Zar had really made an effort. He would know better what those visions meant. Only, I couldn’t text Zar. If he’d bothered to bring his antiquated little phone along on the trip at all, it was surely in his room right now, not on him.
Still doodling, I texted Isaac instead.
What’s happening? Is Jason OK?
He answered quickly.
About to leave. We hope so. He’s going to try to change.
I frowned at this message for a moment. What did that mean? Hope so? Try to change? For some reason, it didn’t sound reassuring. What happened if they had a broken bone and they did change? Try?
I closed the sketchbook. Trail shoes back on, I started downstairs, turning around halfway. I could at least check his room before wandering all over looking for Zar.
As I reached the top of the stairs, their door opened and Zar looked out, having heard me.
“Cass?”
I stared. “What are you doing in here?”
“Couldn’t leave you alone, could we? How are you?”
“I…” I swallowed. “I’ve been better. I was looking for you. Do you have a minute?”
“Of course.”
We sat on the floor in my room, door open, listening for the others.
Zar did not paw or hang on me as had been his habit lately whenever the two of us were alone. Only sat close and looked at the sketches that I explained to him. He seemed sad, like we were talking over a dead relation. But he’d looked like that ever since the fight with Kage, not because of the story I told him of my scrying.
He offered a few insights, but only what I’d already known about it not being an easy thing to actually catch and kill a faie, and he hadn’t the faintest idea about some sort of creature out here. There were no large, wild predators left in England, nor had there been for generations.
Then I stopped him. “Zar? How are you? What’s wrong?”
He passed me back the notebook, not answering at first, nor meeting my eyes. Then, “I’m just sorry about this morning, Cass. What he said to you… We’re all making sure we protect you from vampires and unknown beasts lurking in the dark. Maybe we should be paying more attention to ourselves.”
I watched him until he met my eyes, sitting beside me, backs to the bed.
“Lucky for me, I couldn’t understand much of what Kage said. I’m more upset about how I hurt him, and he hurt Jason, and I’m sorry all around. For you also.”
“Me? You can run with whoever you want, Cass. I want you to be my mate. I’ve told you that. I’d do anything for you. But that’s your choice. Until you make it, it’s not for anyone else to say what you can do, or who you can curl up with. I’d love you to choose me—more than anything I’ve ever wanted—but you don’t owe me an apology just because you’re running with different males.”
I studied him, listening to the garden gate through the open window, a bird, distant bah of a sheep.
“This doesn’t feel weird to you, does it?” I asked at last. “Until a she-wolf chooses a mate, this is typical? Eventually, she’ll settle down with her mate, hoping they have pups, but there may even then be someone on the side if either are attracted to someone else? That’s why Kage didn’t understand me when I asked him about open relationships. Neither did Rebecca. She didn’t know it, but she’d only ever dated in an ‘open’ structure because that’s how dating goes for you all. Long-term monogamy may be the norm, but even that’s not the rule.”
I let out a slow breath, looking to the window and back to him, mind racing. “You want me with you. You’re jealous of others. Yet, for you, it doesn’t mean you’re thinking of something like this, ‘Hunt Moon, what a slut. She disgusts me.’ You’re on a whole different wavelength…”
Zar’s eyes were wide, shocked. “What is that?”
“Slut?”
He nodded.
I looked into his anxious eyes and squeezed his hand. “Forget it. It’s a … worm thing, I guess.”
“You could never disgust me, Cass. Never. You’re perfect—”
“No, I’m not. Last night proved that.”
“You’re perfect to me.”
I blew out another breath, hearing bike engines—the two vehicles returning. I hugged Zar and he wrapped his arms tight around me in return.
“I don’t deserve you,” I murmured. “Any of you.”
“You are Moon’s gift to—”
“Don’t, Zar. I’m not. You think it helps but it makes me feel worse when you act like I’m some great blessing to you at a time like this.”
“I don’t think it helps.” He kissed my temple and pushed back hair from my face. “It just is.”
