by Rymer, Adair
“It's going to be alright.” I told Arsen. I moved to touch his hand and then caught myself. There might be people watching.
He was lost in thought, but I had no idea what he was thinking. Seeing the pain in Arsen's face made me feel ashamed. I wanted to touch him, to hug and kiss him and tell him not to worry, but the nagging realization that we were back in public stopped me. There was a fine line between consoling a sibling and a lovers embrace.
I guess my father had taught me well.
That thought was immediately followed by a wave of nausea. Even in the wake of tragedy, I couldn't shake worrying about my public image.
Arsen just frowned and pulled away. He wasn't the type of person who asked for, or allowed any emotional or physical help. He folded his arms and walked back into his mother's room. I stayed in the hallway and watched him go, feeling heavy and horrible.
Now that I was back in the real world, I was paralyzed by the thought that someone might be watching or photographing me. I couldn't help it. Throughout the entirety of my whole life, my father drilled one concept into my head.
'You are whatever the public says you are. And as an actor, you live with the shadow of scandal looming over you at all times. Valentine, you are only one mistake away from ridicule, then obscurity.' Hearing my father's voice in my head made me shiver with anger.
My phone mercifully lit up with a message from my friend, Marcy. She'd arrived at the hospital with some dry clothes for us. We were in such a rush earlier that Arsen hadn't stopped for a change of clothes. We were both still damp from the Jacuzzi.
Marcy was flirting with the security guard when I finally found her. She flipped back, and twirled a strand of her luscious dark brown hair, laughing. It wasn't even dawn yet and Marcy looked amazing. Strapless dress, flawless makeup and hair, I could never tell if she was going to a party or coming from one. I guess it didn't matter, she always looked perfect. She gave the absolutely smitten security guard a final wink and sauntered over to me.
I'd known Marcy since high school, although she didn't actually go to my school. She toyed at the idea of becoming an actor, but decided to go the modeling route instead. Modeling fit her showy personality really well, she wore the lifestyle like a sexy bikini.
“Oh, my dear, Valentin-a!” Marcy hugged me, worry marred her immaculate face. I rolled my eyes at the horrible nickname she made for me ages ago, but she was really helping me out so didn't want to scold her for it. “You look simply atrocious.”
I was insulted, but she was right. I felt like an absolute mess. I was still in my waterlogged dress from the party I’d gone to. My hair was flattened, frizzy, and pulled back. I wasn't even wearing underwear anymore, which, although I was still covered, made me feel super exposed.
“Thanks, Marcy,” I said, dryly. I took a breath, letting my annoyance drain away, then smiled at her. It was nice of her to interrupt her, probably fabulous, plans to come to the hospital for me. “You're a lifesaver.”
“Of course! Is your stepmom ok? It's all over the news.”
“She'll be alright, she just needs to rest.
“Ok, so, here's the clothes for you.” Marcy handed me a shopping bag. How she was able to go shopping at this time of the morning, I'll never know. Then she handed me a second bag. “And these, I assume are for your crazy, hot stepbrother. Is he single yet?”
“No.” The word vomited out of me. What the hell was that? Am still I jealous? “I mean, I don't know. Maybe?”
“Valentine, I'm tots angry at you for keeping him all to yourself.”
“What?” My eyes flared and I began to flush. What had Marcy heard?
“I know, I know. He's your bodyguard, but have you seen his cock yet? Y'know by accident, or whatever?” She shrugged and smiled, then licked her lips. “I'm just saying, I bet it's probably huge.”
“Marcy...” I sighed, feeling relieved. She was just being her pervy self. For a moment I thought I was busted.
“Sweet Valentine, wouldn't dream of such a vile act.” Marcy put the back of her hand to her forehead and feigned squeamishness. “A body like his and I wouldn't care if he was my real brother, I'd let him fuck me into a wheelchair. I'm wet just thinking about him,” Marcy fanned herself. “Is that weird?”
