October Joy (Moments In Paradise 1)

by Melanie Wilber

  “Are you glad you came here, Sarah? Or did I talk you into it and make you feel like you couldn’t say no?”

  “I wanted to, and I’m not sorry,” she said. “Being here is like a healing balm on my soul, Andrew. I keep telling myself I have to go on without Levi, and I’ve been going through the motions that I am, but I haven’t been. Not really. I took a step of faith today, and God is showing me it’s those kind of faith-steps I need to take, but not because Levi’s gone. I’ve been needing to take them for a long time.”

  Sarah’s words challenged him because he knew he needed to do the same with some crossroads he was facing here. Some tough decisions needed to be made, and he needed to be the one to make them. After Annika’s death, he made some gutsy decisions not everyone agreed with, but others had been easy on him because they knew he’d been through a lot. Most of the sympathy-factor had worn off now, and people weren’t as hesitant to confront him, and he had backed down on several issues he knew he shouldn’t have.

  One of those things regarded his likely future son-in-law. When James had first been hired, a lot of people complained about his earring. Some people thought it was a sin. Others knew it wasn’t, but they didn’t think he was setting a good example for their kids. Some boys in the youth group wanted to get an earring too, or some other body-piercing, but their parents didn’t want them to, and they didn’t see how they could tell their boys ‘no’ about something their youth pastor had.

  It had all blown over after a year or so. Some people left the church, but he never asked James to take it out or put any regulations on him about the way he dressed. James was a great youth pastor. He loved God and he loved the kids, and in the areas of purity and integrity that really mattered, James was impeccable.

  Recently the subject had come up again, and Andrew had tried to ignore it. If others came to him with the concern, he would listen and try to give them practical advice about how to parent on the matter. He never considered the option of talking to James and asking him to remove it, fully believing that needed to be between James and God and knowing James had complete freedom to make his own choices on non-moral issues.

  But he knew it was time to be more aggressive about defending James and backing him up, not just leave him to his own defenses. He needed to talk to some people more honestly about their own issues and help them to realize it wasn’t about James or their kid wanting an earring. It was about their own faith-journey; about trusting God; about seeking His wisdom as parents, not their own; about not judging others--even if they felt they had that right. They didn’t. They were the ones who were sinning, not James, and as their pastor he needed to take the responsibility of pointing that out to them, even if it meant losing members or the approval of others.

  “Are you okay?” Sarah asked.

  He realized he hadn’t responded to her comment, and he was touched by her concern. He didn’t want to get into the whole issue now, or some of the other things on his heart, because he knew she was tired; but he knew he could talk with her in the coming days, and he hadn’t had that in a really long time. He had his staff and some pastor-friends on the outside, but it wasn’t the same as when he discussed things with Annika. There was something about seeking his wife’s advice and perspective he missed greatly, and Annika had always been his greatest ally and supporter. If no one else believed in him, but she did, he could get through anything. And if he needed to be told he was wrong, and she did, then he really knew he was wrong and would admit it freely.

  “I need you, Sarah. If you choose to walk away from me for any reason, I will fully respect that and let you go. But don’t walk away because you think I don’t need you in my life. I’ve been doing this on my own for five years, and I’m so tired. Jesus carries me, but I’m tired. This week has been pure joy for me, and I haven’t had that in a really long time.”

  She kissed him gently, the way she had outside after they first arrived, and he didn’t know what it was about that kiss, but it made him feel so loved and cared for. He wanted to kiss her back, but he knew he better not. He would be in here for another ten minutes.

  “I’m going to let you rest,” he said. “If you need anything, I’ll be downstairs.”

  “What do you want me to do about tomorrow?” she asked.

  “About church?”

  “Yes. Do you want me there?”

  “If you want to come, sure. But if you want to stay here and relax and have some quiet time to yourself, that’s fine too. I know you had a long day.”

  “What time do you leave?”

  “Six-thirty. Our first service is at eight.”

  He laughed at the expression on her face.

  “I’m assuming that’s a little early for you. And you don’t want to be there for six hours anyway. The kids will leave around nine if you want to go with them, but they have classes they go to. If you just want to come for one of the services--either at nine-thirty or eleven, then you can drive yourself. I’ll tell the kids to only take one of the cars and you can have the other one.”

  She laughed. “Have you forgotten I get lost easily?”

  “Oh, yeah. That could be a problem. It’s not the easiest place to find if you’re not from around here.”

  “I don’t mind staying here,” she said. “As long as you don’t mind. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve missed church when I wasn’t sick or out of town.”

  He thought for a moment and gave her another option. He didn’t mind her staying here, but he thought she would enjoy the service, and being here all alone for so long on her first day might not be the best. She was here to be with him, not just to be here.

  “I can come pick you up after I get done preaching for second service. I’ll have plenty of time.”

  “Okay. I’d like that,” she said. “What time?”

  “About ten thirty.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  Going back downstairs, he found Grace, Danae, John, Tabitha, and Tate in the family room. They were listening to Grace telling about her week with James. She stopped when he entered the room and took a seat beside Tabby on the small sofa.