We sat there looking at one another until the foyer door opened, and we went to meet Jason.
Chapter 12
We summoned faie. Again. With the sky clouded over—so tough to see I had to keep a soft magic glow in my palms, rain just beginning to fall at 11:00 p.m.—Zar called for them in gentle chants in Lucannis. I tried simple requests in English. Jed roamed about the countryside nearby, hoping for one to present itself. Nothing.
This time, we also had Jason. His changing had been a matter of some debate.
He had a modest hairline fracture. He could either put his arm in a sling and not change for a few weeks to be safe; change and hope the bone mended in one go, the break being so slight; or change and splinter the break the rest of the way through, ending up with a real transverse fracture, possibly displaced, and he would not be able to change back again. In which case, he would also need either a vet or to be rushed home—which would mean renting a car.
This possibility so horrified me, I was stunned he wasn’t doing the sling. Jason, however, had been confident and eager to put the pain behind him with a healing change. Even Isaac had assured me this slight a break would almost surely heal. He would be very unlucky indeed if he changed and the thing split on him.
It seemed to me we’d had our fair share of bad luck on these excursions, but no one asked for my vote.
After sunset, once Jed had changed and we had gathered around those trees far from the house—all aside from Kage, who still hadn’t been seen—Jason took the plunge.
He’d been fine, as it turned out. Shaken, taking a moment to find his feet and stretch, then a few tentative steps. This quickly led to him chasing his own tail, running around me, dashing past Andrew and biting his boots, then rolling in the cool grass. He’d even had the nerve to dash up to Jed—who stood stiffly by the beck in the dark, keeping away from us—and drop into a play bow. Jed had growled at him.
I had discussed the matter with Isaac and Andrew, but finally decided we couldn’t all go tearing around out here in the rain and the dark. It wouldn’t help us attract faie to overrun them, and Jed and Jason, hidden by night from any potential human’s within eyesight, would suffice to try picking up the trail of that swamp creature—for lack of a better name.
Isaac and Andrew would remain “home,” hoping for Kage’s return. We could put in a couple more hours after faie.
Rain coat on, watching and listening, sometimes casting circles and trying my own summoning with Zar’s guidance, I walked along the endless trails and dry stone walls with them, pausing by becks, in stands of trees, or open, lonely places.
They had asked for help, then would not come out? Surely it wasn’t Zar. He was doing everything right to show them we were friends as far as I could tell. Was I doing something wrong? It couldn’t be the wolves in fur either. Not since we knew they showed themselves to Jed. Unless that was only South of England spirits. Yet I’d been so certain the Yorkshire Dales would be an excellent place to find them…
After I told Jason about the smell Jed had detected, Jason spent his evening with us scouting for that as well. We returned to the low spot where boulders littered the ground that the beck flowed through, as if dropped by careless giants. Neither he nor Jed seemed to pick anything up, however. Then, though Jason kept after it all the time Zar and I tried for the f
aie, he never did hit on anything.
It was after midnight, rain more pronounced, Zar having dried and stowed his little flute in his messenger bag, when I said we’d had enough.
We found Jed sitting meditatively on a slope of heather and gorse while the misty rain blanketed him. I hated to call him away, he looked so peaceful, but I didn’t like anyone staying so separated either.
We all returned slowly to The Gables, still watching, listening, sniffing. Jason padded beside me while Jed ranged far out behind or ahead, investigating as he went.
“Zar?” I spoke in a whisper, gaze on the trail ahead with the faint blueish glow from my hands. “You don’t think they won’t come to us because…?” I hesitated while he watched me. “Because they’re dead?”
“Of course not. Even if some have been killed, somehow, they can’t all be gone. They’re nature’s spirit. If something is having a go at them, it makes sense they’re even more shy, harder to find and less willing to be summoned. That’s all.”
“I hope so.”
He put his arm around my wet jacket as we went on.
