by Tracy Brown
Camille thought about it. She felt the baby move within her belly as if urging her to answer honestly. “Yeah,” she said, her voice low and somewhat ashamed. “I’m not proud of it. But I would take him back.”
Toya shook her head. “I don’t understand that kind of love.”
Dominique didn’t either—at least not anymore. “It doesn’t pay,” she said. “Loving a man like that, forgiving him, ignoring his faults and trusting him with your heart…” She shook her head. “Dangerous business.”
“You’re so wise,” Toya said, only half joking. “You sound so different from the wide-eyed dumb bitch you were last year.”
Dominique laughed at the backhanded compliment. “Thanks. A lot has changed in the past few months.”
Camille and Toya both nodded. Everything had changed.
* * *
Misa had just finished describing Teresa’s closing arguments in court that day.
“It sounds like your lawyer did her thing. The jury can’t find you guilty.”
“From your mouth to God’s ears,” Misa said again. It had become one of her favorite phrases.
Baron smirked a little. “Did they really call me a hoodlum in court the other day?”
Misa nodded. “They called me worse,” she offered as a consolation. She chuckled and looked at Baron, smiling. “What a couple of fuckups we are, huh?”
Baron laughed. The two of them had indeed managed to change their families’ lives forever without truly meaning to.
Misa’s cell phone rang and she fished it out of her bag. Seeing Louis’s number flash across the screen, she lost her breath momentarily, worrying that something might be wrong with Shane. Anxiously, she answered it.
“Mommy?”
Misa’s hands began to shake and Baron sat forward in his chair, concerned.
“Sh-Shane?”
“Hi, Mommy,” Shane spoke into the phone, his voice conveying his excitement upon hearing his mother’s voice. “Daddy said I could call you.”
Misa didn’t even realize that she was crying tears of joy as she gripped the phone. Maybe Louis wasn’t such a rat bastard after all.
“Shane, I miss you,” she said. “Mommy misses you so much.”
“I miss you, too, Mommy. Where are you?”
Misa laughed, still shocked that she was having a phone conversation with her son. “I’m in New Jersey, baby.”
“Ohhh,” Shane said, as if he knew exactly where New Jersey was. “Is Aunt Tamille with you?”
Misa smiled. “Yes, she is. She’s outside with her friends.”
“Tell Aunt Tamille I said hi.” Shane burped loudly then and said, “ ’Scuse me.”
Misa laughed and Shane did, too. She had never felt happier than she did at that moment, giggling on the phone with her son.
“I’m coming to get you soon,” she said. “Mommy’s gonna come and get you and give you a big kiss.”
“I love you, Mommy,” he said.
Misa closed her eyes and pictured his sweet face. “I love you, too, Shane.” She held the phone to her ear even after Shane hung up, the sound of his precious voice echoing in her mind.
* * *
Frankie stared at Gillian’s lips as she spoke. The two of them were sitting in Silver Lake Park, a warm breeze blowing softly around them as they sat on a bench. Frankie thought Gillian was such a beautiful woman. He was spellbound, listening to what she was saying. In fact he was hanging on her every word.
“I feel like you’re not giving us a real chance to be a couple, Frankie. You’re already shutting me out and we’re still supposed to be in the honeymoon phase.” Gillian was disappointed. She and Frankie had been so drawn together in the beginning. It had been hard for them to keep their hands off each other, and when he finally walked away from his marriage their hunger had finally been satisfied. They had been passionate, affectionate, honest, and uninhibited with one another. These days, she was finding Frankie so aloof, finding their relationship so typical of what most couples were about. She and Frankie had always been different, never typical.
“What’s this about you having breakfast with Camille this morning?” she asked. Frankie had wondered how long it would take before she brought that up. “I woke up this morning and your side of the bed was empty. Is it because you left my bed to go climb into Camille’s?”
