“It’s a lot, I know. We’ll think about what Leum and Dannsa said later. Don’t worry about that now.” While I talked, I massaged Zar’s knuckles with my thumbs and twined my fingers in his. “I can’t imagine… It’s like he’s come back from the dead. Just when you thought you were going to see him again we’ve been in Yorkshire. However you feel about facing him is okay. I know you don’t agree with the choices he’s made, but, coming from a human world, I was impressed by all he’s done for himself. I hope you’ll have time to talk and maybe understand each other a bit more again.”
Zar slid his left hand over mine, watching them all together.
“I don’t think Jed wants to be there, but do you want the rest of us—or any one of us—to stay? Or would you rather do this alone? We’ll choose a spot to meet you.”
He opened his mouth, then sat there for a moment, still staring at our joined hands. “Could you … just come up with me? Since you saw him before? To say hello? Then I’ll talk with him alone. I’m not even sure I would know him. You said he had a beard? And starting gray?” Zar shook his head. “He’s way too young. Not past thirty.”
“I think he’s been under a huge amount of stress with this lifestyle. Not to mention the pressures of reaching the professional place he has. What he’s done in the human world … general manager of a premier London hotel in that time? It’s … astonishing. That might not mean much in wolf culture, but think about it from the other side of the fence.”
Zar slid his fingers down mine again, while I remembered asking a favor of Jed: to put himself in Gabriel’s shoes when they met and have compassion for his elder brother’s different views and situation. Now Zar.
“Sorry,” I murmured and kissed his cheek. “I shouldn’t be lecturing at a time like this. It’s the last thing you need.”
“No…” He shook his head. “I’m glad you’re here, Cass.”
I stayed with him, texting Gabriel again after we disembarked and made our way to the park to one side of The Abyssinian.
Zar was correct: he didn’t recognize his brother. I led him over, alone while the other three waited outside the park by the entrance to a Tube station.
Gabriel was again dressed in a tailored suit and white shirt, this time with a silvery blue tie. His mostly black hair was combed back. His circle beard was precisely trimmed.
As we neared, he offered Zar a tentative smile, yet, it seemed to me, he looked just as sad as he had last time we’d met.
Zar also hesitated once he spotted Gabriel and realized who that was. He looked his brother up and down, tense, as if ready to run. Maybe it was the suit. Or maybe that Gabriel did not look seven years older than Zar anymore, as he was—more like twenty older. Maybe only having second thoughts.
It felt stupid to introduce them, but I said, “Thank you for meeting us, Gabriel. We understand this is difficult for you.” I walked on up to him with Zar trailing and offered my hand, which Gabriel pressed.
“Nice to see you again, Cassia. I hope you’re okay still—there with the … family.”
Now, why did he say that?
I looked up into his eyes as if I could pull a vampire move and read his mind.
“I…” I stopped.
Last time I’d met Gabriel he’d seemed surprised when I’d said I was fine staying with the pack. He’d even seemed concerned for me, offering to allow me to have a room for free here at the hotel, or stay in his personal guest room which was unused. He’d presented it as in wanting to help our investigation. Since we were in London anyway, would we like to stay?
Now … I wondered.
As unflattering as he had been about the Sable Pack, Gabriel still cared about them. I hadn’t been able to forget his words.
Escape?
From the xenophobic, anthrophobic, fascist, star-worshiping cult we’d been raised in.
Diana was no fascist dictator. She did her best to watch over her pack and make decisions in their best interest, with support and feedback from others. She listened and was a regular part of the pack unit, a mother and grandmother, an elder who got to where she was on wisdom and respect.
Gabriel’s opinion about what he’d left behind was just that: an opinion. I wasn’t even sure if Diana had been silver back then, though probably not. She wasn’t all that ancient. So he’d had a bad time, a terrible father, and resented the communal living—apparently had also turned away from his religious beliefs.
