by Shirley Jump
And call Riverbend home?
The thought chafed at her, like a new scab on an old wound. She danced around it in her mind, not sure if it was right, or just the cold muddling her thoughts.
The trees surrounded her like quiet sentries. Far in the distance, she heard the happy laughter of skaters on the pond, the crackle of melting snow falling to the ground, the titters of squirrels enjoying the warmer weather.
She increased her pace, letting the cold air and the long cement paths take her mind off the past few days. She walked fast, intent only on the road ahead, the next curve, the tree at the end where the road turned toward the playground.
“Jenna!”
The shout caught her by surprise and she stumbled, her foot hitting a patch of ice. Just as she was about to meet the pavement, a strong pair of arms scooped her up and righted her again. Stockton.
“Thanks.” She shot him a smile.
“Just doing my gentlemanly duty, ma’am.” He swept forward into a quick bow, which made her laugh. The tense knot in her neck eased, and a lightness filled her chest.
“Stockton Grisham, always to the rescue.”
“I’ve been saving you ever since second grade,” Stockton said, “when you fell on the playground—”
“And you carried me all the way to the nurse’s office.” She smiled at the memory, then dug her hands into her coat pockets, and started walking again. Stockton kept pace beside her, and for a second, it felt like old times, when they used to walk to and from school together. In the days when she could confide anything to him, and know that he would support, not judge.
“So tomorrow you go back to New York,” he said. “Back to business as usual.”
“I hope it’s not business as usual. That’s the last thing I need.” She saw his quizzical glance. “In the last few months, I’ve been…off my game, I guess you’d say. I’ve started forgetting appointments, and doing stupid things like scheduling DJs and caterers for the wrong dates.”
“Maybe you’re just burned out.”
“Maybe.” The thought of going back to her apartment, back to the city, didn’t fill her with the same anticipation as always. She glanced around the park, at the trees dusted with white, the rolling hills that would be green in the spring, and the circular beds that would bloom with flowers in a few months. It was quiet and peaceful, the kind of environment where someone could get lost in their thoughts. Where she lived was so busy, with the constant hum of traffic and construction. Still, New York was where her business was, where her things were…and where she belonged. Wasn’t it? “I’ve got a lot waiting for me back there.”
“You have a lot here, too.”
She stopped walking and looked at him. “Like what, Stockton? You? We keep dancing around this, and neither one of us is really saying anything.”
“What is it that I’m supposed to say?” He let out a gust of frustration and his gaze went past her, to the bare trees, their tall skinny trunks vulnerable and stark against the white snowy backdrop. “What are you expecting out of these few days? Because from what I see, all you want to do is get out of town again.”
“And all you want to do is escape with your heart intact, like in the old days,” she said.
“That’s not true.”
“It isn’t?” In that moment, the years of distance between them was erased, and the old hurt roared to the surface. “Eight years ago, you let me go. Watched me get on that plane and let me leave. Because you were too scared to take a risk, and go with me. To stay in one place with one person.”
“And what, watch you bury yourself in your work? Maybe you don’t remember, Jenna, but you had only one setting in your mind. Forward.”
“There’s nothing wrong with ambition. You’re ambitious, too. It’s what has made your restaurant a success. And yet you criticize me for having the same goals?”
“Yeah, when it’s at the expense of relationships with people who care about you.”
His words were cold, sharp. But she noticed one thing lacking in them. The word I. He hadn’t said relationships with him, or that he cared about her. He’d kept it vague, unconnected. “I could say the same for you,” she said.
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Because last I checked, I was the one who was staying here in town and you were the one getting on the first plane out of here.”
She sighed. “You know, you keep telling me I should change my life. What about you? You spend virtually all your waking hours in this restaurant, so you don’t have to risk having a real, in-depth relationship. You’re as much of a wanderer today as you were before. Taking the easy way out instead of sticking around.”
“Is that what you think, Jenna? That I took the easy way out?”
She arched a brow. “Didn’t you? With us?”
“You’re wrong. Watching you go to New York was the hard way.” He let out a breath that formed a soft cloud around his lips. “The easy route would have been to follow you and pretend we could make it work. Done what everyone expected me to do.” He paused a beat. “And marry you.”
The last two words hung in the air for a long, long time. “Well, at least you avoided that mistake,” Jenna said after a moment.
“Yeah.” The word was short, curt and devoid of any inflection that could tell Jenna if Stockton was regretful or grateful. “I didn’t go to New York, Jenna, because I wanted…” He shook his head. “I wanted more.”
“What more?”
“A way to fill the emptiness,” he said after a moment, and an alarm sounded in Jenna’s head. Was that what she’d been feeling in these past few months? An emptiness that she needed to fill in a new way?
“I traveled for a while,” Stockton went on, “exploring new cuisines, new customs. All the while, I was thinking it wasn’t the place that had felt wrong, it was…” He shrugged. “Me. In the end, the only place I wanted to serve a meal was right here, in my hometown. Riverbend is my home, and always has been. I just didn’t know it until I left. So I came home. And stayed.”
