“Fine.” Sadie takes the straw from Brooke’s fingers, leans forward, and snorts a line. She looks up with a smile. “See, easy as can be. Doesn’t even burn that bad.” She swipes a finger along the dust that remains and slides it around her gums.
My stomach turns over. I feel like I dodged a bullet as Brooke rests the mirror on the dresser, fixes another line, leans down and sniffs. A second later, her head falls back. Her eyes are closed as she brings her fingers to her nose, pinches and sniffs. Just as Sadie had done, she slides her finger over the residue and proceeds to rub it all over her gums.
I wonder just how long my cousin has been doing drugs. Had it come along with the rock and roll lifestyle or had it started before? I now know she had problems in middle school; shunned and ridiculed by her so-called friends. Had she started using back then to escape?
I’m hoping that Curtis will take a line and that will be it. That we’ll walk out the door and return to the party. My hope fades when Brooke slips another small chunk from the foil and chops it up. Curtis slides his legs to the side of the bed, obviously ready to take a hit. I glance at the door, needing any excuse to get the hell out. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“Out the door, take an immediate left,” Curtis says, pulling his dreadlocks out of the way as he takes a hit.
“I’ll be right back,” I say, exiting as fast as I can.
Their laughter follows me.
I push the bathroom door open and lock it. Turning on the faucet, I take a deep breath and slide my hands down my face.
I can’t snort coke. I can’t…
In seventh grade I took diet pills with Ange and ended up with a sick feeling to my stomach and the sensation of ants racing on my scalp. If I had that reaction with something for sale over the counter, then how would I react to an illegal drug? I mean, I don’t even know where the coke came from.
Everything within me screams to leave, to go home and not say a word to my mom, but how will I explain myself when I show up on foot and Brooke’s nowhere in sight? My aunt would rush over and start demanding answers.
Plus, I’d probably never see Brooke again. She’d disown me. I brace my hands on the counter and look at myself in the mirror. A wave of nausea rises in my throat and I rush to the toilet to throw up, hoping that Brooke, Curtis and Sadie don’t hear.
After five minutes, I hear a knock at the bathroom door. “Kenzie, you okay?”
It’s Sadie.
I take a deep breath and release it. “Yeah, I’ll be right out.” I open the top drawer and find toothpaste, so I squeeze a tiny bit onto my finger and swish it around my mouth.
Tell her you don’t want to do drugs, I think to myself as I take a final, steadying breath and open the door. Stick to your guns.
I walk back into the room to find Ryder has joined the group.
“There she is,” Ryder says, a wide smile on his handsome face. “We thought maybe you had fallen in.”
Embarrassed, I shut the door behind me and lean against it.
Brooke hands Ryder the mirror and he takes the line. Disappointment eats at my insides as he snorts the line like a pro. My stomach tightens when he hands me the mirror. “Here you go.” He holds the mirror flat on his palm like he’s presenting me with a diamond on a silver platter.
Four sets of eyes watch me intently.
At the moment, I want to be anywhere else except here.
I glance up. Sadie nods in silent encouragement. Brooke has slid onto Curtis’s lap and his arms are tight around her. Brooke doesn’t say anything, but by the way she watches me, I know she wants me to take the line.
Is Brooke worried I’ll go home and tell my mom that she does drugs?
“You taking it?” Ryder asks, his voice tinged with humor as he continues to hold the mirror out to me. He’s daring me.
There’s just one, thin, white line. Barely anything, I tell myself.
Everyone continues to stare.
My throat is so tight, I can barely swallow.
If I say no, will they still accept me? Or will Brooke leave me to fend for myself at Pacific?
I think of the girls sitting in the other room, of blondie, Cicely and their bitchy friends at school. I would pick my cousin and her buddies over those girls any day of the week.
“Come on, Kenz,” Sadie says, standing. “We can’t wait all night.”
Curtis nods in agreement. “Yeah, we need to get to practicing.”
