“That’s not what I mean,” he says. “Of course, I want you to be happy again. I guess, I just don’t want you to forget about Sara. The idea of you being with someone else makes me feel like you’d be replacing her.”
“Is that why you were giving Gigi dirty looks all day?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he sighs, looking a little embarrassed.
“For fuck’s sake,” I grin as I shake my head at my best friend. “Surely, you must know that whether I start dating now or in ten years, I’d never replace Sara.”
“I know, man,” he says. “I guess it’s just going to take a little adjustment on my part.”
“You and me both. The thought of being with someone else is terrifying. It feels like I’m betraying Sara in some way, even though I know she’d want me to try.”
“She would want that, wouldn’t she?”
“Yeah, but don’t stress. I don’t think it’s going to be happening anytime soon. I’m pretty certain I’ve already fucked things up with Gigi.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, she pretty much threw it out there that she was interested and I practically shut it down.”
“How so?” he asks with interested eyes.
I let out a sigh as I prepare for what’s inevitably going to end up as my own embarrassment. “When I took her riding, we went down to the creek and were talking. Then one thing led to another and I was about to kiss her. She wanted me to but then I came up with some shit about needing to get back to Georgie and completely fucked it up. She didn’t really say much after that and then I came back from my ride with you guy and she was gone.”
“Dude,” he laughs. “You got to work on your game.”
“Shut up,” I groan, throwing a cushion across the room at him. “This shit is hard. I don’t have all the years of practice like you and my brothers. I fell in love with the first girl I met.”
“I know, man,” he grins. “We could give you some pointers,” he suggests.
“No thanks,” I scoff, dreading the kind of shit they would come up with.
“So, why didn’t you kiss her? Were you thinking about Sara?”
I cringe, not wanting to admit to it. “Yes and no,” I start. “At first it was Sara holding me back until I remembered that she’s gone and there’s no reason for me not to try, so I was all for it… until I realized that apart from Sara, I haven’t kissed a woman since I was like fifteen and…” I cringe, “I kind of panicked.”
He instantly falls into a fit of laughter. “Fuck, that’s hilarious,” he says, sloshing his beer around and making me fear for the carpet. My eyes shoot over to the baby monitor, hoping his booming laughter doesn’t wake Georgie when his next comments have my teeth grinding together. “Dude, you got to find yourself a pair of balls and man the fuck up.”
“Look who’s talking, you pansy ass dickhead.”
“Whatever,” he scoffs. “I have no issues getting the ladies.”
“Exactly, it’s about time you manned up and created a life with one of them. This whole playboy thing is just a ruse because you’re terrified of commitment, same shit as Carter three years ago and look how happy he is now.”
He looks as though he’s truly thinking it over, but I know it’s going to take a lot more than that to get through to him. “Nah,” he says. “Why mess with a good thing?”
I roll my eyes. The only thing that’s ever going to help him see the light is a woman and I can’t wait for that day to come. It will be magical.
An hour later, he pushes himself up off the couch. “I better get out of here,” he tells me before grabbing his shit off the kitchen table. He presses a few buttons on his phone and flips it around to show me the screen. “Got a date with this little vixen.”
Jesus. Some things never change. “Alright, man. I’ll see you around.”
Before I know it, Tom is out the door and I’m kicked back on my couch with my feet up. I put on the game and pull out my phone to check if Gigi ended up responding. Cassie had told me there was some kind of emergency at her apartment which is why she had to leave. I sent her a text but got nothing. Nothing.
I was sure she was into me. Her eyes constantly met mine, she lit up every time I talked to her and she practically stopped breathing when I got on the back of the dirt bike with her.
But damn, when she was wedged in front of me on my dirt bike I had to resist wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her tighter into me. The dirt bike took off and I got smacked in the face with the smell of her fruity shampoo and I nearly died. Something deep within me pulled and I realized that I kind of like this girl.
Since the day Sara died, I’ve only ever found peace in Georgie, but standing at that creek with Gigi, I got that same feeling. All I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and feel her lips on mine. I could see she wanted me to, but I don’t know why. What woman would want to be with someone as screwed up as me? I’m a broken man with a kid. Not exactly the recipe for a desirable man.
I pulled away and watched as the disappointment flooded her. I felt like a fucking prick. I mean, what kind of man must I be to have done that to a woman as beautiful as her? The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her feelings, yet that’s the only thing I’ve managed to do.
Then… she was gone. And I get it, it’s one hundred percent my fault, she put herself out there and I shut it down. She came across really shy so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s feeling embarrassed, but she shouldn’t. She’s beautiful and interesting, and honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t found some guy that’s swept her off her feet yet.
I’m the idiot here.
I let a perfectly good woman slip through my fingers because I’m scared I’m going to hurt Sara in some nonexistent way, even though I know Sara would be all for me finding happiness again.
Damn it. I pull up the Tinder account and find Gigi’s profile. Her smile greets me and I can’t help but feel like a fool.
I put my phone away and get up off the couch. I’m just going to have to face the fact that I’ve screwed this one up. Maybe I‘ll wait another year or two and try again. Surely, I’ll eventually find someone to help fill the void within me. Until then, it’s just me and Georgie.
