Yet she knew the best thing she could do right now was to stay busy. Keep her mind occupied.
“The office,” she said with an affirmative nod. “I need to work.”
Because, otherwise, she might be a little too tempted to pick up another drink right now. But taking steps backward was not on her agenda.
Ryan knew it wasn’t his place to investigate what was going on here in Fog Lake. He had more than enough to do here at the station as he adjusted to being fire chief. Things like looking at the budget for next year.
Even as he went about his tasks, he still couldn’t help but think about the whole situation around Ansley.
Could she be a target here?
Ryan didn’t know, but he didn’t like the thought of it. However, the possibility was a definite one.
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t drawn to the woman. He didn’t even know why. Sure, Ansley was beautiful. Gorgeous, for that matter. But it was more than that.
He saw something in her eyes that reminded him of himself. It was a certain brokenness, he supposed. Whatever it was, he wanted to get to the bottom of that mystery, to figure out what was going on in Ansley’s head.
Stay away, Ryan.
The internal warning wasn’t lost on him. He carried a lot of baggage. Pursuing a relationship? It wasn’t the best idea. Not while he still had his own demons haunting him.
Would those demons ever go away? He didn’t know. Sometimes, it felt like they’d become a permanent part of his life—like some people had bad knees or asthma.
He closed his office door and put in a call to his contact two counties over.
“Bill, it’s Ryan Philips in Fog Lake. I was hoping to get an update on the fire situation. You guys doing okay?”
“We have the blaze contained right now, but it’s already burned nearly five hundred acres. As long as the wind doesn’t shift, we feel like we’ll be able to handle the situation.”
“Then I’ll pray the wind doesn’t shift.”
“While you’re at it, pray for some rain.”
“I can do that.” Ryan leaned back in his chair and took a sip of coffee. “You let me know if you need us to send any men that way. People around here . . . they’re anxious to help.”
“I know, and I appreciate that. We’re keeping you guys on backup, in case we need fresh manpower.” Bill paused. “Look, I have a friend back in Philly. I mentioned your name last time we spoke.”
Ryan’s spine tightened. “Did you?”
“He told me what happened in Philly in that apartment fire. I just want to let you know I’m sorry.”
Ryan’s throat burned. “I appreciate that.”
“I’m glad you didn’t walk away. I know a lot of good men who would have.”
“Thanks, Bill.” Ryan cleared his throat, not wanting to talk about this anymore. “Check in with me, okay? We’re just waiting for the word to help.”
“Will do.”
As Ryan ended the call, his jaw clenched.
Philly . . . what had happened there was the last thing he wanted to think about. In fact, Ryan had come here hoping he would forget. Now he needed to hope that might still be the case.
He’d lived under guilt for so long that he’d nearly forgotten what it was like to live free.
He needed a fresh start. But the one thing he didn’t know was whether or not he deserved one.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ansley’s head pounded. She’d only made it through about one-fourth of the files that needed to be sorted, and her body ached from being bent over all day. She glanced at her watch. It was past lunchtime but before dinner. Still, she needed a snack or something. Maybe to stretch her legs. Get some fresh air. Everything sounded good right now.
She stood, her muscles tight and her body still sore. She tried not to wince or show her pain. The accident could have been so much worse, yet her body still reminded her that it had happened. In fact, her muscles wouldn’t let her forget.
She needed to tell Ryan that she was stepping out for a minute, just so he didn’t get worried. But as she went to knock on his cracked door, his voice floated out on the other side.
“I understand,” he murmured, his tone soft. “I know how hard this is.”
Her curiosity spiked. She knew she should knock. That she should move and not be so nosy, but something kept her rooted where she was.
“Thanks,” Ryan continued. “I love you too.”
Love you too?
Interesting. Was he talking to his parents? Or had he left someone he loved back in Philly?
The thought of it caused an unknown emotion to clutch Ansley’s chest. Was that jealousy?
No, it couldn’t be. She had no right to feel jealous. Ryan Philips had always made it very clear he was off limits.
She knocked at his door, and Ryan sat up straighter in his seat when he saw her. “Ansley, everything okay?”
Ansley nodded. “I’m going to get some fresh air. I thought I should let you know. Trying to be a team player and all.”
“Want company?”
Did she want company? Ansley couldn’t deny that the idea of Ryan joining her was intriguing. Finally, she nodded and figured it couldn’t hurt. “Yeah, I’d love some.”
He grabbed his radio and phone, and then joined her in the hallway.
She was all too aware of his presence beside her as they stepped onto the sidewalk. Why was it that she seemed to feel his presence, even if they weren’t touching?
He’d always been like that. Once, when she was ten, her dog Maggie had wandered away from home. She’d been in tears when Ryan had shown up at her place to play basketball with Jaxon—who hadn’t gotten home from an afterschool meeting yet.
Ryan had gone with her all over the woods to search for Maggie. It had taken three hours, but they’d finally found the dog down by the creek.
Ryan had carried Maggie home and helped give her a bath before calling it a night.
