by Jordan Deen
“You make this sound like a chore for you, like a job. This…,” he pressed his fingers to my heart, “it’s about love for me—undying, unwavering, unrelenting love. A love that won’t let me move on, it won’t let me get over you. I don’t want to focus on the sickness that could replace you in my heart. I don’t want to think of what will happen if I stop fighting for you, for us. But, sometimes I feel like I’m alone in this fight.”
That’s when I started yelling at him, and probably shouldn’t have, especially since the camp was less than five minutes away and full of men with supersonic hearing. “I’m here with you! I’m just as stressed as you are and I want to fix things just as badly as you do, so everyone will stop treating me like a traitor! And this… this is not fair! This is not my fault.”
“Yes, it is,” he yelled back.
Then I’m tackled.
And he’s tackled.
Nicole screamed… and then Dillon tackled her.
Michael, Lucas, Thomas, Matt, and Trevor all surrounded us. Emile and Ava, were on top of me. This was ludicrous.
“Get off me,” I yelled and pushed against the heavy weight pinning me to the hard ground; Emile and Ava didn’t seem to notice.
Michael soon realized there was no threat and started yelling at us. “What the hell do the two of you think you are doing? Why would you risk being out here by yourselves?”
“I just wanted to talk to her alone. We are never allowed to work things out, to talk about things.”
“If you had any bond at all, your touch would take her to Haventon so you could strengthen each other and talk. But since you’ve both failed to maintain any relationship since she’s been here, we have to look into other ways to get rid of the Mares. Obviously, she’s not willing to do what we need her to do. And you can’t force her. She’s not the one.”
“Yes she is…” Brandon lowered his voice, no louder than a snarl, and stepped forward, challenging Michael. Matt and Trevor stopped him.
“She prefers you as a dog. A companion animal. She never loved you,” Michael huffed and lifted Emile off of me. His words were cruel and hateful. Emile knew it and grasped his hand to stop him, but being the Alpha male, he continued, “You will leave with us in the morning and whatever happens to her…,” He looked at me and wrinkled his nose, “Well, if she dies, she dies.” Lucas helped Ava off of the ground and I finally sat up and considered running away from them.
“No,” Brandon screamed and his body lurched under Matt and Trevor’s hands. “She won’t! Our bond will return. I won’t let her die!”
“I’m not sure how you intend to do that. She’s in love with someone else. Her nightly dreams tell us that she’s still madly in love with Alex and she longs for him to find her.” Damn. Lily continued to poke around in my dreams. So much for not telling Brandon about them. This was certainly not how I wanted him to find out either.
“You said you weren’t…” Brandon slumped into Matt and Trevor’s arms, but his defeat didn’t last long. “You said he wasn’t… Damn it, Lacey,” he screamed and pulled his arms away from his friends and advanced towards me. Before I could move out of his way, he phased over my head into Grant and took off into the woods, whimpering and howling as he cleared the tree line out of sight. Emile signaled Matt and Trevor to follow him and they quickly phased and chased him into the woods.
“Lacey…” Nicole offered me her hand and an unspoken conversation passed between her, Emile, and Ava. “Let’s go,” she said, pulling me from the ground and wrapped her arm around me, sending tingling vibrations through my shoulders, but nothing like the first time I met Matt and Trevor.
I didn’t dare say anything with Michael, Lucas, and Emile within earshot. They heard our argument from the cabin, I’m sure they would hear the nasty things I wanted to call them. They didn’t care what happened to me; it had never been about me. I’d been a fool for coming here with them, and now… no one would come to save me. The world that hid in the shadows of humanity was full of enemies.
c h a p t e r
THREE
One last visit to Serena before Brandon left was all we had to get through. Then, Brandon would be gone for an undefined amount of time, and who knows if he would come back every two weeks like he promised. I couldn’t blame him if he didn’t. He knew I dreamed about Alex, and worse, I lied about it. He hated me. Telling him would have been easier and hurt everyone a whole lot less. He probably would have listened and helped me with the confusion I felt over the dreams. Instead, I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt and we both suffered. Lily wouldn’t leave me alone for a minute after the confrontation at the stream. The pack probably figured I’d take off the first chance I got, after hearing their true intentions, straight from Michael’s lips.