  “Don’t stop on my account,” he said. “I want to hear this too.”

  She continued, and Andrew could see he’d left this house a week ago with one daughter and had returned to find a different one in her place. He had never seen Grace like this, even before her mother’s death. She seemed happy. Completely content and full of joy. And the way she talked about James amazed him. It was the same way he saw him, and he was glad to hear Grace saw him that way now too.

  When she finished talking about what a great job James had done with the funeral today, it was his turn to share about his week, and he told them everything. He enjoyed replaying it all in his mind, and he knew they needed to hear the story. They had all been welcoming and accepting of Sarah tonight, but he wanted them to know he had been the one to pursue her, not the other way around. Someone from the outside could easily assume Sarah was some kind of loose woman who was anxious to get another man now that her husband had died, but he assured them she hadn’t been looking for this any more than he had.

  “She misses Levi a lot and is still fragile emotionally, so don’t be surprised if you find her crying, or if she’s perfectly fine one minute and then suddenly bursts into tears.”

  “She’s so quiet,” Danae said. “Not like she never speaks, but when she does it’s so soft and gentle.”

  “I think that’s just her, not shyness.”

  “How long do you think she’ll stay?” Tabby asked.

  “I don’t know,” he said, wishing he knew the answer. “Originally I invited her for a week, but then I told her it was open-ended. I don’t want her to feel like she has to leave if she wants to stay, but I don’t want to make her stay if she wants to go.”

  “I’m so proud of you, Daddy,” Tabby said, leaning over to give him a hug. “I know this is probably really scary for you, but it’s good to see you with someone,
and I really like her. She reminds me of Mama.”

  Andrew glanced around at the other faces in the room, and they all seemed to agree. He knew he had seen it, but it was good to know they did too.

  ***

  Sarah took her time getting ready for bed. She felt tired, but it had been a busy day, and she knew she needed to wind down before she would be ready to fall asleep. She took a shower in the spacious master bathroom and got into her pajamas. Taking some clothes out of her suitcase, she hung up the dresses in an empty section of the closet. She also found some empty drawers in the large dresser, and she put her things in them. It felt strange to be getting settled here, but right too. The thought of someday sharing this room with Andrew she put on hold for now. She knew it was a definite possibility, but she didn’t want to get ahead of herself. ‘One day at a time’ seemed to be the thought she kept coming back to, and that thought gave her peace.

  Taking her Bible study book from her bag along with her Bible and journal, she got into the bed and propped some pillows against the lovely headboard. She had started a Bible study with some women at her church a few weeks ago, and knowing she was going to miss the discussion time on Thursday of this week, she had allowed herself to get behind, but now that she didn’t know when she was going to be returning to Minneapolis, she wanted to keep going through it on her own, and she went ahead and started from where she had left off rather than skipping the week she missed.

  She found the study encouraging and thought-provoking, but mostly she found it confirming she had done the right thing by coming here. She found several parallels between herself and the people of Genesis, and the words spoken to Abram thousands of years ago seemed to be the same ones God was speaking to her:

  “Leave your people...Go to the land I will show you...I will bless you...and you will be a blessing.” She was encouraged with the truth Abram had been seventy-five when he’d set out on the new venture God had for him. She wasn’t too old to do the same.

  She journaled some of her thoughts before setting it all on the nightstand and turning out the light. Lying down fully in the large bed, she felt so much peace and contentment about being here it was almost unreal. Had she completely lost all of her senses? Had Levi’s death finally brought her to a point of complete numbness where it wouldn’t matter if she was back home, here, or in a mental ward?

  She didn’t think so. This kind of peace could only come from one Place. God was leading her, and she was following. She didn’t know what tomorrow would hold or the day after that, but He would be with her. She believed that, and she had peace.

  But not just peace. Joy also. A joy she wasn’t certain she had ever experienced before. Joy that wasn’t only based on the events of this week or Andrew’s presence in her life, but also in the reality she mattered to her God. He had heard her cry for help, and He had answered in a way she never would have dared to imagine.

  Chapter Twenty

  The house seemed quiet when Sarah woke up on Sunday morning, and looking at the clock, she knew why. It was after nine, so everyone had already gone. She took in a view of the room in the morning light. The white curtains over the balcony French doors let in soft light that brightened the entire room without making her squint. The furniture was made of gently stained wood. Sarah felt like she could know a lot about Annika by the way she had chosen the furniture and curtains, and she was almost certain she must have.

  The bedding may have been a more recent addition with its darker and manly tones. Perhaps it had been a Christmas gift from Andrew’s children in the years since Annika had died. Plain blue sheets went along with the simple pattern. Sarah was almost certain if she did a little searching in the chest at the end of the bed, she would find a beautiful handmade quilt Annika had brought from her beloved Iowa home many years ago.

  There was a treadmill in the corner by the window. Getting out of bed, she lifted the shade and saw a nice view of the neighborhood. Glancing at the bookshelf along the wall, she noticed it was filled with novels, ministry texts, travel books, and outdoor-focused titles. She wondered how long it had taken Andrew to change things in here after Annika had been so tragically lost. She supposed it had happened slowly over time.