Back to the field, both wolves now roaming, I asked Zar to please fetch Jed’s rucksack again, along with the plastic wastebasket liner so we could cover it overnight. We also needed his and Jason’s clothes that we’d stashed in the bikes after they’d changed in the trees previously.
“You’re sure he’ll want to stay out?” I asked Zar before he left. “He’ll be soaked.”
“Oh, yes. Dens are for pups, you know.” Zar frowned in the dark. “Anyway, if he really wants to he can change and come in. How about you?”
“I have something for Jason. We’ll come in with you on your second trip.”
While Zar left, I pulled the yellow tennis ball from the pocket of my rain jacket and called Jason over.
“Still want to play with a ball?”
Jason sniffed it, bounced, and said, “Wooooh!”
“Do you know how to play this game? Just a few throws, then a few for Jed with his when Zar brings his stuff, and we’ll go in. Okay? I’m glad your arm is better.”
I threw the ball and Jason tore after. He brought it back with none of the challenges Jed had presented. Another throw, and another, Jason almost invisible as he ran through the soggy night.
Jed watched the performance at some distance, head down and ears pricked after Jason, looking menacing in the darkness and rain, but he stayed away.
“Last one,” I told Jason as I drew back my arm again. “You’re all muddy.” I threw.
Jason ran, stopped, and I also saw it just before the wolf hit him. Not Jed: an equally large, much paler animal.
Kage hammered into Jason like a charging bull, throwing him to the wet earth while Jason yelped and tried to roll on his back. Kage ignored the capitulating gestures, teeth in Jason’s neck, shaking him violently.
“Kage!” I ran forward, terrified but blank—the light gone from my hands, hardly able to see. My own guilt and sense of responsibility crushed my magic—energy deadened by remorse and fear.
I could only yell above the snarling, yelping din. “Kage! Stop! Please! Let him go!”
Kage did: turning to me instead.
The first few steps were a stalk, growling, his white fangs visible even in the dark. This sound, combined with the pale specter over black, seemed to step straight from nightmares. Then he bounded at me, covering the distance in huge strides.
I dropped to my knees in muddy grass, raising my arm, much like Jason rolling on his back, nothing else crossing my mind to do.
A heavy impact, another yelp. I looked up to see Kage hurled across the grass with Jed on top of him. In an instant Kage was up, the two massive wolves tearing at each other, snarling, rearing to their hind legs and crashing back down.
“No!” But I could do nothing. The magic wouldn’t come and my voice broke as I shouted at them. “Please, please stop!”
It lasted less than a minute, yet it seemed to last years, the terror and noise and nearness of it, the panic for them and for my own helplessness, and for having brought it all about—myself being the reason for it.
Then another form hit them. It wasn’t Zar running back. Or the sleek black wolf trying to stop Jed or to get Kage to back down. It was Jason—in skin.
As the two wolves slashed each other, Jason tackled Kage, throwing his arms around the great mane of Kage’s neck. Both were still twisting and snapping—and both probably bit him. The next moment, though, Jed realized what had happened and leapt clear as Kage struggled and Jason held on.
Jason righted himself on his knees, holding Kage in a headlock. The wolf had his teeth in Jason’s arm, but released him, only trying to twist free. Still snarling savagely, he dragged Jason across the grass while Jason wouldn’t let go.
Then, through more seconds, more rain and heartbeats and flowing blood, the growling subsided. So did the thrashing.
Still Jason held Kage’s head against his chest, his face bowed into Kage’s fur. For a long, long time.
The silence was replaced by Kage’s whimpering, still trying to pull away from Jason.
“Neä amaus Vinu,” Jason murmured into his ear. “Neä amaus Vinu. Neä amaus Vinu.”
Kage stopped struggling. He only stood, panting, his head against Jason’s chest. In the dark, through the rain, it seemed both trembled. But it may only have been my own shaking.
Finally, with Kage calm and motionless, Jason released him.
Kage stepped back, glancing around as if unsure where he was, panting, shaking his head. He licked the blood on Jason’s arm, then withdrew, spotting me. He hesitated, still looking confused, then took a couple of uneasy steps toward me.
