“From your expression, I can tell you admire that.”
I considered. “I do, but I don’t like the thoughts she has about herself sometimes. About not being enough.”
“Do you tell her that?”
“Yeah. I wish she could look at me and know I’m telling the truth when I say she’s beautiful and perfect, but”—I shrugged—“I guess it’ll take time to undo the damage her ex did.”
“There aren’t many people out there who have no insecurities.”
“Just Kanye and Trump,” I quipped, arching my brows.
Gary laughed. “Can’t argue with either of those.”
I shifted, trying to get comfortable on the couch. “There was another thing that happened since I was here.”
“Sure, let’s hear it.”
I slumped forward and put my elbows on my spread knees. “My dad called the other night.”
My wait for Gary to prod me on with a question turned up nothing. He just looked at me, waiting for more information. I scrubbed my hands over my face and continued. “He’s a deadbeat loser. Only calls me when he wants money.”
“Do you ever give him money?”
“I used to, back when I didn’t have much myself. I’d give him twenty bucks if I had it. This was back when I was in high school. But then I cut all ties with him.”
“It can’t feel good for your father to only call when he wants money.”
I shrugged. “Like I said, he’s a fuckin’ deadbeat. I expect nothing more of him. But the other night, when he called . . . Joss was there.”
“I see. And what was that like for you?”
“It was . . .” I shook my head. “I don’t know. Not great, obviously.”
“Why?”
I shot a pissed-off look at Gary, and he put a hand up.
“Look, I get why, but I want to hear it in your words. Just try to describe your feelings if you can.”
“Because it’s fucking embarrassing,” I said, an edge in my tone. “From everything she’s told me about her family, they sound like normal people. Nice people who care about her. And all I’ve got is this drunken loser who doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”
“How did Joss react when he called?”
I shook my head. “She was good about it. But I don’t want her to pity me.”
“Do you think she does?”
“Most people seem to, yeah. My dad’s a real piece of work. He sold my baseball card collection for drinking money when I was fourteen.”
“Do you resent him?”
“I guess so.” I looked up and met Gary’s knowing gaze. “I try not to dwell on it. As soon as I was old enough, I got the hell away from him. Made my own way in the world. I guess what I really resent is that he won’t just leave me alone.”
“Have you told him that?” Gary asked the question like it was the answer I’d been unable to come up with on my own.
I laughed, but there was no trace of humor. “Yeah, only every time he contacts me.”
“So if I’m hearing you right, you’re mostly concerned that Joss overheard the conversation with your father.”
“Right.”
“Do you think she judges you because of the way your father is?”
“No, but eventually she’ll realize this is all he’s ever going to be.” I hung my head, unable to meet Gary’s gaze. “And that he’s never gonna stop calling. And that . . . I’m weak for not blocking his number because I don’t want to miss his call if he’s really sick or dying. Surely she’d judge me if she knew . . . some small part of me still loves him.”
My throat was tight with emotion. Gary gave me a few seconds to get myself together.
“And are you ashamed of that?” he asked softly.
I scoffed. “Yeah, you could say that. How fucked up is it to still love someone who only calls when he’s broke and wants money?”
“It’s not fucked up at all. Surely there are some good memories.”
“A few. Not many, though. He really is a loser.”
“And do you feel like that reflects on you?”
I sighed heavily. “I don’t know. I guess I know it doesn’t, but still . . . I’ve been thinking that if Joss and I ever get married, I won’t have any family at the wedding. Her family might think that’s weird, that I have no one.”
“How would she feel about it? Joss?”
“She wouldn’t care.”
“Could you discuss your concerns with her?”
I gave him a half smile. “Maybe.”
“Why maybe?” He arched his brows with amusement.
I rubbed a hand over my scruffy jawline. “Because what if I bring up me not having any family at our wedding and she thinks I’m crazy for thinking about marriage after only a few months?”
“Have you guys ever had a conversation about the future?”
“Not in so many words. We’ve talked about kids, though.”
“And what does she say on that?”
“She wants ’em.”
“And you?”
I gave Gary a sheepish look. “I’m concerned about the kind of father I’d be. Shitty example from my own dad and all. Joss and I had a falling out about it a while back. Over the weekend she told me that whether I want kids or not, she chooses me.”
Gary’s expression softened. “How did that feel?”
“Really good. I’m not sure I deserve that, but it felt really good.”
“Talk to her, Carson. The more you do it, the easier it gets.”
I considered. “Yeah, okay. I think we need some time to just enjoy each other now that we’re back together, with no drama or problems for a while. But I will.”
Gary looked satisfied. I knew he was right, but I wasn’t quite ready to tell Joss there was a part of me that still loved my dad. I’d only recently been able to admit it to myself.
For a guy who prided himself on being strong, that made me feel weak, and I didn’t want Joss to see that side of me. And I didn’t think my mind would change in a couple of weeks’ time.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Joss
The sudden warmth on my chest could not be good. I glanced down at the German shepherd puppy in my arms.
“Really? You just peed ten minutes ago.”
