She's Only Seventeen: A Novel of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll

by K. M. Ellis

  “Why? We can just chill here; have some drinks… that’s cool with me.”

  “But I wanna dance,” she said laughing and dancing around me, rubbing her bottom on my hip.

  I grabbed her on the waist behind her, stopping her.

  “Fine,” I said defeated. “We can go!”

  Later that day

  Kat came back to my house with a taxi later that evening wearing a reveling black dress and atrocious snakeskin heels.

  “Come on” she said.

  Fuck I thought to myself as the taxi pulled up at the club.

  “Come on Tom” she said pulling my hand. We sat at the bar, Kat drinking her cosmos down one by one, myself, the whiskey. Before I knew it, it was midnight.

  Kat pushed me on the dance floor. She ran her body up and down mine. I felt myself getting hard, instead of ignoring it; it could have been the drinking.

  “Fuck it” I said, grabbing her and kissing her.

  She instantly pulled away.

  I grabbed her again to make her face me. I took her hand and placed it on the budge growing in my pants.

  “See what you do to me. “ I breathed close to her face.

  She kissed me right there as I hungrily kissed her back. She would have let me take her right then and there on the dance floor if I had not stopped it.

  “Come on, Kat, let’s get out of here.”

  She nodded her hand in mine.

  We waited outside for a taxi, her lips attached to mine still, not caring who saw.

  In the taxi I couldn’t keep my hands off her and when we finally got to my place, her clothes were off as soon as we shut the door leaving a trail from the front door to the bedroom.

  I didn’t feel guilty about it, when she spread her legs and pulled me down to her, I didn’t hesitate. I let her engulf me whole.

  I couldn’t have stopped myself then even I had I had wanted to.

  Kat

  December 1990

  I awake in the morning with a throbbing headache and Thomas lying naked beside me. He looked so peaceful. It had been amazing; I had been surprised by the passion that had overtaken me with him.

  He caught me looking at him.

  “Mmmm” he hummed coming closer to me.

  “Tom,” I turned away.

  He looked confused. “What, Kat?”

  “We shouldn’t have done that,” I whispered.

  “Why? Don’t be silly, you enjoyed it didn’t you?”

  “I did,” I confessed.

  “Then what’s the problem?” he asked rolling up on his side and propping himself up on his elbow.

  “I can’t just have sex with you, I’m in a relationship.”

  “It’s never stopped you before, we’ve been doing it and you even said you wanted to be with me. Well, I’m here, I’m still fucking here and where are you?” he quipped

  I shot him a look and started to get out of bed.

  “Don’t go, Kat,” he said

  I stood up and began to dress. He got out of bed and stood naked. I turned to him. He was beautiful with his long black hair falling over his shoulders and his blue eyes sharply looking into me. The line of hair on his chest went down to his navel and then to his cock, which was slightly lifted.

  “Come on, Kat” he said again.

  “I have to get back to Brian and Darla,” I said. “This shouldn’t have happened.”

  He looked hurt. “Yes, it should have, Kat. It felt right.”

  I left the bedroom and began putting on my clothing I found in the hallway and out to the living room. Thomas followed me, in his boxers now.

  “Kat,” he said, grabbing my arm so I turned face him. “Please, Kat”

  He took my face in his hands, staring into my eyes. I had to look away.

  “Leave him, Kat. Leave him and be with me. You feel it, I know you do. It feels right.”

  “It doesn’t feel right Tom,” Didn’t it?

  “I… Kat… you’ve got me wide open here. I love you and I want to be with you. After last night you pretty much told me you still feel the same”

  “It was just sex, Tom,” I said forcing myself to believe it.

  “I don’t believe you, Kat.”

  “I gotta call a cab” I said sitting on the couch.

  He sat beside me as I dialed the number and spoke to the operator.

  “Ten minutes” I breathed.

  He shook his head. “We could make this work, Kat.”

  “You don’t understand. I left Shane for you and ended up with Brian. I ruined everything and if I leave Brian then… then it’s like I did it for nothing… Christ, I’ve told you this before.”

  “Then why did you sleep with me?” he said frustrated.

  I couldn’t answer. Why had I been sleeping with him? The few months we had been apart had changed something in me. I felt different. Not that I wanted to be with Brian, but we had fun together… didn’t we? And I couldn’t just leave him, I was too involved now. There was my daughter to think of who had come to really enjoy Brian’s presence. We sat there in silence until I heard a horn outside beckoning me to come outside.

  “I’ll see you later, Tom.”

  “Kat!”

  He grabbed me suddenly and kissed me hard. I pulled away from him quickly, my heart beating out of control in my chest.

  I turned and quickly began walking down the stairs.

  I then looked back at him, he just shook his head and I left.

  When I got home, Brian was waiting for me.

  “What happened?” he asked

  “I got drunk and passed out at Tom’s place, sorry.”

  “No, its okay,” he said relieved, “I just wish you had called. I was worried.”

  “By the time I got there it was way too late and I was too far gone.”

  He laughed, “Okay well I’m glad you’re alright, you’re in safe hands with, Tom, I know.”

  Sure I was.