Back in the present, Ansley glanced around town. The good news was that the day was nearly perfect—if one could forget about the deadly incidents happening around town. The temperature had peaked in the mid-sixties, the air felt fresh with a northerly wind, and the sunshine brightened everything around them.
Ansley had worn her favorite jeans, a black-and-white flannel top, and she carried a black leather moto jacket, just in case it turned chilly later. In the evenings, the temperatures already dipped down just low enough to cause frost.
“How do you like being back here?” Ansley asked Ryan as they paced away from the station at a leisurely stroll, her boots clicking against the cement beneath her.
“It hasn’t been boring.”
That was one way to avoid an answer. “No, it’s not boring. But I’m sure Philly was even less boring.”
“There were definitely a lot of calls there—lots of adrenaline rushes. But the quieter pace here will be nice—whenever I find that pace. Not yet.”
Ansley’s lips tugged at the corner. “It’s funny how some come back to this area—people who seemed like they were leaving for good.”
“There’s something about home . . . nothing compares to it.” He glanced at her. “You ever been tempted to leave?”
Ansley shook her head. “No. My brothers would never admit it, but I think they need me here. I mean, Luke and Boone are coupled off now, but, for the longest time, we only had each other.”
“I’m sorry about your dad.” Ryan’s tone held compassion, an understanding that only people who’d grieved could know.
“Thank you. He was a great man. I miss him every day.” Ansley glanced at him. “You, on the other hand, did leave Fog Lake. Why did you leave? Was it the thrill of the big city?”
A shadow crossed his gaze. “I actually moved to Philly to be with my college girlfriend.”
“The blonde leggy woman?” Ansley could picture her clearly.
Ryan grinned. “Bernice? Yes, she was the one. I figured we’d get married.”
“I owe you?” Ryan chuckled. You’re a piece of work.” His smile faded. “I thought I wanted the thrill of living in a big city. And I loved it, at first. But I realized I was using the excitement to fuel my adrenaline rushes. Bernice called me out on it. Told me I needed to straighten up.”
Ansley’s throat tightened. This wasn’t what she’d expected him to say. “And?”
“And I continued to live life in the fast lane. There didn’t seem to be any harm to it. I moved up in rank. I was doing well. But I kept pushing myself. Bernice finally gave me an ultimatum. I give up the thrills or I give up her.”
“You gave her up?”
He frowned. “It’s a long story, but we broke up. I had to learn through the school of hard knocks what was important in life.”
What did that mean? What was his story?
They paused at the edge of town, right where some houses met the municipality. Ryan pointed at one of the homes in the distance and expertly changed the subject before Ansley could ask any more questions.
“What’s the story behind that stairway?”
Ansley followed his gaze and smiled. The stairway was probably forty feet tall, and the construction of it must have cost thousands. Yet a small modular home sat out front on the property. The two pieces didn’t seem to match.
She shoved her hands into her jean pockets and stared at the property. “Mr. Fitz actually built that himself. It took him almost ten years.”
“Wait . . . Mr. Fitz? Didn’t he teach high school chemistry?”
“He’s the one. He probably started on this project before you left. Only, back then, it looked normal. At twenty feet high, people begin to take notice.”
Ryan’s gaze went to the stairway. “I’d say so. Where does it go?”
The top of the staircase seemed to disappear into the trees on the steep incline.
“At the end of the staircase, there’s a little platform where you can see the town.” Ansley paused. “The story is that when Mr. and Mrs. Fitz were married, she really wanted a house with a view. And he promised her one.”
“What mama wants, mama gets . . .”
“Well . . . after thirty years of marriage, the finances still weren’t there. However, the couple owned this great piece of land that backs up to the mountainside. Maybe Mr. Fitz didn’t have the money to buy a new house, but he had the money to give his wife a view she’d always wanted, he realized. He worked every free minute to build that staircase so she could climb it and finally have her house with a view.”
“That’s a really cool story.” Ryan glanced at the stairway again, as if processing just how much work that had included.
“Isn’t it? It’s one of my favorites. It always reminds me that I should wait for a man who’s willing to build me a staircase.”
His gaze went back to her. “I’m sure you already have a long line of men who would do that for you.”
Ansley shrugged, suddenly feeling self-conscious, even though she had no idea why. She hadn’t meant to be so vulnerable. “You might be surprised.”
Ryan tilted his head, not bothering to hide his doubt.
“Look, I’m a lot to handle.” There was no need to skirt around the truth. “It doesn’t matter if I have ten of the wrong men lined up to try to impress me. I just need one who counts.”
Ryan’s gaze caught hers. “Well . . . I’m sure you’ll find him one day.”
Her cheeks heated as she remembered Ryan’s rejection all those years ago. Why did that memory keep surfacing? Probably because it had been one of the most humiliating experiences of her life.
“Most guys think I’m the fun girl they want to date. I’m not the one anyone wants to commit to, though.”
“Maybe they don’t know what they’re missing then.”
Her cheeks heated even more. Why had she even started talking about any of this? It had been a bad idea.
“I guess we should keep walking,” Ansley finally said. She hadn’t planned on having a heart-to-heart with Ryan.