I trudge back up the stairs with the baby monitor in my hand. I peek my head through Georgie’s door and stay there for a while. I listen to the steady rhythm of her chest rising and falling and know tonight is going to be a good one. They’ll be no attacks tonight, no emergency visits to the hospital, no heart attacks on my part and no reason to spend the night, wide awake, listening to my daughter through the monitor.
I step into my bathroom and get myself showered. Before I know it, I’m in bed and struggling to find sleep, worrying about Gigi’s emergency.
What had happened? Does she have someone to help her? Or, was the emergency faked so she could high tail it out of there and not have to deal with me after I royally fucked it up? Yeah, knowing my luck, that would be it.
Damn it.
I reach for my phone once again before pulling my hand back. No. She has my number. If she wanted to talk to me, she would have messaged or called. She clearly isn’t interested in wasting her time on me, nor should she.
A yawn rips through me and I try to settle my thoughts. I need to forget about her. I’m obviously not ready to enter the dating world. I should cut my losses before I completely embarrass myself.
My eyes grow heavy and I find myself beginning to fall into the world of welcomed sleep when my eyes fly open. “Daddy,” my daughter cries.
Damn.
I get up out of bed and head into Georgie’s room to find her little blue eyes filled with tears. “What’s wrong, baby? Did you have a bad dream?”
Her lower lip pouts out and she nods her little head.
With a sigh, I climb into her bed and start my ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’ routine as I run my fingers through her hair. I guess I know where I’ll be sleeping tonight.
Chapter 10
&n
bsp; Gigi
It’s a new day and a new me.
To me, Sean no longer exists. Just me and Mel, living our lives as happy as can be.
We drive down the highway, early in the morning for our shift at the hospital. I’ve always been a morning person, but Mel, not so much. She needs a little kick up the butt to get started each day, hence why the music is blasting and we each have an extra large coffee in our hands.
We sing along to the songs, well, by sing, what I mean is that we practically shout it out until our lungs are begging us to stop.
I zoom down the highway, completely lost in mine and Mel’s little bubble when blue and red flashing lights in my rearview mirror catch my attention. “Shit,” I curse as my eyes flash down to my speedometer. Yep, definitely speeding.
I study the police car behind me. Maybe he’s after someone else, I mean, there’s a lot of cars on the road today. Maybe he’s about to change lanes and get the guy beside me. “What’s going on?” Mel questions as I begin turning the music down and pulling off to the side.
“Cops,” I grunt.
“Were you speeding?” she questions.
“Yep,” I sigh.
Sure enough, the police car follows behind and comes to a stop behind me. Just fucking great. Exactly what I need on a Monday morning.
The door opens and the policeman gets out of his car. He makes his way towards me and I lower my window while I begin searching for my license and registration, knowing he’s bound to ask.
I turn to face the man who hovers in my window and gasp as the recognition hits me. “Great,” I grumble under my breath as Tom stares back at me with a twisted grin.
“Well, if it isn’t Gigi,” he says, looking extremely excited that he’s about to bust my ass.
I give him a tight smile that is one hundred percent fake. “Hi, Tom,” I say.
“Tom?” Mel questions from beside me and practically leans over into my lap so she can get a good look at the guy. “Tom, as in Sean’s best friend?”
“That would be me,” he says with a nod.
Her eyes instantly light up as she offers him her hand. “Well, hello Tom,” she purrs as he takes her hand in his. “I’m Mel.”
“For fuck’s sake,” I groan, knowing exactly where this is going.
Mel looks up at me from my lap. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gi,” she says. “He seems perfectly perfect.”
“Ugh,” I murmur for only her to hear. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”
Tom cuts into our conversation. “Are you aware you were speeding, Gigi?” he questions.
Yes. “No, I wasn’t, actually.”
“Are you aware that speeding is an offense?” he questions further.
Well duh. I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes as I turn to the man who I spent my whole Saturday afternoon getting dirty looks from. “Look, Tom, you and I both know that I’m not driving away without a ticket, that’s just the kind of guy you’ve made yourself out to be so, can we get on with it? We have to get to work.”
His lips press into a tight line. “I don’t like you, Gigi,” he states.
“No shit,” I grunt. “You made that perfectly clear on Saturday. But you know what? I don’t care. You decided you didn’t want to like me before you had a chance to know me, and that’s your loss, it speaks volumes of the kind of person you are.”
“You don’t know a damn thing about the kind of person I am.”
“I’m more than happy to keep it that way,” I grunt, probably digging myself a deeper hole. I can only imagine what this ticket is going to look like. “Can we get this shit wrapped up?”
He smirks at me before dawdling back to his cruiser. Jackass. I probably deserve it, I’m being a complete and utter bitch, but the man gets on my nerves.
He takes his sweet time, preparing my ticket before appearing back at my window. His eyes meet Mel’s across the car and he sends her a wink that any girl would fall for. She eats it up and I realize he’ll be in my apartment tonight. Fucking perfect. Looks like I’ll be going out.