“Oh my God!” My eyes shot wide in disbelief. “Why am I friends with you?”
“But seriously, Valentin-a, you'd better give him my number, or our BFF status on Facebook becomes 'it's complicated,' real quick.”
“Marcy!” It was completely selfish, but there was no way in hell that I would ever let Arsen near Marcy.
I couldn't shake the vivid image of the us together in the Jacuzzi earlier. What he said to me, raised my skin with goose bumps. 'How many times do I have to tell you, Val? You belong to me.'
“It's— It's just not a good time right now.” I swallowed, hoping that the heat flushing to my face wasn't visible. “Marcy, we're in a hospital.”
“Yeah, the stepmom thing, super sorry! I just figured it wasn't a huge deal. Your dad already did a YouTube press conference about it. Just a fender-bender, right?”
“He did what?” Is that why he wasn't here or answering my calls! He was too busy addressing his fans than concerning himself with his family. And that was no 'fender-bender', Pamela was really hurt! My father could be such a fucking monster sometimes.
“Hugh said you'd be talking about it during your Late Show interview later tonight.”
“He said what!” I was beginning to sound like a broken record. That show was fifteen hours from now! Not even a day away and my father was already making promises on my behalf. I couldn't believe it. I'd completely forgotten about that stupid interview! Now that he said that, I might not even be able to cancel it.
I couldn't care less about promoting my latest movie, all I wanted to do was to stay here with Pamela and Arsen. They're the ones that needed me, not the Late Show Live. It's either being there for my family, and whatever Arsen was to me now, or damaging my career. If I broke the contract I'd be banned from that show.
Everything used to be so much simpler...
Chapter 11
Arsen
Past
“There you are!” I hear Val's voice getting closer. I've been hiding from her for the last few weeks, she's the one person I couldn't bear to talk to. And she finally found me.
I ignored her, and whipped another beer bottle at the side of the abandoned mill. It smashed out a second floor window.
“Arsen, your mom and I have been looking all over for you.” Val looked around at the decaying mill district, mildly disgusted. A girl like her, whose lived in the nicer areas of Boston all her life, didn't belong in these parts. “Is this where you've been staying?”
Only for the last week. I'd been traveling around since I ran away, sleeping wherever I could and fighting for whatever I could get.
Val was all bundled up in her nice, new winter clothes. She may have been an outsider at school, but her family was still loaded, she always had expensive offbeat clothing. In the poorer parts of South Boston, she stuck out like an easy target.
This was a dangerous place, I had to get her out of her as quickly as possible.
“You shouldn't be here.” I threw another bottle, it shattered on a crumbling brick wall. The cops barely came to this area in Southie, so I could be as destructive as I wanted and no one would say shit.
“How long are you going to do this for?” She didn't seem concerned about her own safety at all, probably because she didn't know the area well. For such a smart girl she could be pretty stupid sometimes.
“Until the bottles run out, I guess.” I shrugged.
“You know that's not what I mean.”
“What the fuck do you want from me, Val?” I finally turned and looked at her, it was something I was hoping to avoid. I was angry all the time now, it was the only thing that kept me going anymore. The compassion and concern in her soft blue eyes, ripped me to shreds. “My father's dead!”
“You don't have to go through this alone, Arsen.” Val's voice was a thick blanket in the bitter cold, it was soft, warm and comforting. All she wanted was to help me. I had fallen overboard and she had thrown me a life preserver. “It's alright to grieve. Please, just come home.”
“Home... I guess that's what Boston is now, huh? You don't have to worry about me going very far now.” The words rose in my throat like bile, there was no stopping them. It was like the end of a sad movie that you'd already seen. You'd give anything to change the outcome, but all you could do was watch the events unfold. I lashed out at her, saying the worst thing I could think of. “Looks like you got what you wanted.”
Immediately my eyes snapped away. I couldn't bare to see the look on her face. I couldn't bear to hurt the person I cared about the most, but I had to. I was damaged now, I'd only drag her down. I know she cared about me, but it was better for her if she just gave up on me and moved on. It was better for me if I stopped hoping things could be different.
