Slipping into her skintight chinos, and then laying flat on the bed, struggling with the zipper, she added, “When I was looking for my purse I saw your 38 under the seat. You know I hate those things. You need to put it back in the Love Bus, ASAP.”
Charlie pulled on his shirt that said, Nut up or shut up. “Okay, babe, will do. We need to get some money to our slumlord anyway.”
“Right, we’ll hold back $1,500. One thousand for Timmy’s mom, and some for Ron and Lily at Live Oak Springs.”
“Sounds good,” replied Charlie. “I’d feel real good about handing Ron 500 bucks and telling him the work’s on us.”
Charlie watched Denice lace up her sandals and thought to himself, even her painted toes are sexy. “Let’s take $600 down to the casino and leave the rest.”
“Okay. Lunch at Kenny Rogers’ favorite steakhouse?”
“Perfect. We’ll split $500, hold back $100 for lunch.”
Denice stood up, applying some lip gloss, and announced, “I’m ready to roll, handsome.”
Charlie did the last minute accessory check; smokes, lighter, room key, sunglasses, tip money, valet ticket, and wallet. “I’m good, got your horseshoe?”
“What do you think?”
“I think if it’s in your ass, you should know.”
“Very funny, Chuck.”
“Hey! Don’t call me Chuck.”
They took the elevator to the casino floor.
Let the games begin.
-- -- --
The phone rang in Dee-Dee’s purse and, seeing Captain light up on the caller ID, she handed it to Charlie. “For you. It’s Captain Ugly Pants.”
Charlie took her phone. “What’s up, Dickweed?”
“Any luck, Chuck? I can hear the sound of money dropping. Where you at?”
“Barona.”
“K. My sister lives in Alpine. I can you meet you there tonight.”
Charlie pulled the phone from his face, turned to Denice on the next machine. “Larry wants to talk to us at his sister’s place in Alpine.”
“I guess so.”
“Good God, I have to meet her, just to see.” Charlie brought the phone back to his ear. “Okay, Captain. Got the go-ahead from headquarters, what’s her 411?”
Captain Ugly Pants gave him her address and they agreed on 7:00 p.m. Before they hung up Charlie added, “Hey, go by Mario’s Italian restaurant and pick up a pizza. Sausage with extra cheese. Dee and I will bring the Red Trolley Ale.”
Mario’s Little Italy had the best pizza in the western hemisphere. But it was located in one of the most remote parts of California. Definitely worth the drive.
-- -- --
Larry’s sister, bless her heart, unfortunately looked like Larry’s twin, but 30 pounds heavier. All 30 of it between sagging breasts and knocked knees. Black rim librarian glasses sat atop a nose badly in need of plastic surgery, or at least putty to fill in the pores. She opened the door to her generic second floor condo and said with no amount of enthusiasm, “Hey, guys. Larry’s not here yet, come on in.”
Charlie followed her inside with two six-packs of the dark ale under one arm.
“My name is Shelley, and this good-looking stud is Johnny.”
If “stud” means five-foot-three, no neck and man boobs, then Charlie was shaking hands with one. “I’m Charlie, and this lovely young lady is my wife, Denice.”
“Enchanted, Denice,” said the troll of a man, as he took her hand.
Charlie was on the verge of busting out laughing. Enchanted? Enchanté, Mademoiselle. Who was this bozo? “Want a beer, Johnny?” asked Charlie. “How about you Shelley?”
Johnny grabbed one right out of the six-pack, put the cap to his canine teeth, and pried it off, making Charlie and Denice wince. But Shelley cocked her head to the side with admiration. It appears that scraping enamel off your teeth classifies you as a stud in Captain Ugly Pants’ family.
Larry came barreling through the door with two scrumptious-smelling pizzas, obviously hot out of the oven. “Hope you’re all hungry, these cost a fortune.”
“God, you’re a cheap bastard,” Charlie said. “I could shove a lump of Christmas coal up your ass and you’d shit out a diamond before New Year’s.”