I dreaded the last session, but it was a thousand times worse since Brandon refused to look at me. Lily squirmed in her chair while Serena pulled out more icky liquids to make another potion for me to drink. “Okay, we are going to try something new again today.” She laid out her plan for me to go into Brandon’s thoughts instead of focusing on Haventon, transforming, or bonding.
Poking around in Brandon’s head was supposed to help me connect with him, but all it did was disturb and upset me. I watched his memories of me through the eyes of Grant. The night I came home naked and drunk from Alex’s house loomed in the forefront of his mind. That night, he phased into Brandon, carried me to my room, changed my clothes, and gently cared for me in my drunken state. He held on to memory after memory of lying next to me in bed and longing to touch me like Alex had. The pain he felt from those memories was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It would have been easier to let Alex rip my back apart again, in fact, Alex could have killed me and that would have been okay too.
Brandon’s emotions and feelings of betrayal soaked deep into my skin, making me feel disgusted at myself, especially over the visions he had of me sleeping with Alex. Something that never happened, but he whole-heartedly believed it did.
“This is not working,” I said when I’d seen enough of the consequences from my bad choices. “If I could take that all back, I would. But, I think me being here is showing that I want to work things out.”
“Lacey, you need to stay open to this process,” Serena said then added, “Brandon, maybe you need to move past that and focus on… some better times.”
Lily started to talk in her hyper voice, which annoyed me more than nails on a chalkboard, “What if you let me try to bring them to Haventon now?” She rocked back and forth in her chair, growing more impatient, as the clock ticked away. It’s not like any of us had anywhere else to be.
“Lily, while we appreciate your efforts, maybe you should go see if Emile needs your help,” Serena said, dismissing Lily from the table. She didn’t want to go, but she realized we weren’t going to continue if she stayed, so she stormed off towards the kitchen.
“Okay, let’s begin again. Brandon, move your chair closer to Lacey’s.” Serena moved her chair out of the way and waited for Brandon to get closer, but he only moved a few inches. “How about a little closer?” And she got another two inches out of him. He didn’t want to be near me.
“Are you guys almost done?” Michael entered from the kitchen with a bag loaded with food. He didn’t care what happened to me anyway, so Brandon being at this session wasn’t a priority. “We need to get going soon. We have another lead.” Thomas and Lucas walked through the door on his heels. They each carried various bags weighed down with supplies.
“We’ll only be another minute,” Serena said, but Brandon stopped her.
“We are done.” He stood from the table and his chair rattled against the floor as he pushed it back.
“No, we aren’t.” Things couldn’t be left undone. He couldn’t hide from this and leave me to flounder in misery alone.
“This isn’t getting us anywhere. It’s only making things worse,” he whispered through his clinched jaw, but everyone joined in on the conversation.<
br />
“If you could get through your hatred, it might work,” Serena said, setting Michael on edge.
“This is her fault. Don’t blame him for her stupidity. She’s just a childish human. She hasn’t even taken the time to learn about us: our traditions, our heritage. She acts like she’s here for a holiday. Like her parents shipped her off to summer camp! Why would she want to help us—be one of us—when she doesn’t even understand us?”
“Michael, you are out of line and not helping the situation.” Serena pulled Michael away from the table. She may have been the oldest woman in the pack, but I definitely wouldn’t have crossed her. “You need to give them time. You haven’t even allowed them to be alone with each other. Teenagers need that. Human teenagers need that. She wasn’t raised in our traditions, our cultures. Alex swayed her because he offered her traditional human mating. Brandon doesn’t know how to do that. He relied on Haventon, and now he doesn’t have that. He is lost… just as much as she is.” I didn’t think it was possible, but she shut Michael up.
“Now, if you’ll give us a few more minutes.” Serena pushed Brandon back into his chair. He looked at her dumbfounded; Michael and Lucas looked on as their mouths hung open. “Where were we?” she asked, completely ignoring the various pack members that had filled the room. All of which probably came to Michael’s aid, until they realized it was Serena putting him in his place.
