I told you, it’s different for me. When you know what it can be like, it’s hard to settle for less. I’m not deprived of anything because you are all I need.”
How could he not see the sacrifice? Everything he did for me was sacrifice. The realization was painful, but it came just the same. He gave up everything…for me.
Fuck it.
I launched myself at him, kissing him with everything I had as we fell into the sand.
Feeling him smile against my lips told me I’d caught him off guard in my attack. His hands moved slowly, sliding under the back of my shirt and grazing across my skin as he returned my kiss. His movements were almost lazy and I pushed up, straddling his waist as I pulled off my shirt.
“Ev,” he said, his voice a warning, but I didn’t give him a chance to argue. I didn’t want slow and soft. That wasn’t us. Even if it were, the way I felt went beyond just want. It was need.
I yanked at his shirt and he sat up just enough to allow me to remove it. When he settled, his small hiss of pain brought my attention to his very obvious arousal. A part of me wanted to tease him, make a joke, but the sound he made as our bodies moved together a second time sent a tremor through my core. He flipped us, landing directly on top of me before I had time to process the movement. I wrapped my legs over his, holding his body to mine as I felt his hand at the button on my shorts.