Maybe it’s the need to fit in and prove my loyalty to my cousin, whatever the case, I take the mirror from Ryder. His eyes meet mine and he smiles, white teeth flashing. “It will burn your nose for just a second.”
I look down at the mirror and can see my reflection. My face is so pale, my blue eyes wide.
I’m terrified...and it shows.
Steadying my shaking hand, I reach for the straw, lift it with thumb and forefinger just as the others had done and, bringing it to my nose, I lean down, position it at the line and inhale.
CHAPTER 6
I just finish the line when a knock sounds at the door behind me.
“Shit, it’s Deklan,” Curtis mouths the words and everyone moves into action. Ryder snatches the mirror and straw from me and stashes it in the very drawer that Brooke took it from. Brooke folds the foil and puts it back into her purse.
Why are they freaking out if it’s just Deklan? I wonder.
I move out of the way and Ryder opens the door.
Deklan scans the room, his gaze falling on me for a second. Those intense green eyes seem to sear into my soul.
Why do I suddenly feel like we’ve been busted by our parents?
“What are you guys doing?” Deklan’s gaze returns to Ryder.
Ryder shrugs. “Nothing, man. Just chillin’ before practice.”
“There are so many people here,” Brooke adds, slinging her purse over her shoulder. “We wanted a break.”
I sniff and everyone turns to look at me. Brooke shakes her head and I cough then look down.
Curtis walks out with Ryder and Sadie following. I glance at Brooke and she smiles. “You okay, Kenz?”
I nod. I am fine. Actually, I don’t feel much of anything.
I hug her, this cousin of mine who has taken me under her wing. She laughs and hugs me back.
“You guys ready to play?” I hear Deklan ask as I follow them down the steps.
Brooke keeps looking over at me as we make our way back downstairs. The crowd has grown to about thirty people and, as the band takes the makeshift stage, they all crowd around.
Sadie grabs me by the hand and we worm our way through the crowd to the front of the stage. Everyone in the basement quiets down and, as each band member takes their place, I feel my heart begin to pound really hard.
The sensation startles me for a second, but as Ryder slides the bass strap over his neck, I focus on him instead of what is happening in my body.
Curtis bends down to adjust the amp and Deklan takes a seat on the stool behind the drum kit.
Brooke turns and nods at Deklan, who hits his drumsticks together. “One, two, a one, two, three.”
A steady beat begins, the guitars joining in, and the crowd starts jumping up and down. It seems completely natural to do the same. I think of Ange and wish she was here.
Brooke’s fingers slide around the mic and the beautiful voice that emerges shocks me. The confidence she exudes puts a lump in my throat. I know my cousin had been in a kiddie choir at church, so I figured she could sing, but I never imagined she’d have such an incredible voice. I watch her in awe; how she works the audience and the control she has. There is a confidence she has anyways, but on stage, she has confidence in spades and I feel a sense of pride in my cousin.
In fact, all of the band members are extremely talented and not just a bunch of pretty faces.
No wonder they have their own groupies.
My gaze shifts to Ryder. Warm feelings rush through my veins as I watch his fingers slide over the bass strings.
There is something incredibly sexy about a guy playing the guitar, the motion almost suggestive.
Suddenly Ryder looks right at me and smiles.
I feel hot all over.
Or maybe that’s just the drugs…
“He can’t keep his eyes off you,” Sadie whispers, sounding a little surprised.
His gaze shifts abruptly and his attention moves to the blonde who is bopping up and down, compliments of no bra and a tube-top. Every guy in the room takes notice, no doubt waiting in anticipation for her to flash the crowd at any second.
Normally, I think I would have been irritated, but now I laugh, happy, euphoric even. I find myself moving a little so I can see Deklan. He’s the only one on stage not preoccupied with blondie’s imminent wardrobe malfunction.
Instead, he stays focused, hammering out the tempo with his drum sticks.
My gaze skips back to Ryder.