“Good seeing you too, Chuck.” He smiled at Denice. “And how are you, Mrs. DeVille? You look lovely this evening.”
Charlie thought, Atta boy Lar, now your learnin’. Nothing teaches good manners like a good ass whooping.
Denice handed the captain a beer and said, “Thanks, Larry.” She offered a bottle of brew to Shelley.
“No, thank you,” said Shelley with a giggle. “Johnny bought wine.”
Denice figured the box was in the fridge. She thought it’d take at least two liters thru a spigot to make Johnny look like a stud. “Nice touch,” said Denice tightly.
“Thank you,” answered Johnny from the kitchen, not realizing Denice was being facetious.
Everyone sat in the living room, two pizzas on the coffee table, lids up and with paper plates and cold beer.
“I want to talk to you guys about runnin’ again,” started Larry.
“I’m listening.”
“I don’t want to keep filling my garage. Wiley, that’s the coyote, he’s got people stashed in the rocks above the school waitin’, and another load coming to the fence. I gotta tell Ramona how many I can move. Ya feel me?”
Charlie looked at Larry with a pained expression. “You been hanging out on Euclid Avenue, Larry? Don’t ever ask me to feel you again.”
“Right. Sorry. Um, anyway, let’s come up with a plan.”
“Do you golf?” asked Charlie.
“Huh?”
“Dang it, Charlie, be serious,” interjected Denice. “Larry’s right. We need a game plan.”
“The Captain’s got methlexia, he can barely generate a brain wave, much less a working plan, Pumkin.”
You could smell rags burning as Larry mulled that over. It was too much for him to process, so he just skipped over it and asked, “Are you guys up for this or what? I need to know.”
Charlie and Denice looked at each other. She saw the quirky little smile on the corner of her husband’s mouth.
“We’re in, balls deep,” confirmed Charlie.
“Cool,” Larry responded evenly.
“But let’s be smart about this and rent a vehicle,” Denice added.
“In whose name?” Charlie asked.
“Let me handle that,” offered Larry. “I’ll hook it up at the casino. But it’ll cost us 40 or 50 bucks.”
“Fine,” answered Charlie. And then in a surprising moment of mental clarity, Larry added this little gem, “My daddy told me if you sail it, drive it, fly it, or fuck it...rent it.”
It was at that exact moment that the stud, Johnny Rotten, asked, “Anybody got a handgun for sale?”
That shut conversation down completely. Everyone in the room was trying to figure out where that came from and why.
Thinking that Mr. Man Boobs felt left out of the conversation in front of his “Shelley Belly,” Charlie answered, “I do.”
“For reals?”
“Yeah, stud, for reals. Real bullets. Real holster. Real snub nose, the whole shebang.”
“How much?”
“Four hundred, cash,” Charlie quickly replied.
“It’s a deal, when can I take delivery?”
“I’ll have it delivered UPS.”
“Righty-oh,” Johnny said.
Denice giggled.
Charlie pondered, Jesus, who is this clown?
-- -- --
The rented Suburban was parked in the Viejas Casino parking lot, gassed up and ready to roll. Denice jumped out of the K-5 and into the huge S
UV. It was top-of-the-line with three rows of leather seats and that new car smell. Denice adjusted the seat, reached in her purse, pulled out her favorite CD, and lit a smoke. Following Charlie back to home base, her thumbs tapped out a beat on the huge wheel to The Uninvited.
FREE FIRE KILLING ZONE
Chapter 10
Back at the fence, Edgar Escobar Sanchez a.k.a. Wiley Coyote addressed the group, “Listen up. You follow me in a single file line, always.” He pointed at the biggest man and said, “You bring up the rear. Don’t let anyone stop to rest until I say rest.”
“Si, señor.”
“The trick is my friends, to watch the feet in front of you and step in their tracks. If you trip, fall, or get hurt, we leave you where you sit. Comprende?”
