He leads me up the stairs and stops at a cupboard where he pulls out a towel. He hands it to me and leads me to the bathroom before opening the door and placing a kiss on my lips. He smiles and backs out, closing the door with him as he leaves.
I find myself unable to wipe the smile off my face as I strip down. I tun the taps and step into the warm water. I let it wash over my hair before deciding to wash it, only this bathroom is solely used for Georgie, so it’s a kids’ fruity shampoo that I squirt into my hand.
Ten minutes later, I step out of the shower and towel off my body before getting as much water out of my hair as possible. I wrap my towel around and search through the cupboard. I find Georgie’s brush and get to work braiding my hair.
Which is when my troubles start. I turn to the pile of clothes that lay discarded in the bathroom corner and realize I’ve been wearing them for nearly two days. I’m fucking gross, but what could I have done? I felt like shit with a migraine and a fever, making my own cleanliness a thing of the past. Then Sean went and kidnapped me so it really left me no choice.
With a cringe, I double check that my towel is on securely before stepping out of the bathroom. I try and remember which door was Sean’s bedroom and poke my head through. I find him in his room with his back to me, wearing nothing but a pair of track pants.
I practically drool as I take in the strong muscles of his back, but I pull my shit together and gently knock on the door. I try to remind myself that this was ‘their’ room but then he turns and puts his whole torso on display, making my knees go weak. I try to open my mouth but not a damn thing comes out. I mean, the guy looks as though he’s a professional athlete with a body like his.
Wowza.
His skin is perfectly sun kissed, his shoulders are wide and strong, his chest is just… wow, magnificent. Then there’s the defined abs that have me clenching my thighs together and planting my feet to the ground so I don’t go and jump him.
But what really has me is the deep ‘V’ that’s practically a big fucking arrow to what I’m sure is going to be all my Christmases come at once. “Um…,” I find myself saying like a complete twat as he grins at me with a knowing smirk. “I, um…” Fuck me, he winked.
How the hell did I get this lucky? I mean, a short, hairy, fat dude is probably what I deserve, not this glorious man who looks like the best sex I’ll ever have. I mean, any woman looking at his body would risk a spontaneous orgasm…. In fact, it’s very possible I’m having one right now.
I find myself grinning back at him as he walks towards me. His hand twines around the back of my neck and he pulls me into him. I place my hands up on his strong chest as he brings his lips down to meet mine.
Feeling weird about kissing a woman’s husband in her bedroom, I pull him out into the hallway and he presses me up against the wall. I moan into him wanting so much more, but I don’t want to rush what I know he isn’t ready for. But then, with only a towel between us, the need to drop it to the ground is strong.
I pull back from him before I get carried away and look up into his smouldering eyes. “You seem to have forgotten your clothes,” I tell him.
“Look who’s talking,” he chuckles. “I was in the middle of getting dressed. You knowingly walked out here in just a towel,” he says as his fingers trail across the top of the towel, skimming along the curve of my breast and leaving a burning desire behind.
I catch his hand in mine, stopping the movement before the desire completely overtakes me. “I came to ask for some clothes.”
“Really now?” he teases as if I had an ulterior motive.
I grin up at him. “Don’t be a jerk. How was I to know you were putting on a show?”
He laughs as he laces his fingers through mine and pulls me across the hallway to his room, only I stop in the doorway. He turns back and gives me a questioning look. “Something wrong?” he asks as he steps into the walk-in closet.
“Yeah, I don’t want to impose in here,” I say as I give him a sad smile. “This room was your personal space with Sara. I don’t want to tarnish the memory she left in here. That’s yours and yours alone.”
He thinks it over before giving a small nod. “Thank you,” he murmurs as he walks over and hands me the clothes. I mean, I’ve never lost anyone before so I don’t know if this is healthy or not, but it feels right.
We stand in his doorway and I can’t help but continue looking in. His hand comes up and he runs his fingers down the side of my face, making me tilt into him. “What’s on your mind?” he asks.
I find the picture of Sara on his bedside table. “Do you think she would approve of me?” I ask as I look back up at him.
A softness creeps into his eyes. “Yeah,” he says. “She sure as hell would.”
A breath leaves me and I let go of something I hadn’t realized I was holding on to. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”
With that, he leans down and presses his lips to mine once again. “I might be being a little bold here, but I think you’ve worked out that I’m not taking you home tonight.”
“Yeah,” I laugh.
“Good,” he smiles. “Come on.”
He leads me back down the stairs to the massive couch and sits me down. He goes over to the massive fireplace and expertly goes about lighting it up and filling the room with the sound of crackling. I watch on in awe as the logs of wood catch fire and begin warming the room, giving me a feeling of home. “Do you need any more pain killers?” he asks as he drops into the couch beside me and pulls me into him before grabbing the discarded blanket off the floor and pulling it over us.
“No,” I tell him as I swoon over this caring side of him that I completely adore. “I’m perfectly fine.”
“Alright,” he says before forcing me to choose a movie, which is actually a lot of pressure to be under.
We lay together on the couch and within fifteen minutes of the movie being on, I find myself getting sleepy. I look up at Sean and notice his furrowed eyebrows so I sit up a little higher and gain his attention. “What is it?” I ask, praying that he isn’t having second thoughts.