I never looked back at Val after that. All I heard was muted crying and the snowy crunch of footsteps walking away. I was truly alone now.
Present.
“You're seriously leaving?” Of all people, I didn't think she'd be the one to bail. The Val I used to know never would've have left,
“I'm sorry, I did everything I could. I'm under contract to appear, they could sue me if I don't show up.” Val tried to explain, but it all sounded like hollow excuses to me.
“So, what? Your stepmom is in the hospital. She needs you.” I felt that too familiar rage take over. Val hesitated, but I was already too angry to stop. I was pissed at Mom's driver for letting that happen, and at Hugh for abandoning her and not telling us what really happened. “Y'know what, Valentine, go. Do your TV bullshit, miss movie star. Go be your father's daughter.”
Val was stunned, she started to retort, to attack me back, but ultimately decided against it. I think a part of her felt the truth in my words, and knew how much she had changed over the years. Val touched my mom's knee one last time, then left to go do more important things.
I stewed there for a few minutes. When my anger finally diffused, I began to feel guilty. She still shouldn't have left, but I shouldn't have been so damn hard on her either. I blew out my air and rubbed my face. The last thing I wanted was to be so mean to her, it's just when my anger gets going I lose control.
“You don't know what that poor girl's been through, Arsen.” My mother's voice was weak, but still stern.
“Mom?” I pulled up a chair next to her so she wouldn't have to talk so loud.
“She broke into acting all by herself, Hugh didn't help her in any way.”
“Why the hell not? With all the connections he had, it'd have been nothing to get her into a few good roles.” That seemed insane! Hugh was a callous prick to those around him, but Val's his own daughter. Why was he always extra hard on her? It never made any sense.
“I asked him the same thing. He told me that he had done it on his own so she should too. I'm not sure how true that was.”
“Mom, I've never asked you before, but why are you and Hugh—” I began, but she cut me off. I didn't blame her for that, the doctors had her on a cocktail of pain meds.
“That first day when you came back to be Valentine's bodyguard, I whispered something to her.” Mom took a moment, even breathing was difficult for her. When she regained her breath, the concern in her face made me feel like I was the one in the car accident. “I told her that you needed her as much as she needed you, that you were still lost.” When I told Hugh to hire you, I hoped Valentine could bring you back. Frankly, I don't know how you're still alive. I miss you, Arsen. Valentine misses you too.”
Misses. She makes it sound like I'm still gone, off fighting somewhere. I sighed. It was really great to reconnect with Val, but part of me was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was like I always had one foot out the door, and was just waiting for another reason to abandon her again. I hated thinking that way.
“At some point, Arsen,” Mom grabbed my hand. The hard look in her eyes made me think that she might not be as drugged up as I thought she was. “You need to either come home, or leave for good.”
From her tightening grip, I knew which of the two options she hoped I'd take. Mom cocked her head to the door, in a gesture for me to leave and figure out which one it was going to be. She was right, as always. It was time to decide. I kissed her on the forehead and said my goodbye.
Later.
It didn't take long to get past the production office, I needed to see Val one last time before I left for good.
The show had already started so they put me in the empty green room until Val was finished. On the monitor above the snack table, I watched the audience cheer as Val walked to the couch next to the host.
She was wearing this white dress with black sleeves and buttons up the chest. Her dirty blond hair was pulled back except for two side-swooping bangs that framed her face perfectly. It was a supposed to be a casual look, but she rocked the outfit. My cock hardened at the thought of pulling up her dress and tearing off her underwear again. Even with one foot out the door, I still wanted to finish what we started.
I was too busy with my fantasy to hear what the host asked her, but I snapped back in time to see Val struggle with the question. I felt like shit. I shouldn't have said all those things, especially right before she was going on network television. I could be such a selfish asshole sometimes.
