by mike Evans
Chapter 9
Holt’s Auto Shop two hours prior
Tony was checking the clock. He’d spoken earlier to Father Michaels and had arranged an appointment. The motorcycle ride there was less than ten minutes and he knew that Holt would keep track of every second that he and his sons would waste while he was gone and each would be missing from his weekly check that he was sure was already short of hours.
Tony went to the sink scrubbing the dark grease from his hands doing just well enough to make him passable if he needed to show off to anyone. He didn’t think they would judge him harshly for being a working man when times were tough and jobs were scarce.
Tony cleared his throat, Holt looked up to him standing behind the cardboard table. “What do you want, Parker? You aren’t done with that brake job already on Mrs. Sanders’ car?”
Tony smiled, nodding, “Yep, I finished that two hours ago. I’ve been working on the Salzman car for the last hour. The spark plugs in that thing are buried. You have to take off the wheel to even-”
“You ain’t getting a raise if that is what you are getting to, you might have had great referrals to get this job, but it don’t mean you earn anything more because of it. Me and the boys could run this place perfectly happy without you here, you don’t forget that!” Holt yelled as he slammed his cards down in frustration at the crap run he’d been having all day.
“Oh no, sir, I'm not asking about a raise. I understand completely that you guys could handle this place.”
Holt, who didn’t dare tell the boy how full of it he was, knowing his two idiot sons couldn’t do an oil job if one held the filter and the other spun to put it on to save their life. “Well, what do you want, don’t you know how to take a break, Tony?”
“I don’t need breaks, I like thinking and working, it keeps me busy,” Tony said smiling.
Holt was motioning with his finger that maybe he best keep talking because he was wasting his time. “Right, I just wanted to say bye, I should be back later today. I have an appointment that I need to get to.”
“What does a young kid like you have an appointment for? You getting hitched on your lunch hour or something?”
“No, sir, just the opposite.”
“How’s that?” Lenny, Holt’s oldest son questioned.
“I'm meeting Father Michaels. I’ve known for a while now that I needed to take the path.”
“The path?” Lenny interjected.
“Yeah, Lenny, you know, the one to make you divine.”
Lenny laughed, “Grease monkey like you, you really think you are going to be a priest. You got about as good of a chance as I do of becoming one. I can guarantee you I don’t have no chance that it will happen. You need to be happy that you got a little green in your pocket and a job to come to in the first place.”
Holt stood up walking Tony to the door. “You just get back so you can help work on those last three cars we have on hand. I know the ladies are going to be here after them soon and they aren’t going to want to wait any longer than they need to for them.”
Tony looked at the three of them and the three cars knowing well that they’d be playing cards and smoking like a chimney late into the night and long past closing time. He wondered how the place had ever stayed open before he came or if some lucky soul who needed a job to support himself and family was here before him. He hoped that they hadn’t worked whoever the unlucky guy was to death, he knew that if he got hurt at work it’d be hours before one of these three looked his way to see that there was a problem. He really prayed daily that it would not be the way that his existence continued.
Tony looked to see if anyone cared that he was leaving and not to his surprise…they didn’t. He walked out taking a deep breath of the cool air. The fresh air compared to motor oil and gasoline was always refreshing. He didn’t complain, there were a million jobs he could do and standing on the rear of a garbage truck did little for his wants of going to work and would not trade what he had for that.
He slid onto his bike strapping his helmet on and cruised down the five blocks to the church. When he pulled in he saw Father Michaels sitting outside starting a smoke. When he saw Tony, he took two quick drags from it and flicked the cherry off sliding it back into his pack.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Parker, how are you doing today?”
“I’m doing good, Father Michaels. Sorry about my clothes, Mr. Holt times my breaks and I didn’t have time to get home to change. It takes about as long as getting dressed as it does to get all this grease off my hands.”
“Mr. Parker, do we really need to go over this again. You come as dirty as you want to if it means you are coming to the house of God. We don’t judge those that work, is it that quick for you to forget between Sundays that God worked with his hands to?”
Tony put the kickstand down on his bike. He backed it in between a set of vans. He hopped off putting his helmet around the handlebar and smiled. He took the steps optimistically, hoping that each one was putting him closer to the path that he was truly chosen for. “Sorry I just worry too much what people think about me sometimes, sorry.”
“Get inside, Mr. Parker, I’ve got a helluva day ahead of me.”
“You have demons on the run, Father Michaels?”
He didn’t think about it before he answered, saying the truth was what they were supposed to do anyways. Lying wasn’t something they went out of their way to do. “Why, have you been speaking to your brother?”
“No kidding, is that why I haven’t seen him in a while, is he okay, is everything going alright? Is there anything I can do, anything at all? I’d give anything to help you out, Father Michaels.”