Nervous eyes looked around at each other. The coyote instructed them, “If I lay down, you lay down. No talking at all. Only listening and only to me.” The group nodded in agreement. “Do not ask for water. I have only two canteens. I will give you water when I say it’s time.” Some looked at the ground, most already thirsty from Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride in Camacho’s Bronco.
Wiley continued, “Pay attention, amigos. It is a matter of survival. If you fall behind, your chances are slim to none. People die out here. It’s freezing cold at night and hot as hell in the day. There are no landmarks, and plenty of gringos looking to steal the money you have in your shoes.”
That was just an added bonus to the gauntlet run by these people. As in all places in this cruel world, there are predators looking for the weak. The stragglers, they have the advantage of fear on their side. Robbing illegals is a major problem in this line of work, and especially in Wiley’s job. That’s why Wiley carries a 9-mm Beretta with a 14-round clip as a side arm. Should you come across him and his charges in the high desert, your best option is to hide or turn and run. Wiley Coyote is much like a rattlesnake – silent and deadly. If you provoke him you end up feeding real coyotes, perishing in the desert.
“We should be in the town of Jacumba before daylight. We’ll hide out until your ride comes to take you to the City of Angels. No rest till I do. Do you understand?”
They all looked at their shoes and nodded in the affirmative. Wiley turned around, faced north and walked a fast pace into the dark desert landscape.
-- -- --
Denice followed Charlie into town. After meeting Timmy’s mom and giving her half of what they owed, she kindly removed the huge lock on Charlie and Denice’s home base. Charlie pulled the K-5 into the building and shut off the engine. Denice pulled down the rollup door and went to the Love Bus to get some clothes. She then went to the mountain of carefully packed boxes along the wall for luggage and jackets, boots and more crap than they would need for an expedition to Mount Everest.
Charlie packed the rental with two-way radios, cell phone chargers, as well as some man stuff like a Taser, lighter fluid, and black shoe polish. Denice packed four suitcases, and stood holding four pillows and two blankets. Charlie could barely see her face.
“Jesus, babe, they have stuff at hotels.”
“Not my blankee, and these are feathered goose down, people drool on hotel pillows, honey.” Like Charlie should’ve figured that out.
“Two pillows and one blanket, blankee, whatever.”
She stomped her left foot like a petulant child. “You’re sleeping on the drooled ones, Charlie DeVille.”
Must’ve pissed her off, Charlie mused. She only uses last names when she’s mad.
Charlie strapped luggage to the rack atop the Suburban for that family vacation look. After Denice was completely satisfied, and she had twice as much crap as they needed, she called Larry.
“Larry’s Bar, poker in front and liquor in the rear,” answered Larry smugly.
”Oh my God, you’re disgusting, Larry,” Denice replied. She handed the phone to her husband with two fingers like it had herpes.
“Good one, Lar’,” said Charlie into the cell phone. “You’re battin’ a thousand.”
“Sorry, Chuck, I thought it was you, man.”
“She’ll get over it. I think,” Charlie smiled at Denice. “So Captain Ugly Pants, you’ve got our marching orders, right? We’re ready like Freddie.”
Larry was tangibly excited. “Man, we’re good. We’re set. Meet me at the Golden Acorn.”
“Roger dodger, over and out.” Charlie handed the phone back to Denice, who replied with a mystified, “Roger dodger? When did you join the geek squad?”
“That’s old army stuff. My dad was in a tank platoon, he said stuff like that.”
“Well, if that’s a quote from Big Daddy DeVille I’ll accept it. But don’t say it again.”
“Since when have you succeeded in monitoring my mouth?”
They pulled into the truck stop side of the casino parking area, near the gas pumps. Lots of outdoor cameras to protect the big rig drivers who always left their trucks running.
They found Larry on a carousel of triple diamond machines and took a seat on each side of him for a little pow-wow. Denice put in a twenty, bet two dollars, pulled the handle. Triple bar, triple bar, and a diamond. Bam. Three hundred dollars. Charlie made a horse noise, blowing air through his lips like a huge fart, and said a little too loudly, “Horseshoe, baby. Horseshoe.”