Stockton had a physical address that wasn’t changing, but in all these days together, she still hadn’t heard what she needed to hear from him—that his emotional address was locked, too. That he was ready to settle down with one person and take a risk on love. That had always been the problem between them—she was looking for more from him than he was willing to give. In the end, nothing had changed between them. Nothing at all.
She drew her coat tighter, even though the outdoor temperature hadn’t changed. The chill in the air was entirely between her and Stockton. “Eunice’s party is tomorrow,” she said, avoiding the conversational powderkeg that Stockton seemed determined to light. “Are you all set with the menu?”
Disappointment dropped a shadow over his face. “I guess that’s it then. There’s really nothing else for us to discuss.” He gave her one quick, short nod. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And then he was gone, leaving her alone in a park that had once seemed peaceful and wonderful had become cold and empty.
CHAPTER TWELVE
WHEN GRACE, THE HOSTESS, had come to Stockton and said there was a woman waiting to see him, his first thought was Jenna. He smoothed his shirt, ran a hand through his hair and pushed through the kitchen’s doors, a smile ready on his face.
But Livia, not Jenna, stood by the hostess station, an envelope in her hands and a sympathetic look in her eyes. “I came by to give you the balance for the catering for Eunice’s party.” She held up the envelope.
“Oh.” Stockton took it, then stuffed it into his back pocket. “Thanks.”
“For what it’s worth, I told her that avoiding a problem didn’t make it go away. Jenna’s pretty good at that, you know. Avoiding.” Livia started to walk off, then turned back. “And hey, one thing about Jenna that you should know—she’s a tough cookie, but inside, she’s a bunch of crumbs.”
“She’s made it clear that she’s going back to New York, Livia.”
“If you ask me
, she keeps saying that because she’s waiting for someone to give her a reason to stay.”
“You’re leaving? Now?” Livia’s eyes widened. Behind her, the staff of the banquet hall was busy ironing the tablecloths and setting out silverware. Across the room, Edward was ostensibly watching his staff, but more, Jenna suspected, waiting for Livia to be free.
“I’ll be back before you know it. I have an errand to run. It won’t take long, I promise.” Jenna handed the event folder over to Livia. In it was the detailed plan for Eunice’s party, not that Livia, who was a stickler for detail, would have forgotten any of the necessary components. “We’ve got everything pretty much all set up. The florist should be here in the next half hour, and I’ll be back in time to set up the arrangements.” Then she grabbed her purse, headed out the door and into the winter sunshine. She drove to Aunt Mabel’s house, ran upstairs and grabbed her suitcase. It took a couple of minutes to gather what she wanted, put the items into another bag, then head back out to her rental car.
A few minutes later, she pulled up in front of the church. The vestry was empty when she stepped inside, and the quiet of the ornate room enveloped her like a blanket. It seemed everywhere she went in Riverbend, she found peace and quiet.
Which came with the dual-edged sword of space to think. She’d spent the past two days doing nothing but thinking, it seemed. She’d done a mental dance around the answers she sought, and every time, come back to this. To the people and place that had reminded her of what was important.
Jenna strode down the carpeted aisle of the St. Francis church, then detoured through a pew to reach the side door. The community room at the bottom of the stairs was empty, tables and chairs neatly stacked against the wall, the floor gleaming and freshly mopped. Jenna followed the sound of voices into a small room with a television and a trio of sofas.
“Jenna!” The priest greeted her when she stepped into the room, striding forward with an outstretched hand. “So nice to see you again.”
“Same to you.” She smiled.
“You just missed Stockton.”
“Oh.” The sound of his name hit her hard, but she forced herself to keep that smile on her face. A few more hours and she’d be gone, far from Stockton.
Since yesterday, Jenna had made sure to avoid him. She’d had Livia deliver the final payment for the catering, and begged off when Aunt Mabel invited her to Rustica for dinner last night. She’d pled a headache, and tried not to cry when Aunt Mabel brought her back a takeout order of lasagna with a side of béchamel sauce.
Why drag out the inevitable? She was leaving, and he was staying.
“If you stay around a while,” Father Michael said, “you can get a listen of the band that’s setting up.” He gestured toward the main hall, where several men were assembling musical equipment. Jenna recognized two of them from the day she’d been here serving breakfast.
“Band? What for?”
“We’re going to have a fundraiser in the spring. To raise money for the shelter.” Father Michael tapped her arm. “I heard you handled one of those before.”
“I did. It raised four hundred thousand dollars for breast cancer research.”
Father Michael let out a low whistle. “That’s amazing.”
She nodded. “It was one of the most rewarding moments of my career.”
“Perhaps you should consider giving us a hand, then,” Father Michael said. “Since you are the pro at this.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I’m leaving tonight. I have to get back to New York.”
“Of course. I understand.” Father Michael looked as if he wanted to say more, but one of the band members called him over to the stage.
As he walked away, Jenna’s mind began rolling down the road the priest had presented. She thought of how she’d handle such a fundraiser. How she’d organize the promotion, create a theme that would get people talking, and do it all with a budget that gave maximum dollars to the shelter.
She glanced to her right and saw Tammy in the kitchen, working on a potato salad. She remembered the bundle in her arms, and headed into the gleaming galley-style space. “Hey, Tammy.”