Frankie shook his head. “No,” he answered truthfully. He licked his lips, his mouth suddenly arid. “I couldn’t sleep. So I got up and went to see her. I wanted to talk to her about her pregnancy and about how we go about being a family with this baby when Misa killed my brother.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I brought breakfast. It was as simple as that.”
Gillian stared at him, believing him. “That’s not so simple, Frankie. That’s a whole lot to deal with.”
He nodded. It was. “That’s why I want to ask you if we can put ‘us’ on hold for a little while.”
Gillian continued to stare at him. She didn’t respond. Instead, she searched his face for a clue as to what went wrong.
“I love you,” Frankie said. “I know that you’re the woman I want to spend my life with. But I need some time to think about everything that’s going on in my family. I need to think about my father and try to come to grips with what he did to me and to my brother. And then I have to figure out how to be a father to a child I never expected to have.” He sighed, exasperated. “I just need some time to myself so I can deal with all of that.”
Gillian wanted to flip out. She wasn’t about to be put on some back burner like Camille, pathetically waiting her turn while Frankie took his time thinking things through. Too proud to allow Frankie to see how crushed she really was, she cleared her throat and blinked back angry tears.
“Fine,” she said. “If that’s what you want to do—”
“It’s not what I want to do. It’s what I need to do.”
“You’re full of shit, Frankie,” she said. He seemed surprised and she sucked her teeth. “You know you don’t have to be by yourself while you sort all that out.” She felt herself growing angrier and she fought to keep her voice under control. “You didn’t need to slip out of bed with me to go and talk to Camille in secret. You could have told me what you were feeling about the baby, about your family. I’m here, Frankie! You’re pushing me away.”
Frankie was caught off guard. “I am not. I love you,” he said again.
Gillian laughed at that. “Love ain’t supposed to feel like this,” she said. She felt so silly for having thought that Frankie was different. She had never expected him to break her heart this way.
“I’m not pulling away from you,” he said. Staring out at the lake, he thought about that. “Maybe I am,” he admitted.
Gillian looked at him. Finally, he was being honest with himself.
“Maybe I am,” he said again. “But not because I don’t love you or because I don’t want you.” He looked at her. “I just want some time to myself to get my shit straight. Otherwise, I’m not gonna make you happy. I’m not gonna make anybody happy until I sort this shit out.”
Gillian took a deep breath. She was sad, angry, and very dissatisfied. But she was also grateful. At least Frankie hadn’t strung her along for years the way he had done to Camille. At least he hadn’t wasted her valuable time chasing an elusive dream.
The two of them sat in silence, watching the ducks swimming on the lake. Frankie’s cell phone rang a few minutes later. He looked at it and saw the DA’s office number appear on the screen. He answered it, looking at Gillian apprehensively.
“The jury just came back,” Dean Davidson said. “They have a verdict.”
* * *
Reporters milled about the courtroom like sharks sensing blood in the water. Outside the courthouse, news crews from each of the major networks were staked out in anticipation of the jury’s decision. A caravan of black SUVs pulled up in front of the Supreme Court building in St. George. Out of the first few vehicles spilled Toya and Dominique, Camille
and Celia. The last vehicle with its heavily tinted windows was immediately swarmed by cameras and reporters with microphones in hand, eager for Misa’s sound bite.
Teresa Rourke stepped from the vehicle’s passenger side and immediately opened the rear passenger door, ushering Misa into the crush of the crowd. Shielding her client as best she could, Teresa led her up the steps and into the courthouse, yelling repeatedly that Misa would have no comment to any of their questions.
Finally inside the courthouse, the ladies hurriedly entered the courtroom where the buzz was at a fever pitch. Misa saw that Frankie, his mother, Mary, Tremaine, and Gillian were already seated. She saw all the familiar faces that had been present for the entire duration of Misa’s fight for her freedom.
When her gaze fell on Louis, she couldn’t help but notice that Nahla wasn’t with him for once. She walked over to him, only slightly apprehensive about how he would respond to her.
Louis watched as Misa approached him, his hands in his pockets, palms sweaty.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.” Louis bit the inside of his cheek.