He takes the remote and lowers the volume as he also sits up. “I was just wondering if it bothers you that I’ve been married and have a child?”
“No,” I tell him honestly. “I’m thankful for it.”
His eyebrows furrow further and I can tell he wasn’t expecting my answer, in fact, it down right confuses him. “How so?” he questions.
“Your marriage is what made you the man you are today. Without that you could be anyone or anywhere and that may not have led you to me.”
His eyes shine as he takes in my answer. “And Georgie?”
“She may be the cheekiest little girl I’ve ever come across, but she is quickly becoming the light of my life.”
His face fills with adoration as he pulls me back into him. He kisses me gently and passionately before murmuring against my lips. “You’re incredible, Gigi.”
I feel my face flame and push up off him to face him better. “Sean,” I start, feeling a little nervous, but the need to get it out is far too overwhelming. “I don’t think you’re ready to hear this and I don’t want you to feel pressured to say anything back, after all, we agreed to take things slow, but the last few weeks with you have been amazing, even though I managed to get shot in the middle of it and spent days in pain…,” I say, pausing and hoping I’m doing the right thing.
He encourages me to continue by giving my hand a squeeze. I let out a breath and let him have it. “I’m falling in love with you.”
His eyes fill with love as his hands wrap around my waist. He pulls me back into him and rests his head against mine. “You have no idea how happy that makes me,” he murmurs with his lips moving against mine as he repeats my very words from earlier.
His lips catch mine in a kiss and I take it all in. I don’t even care that he hasn’t said it back. I knew he wasn’t ready but I know his heart is in the right place. He’s working on
it and if he wasn’t feeling it, I wouldn’t be right here having this amazing moment with this amazing man.
I lay in his arms as I listen to the crackling of the fire, rather than paying attention to the movie. Completely content with being in Sean’s arms, I fall into a deep and relaxing sleep.
Chapter 20
Sean
I wake on Thursday morning and the first thing I want to do is reach for a bottle of whiskey, hell it doesn’t even have to be whiskey, it can be any form of alcohol that’s going to make me feel the burn.
I’ve purposely left Georgie with Cassie and Jax and made sure I have no court appearances or appointments. Because today fucking sucks. Just like it did last year and the year before that.
Today would have been my fifth wedding anniversary with my wife.
This day all those years ago, I vowed to love Sara for the rest of my life, yet here am I falling in love with another woman. What kind of monster am I?
I reach over and silence my phone for the tenth time this morning. My family should know better by now. I pick up my phone and check the time. 9:10 am. Fuck, it’s going to be a long ass day. I delete all the notifications of missed calls and text massages before turning off my phone and throwing it to the floor.
I’m not going to be good company today. I know all they want is to show they care and be there for me on a hard day, but fuck them. If I want to drown in a sea of my own self pity then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
I roll over in bed and the first thing I notice, just like every morning, is the empty, cold space beside me.
Why the fuck did you have to go, Sara? You ruined all our plans. We were supposed to grow old together, have a tribe of kids to screw up and live the happiest of lives together. But not anymore. You left. You left me and Georgie to work it out on our own. How could you do that to us?
I climb out of bed and force myself through a shower. I don’t bother turning on the hot water, hoping that the chill manages to wake me up and pull me out of this depression, but it’s no use. Only a new day is going to help me now.
The thought of texting Gigi shoots through me and I instantly want to punish myself. How could I even think of her today? My wife is rotting in the ground and I’m thinking about texting my girlfriend so she doesn’t worry about me today. I’m disgraceful.
By lunch time, I’m pushing my way through the door to a dodgy as fuck bar and handing the bartender my keys, knowing when I leave this place, I’m not going to be in any state to drive. Hell, at this point, I don’t even care if the fucker steals my truck. As long as I get to drown my sorrows, I’m good.
I sit at the bar with elbows on the counter. One drink followed by another, followed by another. It doesn’t take long before I get stuck in my head.
I could be there for an hour or it could be a few, I hardly know. But when the bar starts getting busy I hightail it out of there. I grab my bottle off the counter and throw it back, knowing the bar staff aren’t about to let me walk out with it.
I stumble down the pathway and find the liquor store. Disgust fills me as I remember that first proper date with Gigi, how I walked around with a hand on her lower back, practically claiming her. Was I thinking about Sara then? Was I thinking about her when I took Gigi back to my home? The home I built with Sara. No. I fucking wasn’t. I’m nothing but a fraud.
What the hell is wrong with Gigi to even bother with someone like me?
I’m broken. I put on a good show for Georgie, but soon enough she’ll grow up and realize that her father is nothing. Has nothing.
Fuck.
I buy a bottle of rum and stumble out of the shop, before starting on the long trek to the cemetery. I weave my way through the angel statues and headstones before walking the familiar step towards Sara.
I bring Georgie here all the time so she can talk to her mommy but being here alone on the day that’s supposed to be filled with love, is god awful.
I drop to my knees before her headstone and just stare. “Happy anniversary, Sara,” I whisper.