“No, sorry I forget once in a while, not everyone should necessarily know everything about what is going on. Given it is easy to forget as normal as you are that you’ve been through some serious things.”
“I know, but I think it has made me stronger.”
“It has killed many, Tony.”
Tony popped up on his toes a little patting his chest. “I’m still very much here, Father Michaels.”
“Yes, yes, you are here Tony, now tell me what can I do for you today. There aren’t too many people out there asking for my time unless they have a demon that they need to get rid of. Do you know anyone with any demons that need dealt with?”
“No, no demons today, thank the lord. I’m here about my papers. As you probably know I submitted my application along with a paper to the church. I want to be a…no…I need to be a priest. I know I am helping people dirtying myself in a garage twelve hours a day, but it isn’t enough, I feel like I am better suited for a different kind of work helping people. I feel like there’s more that I can do, more that I can do for God.”
“Yes, James and Billy both have spoken of it. I have every hope for you and if God feels that you are worthy that he will grant you the appointment to become a priest like your brother and James did so many years ago.”
“Well, that is the problem, Father Michaels, I received my papers today.”
“You didn’t get in, I’m very sorry, you can always reapply, Tony, you know, that, right? There’s nothing that you have to take as a no. You can-”
“I don’t know if I got in, Father Michaels, that is why I am here. I don’t know what happened to my papers that were supposed to come to me. They never made it,” Tony said and handed him a stack of acceptance papers.
Father Michaels took them hesitantly, not appreciating the lack of paperwork that had the opportunity occasionally to get confused and sent wrong. He looked at the name it didn’t take much to realize it’d been sent wrong. He took a deep breath, remembering patience was divine and anger was for fools. Father Michaels took the papers folding and sliding them into his inside breast pocket. “Follow me, let us check with Sister Judith in the office. Maybe she can shed some light on things. You know the nuns, they all stick together. I think they think that it will keep us priests in line, they won’t ever learn.”
Th
e two walked into the office. Sister Judith looked over her shoulder, seeing Father Michaels and the scrappy looking young man standing behind him, she worried if someone poked him he might burst as wound up as he looked. “Something that I can do for you, Father Michaels?”
“Yeah, there is something you can do for me. You can find out what this man is supposed to do with the rest of his life.”
She opened her mouth to say something. Tony, who wasn’t as smooth nor as patient as Father Michaels said, “I applied to be a priest, we are here because the wrong paperwork was sent to me. We want to see if I got in. Can you help us?”
She turned to the files, “Name please.”
Tony had to take a deep breath, he felt his heart and worried if he didn’t put his hand on it that it very well could explode from his chest. A comforting hand set down on his shoulder. “You are going to be fine, I was there and a million other priests have been to. Remember, regardless of the answers you receive, you will be no different. You will still be able to help the church but you might not find it going down the avenues that you thought-”
“Father Michaels you aren’t filling me with a lot of confidence, sir.”
The nun cleared her throat, still waiting for the name. “Name please?”
“Sorry, Tony…I mean Anthony Parker
She went through until she found the file she had been searching for. She pulled it out, wanting to open it and give the good news, but figured if there was a chance that it wasn’t going to be good that she might be best to not make any assumptions. She walked to Father Michaels and handed it to him. He smiled, “Thank you, Sister Judith, we’ll go to an office and finish conducting our business. We don’t want to take up any more of your time.”
“I signed up for a lifetime, Father Michaels. Makes no difference to me if I am helping you or filing papers as long as I am helping someone.”
“Have a good day, Sister Judith.”
The two walked into an office. Tony felt like he was in trouble for some reason when he sat down and the door clicked shut. Father Michaels patted him on the shoulder and he jumped a foot. He took a seat setting the envelope down on the table. Tony couldn’t take his eyes off it. “Tony, would you like to read it or would you like me to?”
Tony reached out for the envelope. His hand was shaking uncontrollably, he tried to play it off but couldn’t think of anything clever to say. Tony opened the papers the first three pages were the essay he’d been asked to write about why he should be part of the church and what they thought he could contribute to the church. The first line broke his heart as he read the words we regret to inform you that you have not been selected. Tony looked up, he was trying to be a man about it, but could already feel his lip quivering. “Why didn’t I get in? What else do I need to do to be worthy, to get in?”
Father Michaels took the papers looking over the rest of the pages. When he looked up, he didn’t feel bad so much as guilty. “I’m sorry, Tony, you can still go back to trying to get selected but I don’t feel you are going to have much of a chance.”
“Why, what is it?”
“The incident when you were young, it was documented, they all are. The church looks through those records; they know we had to perform an exorcism to save you. To save everyone, they don’t blame you by any means, they aren’t scared of you, or consider you a threat, but they do not allow you to become a member. I hoped that maybe they would see past it, with your brother being in the church, being a member of it in such a high-ranking position at that.”