She looked up at me, then licked my chin.
“You’re lucky you’re cute,” I muttered as I found the key to Carson’s apartment on my keychain.
As soon as I stepped inside and relocked the door, I set the puppy down and went into Carson’s bedroom to find myself a dry T-shirt. I grabbed the first one I saw in a pile of folded laundry, which was a faded gray army football shirt.
I’d just gotten the shirt on and put my wet one in the laundry when I heard a high-pitched yipping. When I got out to Carson’s living room, the puppy was pawing at a lamp cord.
Laughing, I scooped her into my arms. “I think he’s gonna love you. What are we gonna call you, though, little lady?”
Since Carson had mentioned wanting a German shepherd, I’d been thinking about surprising him with one. When he’d left my place this morning to go to the gym, I’d gone to pick the puppy up. I’d had a story prepared about meeting Hattie for brunch and shopping, and then I hadn’t even needed it.
The supplies had been stashed in my trunk for a couple of days—food, a leash, a crate, and several toys and chew bones. I’d gone a little crazy shopping, picking up several cute blankets and collars, too. It had given me a little baby fever, as did cradling the soft, warm puppy in my arms right now.
From the text Carson had sent me forty-five minutes ago, I knew he’d be home any minute now. He’d gone grocery shopping so he could cook me dinner tonight.
I sat down on the couch with the pup and snuggled her. She was wiggly and full of energy. We’d have to walk her daily. I’d already thought it through. When we got home from work in the morning, it would be the perfect time to walk her.
Even though I was sure Carson would be happy about the dog, I
was still nervous. I was hoping she could be “our” dog, not just his, and I wanted him to want that, too. Had I been wrong to make this big decision without asking him first?
The puppy wanted to play, so I put her on the floor and looked for something to entertain her. Within a few seconds, she’d pounced on a pair of Carson’s shoes, dragging one across the floor by the shoestrings.
“You little troublemaker.” I laughed and tugged the shoe away.
She immediately went for the other one, and I scooped her back into my arms. I was about to take her into the bathroom with me so I could pee without worrying about what she’d get into when three sharp knocks sounded on the door.
The puppy gave a high bark, her tail swishing with excitement.
I furrowed my brow, trying to decide if I should answer it. Since I didn’t live here, it definitely wasn’t someone looking for me. But I figured I could pass a message on to Carson.
Maybe it was Carson, knocking because his arms were full of groceries and he couldn’t open the door. I cradled the puppy in one arm, unlocked the door, and opened it.
A handsome middle-aged man grinned at me. He was tall, his dark hair speckled with silver. When he pulled off his sunglasses, I saw that his eyes looked older than the rest of him. He had dark circles beneath his bloodshot eyes, and the corners were creased with crow’s feet.
“Hi there,” he said, giving me a long once-over. “Carson around?”
“No, but he’ll be back any minute.”
The puppy barked happily, and the man reached out to rub her head. He smiled at me again. “You his girl?”
“I am. Can I give him a message?”
“I’ll just wait.”
I shifted my weight to my other hip, uncomfortable with that idea.
“Is he expecting you?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Not really. I’m his father, though, so I’m sure he’ll want to see me.” He flashed another charming grin at me, then extended his hand. “Josh Stephens.”
My discomfort turned into anger as that set in. Who the hell did he think he was, showing up here? Carson had been clear on the phone the other night.
“What’s your name, darlin’?” he asked.
“You need to leave.”
He balked at that, knitting his brows together in confusion. “I don’t think that’s your call to make. Why don’t I just come in and—”
“Why don’t you get the hell out of here instead?” I clutched the puppy tighter. “He doesn’t want to see you. He’s not giving you money.”
Josh narrowed his eyes. “That’s between me and him.”
Fear tingled down my spine. I was pissing him off, which probably wasn’t wise. If he pushed past me to get into the apartment, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
But my anger was stronger than my fear. I couldn’t forget the look on Carson’s face the other night when his father called or the hurt in his voice as he’d told me about him.
“He’s a good man,” I said, holding Josh’s gaze. “Nothing like you. I love him, and we’re happy. If you want to finally do something nice for him, leave him alone.”
“Listen here,” Josh said gruffly. “I care about my son. I’m not—”
I cut in. “Are you here to ask him for money?”
Our eyes remained locked as a few seconds of silence passed.
“Yes or no?” I asked sharply.
He exhaled deeply. “I don’t know who you think you are, but—”
“I’ll clear it up, then. I’m his partner in life. The woman who loves him more than anything. I’d walk into traffic for him. I’d give him anything he needed. His happiness means everything to me. And he’d do the same for me. That’s not who I think I am; it’s who I am.”
Tension crackled in the air between us for a few seconds.
“You want me to go, huh?” he finally said.
“I think I made it pretty clear.”
He shook his head. “Damn, you’re a spitfire.”
“Go. I won’t mention to him that you were here.”
“I’ll consider it.” Josh gave me a calculating smile. “But what are you gonna give me to get rid of me?”