“I want to thank you for letting Shane call me,” she said, her face beaming at the thought of it. “That really meant a lot to me.”
Louis nodded, happy that it had meant so much to her. “He asks for you all the time,” he said. “I should have been letting him call you all along.”
Misa was happy to hear him admit that. Silence fell between them and Louis glanced around awkwardly. He didn’t know what to say to her.
“I’m gonna go now,” Misa said, gesturing toward the defense table.
Louis nodded. As Misa turned to go, he called her name and watched as she turned around. “Good luck,” he said.
She nodded. “Thanks.”
Misa joined her lawyer and stood breathlessly as the judge entered the courtroom. The judge ordered everyone to be seated and Misa clung to her lawyer’s hand tightly. The jury was brought in and Misa looked at each of their faces one by one. As they took their seats, she watched them, eager to see any clue as to what they’d decided. None of them held her gaze for very long and Misa choked back a sob.
“They’re not looking at me,” she whispered to Teresa. “None of them will look at me. I’m going to jail,” she cried. “I should have took the deal!”
“Calm down,” Teresa urged. “You don’t know anything yet. Let’s wait and see what happens.”
Misa shook her head. Teresa was going home tonight regardless of what the jury said. But Misa’s life hung in the balance and the last thing she could do was to calm down. “You said yourself that if they come back with a verdict right away, it means they found me guilty.”
Teresa shook her head. “I said usually it means that they had little to deliberate over. That could mean that the prosecution did his case well or it could mean that we presented our case well. We’re going to have to wait and see.” She squeezed Misa’s hand. “Don’t fall apart on me now,” she said. “You have a good chance, Misa. Even if they find you guilty today, we will file an appeal. Don’t worry.”
“Will the defendant please rise?” the judge’s voice boomed.
Misa stood up, Teresa by her side, and faced the judge.
Judge Felder motioned for the jury to bring forth its decision. First the verdict was handed to the judge. He read it, nodded his head and handed it back, gesturing toward the microphone.
Misa took a deep breath as the jury foreman came to the mic.
“In the case of the State of New York vs. Misa Atkinson, how do you find?” Judge Felder asked.
The foreman still did not look at Misa as he spoke. “On the charge of murder in the first degree, we the jury find the defendant…”
Misa held her breath, squeezed her lawyer’s hand and waited. Camille, Lily, Celia, Dominique, and Toya all prayed silently. Louis sat with his head in his hands as he waited. Frankie felt his heart roaring in his chest. Mary clung to her rosary beads breathlessly. Gillian and Tremaine stared at the jury foreman expectantly.
“Not guilty.”
Bedlam erupted in the courtroom as Misa’s legs went weak and she collapsed into her attorney’s arms. Shouts and applause, tears of joy and laughter could be heard as Misa and her supporters celebrated her acquittal.
“Thank you, Jesus!” Misa was yelling, her voice rising above the crowd and happy tears pouring forth from her eyes.
In the midst of all the chaos, Frankie took his mother by the hand and together they slipped out of the courtroom, beset by reporters and photographers. He guided Mary through the rowdy crowd, steering her toward his waiting car and ushering her inside of it. Frankie climbed behind the wheel amid the flashbulbs and news cameras, started his car, and pulled away slowly, eager to get his mother home to Brooklyn.
On the way, he looked over at her and took her small frail hand in his. Mary glanced at him with tears in her eyes, still mourning the loss of her youngest son and the acquittal of his killer. She sighed and managed to smile weakly at Frankie. “Nobody really wins,” she said sadly.
Frankie stared back at her, and couldn’t help thinking that she was absolutely right.
Starting Over
June 21, 2008
“SURPRISE!” the crowd yelled, and Camille felt like she was experiencing déjà vu. The last time she had been given a surprise party it was thrown by her husband to celebrate her thirtieth birthday. But that seemed so long ago. Frankie was no longer her husband and everything had changed since then. Today, as she looked around Dominique’s spacious apartment, she smiled at the sight of all the baby shower decorations. All of Camille’s family and friends were assembled in Dominique’s Manhattan high-rise apartment to help her celebrate the upcoming arrival of her first child.