Gorgeous, flirtatious to a fault, and with a pretty damn good backup voice, he can work a room. I can hardly wait to see them in a bigger venue because, even in a room packed with friends, he is full of swagger.
Then again, I have never doubted Ryder’s confidence.
He oozes it.
I glance at Deklan once again. He’s lost in the music, his head moving in time with the beat, his hands moving so fast, sticks hammering the drums and cymbals. The muscles in his arms are so defined and, for the short period of time I saw his body earlier, he is in incredible shape. I can see why. The stamina it takes to play the drums is impressive. He’s an animal and it’s fun to watch.
He must have felt my gaze because he glances at me. For a second, he doesn’t smile. There is no emotion as he plays, hitting the drums with an intensity that makes the hair on my arms stand on end.
The drummer. The most underrated member of the band. The guy who counts the band down and keeps the beat for the rest of the group.
And drummers are damn sexy, I think, sweat beading on my forehead. Deklan is uber sexy with those smoldering green eyes. He sucks the lip ring into his mouth and I feel my stomach drop to my toes.
I’m turned on. I won’t lie. This band, these two men, make me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling. Maybe it’s the drugs talking, or maybe for the first time in my life I am actually experiencing what it’s like to finally have freedom. A freedom to be who I want to be and to not be sheltered from real life.
This is real life. It is a life I’ve been shielded from and one I want to experience more of.
Drugs, rock bands, and gorgeous guys who stare at me like they want to rip my clothes off.
I kind of want to rip their clothes off, too.
My gaze skips to Ryder and his brow is lifted. Is he surprised I’ve been checking out Deklan? He seems kind of pissed. I actually smile and he steps right in front of Deklan, completely cutting off my view.
Sadie clamps her hand around my wrist.
“Let’s dance.” She takes me by the hand and we leave our prime position of front, center stage and walk to the room where a few girls look like they are having a dance off. They seem to be more concerned with getting the band members’ attention, though, than focusing on their actual moves. It makes me think of pole dancers without the bar.
A couple is making-out in the corner and I’m stunned to see that it looks like the same kid who was passed out on the couch when we’d been upstairs. He isn’t asleep anymore. The two are pretty wrapped up in each other.
The song has a great beat and Sadie begins to dance.
She has amazing moves and, normally, I wouldn’t have danced in the center of a room when only a few other people are dancing, but I so don’t care at the moment; I have so much energy!
It’s like I become one with the beat of the music.
I sense Ryder’s gaze on me again. I glance over and he’s staring right at me. His grin tells me he likes what he sees.
I smile. Sadie is moving really seductively now and I’m stunned when she grabs me by the waist and starts swaying back and forth in a sensual way. I match her rhythm and soon we are moving, or sort of grinding, together.
Sadie looks at me, her red lips curving. Her pupils are super dilated, and I wonder if mine are the same way.
“Put your hands on my shoulders,” she whispers against my ear, her lips grazing the lobe.
I do as she asks and put my hands on her shoulders.
She smiles, looking pleased.
It occurs to me, again, that normally I would never do this. Yet, I just go with it, having fun, moving to the beat of the music like my life depends on it. I love the sensation of not caring what anyone thinks. For the first time in seventeen years I am free.
I glance over at the couple who had been making out. Now, they are watching us.
So is the majority of the room, including the band, I realize, a full thirty seconds before the song ends.
The crowd breaks into applause.
“Thanks everyone,” Brooke says, brushing a hand through her hair. “We’re taking fifteen.”
Sadie drops her hands from my hips and surprises me when she kisses me. Her lips lingering for more than a few seconds.
I blink and look at her.
The sides of her mouth lift and she winks at me. “You’re very sexy, Kenzie,” she says under her breath.
Brooke and Curtis walk off stage with Ryder, who is staring right at me. My heart pounds with every step that brings him closer. I can’t move so I stand as still as a statue, unable to even blink.
Then, he is here, standing right in front of me, his eyes heated, his breathing slightly uneven.