Larry shook his head saying, “I was just on that machine.”
“Thanks for loading it, Captain. Atta girl, baby doll.”
Denice wiggled her butt, smiled at the boys and pulled the one-armed bandit again.
Larry said, “Okay, it’s looking like first thing in the morning at 5:00 a.m., shift change. You’ll get a page here at the Acorn. They’ll say ‘Go’ and you’ll pull into the elementary school. You know where the Bridge of Sighs is?”
“No, not really,” admitted Charlie.
“You know where that little cement bridge with the little arches in it is?”
“Yeah, right before the post office.”
“That’s the one. When crossing it, flash your headlights three times. Wiley will hit ya on the radio with the number of people and if they’re ready. You don’t hear him, don’t stop just drive through town past the airstrip, turn around, come back on Interstate 8 to the Acorn, and we’ll try again. But don’t trip. This goes down smooth almost every time.”
Charlie processed this information quickly. “Cool,” and pulled the slot machine’s handle.
It was just about dinnertime and, thanks to Denice, they were flush with cash.
“What do ya say we head down to Live Oak and make Ron’s day?”
Denice replied, “Excellent idea, I’m starving.”
They arrived at the restaurant, greeted by smiles and the smell of rib-eye steaks mixed with Lily’s perfume. Ron and Charlie shook hands, and Denice and Lily hugged and touched cheeks like movie stars do. All very hip.
Charlie reached into his inside jacket pocket and pulled out five one-hundred-dollar bills and an unopened box of regular Kotex tampons. He gave the bills to Ron and the box to Lily. It was one of those Kodak moments. Ron stood there with money in hand, not believing someone had actually returned his kindness.
Lily was red-faced and lost for words.
Charlie broke the ice. “Could we get a steak here for that?” pointing to Ron’s hand.
Ron shook himself out of his reverie and said, “You bet your ass. But Charlie, this is way too much. What about all the work you’ve done?”
“Look, that was on us, brother. Help to support the resort. And the big picture, the family business.”
Charlie did not call anyone brother without deep respect. Denice was a little shocked he had use that word, having only known these folks less than two weeks.
Lily put her hand on Charlie’s arm and one on Denice’s shoulder and said, “Bless your hearts. I just kne
w we’d be fast friends. I told Ron the day we met, you would not be like the others.”
Ron choked up. Charlie was lost for words and not trusting his voice.
Sensing her man on the verge of an emotional moment, Denice came to the rescue. “Let’s party!” she announced. “I’m buying the first bottle.”
“Well, we are kind of slow right now,” Ron said while looking around at the empty tables.
“A bottle of your best wine and four glasses, sir.” Charlie shouted.
The fire crackled, the wine was superb, and the conversation was even better. The steaks arrived, medium rare, and were consumed with the avarice of true carnivores.
The place started to fill, so Ron and Lily had to take their places as proprietors, which left Charlie and Denice to share a candlelit table and a slice of homemade Boston cream pie.
“I’m stuffed,” said Charlie. “That was a meal fit for a king.”
“It’s nappy time,” replied Denice. “Let’s go park and catch a few winks before it’s time to run.”
“Okay, baby, I’ll pull up to the truck stop. We’ll sleep there.”
“Sounds good, let’s say goodbye to Ron and Lily.” Denice left a fifty spot on the table knowing they could not pay for their meal after having already given them the five hundred.
They hugged their new friends and promised to see them soon. On the way out Charlie said, “Probably be needin’ a cabin in a couple of days.”
“Your credits are good here, my friend.”
“Roger that.”
Denice looked at him askew and murmured, “Roger that? What is with you today?”
-- -- --
“Mr. DeVille to the white paging phone. Mr. DeVille, white paging phone,” a disembodied voice cried out of the sound system.
“It’s go time,” Denice said.
Charlie went to the four phones on the wall across from the café. He picked up the white one. The woman’s voice on the other end said,“Mr. Charlie DeVille?”
“This is Charlie.”
Jacumba Connection Page 7