How did it ever come to this? A lump forms in my throat as I read her name across the headstone. In loving memory, Sara Jane Waters. Wife. Daughter. Mother.
My heart aches and I take another drink to try and dull the pain. Sitting here in front of my wife, I feel nothing but hollow. I thought I was starting to heal with Gigi and maybe I am, but right now, it’s just… nothing. I’m empty.
I fall from my knees into a distraught pile in the cool grass, willing myself to hold the sobs at bay. I need Georgie. I need to seek out the comfort I find within her but I refuse to allow her to see me this way.
The flowers Georgie and I left here last week look atrocious and I curse myself for not bringing her new ones. She deserves the best flowers money can buy, especially on our fucking wedding anniversary. I was too caught up in my grief and selfish need to dull the pain that I forgot to bring her flowers.
Anger shoots through me and I launch the bottle of rum across the cemetery. The bottle smashes against a tree and the bottle shatters into thousands of pieces.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell her feeling like a pathetic piece of shit. “You deserved so much better than me.”
I sit in silence, lost in my memories. I owe it to Sara to tell her what’s going on with me. She deserves a conversation, and even though I’m more than aware she isn’t here physically, I know she’s here in spirit. She’s right here by my side and will be until my dying breath.
“It hurts, baby,” I breathe as the words get stuck on the lump in my throat. “Why’d you have to go? I feel like I’m starting to find myself again and then days like this come and I’m nothing. Sara, I’m nothing without you.”
My head hangs as the grief overwhelms me.
“I just… please. I need you in my arms again. Come back, baby. I promise, I will never let you go again. Please, I’ll be better, I’ll put the trash out, I’ll clean more. Anything, I’ll do anything, baby. Just come back. I need you. Don’t you see how badly I need you?”
I sit in my own grief until the lump in my throat disappears and I prepare to be up front. “I’ve met someone,” I start. “I’m sorry. I love you so much, Sara, but I think I love her too. She’s helping the pain go away and she adores Georgie. I think you’ll like her. I was scared at first. I didn’t know how to be with anyone else, but she slotted straight into my life. And what’s more, she respects us and she respects you.”
“But, I just…” I let out a breath. “I just need you to let me know I’m doing the right thing.”
I sit with Sara until I can no longer bare it. The chill has well and truly seeped into the air but the liquor in my body is keeping me warm. The overwhelming need to curl up next to her headstone hits me, but I know I can’t do that.
I push myself up to my feet and stand before her for just a moment. “Sara,” I whisper. “I know you love Georgie, but please don’t take her from me. I know it’s you who keeps calling out to her and she’s desperate to meet her mommy but let me hold on to her. She’s all I have left of you. We’ll all be together again one day but give us some time.”
With a heavy, pained sigh, I back away from her headstone.
I find myself wandering around the streets when I pass the liquor store from earlier. I head in a grab another bottle for the night and instantly crack it open. The cool liquid burns on its way down my throat and I welcome it like I welcome Gigi’s touch.
Ahhhh, Gigi. She’s a gem. She’s like the devil who’s come to torture me, especially today. I wish it could be easy between us, that I could simply invite her into my life and promise her the world. Only Sara keeps holding me back.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Sara’s dead. Gone. It should be simple with Gigi. I should be able to wake up every day with her by my side. Instead, I hold her at arms length.
She told me she was falling in love with me and I did my best to not freak out in front of her. Luckily for me she said I didn’t have to say anything, otherwise
I’m sure I would have fucked it up right then and there.
But on the other hand… hearing those words from her were incredible.
She’s amazing and I’m a douche. She deserves more, just like Sara did.
Before I know it, my hand is raising and banging on the hard, wooden door. I wobble on my feet as I wait for the door to open and shove a hand out to steady myself.
The door is ripped open and I instantly fall into the room. I stumble forward and crash into someone who manages to somehow push me back up to my feet before I hurtle down to the ground.
My eyes focus on the person in front on me before a grin takes over my face. “Well, hey, baby,” I slur as I try to pull her into me.
Gigi’s arms come up and shove against my shoulders, pushing me away. “Are you drunk?” she questions with distaste.
“Ummmmmm, maybe,” I grin as I try to pull her in again. If I could just lose myself in her body, maybe I’d forget about everything else. Get her naked and feel her burning skin under my fingers. Yeah, that’s exactly what I want.
“Get off me,” she groans as she tries to push away again.
“Come on, babe. You can’t resist me,” I grin as I try to get to her lips. “You love me, remember?.”
“Sean,” she snaps, giving one final big push and shoving me back against the closed door. “First off, you’re drunk. You smell of rum, you can hardly stand straight and it’s all over you. Secondly, you’re being an arrogant asshole. I’ve been messaging you all day. Your sister called because she was worried about you and no one could find you. And thirdly, I’m not getting in bed with you when you’re like this.”
“Babe, of course you want to get in bed with me,” I slur as I step back towards her. “What’s your problem? I know you want to, I’m right here offering it to you and you’re saying no?”
“Damn right, I’m saying no,” she argues as that look of disgust remains on her face, making me realize I am, in fact, being an arrogant asshole. “You’re a mess.”
Sean: Denver Royalty (Book 3) Page 15