That didn’t make the Sables, or any other wolf pack wrong. Or xenophobic fascists. Most of the wolves in my pack were happy with their communal living. Kage wanted to be more a part of it. Isaac had gone out of his way to join it. Zar was devoted to his family. Even Jed stayed, not because he admired their lifestyle, but because he, like all other wolves, was a social, pack being. And every one of them, even Jed, loved pups and the feeling of family and bond to the pack they had from interactions with pups. Having none of their own personally didn’t diminish the communal raising and uncle mentality they showed.
The Sables were not black and white—no matter what their name may imply. I was beginning to see some of the superstition and isolated living handicaps that perhaps had contributed to Gabriel’s leaving the pack. But I’d seen so much more of their good side. Diana’s wisdom; core’s providing; a faith that did no one any harm and strengthened bonds between them; a family spirit that left no young one wanting, even in times of crisis.
Shades of gray. Just like anyone else.
But I thought of these negatives as Gabriel touched my hand and appeared sincerely worried about me, even when his focus should have been on reuniting with his little brother.
“Yes,” I said after my own uncertain pause. “Yes, thank you. I’m okay.” I looked around to Zar. “I’ll let you two talk. Zar, we’ll come back and meet you whenever. As much or little time as you need. Gabriel, maybe you could text me to let me know when you’re on your way inside and we’ll come back?”
He nodded.
The brothers still said nothing to each other, Zar ten feet away.
Gabriel offered his hand, taking a few slow steps forward, as if for a dog to sniff it. “It’s been a long time. I owe you an apology, Zar.”
Zar stared at the hand, then inched forward, finally shaking it. He looked up to his brother’s face and said, very softly, “We missed you.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Silence
I started away over the grass, throat tight, so miserable for both I didn’t know who I wanted to cry for more.
There was Jed, walking toward us on the footpath. His pace was also slow, watching them at a distance. I met him twenty yards out and rested a hand on his arm as he stopped, not looking at me but to his brothers. His expression was deliberately blank, shutting the outside world away from his own feelings.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said in a normal, soft voice, with a great effort.
He looked at me.
“Are you okay to see him? Do you remember…?”
He shrugged me off, stepping away. “I remember.”
“Then I hope you’ll talk to him with Zar. Zar will be glad you’re there together.”
Jed walked on.
I waited to see him also shake hands with Gabriel, make sure Jed didn’t try to punch him or similar, then returned to the front of the park to find Isaac and Andrew.
“Cassia?” Isaac reached a hand for me and stopped himself, veering aside, looking away on the sidewalk just out of the way of the steps to the Underground. Hitting an invisible barrier of memory: of his own commitment to keep some distance from me with the accusation and threat of Andrew’s words two mornings ago—and maybe his own regret for what he’d done to Andrew—still fresh in his mind.
“Oh, stop it!” I snapped, my voice almost breaking.
Andrew, who’d had his attention on the foot traffic, actually jumped. He and Isaac stared at me.
“What is wrong with you?” I demanded. “Both of you? Don’t you think you ow
e each other a little support? Or at the very least respect for being in the same situation? You’re both foreigners, both lost someone you loved and were committed to not so long ago, and both need our pack.” To Andrew. “Don’t personally attack people because of some momentary tit for tat about me—of all things. He’s not being a possessive busipa! We were in bed, Andrew. Have a few boundaries. Please. And you—” Turning to Isaac. “What is going on? I am very, very sorry he upset you, or said something to make you second-guess our relationship. But that is none of his business! If you’re feeling something like that, talk to me about it. Don’t just listen to him, or anyone else, and keep it to yourself. And I don’t care how angry you are: you need to not kick your packmates in the head or strangle them. Bite the river and think. Our relationships—not just you all with me, all of us together—are fragile and beautiful and running out of time. You need every other member of our pack just as much as you need me, or I need you, or you need yourselves. If we can’t work together and walk away from fights and talk out what’s going on in our relationships when it’s important we are going to tear ourselves apart and no one is going to save your pack because no one else is even investigating!”
I whipped around. “And I’m sorry—I’m a hypocrite for shouting at you about being kinder to people.” I hurried off through the park, following a path west, away from where I’d last seen the three brothers.
