by A. J. Wynter
"What do you mean? You’re the one who just had his clothes strewn all over the town bicycle’s house."
"That's par for the course,' Eddie joked. "But seriously, man. I haven't seen you like that in years. You were in rough shape when we got to the bar. You could hardly talk. Sherry said that you and your hoity-toity bitch had a fight and she left. I'm assuming that she was referring to Syd."
Russ smiled, remembering Sydney telling Sherry to fuck off, but his smile disappeared as the events of the previous evening started flooding back to him. "I broke things off with Syd. I might have been a little harsh, but I told her to go home."
"Do you fuck up your life on purpose man?" he asked, fumbling with the radio. "That girl was the best thing that ever happened to you. She's the best thing that ever happened to the ranch."
"I know, Eddie. But we weren't the best thing to happen to her. She's not like us. I know it, you know it."
"Bullshit," Eddie said without looking away from the road. "That girl came to life here. You might think that you are doing her a favor, but all you did was hurt her and send her back to a life she didn't want."
"You don't know anything. She got into the best school in the country. She would regret it."
"Well, who the hell died and made you her keeper? If she said she didn't wanna go. She didn't wanna go. Who are you to tell her what to do?"
For being a simple man, what Eddie said struck Russell to the bone.
Could Eddie be right?
Russ leaned his pounding head back against the headrest. He agreed with Eddie. Sydney really had come into her own at the ranch. How could he be so stupid to think that she didn’t know what was best for herself? He kicked himself for listening to her father.
“Pull over,” he croaked, fumbling with the door handle.
Eddie looked over at his green friend, “Oh shit,” he said and steered the truck onto the shoulder, even before the truck halted to a dusty stop Russell jumped out and heaved into the weedy ditch.
“You turning into a lightweight?” Eddie yelled from the driver’s seat.
Russ never threw up from drinking. He knew that the churning in his stomach was only partly caused by his old friend Jack Daniels, and partly because he knew that he had made the worst mistake of his life the night before. He stepped back into the truck and slammed the door. He had to make things right.
“There’s some mouthwash in the glove box there,” Eddie said, screwing up his face.
“Just step on it, Ed. I’ve got to stop Sydney from leaving.”
“Roger that, Russ.” Eddie tipped his hat at Russell and stomped his cowboy boot down on the pedal of the old truck. It grumbled in resistance and then spit up rocks as they raced all the way to Blackgum ranch. Russ’s heart was in his throat while he was playing scenarios in his head. What he could and would say to make things right with Sydney. He knew that it was going to be tough, but deep down she had to know that he was lying to her. She said as much. He was feeling a mixture of dread and hopefulness as they pulled into the lane leading to the ranch.
But it was dread that took over when they pulled to a stop in front of his old cabin. Sydney’s truck was gone, and the cabin was bare.
She was gone.
Chapter 33 – Sydney
Every part of Sydney’s body felt like it was on fire. Anger and myriad other emotions coursed through her and escaped in hot tears that streamed down her face. She didn't want to leave because she knew that Russ didn't mean what he said.
She sat in the driver's seat of her truck and replayed the conversation over and over, analysing the cruel things that he said. If she had met him in his rodeo days, she definitely wouldn't have had anything to do with him, no matter how good looking and rodeo famous he was. But the Russ she knew was different, or at least she had thought he was.
She opened and closed the truck door three times with the intention of marching into the bar and calling his bluff. Telling him that no matter what he did or said, she was staying, whether he was involved or not.
She rested her head on the steering wheel and allowed the racking sobs to consume her body. Connecticut seemed like a world away, a world with no place for her. She picked up her phone and dialed Lainey, only to get her voicemail. The night hadn't had a chance to cool down the Earth. The cab of the truck was getting stuffy, and the combination of the heat and smell of the deep fryer grease from the restaurant was making her feel nauseous.
Come on, Sydney. Just tell him that you're staying.
She wondered what ranch life would look like if Russell really was serious about not loving her. Could she handle waking up to see different women leaving his cabin? Could she handle working with him if he was a surly asshole every day?
She looked up at the clock and realized that she had been sitting, crying, and debating for the past three hours.
Fuck it.
She opened the door and stepped out into the warm night air. She rounded the truck just in time to see Sherry leaving the bar, with a very drunk Russell, whose arm was draped over her shoulders. Syd felt time stand still as she stood in the shadows and watched Sherry help Russell into a beat-up old car she assumed was hers.
She steadied herself on the side of the truck, her breath coming in rasping gulps. She peeked around the corner but could only see shadows in the car. She heard a guttural screaming and realized that it was coming from her own throat. She kicked the tire of her truck, jumped in, and sped away from the restaurant.
That was three days ago.
She stared at the front gate of her family home and sighed as she pressed the security system to get buzzed in. The big gates opened, and she maneuvered her giant truck through the stone pillars and up to the house.
She had driven for three days straight and felt dirty and disgusting. She peeled off her dusty Texas clothes and let the hot shower rinse away the filth from the road.
Being alone on a road trip gives someone a lot of time to think, and as much as she hated to admit it, maybe Russell had done her a favor. How could she have planned her whole life around someone who could turn around on a dime and throw her away like a used tissue?