I held out my hand. “I’m sorry, Kage. Please…”
Kage tentatively wagged his tail, taking another step.
Jed jumped in front of me, facing Kage, growling.
Again, Kage hesitated, at a loss.
“Jed—” I wanted to tell him it was okay, but my voice broke and I couldn’t speak.
“Cassia?” Zar’s steps hurrying from the house, but still far behind.
Jed stepped forward, growl building.
Kage flattened his ears, tucked his tail between his legs, and slunk away. He paused only to sniff Jason’s bloody arm. Then he was running through the field, heading for the fells, as he had that morning. But it wasn’t anger driving his feet this time.
Jed turned to me as Zar dashed up.
Jason remained on his knees, sideways to me, watching the black horizon where Kage had vanished. Rain ran down his naked back and blood ran down his newly healed right arm. He didn’t seem to notice.
Jed touched my chin with his cold, wet nose.
I twisted my fingers into his ruff and hid my tears in his fur.
Zar’s hand on my back made me jump but I did not otherwise move. Zar stood there a moment, taking stock of what had happened without asking. Maybe he knew enough to understand that no one would have answered.
After a minute, he tried to take Jason his clothes. Jason shook his head, not looking at him.
“I’m staying out,” Jason muttered. “Got to change back.”
It was a lot of changes for one night but no one argued.
I held onto Jed’s neck for a long time, getting my breath back, fighting down my own tears and shame and guilt and grief.
When I sat back on my heels, Jed nudged into his bag from Zar. Zar opened it for him and Jed removed the wool ball.
Jed brought this to me with a slow wag of his tail. He pressed it at my chest and I took it. He nosed it more at me, telling me to keep it.
I looked down to the plain object while my tears dropped into wool. It was worse, harder to stop the flood then. I don’t know why: the simple gesture, what it represented. It wasn’t about the ball itself, but what he meant by it. He had nothing else to give, or to offer, but he had this. Like a child in daycare seeing another crying and offering his blanket: This always makes me feel better. You should
have it.
He stood there, unable to do more, while I clutched the ball, shoulders shaking with silent tears that fell on it with the cold rain.
Zar tied up Jason’s clothes in the plastic bag and left them at the base of the trees for him. He stowed Jed’s rucksack under a disused rabbit hutch where it could stay dry. Then he coaxed me to my feet.
Jed and Jason remained behind in the field, silent, as Zar led me back to my room.
He stayed with me after I’d changed and dried off for bed: gentle and quiet, simply holding on all night while I curled against him, still holding the wool.
I slept through the nightmares. There was only one time when I thought I heard the sound of a very distant wolf song in the rain. One low, mournful voice full of sorrow and regret, betrayal and longing. But it may only have been a part of my own dreams, or own soul.
Chapter 13
It rained on Tuesday—a morning downpour subsiding to a midday drizzle. Perhaps in the European tradition, our dinner invitation was not until very late, which left a painfully long, gray, quiet day.
I skipped breakfast. Only bothering to sit up in bed when Zar brought me coffee after 10:00 a.m.
He informed me that Kage had come in and gone to bed a few hours ago, barring Jason from the room. Jason slept in Zar’s bed since Zar was with me anyway. Once he’d had to change at first light, even Jed had been driven indoors. He was in Isaac’s bed because Isaac was also up. This surprised me since I hadn’t thought Jed believed in beds.
Gillian must have thought we were a bunch of drunks, out at the village pub all night, or simply ill.
Leaving the bedroom door open, Zar pulled the curtains wide for me. Not as if it let in much light this morning.
I watched the rain dripping from the roof even as the noise of it faded and the flow subsided. He was talking about faie and vampires: stuff that sounded sensible and productive and important. Yet I couldn’t hear him—could hardly get the gist.
Isaac appeared in the doorway. “Are you all right? Kage had a go at you in fur?” No wasting time with good mornings.
Moonlight Betrayal: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 5) Page 7