His fingers thread through mine and he pulls me along, away from the crowd.
I don’t have time to say anything to Sadie or to my cousin. I follow behind him down the short hallway and into Deklan’s room.
A queen size bed dominates the room that has no windows. Black and white photography as well as charcoal drawings cover the walls. There are candles everywhere. Only one is lit, though, and it casts the room into a brilliant, yellowish glow.
Ryder closes and locks the door, and when I turn, he grabs me and pushes me up against the wall, his hands on either side of my face as he kisses me. Hard. This isn’t like the peck I just received from Sadie. This is an I have to have you right this second or I’m going to die kind of kiss. Desire rushes through me, coursing like fire through my veins.
“Do you feel it?” he whispers against my lips.
I nod because I feel a lot of different things at the moment, especially the hard ridge of his sex wedged against a delicate part of my anatomy.
And I won’t lie—it feels amazing.
He pulls back slightly and I realize he is waiting for my verbal response.
I nod. “Yes, I feel it.”
Do I ever. Liquid fire rushes through my veins. I shift my hips forward slightly and he moans low in his throat. I’m intrigued. I’ve never had any power over guys, especially a guy like Ryder.
He cups my face and his tongue sweeps past my lips.
It’s my turn to moan and he smiles against my mouth, obviously pleased by my reaction.
My arms slide around his neck and I press against him in complete surrender.
He groans again, a primal sound that elevates my need to another level.
His hands move down, over my neck, my shoulders, my arms, to my waist. He grips my hips tightly then those fingers slide down over the curve of my butt and flex, pulling me into him; grinding me against his rock hard cock.
Adrenaline rushes through my veins, along with a wicked excitement that has me aching to explore everything he is offering.
The only boyfriend I’ve ever had was my next-door neighbor, a jock who had been more afraid to have sex than I was. We fooled around, making out every time we got together, but aside from feeling me up once, the relationship had remained innocent.
Joshua Ryder is not innocent, though, and I’ll be lucky if I walk out of this room with my v-card intact.
His kiss is so intense and his hands are everywhere, it seems.
His shaggy hair tickles my forearms and I smile against his mouth.
“What?” he asks, his brows furrowed, but the grin remains.
“I just can’t believe this is happening,” I answer, wishing I could take the words back the second I say them.
With a deep groan he lifts me up, turns and, the next thing I know, I’m flat on my back on the bed. He’s arched over me, braced on his hands as he looks down at me. “You’re so beautiful. God, a man could get lost in your eyes.”
Who knew that Josh Ryder could be capable of such a romantic sentiment? His eyes are darker and heavier lidded than they’d been before and, although I am lacking in sexual experience, I know exactly what that look means. I can feel what it means. He flexes his hips and I arch against him, aching to get closer.
His fingers work at the buttons of my borrowed vest, undoing them in seconds.
Seeing my bra, he lifts his brow. “Who knew sweet Kenzie has such a wicked side. You constantly surprise me.”
This is what ecstasy feels like, I think to myself as his fingers unhook my bra.
His hands are on my breasts a second later, his thumbs brushing over my nipples. My breath catches in my throat as he lowers his head and takes a sensitive peak into his mouth.
My fingers grip his soft hair and I can hear his deep chuckle as his tongue flicks and sucks.
I arch against him, wanting more, my hands moving down his back, exploring the hard planes and muscles.
I’m mesmerized at what he is doing and stare down at his dark head, watching in fascination as he takes me to new heights.
I want more…
Reaching between our bodies, he starts unbuttoning my jeans then unzips them. His hand eases beneath my panties and teases the delicate bundle of nerves at the top of my sex. He slips a finger inside me.
My breath leaves me in a rush.
For a split second, warning bells start going off in my head.
Or no, wait—was that a knock?
“No way,” Ryder whispers. His chest is rising and falling sharply as he looks towards the door.
“Maybe if we’re quiet, they’ll go away,” I say, even as his hand slips out of my panties.
Thin White Line Page 5