“Aw shit, yeah! I didn't know Valentine Dawson was going to be here tonight!” Two craft service guys walked in, each carrying a tray, one of snacks and one of deserts. One of them placed the tray on the table and plugged in the toaster over. In doing so, he knocked out the power to the monitor.
“Every damn time,” the older man grumbled. He'd been the one who unplugged the monitor by accident.
“Hurry up, dude! If I miss a wardrobe malfunction, I'm gonna be pissed,” the younger blond guy whined. I overheard crude shit about Val every once in a while, she was a movie star after all. Normal or not, it drove me crazy, and took all the willpower I had not to punch those fucking assholes in the mouth.
I was the only one that should be talking dirty to her. I breathed, calming down and forcing myself to remember the decision that I made.
The older man sighed. “Keep your pants on, Blake, the outlets faulty.”
“She's got some bangin' tits, yo,” Blake prattled on. I felt my ire rising, and got up to leave the room before I made a scene. I reminded myself that I was here to apologize to Val, not embarrass her. “You think they're real? Shit, you think she'd let me check? Yo, I've wanted to bend that bitch over since—”
Something snapped in me. Instincts kicked in as I walked by that blond piece of shit. Before I even knew what happened, the tray he was holding was flipped into the air and I had him pinned to the wall by his neck.
“Watch your fucking mouth,” My voice came out as a low growl. I was inches away from the kid's face. Blake was so terrified at the explosion of motion that urine ran down his leg.
“Woah! Woah! Take it easy there, big fella—” The older man got up and patted the air, then realized who I was. “Oh, goddammit, Blake! Mr. Constantine, I am so sorry about my nephew. He had no idea that was your sister. He's an idiot, but he meant no harm. Please let him go.”
Blake's eyes flashed again, realizing the depth of shit he stepped into. I could snap his neck from this position. I snorted at the thought, then came to my senses and let him go. Blake gasped and slumped against the wall.
“Sister?” Blake groaned the words out between coughs. “Fuck. Sorry.”
Step sister. I wanted to correct them, as if that would make any difference. That wouldn't make my actions and thoughts about Val any more acceptable. That was yet another reason why I didn't belong here. I left the green room and made my way out onto the bustling Manhattan street. I needed some air.
I had to shove my way past a guy in a green hoodie that was hovering near the studio's entrance. I was about bitch him out for being in my way, but I realized it was just my anger at the situation that had me so riled up. I leaned against my car, that was parked in the curbside valet and tried to clear my head. It hadn't even been five minutes and I was about to get into another fight, seriously?
This girl made me crazy. What the fuck was I thinking coming here? I should've just left her a note and moved on.
I was hired to protect her from the shit that happened to my mom. What have I done so far? I've nearly fucked the shit out of her in a Jacuzzi and complicated her career. Not to mention nearly crippling some asshole, because of insane jealousy.
I'm not a bodyguard, I'm a fighter. I was lying to myself when I thought I could protect Val. I couldn't even protect her from myself, let alone any real threats out there. She needs someone who wasn't distracted by wanting to fuck her all the time.
I couldn't do this anymore, it's why I left in the first place. I was fooling myself, it was always going to be like this. She's my step sister now, I have to come to terms with that.
I pulled out my phone and did the one thing besides fucking, that I was ever any good at.
“Arsen?” The familiar voice asked with disbelief.
“Yeah, it's me. I'm back in the game,” I said to Malcolm, my contact.
“You sure, man? You remember what happened to Louis...” Malcolm's voice trailed off. “You barely made it out alive yourself last time.”
I thought on that, remembering. I could still hear the cheers of the bloodthirsty crowd, while my friend Louis was beaten to death right in front of me. Some grief you carried around with you like a backpack that could never be put down.
Then I thought of Val and the night I left her forever. That was a completely different kind of pain, it wasn't dull and heavy like Louis. Val was a slow knife, being slid between my ribs. Being so close to her and not having her wasn't a pain I could live with. Sorry, Mom. I couldn't be what either of you wanted.