She had been in touch with Lainey on the drive and the two of them planned to get together later that day. She sat down on her bed, her hair wrapped in a towel and scrolled through the photos on her phone. There were at least a hundred sunset shots, and almost as many shots of the swimming hole. After their first visit, she would try to go for a swim every day after work. As she flicked through the photos, Van Morrison came on the radio, it wasn't Tupelo Honey, but it was just as painful. She leapt at the radio and jabbed at the button to turn it off.
You're done crying, she said to herself.
***
"Sydney, look at your tan!" Lainey exclaimed as she rushed to hug her friend in the crowded coffee shop. Their raincoats crinkled against each other and Sydney sat down at a table in the corner while Lainey picked up their non-fat almond milk lattes.
She took a sip but for some reason, hers didn't taste as good as she remembered, and she found herself longing for Mary’s sludge that was always waiting in the stovetop percolator.
Sydney heard all about Lainey's summer escapades at her beach house. She had met a landscaper and their liaison had been the talk of the small town.
"But, enough about me. You sounded really upset when you called," Lainey said, sipping her latte.
"I don't even know where to start."
"Well, you look good, with the exception of the puffy eyes. It looks like you've been crying for days."
Sydney sighed and looked down into her cup. The rain was pouring down in sheets and battered the coffee shop windows. She shivered, still not accustomed to the dampness of the east. "I have been."
"Oh, Syd. Here I've been rambling about banging the gardener. I'm the worst. We should've kept in touch better while you were gone."
"It was hard, when I was out in the field there were a lot of places that didn't have service, and I
was in the field from sun up to sun down."
"Ugh, sounds godawful."
"Actually, it was pretty satisfying. I hated it at first, but really grew to love it."
"So, if you loved it so much, why did you come home early?"
"I got into Brankstone and dad wanted me to come home to prepare."
"Eeeeeeee," Lainey squealed. "I knew you could do it!" Lainey's smile evaporated when she saw Sydney’s face. "Wait, you don't look excited."
"I don't think that I want to be a doctor, Lainey."
"What? I've known you since we were twelve and that's all you've ever wanted."
"I thought it's what I wanted too. Turns out I couldn't differentiate my own dreams from my parents’."
"So, what do you want to do?" Lainey's brow furrowed as she gripped her mug. "I'm on the edge of my seat here."
"I want to train horses."
Syd expected a judgemental look from her friend but was only met with her perfect toothy grin. "I can see you doing that."
"Really?" Sydney was surprised. She thought for sure that Lainey was going to give her shit for not pursuing something more white collar.
"Why are you so shocked? That's when I saw you at your happiest. When you were riding those damn horses, and you even smiled when you were shoveling shit."
Sydney laughed. "So, you wouldn't judge me if I didn't go to med school?"
"Of course, not. Would you judge me if I married a gardener?"
Sydney was shocked, "It's that serious?"
Lainey grinned and pulled out her phone to present Sydney with hundreds of shirtless photos of a very handsome, very ripped young man holding various sexy items like chainsaws and hedge clippers. "I think I'm in love."
"I'm happy for you. But watch out. Men are shit."
"Whoa, Nelly. There's something that you're not telling me. I can tell from looking at you that something has changed." Lainey leaned in and whispered to Sydney, "Did you lose it?"
Sydney knew that she was referring to her virginity, but instead of playing stupid, she just whispered, "Yes."
"Do I have to go beat someone up?"
Sydney thought that she had dealt with everything on the drive home. She thought that it wasn't possible to cry any more tears, so she was shocked when her eyes betrayed her, and tears spilled down her cheeks. "I was in love."
Lainey passed Sydney a tissue and rubbed her shoulder. Sydney continued, "His name is Russ. We had a connection, or at least I thought that we did. We were going to start a training business together. We spent all summer together. He didn't pressure me into anything. As a matter of fact, we spent the first little bit hating each other."
"So, what happened?"
"My dad showed up and wanted me to leave. I refused, and he said he was going to cut me off from the family. I didn't care Lainey. I was going to give up everything, my inheritance, med school, my family, all for him."
"But your dad wouldn't let you?"
"That's the weird thing. My dad showed up and tried to make me leave. He came back to let me know that I had been accepted into Brankstone and saw Russ and me in bed together. I thought for sure he was going to drag me out of there kicking and screaming, but instead, he just left."
"Wait, he saw you in bed? With this cowboy?"
Sydney rolled her eyes, "I know. Crazy, right? But Russell stood up for me. He even tried to get my dad to change his mind and be supportive of my decision."
"The guy's got some balls then. What did he say to your dad? I mean, that man is scary as hell."
"I don't know, he ran after my dad and they had a conversation. I didn't hear what he said, but when he came back he said that my dad was adamant about me leaving."
"And you stood your ground?"
"I did. I gave it all up."
"So then, what happened?"
"It was so weird. We went to this sort of job interview, which we didn't get, and then Russ just changed his tune. We were out for dinner and he told me that I didn't belong at the ranch, and when I told him I was staying he turned into a total asshole and told me that he didn't love me and just used me to take my virginity."