“I guess so.”
They walked another block and started back toward town. The sidewalks were more crowded here as tourists flitted in and out of stores. Various photo opportunities featuring haybales and scarecrows and cute cartoon-like bears had been set up on the street corners, and people stopped to take pictures. The scent from a nearby steakhouse drifted across the street.
As Ansley tried to step around a family with two small kids, she nearly collided with someone.
She sucked in a breath when she looked up and spotted the person in front of her. “Mom?”
Tension threaded between Ryan’s shoulders as he watched the interaction. He could feel the friction coming in waves off the two women.
He knew painful history stretched between them, but he didn’t know the details. As the two women stared at each other, he braced himself for what might turn into an ugly situation.
“How are you, Ansley?” Ansley’s mom pushed a dark hair behind her ear.
The woman was probably in her late fifties, but she still looked good. Elise kept herself thin and fit. Her hair hung neatly to her shoulders. Very few wrinkles lined her skin.
It was clear whom Ansley had gotten her good looks from.
“Fine.” Any friendliness left Ansley’s voice as her entire body remained stiff. “And you?”
Her mom shifted her shopping bag into her other hand. “I’m doing well. You’re looking good.”
“Thank you.” Ansley opened her mouth again, as if to return the compliment, but then shut it again.
“I heard about what happened on the zipline. Danny showed me the video online.” Her mom’s face scrunched as if her emotions tormented her. She started to reach for Ansley but stopped herself, dropping her hand to her side. “I was so worried.”
Ansley said nothing, but her expression clearly said she didn’t buy it. A guarded, cold look crossed her gaze, and her muscles stiffened. After a moment of silence, Elise opened her mouth. Shut it again. Frowned.
“You know, I’d love to catch up with you sometime, Ansley. I miss you so much.” Her mother’s wide eyes implored her.
Ansley’s nostrils flared, and Ryan could see the bitterness building inside her. He reached for her elbow, ready to pull her away before the situation turned ugly.
Before he could, someone else stepped from the gourmet popcorn store.
Tommy Axon. Her mother’s husband. Danny’s father.
Wife stealer. Raiser of bullies. At least, that had to be how Ansley perceived the man. Even without saying the words, Ryan could understand her feelings.
Tommy took Elise’s hand and nodded at Ansley. There was no need for words, Ryan would imagine. Everyone understood that Ansley couldn’t stand either of them.
Before any more awkward conversation could follow, Tommy pulled Elise away, leaving Ryan and Ansley standing there in silence.
Ryan glanced at Ansley. She still looked shocked—and angry—as she stared off after them. Her brokenness—her cracks—showed in her eyes. All the hurts from her childhood. The bitterness that had taken years to develop.
“Do you need to sit down?” Ryan touched Ansley’s elbow.
“No, I’m fine.” However, Ansley didn’t sound fine. Her voice sounded just as hard as her eyes looked.
Memories flooded Ryan. Memories of being at the Wilders’ house. Mental snapshots of Mrs. Wilder baking cookies and fluttering around the house looking so happy and content as she chased after her children and fluffed pillows and made phone calls. Memories of Mr. Wilder in his sheriff’s uniform, coming home from work and planting a kiss on his wife’s lips.
They’d been the picture of a happy family. But something, beneath the surface, had obviously been very broken. And, as in most cases like this, the children bore the brunt of it.
“When was the last time you talked to your mother?”
Her
jaw flexed as if she chewed on something sour. “Ten years ago when she left our family.”
“Really? It’s such a small town. You haven’t run into her before . . . ?”
Her gaze followed her mom as Elise disappeared. “Surprisingly, we’ve been really good at avoiding each other.”
“She sounded sincerely concerned.” Ryan wasn’t sure it was his place to say it, but his words were true. He knew it would take more than one conversation to begin fixing the issues between them, however.
“If she was that concerned, she could have found a way to let me know she cared other than accidentally running into me.” Ansley shook her head. “Look, I know how I sound. Awful. But what kind of person abandons her family when they need her the most?”
“I agree that it was a horrible thing she did.”
“And now she prances around town with her new husband, looking so happy. Honestly, I can’t even stand the fact that I’m related to that woman.”
Her words were harsh, but Ryan could understand and appreciate their truth. At least Ansley wasn’t pretending. “Would you consider talking to her? People make mistakes. Maybe she regrets things.”
Ansley’s jaw tightened. “Regret or not—the damage she did is done. There’s no changing that. If a mountain is blown apart, you can’t put it back together.”
Ryan wanted to say more, but he knew he was treading on thin ice. He wanted to say that once a mountain was blown apart, you couldn’t fix it—but you could build something new with the pieces.
He didn’t say the words aloud, though.
Instead, he followed behind as Ansley started back toward the station, this time moving at a quicker pace. She was ready to get back. Ready to have this conversation done with.
He couldn’t blame her. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes. Though he believed in grace and forgiveness, most times those things were easier said than done.
As soon as they walked into the station, Ryan spotted a woman standing against the wall near his office.
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