“Okay. You got twenty…,” he started to say until Serena glared at him. “An hour. Is an hour enough?” Michael changed his tone and it appeased her.
“Yes, thank you.” She waited until the room was empty once more. “Brandon, take her hand,” she commanded and this time, he listened without hesitation. Brandon grabbed my hand, but not in a Hey, I’m your boyfriend kind of way, more in a Hey, this is my kid sister and I have to walk her to school kind of way. It totally sucked.
“Now, don’t focus on the hurt or the pain. Focus on your love. Focus on your dreams Brandon. Bring those images to the front of your mind. Show her what you love about her and why you want her to be with you. Show her it’s not just fate that brought you together, it’s because you want her. You yearn for her.” Serena softened her voice, “Close your eyes, both of you. Lacey, you need to open your mind to Brandon. Think of being with him at Haventon and the dreams you’ve had. Just think of your times together…”
Brandon’s fingers tensed and released around mine. Images rushed through my hand, up my arm, then into my neck, to appear as clear as my own memories. Brandon and I conformed to each other in a tight embrace next to our beautiful stream, under the canopy of trees. He held more love and warmth in his eyes than I had ever experienced with anyone. But the crisp dream changed rapidly, and I could feel the ease and comfort of a blanket surround Brandon. He watched the wonder grow on my face, while he phased into a massive werewolf, then he watched adoringly as I phased… into a delicate black werewolf; a fate I hadn’t quite accepted. I yanked my arm away at the horrifying vision, and tumbled backwards in the chair to the floor.
“Lacey!” Brandon jumped from the table to hover over me. A stinging pain vibrated through the back of my head. “I’m so sorry!” He scooped me into his arms and lifted me from the ground. The tight muscles in his forearms reminded me of how I ended up here in the first place. His protective stance brought back the memories of Alex’s monstrous claws ripping my back to shreds in my attempt to save Brandon’s life. Alex injured me badly, and Brandon’s touch stopped time to make it possible for me to heal at an impossible pace. Brandon saved my life.
For the first time in months, I felt light-headed. And not just from the mind numbing hit the floor delivered. It was a welcomed, amazing, peaceful feeling that I hadn’t felt in such a long time. That feeling meant one very important thing returned to our lives—our bond.
“Lacey?” Brandon’s heartbeat varied between fast and slow through his thin t-shirt against my chest.
“I forgot. I’m sorry,” he apologized again. The movement of his lips distorted the miraculous fuzzy feeling taking over my head. He needed to be quiet or I’d lose the feeling again. Convinced it would intensify the sensation, I pressed my lips to his, and secured my arms around his neck when it felt like he would drop me. I wanted to lavish in his smell and essence. I wanted to feel the magic from the first time he looked at me, held me, and kissed me.
To my surprise, he didn’t kiss me back. His lips were numb, limp, and loveless beneath mine. Maybe he didn’t have the same feelings as before? Had I just misinterpreted his vision? I pulled back and stared at the confusion settled in Brandon’s eyes. He rejected me and it hurt… bad.
“Umm… sorry,” I mumbled and uncurled myself from his arms back to the floor. “I didn’t mean…” Talk about uncomfortable silences. Serena didn’t say a word. Brandon didn’t move either. So I stood there, embarrassed and humiliated, trying to stop the tears from falling. “I guess we’re done for the day.” I turned, grabbed my bag from the table, and stole one last glance at Brandon; his mouth still hung open, his eyes were wide. I whipped past him, out the main doors of the house, and into the yard. I had no idea where to go, but I wasn’t staying here. Six long months of rejection by the pack was enough. Regardless of things not going our way, I loved him. I couldn’t stand the thought that he didn’t love me back.
Matt and Trevor jumped from the tables in the courtyard when they caught a glimpse of me. “That’s not a good thing,” Matt said, probably referring to the utter panic mode he’d seen me invoke, not once, but twice before. “There she goes again,” he said, and Michael got up in response.