“Oh, hi, Jenna. What are you doing here?”
“I brought these for you.” She held up two of her business suits. When she’d pulled them out of her suitcase, she’d been sure the dark blue one would be the best for Tammy’s complexion, and now, holding it up and near Tammy’s peach skin, she saw she was right. “I think this color would look great on you.”
Tammy beamed, and the joy in her features sent warmth spreading through Jenna. She thought of her overstuffed closet in her apartment, brimming with clothes she’d stopped wearing or didn’t need, and realized she could make a small, very small difference, here in Riverbend. How many suits did one woman need anyway?
It wouldn’t be enough to repay those people who had made a difference in her life, but it would be a start. And for the first time since she arrived in Riverbend, Jenna felt a sense of connection to the town. The knot of tension in her neck that had seemed a constant companion slowly loosened.
“Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much,” Tammy said, running a gentle hand over the soft wool fabric. “These are wonderful. I really appreciate it.”
Jenna glanced out to the front room again, where the men had gathered with the priest, presumably to discuss the upcoming fundraising event. Once again, a list of ideas danced in Jenna’s mind. She could feel the familiar buzz of anticipation in her gut, the same feeling that she’d once had when she’d opened her business.
Was that what had caused her to lose her touch? Was that why she couldn’t seem to get back on track? Because all the engagement parties and birthday parties and corporate dinners had seemed so…empty?
Fundraising. Making a difference. The knot of tension disappeared completely as the idea formed in Jenna’s mind. She turned back to Tammy. “Listen, I know you’re interviewing for another job, but I was wondering if you’d like to work with me on a project here.”
“Work with you? On what?”
“Father Michael wants to hold a fundraiser for the shelter. I’d offer to organize it, but since I live in New York, I’ll need a local contact to handle a lot of the details.” She thought of the gregarious, organized woman she’d known in high school. What better person could she call on for help? “I think you’d be great at that.”
“Really?” Tammy’s eyes widened, first with shock, then with hope. “You think so?”
Jenna nodded. “I do.”
Tammy stepped forward and enveloped Jenna in a tight, earnest hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much. You’ve changed more than just my outfit today, Jenna.”
As Jenna returned Tammy’s embrace, she thought about the circle of life. Twenty-plus years ago, her family had been the one in need. In this very basement, people had filled that need, receiving gratitude in return. She saw now why people helped others—the return on investment was far greater than the work involved. This, she realized, was exactly what she had been searching for.
The only problem was that she was returning to New York, to the same world that had drained her. And leaving all this behind.
The room was ready. After returning from dropping off her suits at the church, Jenna had spent the rest of the day at the banquet hall with Livia, putting the finishing touches on the tables, adding the rest of the photos, and setting up the flowers. Livia had left to go back to Aunt Mabel’s and change, while Jenna slipped into the hall’s ladies’ room and switched from jeans and a T-shirt to a little black dress with heels that she’d bought yesterday.
She checked her reflection, smoothed her hair and touched up her makeup. She was ready, too. She stepped out of the ladies’ room and took in the ballroom one more time. Everything was in its place, as it should be. A multi-tiered cake in yellow and pink—Eunice’s favorite colors—sat against one wall, while two long tables lined with photographs sat against the other. The centerpieces representing each decade ancho
red the tables and provided a visual history of the past hundred years. Helium-filled pink and yellow balloons stood in massive bouquets throughout the room while a giant banner congratulating Eunice on her hundredth birthday dominated the wall behind the head table.
For a second, she thought of the party she’d helped plan at Stockton’s restaurant. New Year’s Eve, supposed to be the night of new beginnings, new resolutions. And all she’d done that night was complicate her life by kissing him.
And worse, falling for him again.
In the past two weeks, Stockton Grisham, with his sexy smile and patient approach to everything, had done the one thing Jenna swore he’d never do again—infiltrated her heart. She didn’t know when, but somewhere between the ice skating and the kiss on the dance floor, he’d reawakened feelings she’d thought no longer existed.
But it was no fun to travel a relationship road by herself. She might be ready to settle down, but she hadn’t seen one sign that Stockton was any more ready now than he had been eight years ago.
She checked her watch. In an hour, Eunice’s birthday party would begin. And in five hours, she would be gone, on her way to the airport with Livia. Returning to her city life, and leaving this small town behind for good. For Jenna, it wasn’t soon enough.
The side door opened, spilling bright light into the hall. A silhouette of a man filled the doorway and Jenna’s heart tripped.
Stockton.
It didn’t matter how often her brain told her that they were over, the rest of her didn’t seem to listen. And now, with her departure so near, an ache began to build in her chest. Telling Jenna Pearson that leaving Riverbend was going to be harder than she’d thought.
“I’ve got the food,” Stockton said. “I’ll need to set up in the kitchen. Shouldn’t take very long.”
Nothing personal in his statement. All business.
Exactly the way she wanted it. After all, hadn’t she made it clear to him that she was leaving? That after today, they would go back to where they had been—living in separate states, no longer together. Still, a persistent feeling of disappointment hung heavy in her stomach. She pushed it away. Get through this party, and everything will be okay.