  1991

  Thomas

  January 1991

  It was hopeless, the more she fought me, the more I wanted her.

  We began to write for our new album Dark Stranger in January of 1991. I thought it was a great way to start the New Year as so much had happened in the last.

  Kat and I would build tension between each other. She wanted me but refused to admit it. She was so ashamed of her feelings and her irrational action with Shane and Brian which had led her to this point. Most of it was my fault I felt. Shane still didn’t talk to me much after I admitted to him that I had been with Kat during their marriage. Kat seldom spoke to Shane, but when she did, you could tell it hurt her. Perhaps she did still love him, or realized it now that they were no longer together. She wouldn’t tell me now anyways.

  “Being around him makes me cringe”, Kat confessed one day

  “Brian?”

  “Who do you think?” she snapped

  I shrugged.

  “I think he’s cheating on me.”

  “Well you cheated on him so why do you care?” I said sarcastically

  Her lips twisted, not amused.

  “Come on, Kat just leave him then.”

  “And what? Be with you? You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

  “So would you” I told her flatly.

  She stared at me, “God damn it, Tom” she exclaimed throwing her hands in the air.

  I laughed to myself. I could read her, even if she didn’t want me to.

  Ian

  February 1991

  “We are the best, Tom; we have to show them that we are something without Arctic Circle. This album will do it,” Kat shouted at Thomas.

  “That’s why we have to work ten times harder, Kat. That’s why I need you to hit this harder,” he told her.

  Kat and Thomas were at each other’s throats which made practicing and writings songs difficult. On several occasions, they had actually ended practice in a screaming match. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was with Brian and Thomas had well voiced his opinion abo
ut him, or if it was because was she distracted. She tried her best to be agreeable with him, but Thomas wouldn’t have any of it and acted like he didn’t want to hear her or be near her. His manner, his body language all pointed towards one thing. He desired her. He always had, now it was coming to a peak. I could sense a wedge between them and so could James. We weren’t getting anything done like this, and we were on a dead line for Dark Stranger. I told Thomas several times that he needed to stop his attitude but he just said he didn’t have one and to be happy we still had a band. Whatever that meant. If anything Thomas should have been happy we hadn’t left him. All I knew was something had to change.

  Kat

  March 1991

  “Kat, can you not do anything right?” Thomas shouted at me.

  “What’s she doing wrong?” James asked coming to my rescue.

  “She just…” he paused. “It just doesn’t sound right, you know I think were done for today I’m gonna work on a couple of things tonight and let’s meet in the morning yeah?”

  I nodded my head as I heard “yeas” around me.

  “Don’t forget, we have two weeks until the showdown in the city, I want to play some of this new shit.”

  James and Ian nodded in recognition and left, leaving me alone with Thomas.

  “Why are you still here?” he asked under his breath, not facing me.

  “I wanted to talk.”

  “Well I don’t want to, not until you agree to leave him.”

  He headed upstairs and walked into the kitchen.

  I followed him. He put his hand on the counter and leaned his head down. “Can you just go, Kat?”

  I put my arms around him and leaned my head against his back.

  “Let go of me, Kat.”

  I put my hand on his crotch and rubbed him.

  “Kat!”

  I kept at it, loosening him from his pants. He turned and I let him kiss me full on before bending onto my knees and taking him in my mouth. His hands gripped the counter top as he threw his head back.

  “Fuuuck” he growled as saltiness filled my mouth into my throat, his cock pulsing playfully against my tongue.

  I stood up facing him, “Jesus, Kat, can’t you just…”

  “I know, Tom,” I said softly. “I know”

  His lips touched mine, “I don’t mean to be so horrible to you, I just, and I really want to do this with you”

  “It will happen I promise.”

  I was certain it would, how soon, I wasn’t sure. All I could tell was that Tom was getting increasingly frustrated with me and he had every right.

  Thomas

  April 1991

  “Alright guys, are we ready?” I shouted.

  We were about to perform, Kat and I had a better understanding of each other now and were on much better terms. We had managed to finish the album and get the songs down we wanted to perform for this show. It would only be a sample of the new album but hopefully enough to get our fans talking and excited for the upcoming tour.

  As we entered center stage we began our first out of four songs we would play. Kat’s energy was contagious. She was all over the place, smiling at me and the others.

  When our last song came to a close, she put down the microphone and was smiling and waving at the crowd. I stood next to her with my arm around her shoulder. She looked up at me, without thinking I kissed her, right there in front of everyone.

  She stared at me, then slapped me across the face and walked off the stage.

  I followed her, the crowd cheering behind me. She stormed past the crew and into the dressing room shutting the door; I caught it just before it shut completely. I shut her and me in the room.

  “What the fuck, Thomas,” she breathed

  “It’s now or ever, Kat. Be with me or it’s over everything.”

  “You can’t give me an ultimatum like that, I told you I would make it work with you if you gave me time. Now you’re giving me no choice,” she whispered.

  “Yes, I can and I am. You’ve fucked with me long enough; I’m making something happen now. You feel it to, I know you do. Accept it, Kat. Let it be something. Give us a chance.”

  “I’m scared,” she said facing me now.