“Lacey. Stop!” a males’ voice called out, but I’d already started running. My bag fell to the ground. I stumbled hastily into the woods toward the stream. Brandon didn’t love me, and it wasn’t my fault our bond hadn’t strengthened or I hadn’t transformed. He would have kissed me if he had any feelings for me.
“Stop. Lacey! Stop!” a woman’s voice, and heavy thumping of paws against the ground, echoed behind me. Emile’s boots were one size too big and felt like canoes strapped to my feet as I trampled over the slushy dirt and fallen tree branches. Adrenaline pumped through my veins quicker than humanly possible. My body ached. It couldn’t keep up the pace. My heart screamed in retaliation for the strain it was under. My pursuers were used to this… I wasn’t. I couldn’t do this. My legs cramped, disabling me, as the heavy footsteps closed in. Matt, Thomas, Michael, and Lucas surrounded me in wolf form, hesitantly awaiting my next move. Brandon, with his chest heaving, looked like he pushed his body beyond its breaking point trying to keep up with his family members. He barely stopped when he reached me.
“Lacey, I’m sorry.” I couldn’t catch my breath or fight to get away from his strong arms around me, holding me hostage. “Stop. Shhh. Just stop,” he whispered in my ear. My arms were useless trying to push him away. Continuing to run would have been futile, but I was embarrassed and ashamed. I just wanted to escape.
“You…, ummm…, you caught me off guard.” He let out an uncomfortable laugh and squeezed me against his firm body, completely oblivious to my feet shuffling across the loose dirt as I tried to pull away. The pack circled us like sharks around a sinking ship, just waiting for blood to hit the water.
“One minute, I doubt that you’ll ever want to be anything to me, the next minute you’re throwing yourself at me. I thought I’d lost you to Alex. I didn’t expect you to kiss me, not after I just showed you the next step… for us. For you.” He smiled, hopeful I’d stop resisting being in his arms.
But my feet continued to dig trenches below me as I answered. Although, the safety in his arms was better than the great whites circling us, just waiting for lunch. “I always knew that was what comes next… I just didn’t think about what it would look like. I never saw any of that part in my dreams with you.”
“That’s because we never got to that part. I wasn’t able to get you to the part of accepting it. We were too rushed. Usually, we get time to grow into it.
We gave everything to you in such a short period of time.” The tip of his finger lingered just below my chin and brushed smoothly down my neck. His other arm secured the curve of my back, holding my stomach against him. “But, it was all true. I love you, more than my own life. More than anyone can humanly love anyone else. Every inch of you… I breathe you, everyday. I live only to be with you.” Hearing him confessing his devotion, made every part of my body tingle. It sucked, in that very moment, that doubt of our bond still plagued every corner of my mind.
The pack stopped circling to watch our interaction, making me really uncomfortable when I finally said, “I love you. I do need you, but this…,” I gestured toward all the wolves that surrounded us, “is stupid. When it’s just you and me, I want you. I want to be close to you and just be with you. But all of this just confuses me and makes me doubt that we are anything to each other. It makes me doubt this is about true love. It makes me feel like this is an arranged marriage and I have no choice in the matter.”
“You have a choice.” Michael and Lucas both growled at Brandon’s response. “You can leave anytime you want.” Another growl. “If that would make you happy, I’d die for you. The problem is you’d die too. So, regardless of how much I wish you wanted to be here because of your love for me, the consequence of us not being together is your death and that is something I can not ignore.”
“I know. That’s all I’ve heard since we came here. How we’ll both die if we aren’t together. I don’t want to focus on that.” Michael and Lucas circled closer around Brandon and me.
“I know you don’t, and I’m trying not to. I promise.” He brushed a few strands of hair from the nape of my neck, sending a chill down my spine. “I would rather just focus on us and helping you transform. I can’t tell you how excited I am for that.” His smile and beautiful green eyes drew me in and made my knees weak, even though he spoke of something that terrified me. “My favorite dream of us is the first day you transform and we play in the stream.”