“Oh, my goodness!” Camille exclaimed. “I can’t believe you guys did all of this!” The whole place was covered in baby decorations. Balloons, streamers, cutouts of storks, rubber duckies, rattles, and teddy bears filled the space and Camille was overwhelmed. She saw a throne against the far wall surrounded by dozens of balloons. Toya gestured toward it.
“Come take your seat. You are queen for a day!” Toya said. She led Camille to her seat and placed a tiara on her head and a “Mommy to Be” sash around her torso.
Camille couldn’t stop smiling. Misa rushed over and started snapping pictures of her seated on her throne while Dominique played hostess to the many guests milling about her home. Camille wore a lavender sundress that clung to her pregnant belly. Her skin seemed to glow, draped in the soft hue, and Misa stood back and took her all in.
“You look beautiful, Camille,” she told her.
Lily came over and sat down beside her older daughter. After posing for a few pictures with her, Lily shooed Misa away. “Okay, enough, Miss Paparazzi!”
Laughing, Misa scampered off to help Dominique serve the finger sandwiches. Lily turned to her pregnant daughter and beamed with joy. “I’m so proud of you,” Lily said.
Camille smiled back at her mother. “Proud of me for what?” she asked.
“For holding your head up high all these months. A lot has changed in the past year and you’ve been dealing with your breakup with Frankie plus your pregnancy. You’ve been in Misa’s corner one hundred percent. Now, you’re about to be a mother and I’m just … so proud of you.” The usually stoic Lily got choked up.
Camille smiled, stroked her mother’s hand, and felt her baby shift within her womb. Her tears were happy ones for once as she held Lily’s gaze. Misa appeared out of nowhere and snapped a picture of the special moment. Laughing, Camille chastised her sister. “Stop snapping pictures and come take my shoes off for me!” Lily and Camille wiped their tears of joy and chuckled.
Misa laughed, too, and did as she was told. “I can’t wait until you have this baby so you can stop bossing me around.”
“Shut up,” Camille said jokingly. “I’m always going to boss you around.”
Lily smiled at her daughters just as Toya turned the mus
ic up.
“This is a celebration!” Toya yelled over the sound of R. Kelly singing about happy people. “Everybody get up!” She danced and snapped her fingers and Lily quickly joined in along with Celia, Misa, Dominique, and at least a dozen other guests.
Camille laughed as she watched her loved ones celebrating for her. But as she watched Misa smiling brightly again, watched her dancing again the way that she used to, Camille knew that they were celebrating so much more than just the baby. Their prayers had been answered, although perhaps not in the way they had hoped. Though their lives would forever be fractured by the choices they’d made in love, the sisters had landed on their feet with a second chance to get things right in the lives of their children. Misa had been awarded joint custody of Shane. She and Louis had been working together to be better parents and were getting along for once. Shane seemed to be recovering from the trauma he suffered with the help of therapy and Misa was grateful for her new lease on life.
Camille’s baby kicked again, harder this time. She rubbed her belly and thought about Frankie. She hadn’t spoken to him much since the trial had ended. He had accompanied her to her sonogram and afterward they’d shared lunch. But since then, the two had retreated to their separate corners as they awaited the birth of their child. Camille wondered how things would be between them once the baby came. She had finally given up hope that she and Frankie could make things right. Too much had happened between them to turn back now. She realized now that an invisible line had been drawn down the center of their family, with Frankie and his mother on one side and Camille and her loved ones on the other. As much as she still hated the thought that her marriage was over, Camille had finally accepted its demise. Toya had sold the house on Staten Island and gotten top market value to boot. Camille was set financially and had decided to continue living with Lily for the time being. She figured she’d need all the help she could get once the baby was born. Plus it was nice living under the same roof as her mother and sister again after all these years.