  “Kat” I said shaking my head.

  She sobbed, “I’m so scared of loosing you, Tom.”

  “God, Kat,” I said coming closer to her and taking her into my arms, “You’ll never lose me, I promise, no matter what.”

  She put her hand to my cheek and paused before drawing me into a kiss.

  “Yes?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she said.

  When we came out of the dressing room, James and Ian were there.

  “Well?” James asked

  I didn’t answer him; instead I pulled a giggling Kat into my arms and kissed her again.

  James clapped, “Well done then, mate, well done.”

  Kat hugged him then Ian before turning back to me.

  “This is happening” she said softly, “You and me.”

  I shook my head yes. We headed back to the hotel room that night. This time when she left in the morning I knew she would be back.

  Kat

  April 1991

  I was on cloud nine until I went home that morning to see a disappointed Brian.

  “All over national television, Kat, how could you?”

  Need I not remind him there was a music video of us fucking out there?

  In the end he understood, his only request was that we had sex one last time which I gladly gave him. I wouldn’t tell Thomas about that though, it would be my last and only secret I would keep.

  “You’re gonna miss my cock?” Brian asked

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” I retorted as he pulled me down with him.

  Shane

  April 1991

  “So I guess she’s with Tom now?” Drew said, pointing out what we had just witnessed.

  “Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck that was,” I responded as I watched her with Tom on the television, her toothy grin mocking me with every second she wore it.

  I had felt so angry with her the last couple of months, I was angry still, ever since I had seen the two together at Dar’s birthday.

  “Maybe we can get Brian to come back?” Drew suggested

  “Yeah… maybe…”

  I didn’t want to think about any of it right now, Kat had completely destroyed any caring part of me.

  Thomas

  April 1991

  The next year with Kat was beautiful. She had her heart set on this run down, Gatsby like mansion on the outskirts of the city from the twenties.

  “It’s a fixer upper” she explained. “Oh, please Tom!”

  When we weren’t practicing or on tour, Kat and I worked on the house. Her passion shown through in every room. Of course, trying to keep my hands off of her was the biggest problem. We would be fixing something, painting or whatever and end up on the floor, our clothes in disarray around us and I would find myself making love to her all over the house. She was sexually charged, but so was I, and I was determined to keep her mind on me and only me. She made love to me every day; it was like we couldn’t get enough of each other. Her energy and mine bonded forever in something others couldn’t understand.

  “I want to build a garden and… I don’t know it’s all so overwhelming!” she sighed.

  I took her hand, “It’s not that bad, we will get it done.”

  She threw her arms around me. “Darla comes back from Shane’s tomorrow.” She whispered in my ear, drawing me into her.

  I pushed her against the wall, “We’ll get nothing done with you teasing me.”

  She let out a moan as I ran my tongue along her neck.

  She giggled, freeing herself from me. “Well, I guess we better get some work done,” she said spinning around and grabbing a dry paint brush.

  I went up to her, kissing her again. She dropped the brush, her arms back around me.

  As she dragged me to the floor, I
could feel my heart pounding. I couldn’t describe the way she made me feel.

  Complete?

  Kat

  June 1991

  I walked over to the door and opened it.

  “Mommy! My four year old yelled, throwing her arms around me.

  I hugged her back tightly, looking up at Shane who had walked in the door frame.

  “Okay, go put your things up in your room,” I told her.

  I then faced Shane, my arms crossed.

  “I thought you might want these,” he said while handing me two, ratted notebooks which I instantly recognized as my old diaries from when I was fifteen.

  “Where did you find these?” I asked. “Did you read them?!”

  “They were in a box in the basement, and yes, I read them,” he said unsmiling.

  I flipped through one of them. “I….”

  “Don’t say anything, Kat. I knew you and Tom, you are and have always been close.” He laughed," however the bit about me was a bit funny.”

  “I didn’t even know you yet,” I snapped.

  “No, but you seemed to write quite a bit about me and how much you wanted to have sex with Thomas. Now when you actually did it with him, was it everything you ever dreamt?”

  “Stop it, Shane…”

  “Where is he anyways? Where is your dear friend, Thomas?” he mocked.

  “He’s with James,” I said softly.

  Shane came close to me. “You’re a fucking child, Kat. I should have recognized your ‘type’ from the beginning. I used to be exactly like you, but you know what? I grew up; I matured and settled down, with you!”

  “Please stop, Shane,” I cried

  “What did I ever do to you, Kat other than give you everything you ever wanted?”

  “You did nothing, Shane, nothing, it was all me,” I said reaching out to him.

  He moved away.

  “I hope you two are very happy together,” he said bitterly.

  I stared at him, stony eyed, and “Don’t you ever come into my house ever again,” came from my throat before I could stop it

  He chuckled cruelly, “If I had it my way, Kat, I would never see your face again, but I care more about my daughter more than I ever have you.”

  I tried not to cry, but tears flowed freely in front of him, to no effect. We stared at each other for a moment; I noticed his strong arms, his broad chest with little hairs peaking out of it. I felt a small pang of wanting for him, to throw myself into his arms and make him love me once more.