“So, I can reapply?”
“You can but I don’t think they are going to change their minds. This wasn’t reviewed by the normal staff. This went all the way up the chain of command. The bishop probably had this in his hands. I’m not scared of you, your family isn’t, but any time you have had a hand in hell it makes it difficult to look past it for them. I encourage you to continue, not to give up. There is a chance I can get you to be a deacon if you would be interested in it?”
Tony was in a daze, he’d said that he hadn’t put a lot of hope into it to his girlfriend, his mother, and when his brother had asked, but it was a fib and he had worried about it since the day he dropped the envelope in the mailbox. Tony smiled, looking half sick in the face. He took the papers folding and sliding them into the envelope along with his papers. “Could I get back to you about the position and what I need to do so I can be a deacon?”
“I understand this wasn’t easy, if God didn’t judge us then he wouldn’t be doing his job. If he didn’t think you should be a priest he never would have put the thought in your head.”
Tony got up thinking about all that he had been through. He didn’t want to say it, but he did. “I wonder if Satan is still in me when things happen that I don’t like, or they don’t go my way. How do we ever know that it is out, that we are completely whole?”
“We don’t but I think you are a free man; we just need to try to get past this hurdle. I’m going to make a call up the ladder and see if there is anything I can do. I can’t make any promises to you, Tony, but I’m going to do everything I can. I think you would be the perfect priest. We need men who have faced issues in life, who have seen the dark side. If you don’t know pain outside of what someone tells you in a text book, then how can you understand what a soul is going through?”
“I’m confident that I have felt all of the pain one needs to, Father Michaels, to be able to understand what they are going through.”
“I think you do too, Tony, why don’t you go try to clear your head, try not to worry too much. I will give you a call just as soon as I know something. Otherwise, I’ll try and swing into Holt’s if I can’t get ahold of you on the phone, deal?”
Tony nodded, opening the door. He turned back pointing to it as he stepped out. “Open or shut?”
“Open please, I still have plenty of work to do.”
Tony smiled, standing there for a second. “Is there really something happening, Father? Demons I mean, are they back again? I have to confess one thing.”
He motioned with his hand, out with it.
Tony continued, “I hear voices every so often. They don’t ask me to do anything and for years there were drugs they would try which did nothing. I think the closet is still a pathway or that they, just like to taunt me.”
And you didn’t think that was something you might like to let me in on?” Father Michaels pulled out a flask full of holy water. “You pour every drop of this around your bedroom, the frame and across the entrance. You see or hear anything else you let me know, they don’t like to lose and when it came to you they lost big. I can only fear how angry they would be about having the opportunity to be freed from hell and then being sent back. I know what it was like for you with your father, no one seemed too upset when he didn’t come back. But only in the smallest comparison do you remember that feeling of telling him something didn’t go right and you or Billy had to pass on the bad news to him? Now imagine that being the devil. It gives me shivers just thinking about it, let alone speak about it.”
“At least if they are there they deserved it in the first place…failure kind of means the rest of us have a chance to prosper. So many people have had to deal with this burden, it doesn’t go away overnight. The dreams which I’ve had to endure were brutal, Father Michaels. To this day one will sneak its way in, it isn’t pleasant. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before. I’ll be sure to do what you said with the water, can’t hurt even if I’m just blowing things out of proportion right?”
“There is no over exaggeration when it comes to something like this.”
Tony smiled, holding up the bottle of water and tucked it into his work overalls. He left the door open as instructed and walked down the long hallway to the outside. Waves of emotions hit him like a Mack Truck. Not feeling worthy, not deserving it, not being smart enough, so many things that his stomach turned making him judge if he’d need to go to the bathroom to puke or if he was going to be all right.
He leaned toward the wall for a second trying to get control of himself and that was when the tears came. His body shook with convulsions. He didn’t know what to do to make himself feel better. He feared the papers in his pocket were going to have the same answer regardless of how many times he applied to be a priest. He knew that there was nothing wrong with being a deacon and that he could marry and still be one which was one significant advantage over being a priest, but it still would not be a priest and regardless of how happy Alecia made him it was impossible to overlook the fact that being with her solely meant he couldn’t be with God in the way that he wanted.
He wiped at his eyes using a handkerchief, not wanting to look like a raccoon if he got grease on his face from work. He laughed a little trying to get his composure as he thought of that. Holt’s boys seemed to make a habit out of looking like idiots on a big scale regularly, between the two of them both had issues completing an oil job. He thought of his job and realized he didn’t care if he went back today. If Holt wanted to fire him, let him, they’d not be able to replace him at least anytime soon. There were plenty of unemployed in the state, but they typically weren’t skilled labor jobs like his because they all found a way to make it by.