Even Jed—after six years and how he felt about Gabriel deserting them, then the lifestyle Gabriel was living—had gone back: wanted to see Gabriel and was willing to shake his hand. If Jed could do that, why couldn’t we be a decent, functioning pack? Not even if our lives depended on it?
“Cassia!”
It was a small green space and I was already heading for the next road. I didn’t care where. Eyes burning, terrified for what could become of us if we fell apart any more than we were already, I went at a jog until someone caught my arm.
“Cassia—”
“Don’t—” I wrenched away, twisting against his thumb, but Andrew only caught my other arm instead. And hugged me.
I pushed against his chest, squirmed, and pressed my face into his shirt to hide my tears. Isaac wrapped his arms around me from behind, his nose in my hair while I leaned into Andrew, shaking, and both stood there together with me for a long time, no one saying anything.
Chapter 36
They helped me find a birthday gift for Kage. I thought a watch. It was the only accessorizing I’d seen Kage do. Jason also sometimes wore a watch, as well as a chain necklace that was long enough for him to change with it on and it vanish into his fur.
Andrew had suggested a phone for the “Neanderthal.”
Isaac looked up watch retailers in the area and we made our way to the Fossil store while he also suggested food.
“I can’t bake him a cake. What’s he enjoy as a treat?” I asked. “Like Jason is into fish or you like salted caramel.” I glanced at Andrew. “He got a watermelon when we were in the city before. Something a little more … packageable than that?”
Neither being best chums of Kage’s, they had to consider this.
“He likes sweets,” Isaac said. “But that’s not specific. Most wolves and humans do.”
“He gets candied nuts in Brighton,” Andrew said vaguely, then, “Oh! I know something he fancies that he never gets. Marzipan. Dodgy stuff, if you ask me. Sweet, grainy paste. Mum’s had some in now and then for work and he’s dead chuffed to try any.”
We picked out a watch—plain, heavy, very masculine, with a thick leather band and silver face—and the clerk was kind enough to gift wrap it for me in a little box while I fixated on watches to avoid looking around at the adorable purses and bags and accessories that I did not have the money for and didn’t need anyway.
Then it was an easy matter to find marzipan in tourist-packed Oxford Street. Andrew found a bakery and sweets shop featuring the stuff in the most extraordinary food window displays I’d ever seen outside of Christmas.
The next challenge was a shape. They had many tiny boxes with pieces ranging from one to six or more, ready gifts for travelers to take home. But they were all little creatures or flowers or otherwise shaped in ways that were not appropriate. I chewed my lip over a single heart in a red box, then settled on four bite-sized fruits—an apple, pear, peach, and little bunch of grapes, each about an inch across.
I’d just made my selection when my phone chirped. A text from Gabriel saying to come back. Hoping Zar and Jed would not stray as they waited for us, I wrote back that we’d be there in fifteen minutes.
On the way to check out, I passed a basket of fresh, house-made caramels wrapped in wax paper and scooped out the biggest handful I could carry.
“Need anything?” I glanced to Isaac, who shook his head.
“Best not to let wolves indulge in a place like this,” he murmured.
Which gave me a mental flash of turning the Sable’s pups loose in here.
I was able to get a card as well, a fortunately plain one, not birthday specific, with a simple abstract pattern of blues and yellows that looked like a night sky.
Outside, I gave Andrew the little bag of caramels, adding the marzipan fruit and card to the watch bag.
He was already unwrapping his second when he offered the bag back to me.
“Thank you, Andrew.” I unwrapped a soft caramel as we walked, moving carefully, close to building walls as throngs of pedestrians flowed past.
Andrew held the bag out to Isaac behind me. “Snowy? I mean … buddy-pal?”
Isaac also took one.
We said no more. Too hard to talk in the crowd. No one had discussed my outburst either. Also too hard to talk in a crowd of three.
Which was fine. They’d changed—most noticeably Isaac’s behavior toward me—and I’d apologized for flipping out. So perhaps nothing more needed saying.