"And you believed him?" Lainey leaned back in her chair, her eyes wide with the juicy details of her friend's story.
"Not at first, but then I... I..." the tears came again. Lainey scraped her chair around the table and gripped her friend in a bear hug while the tears flowed. "I saw him leave that night with a waitress."
"Fucker," she heard Lainey whisper under her breath.
"Yeah," Sydney sniveled. "Can we get out of here?"
"You got it. Where do you want to go?" They stood up and slid into their wet raincoats.
"Would you come with me to the barn?" Sydney knew that it was a tall ask. Lainey hated the way the barn smelled and complained that the stink wouldn't come out of her designer clothes even after they'd been to the cleaner.
"Sure, Syd. Anything."
"Thanks," Sydney smiled and as they walked out of the coffee shop said, "Now, tell me more about this gardener."
Chapter 34 - Russell
Russ stood in the empty cabin. The cabin that had once been his, but now smelled lightly of citrus and Sydney. He sat down on the bed and couldn't help himself, he laid down on the bed, his hungover body feeling the effects of his booze-fuelled heartbreak. He inhaled Sydney's scent on her pillow. His mind raced and within the ten minutes he spent lying on their bed, he went back and forth at least fifteen times.
He did the right thing.
He did the worst thing.
She's a big girl, he shouldn't have tried to control her life.
She has no idea how bad ranch life can be, she's better off.
Her dad doesn't actually care about her.
Her dad must care about her.
He sat up, feeling more confused than ever. The room spun, and he realized if he didn't get any food into his belly soon, he was going to be in trouble.
He made his way to the kitchen and piled his plate high with bacon and toast. Grease was usually his best friend the morning after heavy boozing. Carter was already seated at the table drinking a cup of coffee.
"No luck with the fiddle player?"
"Would you believe who showed up after you left?"
"Who?" Russ didn't have the energy or care enough to guess who might have ruined Carter's night.
"Brodie. Can you believe it?"
"So, did you two brawl it out again?"
"Nah, I let him have her." Carter sipped his coffee.
Russ knew that there was more to the story but didn't give a shit.
"So, which one of you balled Sherry? Or did you tag team her?" Carter grinned and stole a piece of bacon off Russell's plate.
Typically, Russ would ignore or even participate in the immature locker room banter, but this morning it bothered him. "Grow up," he growled.
Carter laughed. "It was Ed. I knew it."
Russell ignored the comment and took a bite of his sandwich, even though he didn't have much of an appetite.
"Heard you guys didn't get the Tiller job. That's too bad," Carter said. He stood up and cleared his plate from the table. "Word on the street is that Dakota blackballed you."
"That's the word, is it?" Russ took another bite of his sandwich, not wanting to continue the conversation.
"Wanna know what else I heard?"
"No."
Carter continued as if Russ hadn't said a word, "The rodeo is coming to Claystream."
"That so?" Russ could feel his blood start to boil.
"Yeah, and for a small town, it's got a big purse."
"How much?" Russ asked, expecting it to be a couple thousand at best. "Twenty-five grand," Carter replied, and Russ practically choked on his toast.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, Eddie and I might even try our hand at it."
Russ pushed back from the table. "What, are you two going to battle it out for last place? I've seen your riding skills. You'd be lucky to get on a bull, let alone
ride one."
Russ heard Carter mumbling in the background about practicing and being young and having big balls and holding on, but he didn't really hear what he was saying.
If he won the contest, the prize would be enough money for the training business. Sydney could come back and be where she wanted to be. He could have her back.
He knew what he had to do. Even if it might kill him.
He grabbed a paper towel from the counter to wrap the remainder of his sandwich. He rushed through the kitchen doors and ran smack dab into Mary. His sandwich went flying, bacon scattering across the linoleum floor.
“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Mary asked.
“There are a few things that I have to do,” Russ was deliberately vague.
Mary crossed her arms. “Is the first thing, picking up that bacon off my floor?”
“Yes ma’am,” Russ said and gathered up the pieces of his half-eaten sandwich and tossed them in the garbage. Mary blocked his way out of this kitchen with her linebacker body, her hands in fists on her hips.
“Now, you wouldn’t be rushing off to do somethin’ stupid would ya?”
“Course not,” Russell tried to flash her his charming smile, but Mary wasn’t having it.
“You know that falling the wrong way could kill you, or did you forget that?”
“Mind your own business, Mary.” Russ was angry, but he knew that Mary was right. After breaking his back once, even a small fall could paralyze him, or worst-case scenario, kill him instantly.
“It’s my business if this ranch loses its best ranch hand.” Mary stepped around Russ and sliced two pieces of toast and dropped them into the toaster. The early morning wind billowed the kitchen curtains. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain young lady packing up all her things and getting the heck out of Dodge faster than a bat out of hell this morning, would it?”
Russ knew that he couldn’t pull the wool over Mary’s eyes. Even though she didn’t say much, she knew exactly what was happening on the ranch.
“We can start our business with that money. We lost the Tiller job. I mean, I lost it.”