  On top of the long dresser with a large mirror above it was a scattering of picture frames with various photos in them. There was one of Andrew and Annika in their younger days she had glanced at briefly last night. It could have been of Tate and Tabitha--the two children who looked most distinctly like one or the other parent. The other three were more of a blend between Andrew and Annika. In some ways she felt like Andrew and Annika were some young people she had once known, and this Andrew was someone different, but she knew that wasn’t true. Annika was a part of Andrew even if she wasn’t here, just like Levi was a part of her. She had no desire to ignore their existence or the significant parts they had played in each of their lives, but she also knew God had some specific reasons for bringing her and Andrew together now.

  She didn’t feel she was violating Annika’s memory by being in here. Knowing Annika loved Andrew very much, she couldn’t imagine her wanting him to be alone for the rest of his life. She wouldn’t have wanted that for Levi if she had gone first, especially if he still had so many years to live like Andrew did--another lifetime really. If she and Andrew did get married and both of them only lived to be seventy-five, that would be twenty-five years together--the same as Annika and Andrew had, and she’d had with Levi.

  She decided to go ahead and use the treadmill since she had the time. Exercise had become a refreshing activity for her in recent years when she and Levi had begun walking the streets of their neighborhood together in the mornings before he left for the office. Eventually they had purchased a treadmill for the seasons it was too cold to go out. It was a beautiful sunny morning here in California, and she didn’t imagine it was very cold, but she didn’t want to get lost on her first day.

  When Andrew came to the house to pick her up, she was ready to go, and she was a bit surprised by the way he was dressed. Levi always wore a suit on Sunday. In the summer he would remove his jacket, and during the week he didn’t always wear a tie, but pressed slacks and dress-shirts were his standard work attire. Andrew, on the other hand, looked similar to the way he had dressed all week at the conference. Light tan pants, a short-sleeved blue polo shirt tucked in around his small waist, and simple black dress shoes that looked really comfortable.

  She was glad she had chosen her coral sun dress this morning instead of one of her more suit-like outfits, and she had a feeling a shopping trip was going to be in order if she stayed more than a week.

  “Good morning,” he said, giving her a simple kiss as she rose to meet him. She had been sipping some hot tea in the kitchen and taking in her surroundings. This was the most beautiful kitchen she had ever seen.

  “Good morning,” she replied. “You look handsome.”

  She wasn’t sure what was different about him, but he pointed it out to her. “I forgot my electric razor this week,” he said, stroking his smooth cheek. “I had to use one of those awful disposable things. This is much better on my face.”

  “It’s good to be home, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. I like traveling with my family, but otherwise I prefer not to leave home too much.”

  She realized being at the conference all week had felt like she was away from home, but she didn’t feel that way about being here. Making herself at home this morning hadn’t been difficult to do. And she’d been alone until now, but it wasn’t the same kind of alone she had been experiencing for the last three months right in her own house.

  “How has your morning been so far?” she asked, taking her cup to the sink and turning to follow him out.

  “It’s good to be back and see everything ran just fine without me for a week.”

  “For a week, maybe, but I bet not much longer than that.”

  “And how about you?” he said. “Did you sleep okay?”

  “Yes. You ha
ve a very comfortable bed. Are you sure you want to give it to me?”

  He smiled and kissed her before opening the front door. “I’m sure. And I’m sure I’ll get it back eventually--one way or another.”

  The words from her Bible study last night came flooding into her mind. Go to the land I will show you...I will bless you...and I will make you a blessing to others. The thought of being a blessing to Andrew in that way made her smile.

  On the way to the church, Andrew gave her another indication of how she could be a blessing to him. He wanted her to go into the church today being as neutral as an observer as possible. “Imagine you don’t know me, and you just moved here, and you’re trying out our church for the first time. What might get you to come back again, and what might make you keep searching elsewhere?”

  “Am I going to be able to sit with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Somehow I don’t think I’ll be getting the normal attention of first-time visitors, but I’ll do my best.”

  “I haven’t told anyone about you yet except my staff.”

  “Who are you going to introduce me as, your sister?”

  He laughed. “No. You are a friend from out of town for now. Is that all right?”

  “That’s fine,” she said.

  “If you decide to stay for more than a week, that will change.”

  “So you don’t want me to hold your hand or anything?”

  “I didn’t say that,” he said. “I want you to do whatever you’re comfortable doing. I’m just offering you some anonymity for today. You may see how we do church here in California and be packing your bags this afternoon.”

  She laughed. “Somehow I doubt that. I haven’t even seen the ocean yet.”

  “Keep your eyes open because you’re about to see a piece of it. Just up over this hill, look to your right.”

  She anticipated the view, but nothing could have prepared her for such a beautiful sight. Sparkling blue water as far as the eye could see was suddenly there, stretched out like a huge watercolor canvas. Magazines and television specials she had seen didn’t do it justice.