Andrew didn’t have to offer the brothers his caramels because he’d polished them all off by the time we reached the park. No surprise.
What did surprise me was getting there to discover Gabriel hadn’t gone back to work. He sat in the grass with Jed and Zar, Jed still keeping a bit of distance between the other two, all in shade of a huge oak, Gabriel’s suit jacket removed and draped across his knee.
Jed spotted us approaching and got up, making the others look around.
They followed, Gabriel carefully brushing off his trousers.
Isaac and Andrew gave us space while I walked up to them.
“Everything all right?” I asked. “You said we should come back?”
“We wanted to talk to you, Cass.” Zar took my hand, his usual sweet smile returned. Not exactly relaxed, he at least looked much better than he had when we’d parted almost an hour ago.
“To me?” I glanced to Gabriel. Was this about the case?
“Gabe says you can come stay here,” Zar said.
“What? I mean … I know. But I don’t need to. You’ve been talking about me?” Of all the things you need to talk about?
“They say you’re getting grief from the Sables,” Gabriel said mildly. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable here?”
“I … no. That is, it doesn’t matter. We’re working together. To do that we need to be together. I can’t stay in London and keep working with the six of them as we plan our next steps. This afternoon we have to see Diana. Then I’ll scry, see if I can learn more for us, and we need to talk. You’re very kind to offer, but I can’t do all of that from here.”
“No,” Gabriel said, “but you could stay here. We’re not that far from the territory. People commute as far every day. Spend all the time there you need, and have the other six here. My flat is sizable and at your disposal for gatherings. If you’d like something more private, choose one of our conference rooms. It sounds as if you’re all running back and forth to London a great deal anyway. A couple of your friends could stay here as well while you’re all working on this—keep anyone from being alone.”
&n
bsp; I shook my head, confused and also frustrated that they’d been wasting their reunion on this.
“Thank you, Gabriel. Really, but we’re fine at—”
To my utter amazement, Jed spoke up behind me. “You should stay here.”
I turned around. “What?”
“It’s not safe for you to stay with the pack right now.”
I stared at him.
Zar and Gabriel watched us in silence, Zar holding my hand. Isaac and Andrew were also slowly approaching behind Jed.
“What do you mean? I talked to Andrew about that this morning. I know there are issues, but we soldier on. I’m sure we’ll be off hunting for someone again soon anyway.”
“All the more reason it won’t be much inconvenience to stay here for the short intervals,” Gabriel said.
But Jed, even more to my surprise, gave me an answer. “I was out last night. I saw what happened in the field with you and Zar and I scouted.” Was that a code word for eavesdropping? “Zacharias doesn’t want you in the pack. The Sables are scared, some think you, or at least people like you, could be connected to the murders.”
I nodded. “So I understand. But that still—”
“I’ve told you,” Jed went on. “Zacharias is dangerous. He killed our father. He almost killed me. I’m the one who smashed his leg with my teeth when we were both in fur that night. He would have needed it set with metal plates to heal properly and he couldn’t do that. A wolf can’t change with hardware in his bones. So he’s been lame ever since. He’s a good diplomat, but he’s not like Diana. He hates the name Mugraturs, and us being on your side. The things you’ve been letting us get away with—fur in London, me breaking lockdown—” he shook his head.
“It’s not that he would attack you. None would do that,” Jed continued. “But he means to drive you out. I’m sure of it. He has pack support and they’re sick of waiting around for Diana’s clever plan to actually yield results. Diana’s word may be law, but the pack is first and foremost a cooperative. We obey her for her grace as silver and our respect. But, if another silver, or majority of elders and pack, are united against her opinion, she has to listen. She brought you in amidst mixed feelings. You’ve had your trial. If we allow Zacharias a chance to move, he could banish you from the pack territory, and from fraternizing with pack members. If that happens, you really could be in danger. Given an ultimatum to stay away, and as a witch, as a part of our community, they would guard their homes against your return.”
Moonlight Betrayal: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 5) Page 21