He reaches across me, not giving a shit about my personal space and hands Mel a piece of paper before thrusting my ticket in my face. “Keep away from Sean, he doesn’t need this shit.”
“No fucking problem,” I scoff.
He struts away like king shit and I look down at my ticket. Fuck, two hundred and sixty dollars. Great.
I throw the ticket in the backseat to get lost amongst the other shit in my car and get back on the highway. “Don’t you dare call that twat,” I warn Mel who’s already programming his number into her phone.
“Jesus, woman. What’s crawled up your ass this morning? You were a complete bitch. Do you have your period?”
“No,” I snap. “He was a jerk on Saturday and besides, he deserved it with his little arrogant attitude and smirk. I woke up this morning with a promise that this whole Sean bullshit was in the past and BAM, there’s his best friend pulling me over.”
“Chill out,” she laughs. “This whole Sean thing is really bugging you, isn’t it?”
“No,” I grunt.
“Liar.”
I roll my eyes as I concentrate on the road. She’s right. I’m a mess of thoughts. I haven’t stopped thinking about that almost kiss with him. I mean, he’s totally the perfect guy, except for the whole being married bullshit.
I mean, did he not expect me to find out?
I guess he never actually clarified if it was a date, maybe he meant it when he said he just wanted to take me out to thank me for saving his little girl, but then, you’d think his wife would have been there. It’s her little girl too.
Maybe almost kissing me was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing and I’m the idiot who got hurt feelings in the process.
Clearly, they’re still together, otherwise, he wouldn’t have their wedding photo as his wallpaper on his phone. God, I’m an idiot and he’s a cheater… well, I guess he can’t be labeled a cheater as he didn’t actually kiss me, but the intention was there and, in my book, that’s cheating.
I guess I’m just bummed. The second I met his family, I instantly fell in love with them. All the children were beautiful and the adults were amazing. It’s the kind of family I envision for myself one day.
“Earth to Gigi,” Mel practically shouts at me. “Stop thinking about it. What happened to all this ‘new day, new me’ bullshit you were spouting this morning?”
I let out a breath. “You’re right,” I tell her. “I shouldn’t be thinking so much about this.”
“You shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. The guy is married. You need to steer clear of that one.”
Indeed, I do.
I pull up at the hospital and we grab out bags. We rush in through the door after Tom’s slimy ass nearly made us late for out shift. But seriously, how inconsiderate. I’ve gotten tickets before and I know that shit doesn’t take that long. He knows we’re nurses and if he didn’t then he’s fucking blind as we’re both decked out in our scrubs. We have important jobs, being late isn’t an option in the work we do, it’s the difference between life and death.
We quickly sign in for our shift. “Try to have lunch together today?” Mel questions as she hovers in the doorway.
“We’ll try. I have a few inductions today. It’ll be busy,” I tell her.
“Ok,” she says. “Go with the flow then?”
“Sounds good,” I say before she disappears out the door.
I head up to the nurse’s station on the maternity ward. “Geez, cutting it close,” Sue grins as she looks down at her watch and puts on a show of being disappointed in my tardiness.
“I know,” I sigh as I double check what’s going on today. “I got pulled over for speeding again.”
“Again?” she gasps. “Geez, Gigi, you need to slow down. Why do you think half the patients in the ER are here?”
“I know,” I tell her. We’ve had this exact conversation a million times before. “I’ll slow down.”<
br />
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” she says under her breath.
I smile as I head off down the hallway to my first patient of the day. I push through the door and find a beautiful young woman, five centimeters dilated and completely freaking out as it’s her first baby. I calm her and show her husband a few things he can do to help her with her pain management.
I go up and down the ward checking on the patients and have to deliver a little baby boy after the doctor was called into an emergency Caesarean.
Fuck, I love my job.
There’s nothing better than this.
Studies show that people will change their career a few times over their lifetime but not me. I’m set. This is exactly where I want to be and no possible situation could change that. I’ve seen it all.
By lunch, I head into the locker room and grab my bag. I pull out my phone and respond to a text message from mom before Mel comes barreling in covered in vomit.
“I think I’m going to skip eating today,” she says with a cringe as she grabs a new set of scrubs and heads for the bathroom. She begins stripping out in the hallway before jumping in the shower and scrubbing the vomit off every crevice of her body.
I grin as I watch her performance, pleased she’s finally getting the payback she deserves after laughing when I got drenched in urine last week. “Are you still going to come to lunch with me, though?”
“Yeah,” she says. “Maybe I could eat once this shit is off me and I get the smell out of my hair.”
I crack a grin and head back into the locker room while I wait.
She comes out, dressed and ready ten minutes later. We head down to the cafeteria and order some lunch before finding an on-call room to find a little peace and quiet. Mel instantly falls to the ground and stretches out her legs while I flop onto the bed and dig into my lunch. “My feet are killing me today,” she whines.
“Me too,” I tell her. “I delivered a little boy solo, today.”
Her whole face brightens up. “Really?” she questions. “You’re so lucky to be a midwife. I bet you don’t get covered in vomit as much as I do.”
Sean: Denver Royalty (Book 3) Page 7