My cheeks flushed with indignation. “What will I give you? I’m not giving you a damn thing. Get the hell out of here, or I’m calling the police.”
The puppy wiggled in my arms, and I adjusted her. Josh scoffed and rubbed his scruffy chin.
“And tellin’ ’em what, exactly? That I came to see my son and you don’t want me to? You don’t live here, Jocelyn.”
I scowled at him. “How do you know my name?”
“I still know some of Carson’s old friends. I’ve heard about you. My son’s hot doctor girlfriend. You can sure as hell afford to make me go away if you want to.”
This guy was a piece of work, just as Carson had said. I was too disgusted to look at him any longer.
“Fine, stay,” I said, putting a hand on the door to close it. “But he’s gonna tell you the same thing I did when he gets here.”
Josh put his palm on the front of the door, preventing me from closing it. My heart raced with fear, but I tried not to let it show.
“A few hundred bucks, and I’ll be gone,” he said in a low tone.
“Go to hell.”
He pushed on the door, and I braced myself, preparing to put down the puppy and fight him as best I could if needed. But a dark figure descended on him, shoving him out of the doorway.
“Get away from her.”
It was Carson, his gaze dark and his tone furious as he shoved his father’s back against the outside wall of his apartment.
“Come on.” Josh put his hands in the air, his breathing hard. “I came a long way. At least let your old man in for a drink.”
“You’re a real piece of shit.” Carson shook his head and leaned closer to him. “Don’t you ever come near her again. Not ever. You don’t get to look at her or speak to her or even be in the same room with her.”
Josh scoffed. “This hotshot doctor got you thinkin’ you’re hot shit, too, boy? You ain’t nothin’.”
“I’m more than you ever were.” Carson’s tone was laced with bitterness. “Now fuck off and be glad I got here before you got any closer to her.”
Carson met my gaze then, and I stepped back from the doorway so he could walk through it. He closed the door behind him, locked it, and leaned his back against it, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly.
He opened his eyes. “For what, babe? You were great.”
“That he’s here. That it bothers you. He doesn’t deserve you for a son.”
His shoulders fell as he relaxed. “Thanks. I’m more bothered by seeing him try to come in here than anything.” He lowered his brows in question. “Whose dog is that?”
“Oh.” I looked down at the squirming puppy in my arms. “Surprise,” I said weakly.
“For me?” His expression softened. “You got me a dog?”
“Yeah. Or . . . I got us a dog, I guess. I want to help you with her. We can keep her at my place or yours, whichever you want, and just stay there after work.”
He stepped closer to me and took my face in his hands, kissing me gently. “Thank you, Joss.”
The love and gratitude in his tone warmed me from head to toe. “You’re welcome.” I smiled against his lips. “And . . . it’s a girl!”
He pulled back to get a look at the pup, grinning. “She’s a beauty.”
I passed her into his arms, rolling my eyes at the wet spot on the T-shirt I was wearing.
“I’m gonna go change . . . again,” I said.
Carson laughed softly. “I’ll take her out to potty in a minute.”
He probably wanted to make sure his father was gone before going outside again. I didn’t blame him.
I grabbed the top T-shirt from the stack of clean ones on his dresser, and as I changed into it, I heard him cooing softly to the dog. This was the guy
who wasn’t sure he’d be a good dad?
I’d meant what I said to Carson’s father. Every word. Carson was nothing like him, and he was my everything. Even if our little family was only me, him, and our new puppy, it was that to me—my family. And there was nothing I wouldn’t do to protect it.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Carson
I sighed heavily, ruffling the puppy’s thick black-and-brown coat. Joss was in the bedroom changing, and I was grateful for a minute alone to sort out my feelings.
I’d been listening to the conversation between her and my father for longer than she realized. I’d meant to jump in immediately, but hearing her stand up for me like that . . . I’d been frozen in place, mesmerized by how strong and fierce she’d sounded.
She was fearless. And completely in love with me. I couldn’t wrap my mind around how lucky I was to be with her. The emotion in her tone as she’d told my father I was her everything was the same way I felt about her.
My entire life, I’d never had someone devote themself to me this way. To choose me above all others and love me with their whole heart. And scared as I was of losing Joss, I was more afraid of not taking what she was offering me and giving her the same in return.
She walked back into the living room wearing one of my old T-shirts, her hair pulled up in a ponytail. No matter how many times I looked at her, I was still struck by how beautiful she was on a daily basis.
“Did you get groceries?” she asked me, sitting down on the couch.
“Yeah, they’re in the car.” I left the pup to roam and sat down next to her. “I saw my dad outside the door as I parked and got out of the car without even thinking about the groceries.”
She took my hand. “How are you? It must’ve been hard to see him here.”
I nodded. “Yeah. He’s been here before, trying to bum money. But seeing him near you—that was hard. And finding out my buddies have been telling him about my life fucking sucks, too.”
“Do they know how it is between the two of you?”
“Yeah. I’ve only got a couple of good friends from high school, and they know all about my dad.”
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