by Ruth Reid
She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. She knew. “It’s the path to Ohio, isn’t it, God?”
Judith wasn’t surprised to see David’s buggy parked in front of the house when she returned. She wasn’t anticipating what she heard, however, as she stepped into the house.
“So you did spend the night with Martha?”
She walked into the kitchen as Levi lifted his head to reply. “Jah, we talked . . .” His eyes locked a moment on Judith, then drifted back to David. “And we drank whiskey.”
Mamm sobbed into her handkerchief and Daed lowered his head into his hands while David paced the floor. He stopped in front of Levi and crossed his arms. “You’ve marred her reputation.”
Martha grabbed David’s arm. “I love Levi.”
Her father shook his head. “You’ve disgraced your family. The church. Have you no shame?”
Martha’s bottom lip trembled.
She had them all fooled, thought Judith, playing remorseful. Even Levi looked taken in by her act. He shifted in his seat.
Judith leaned against the cabinet and folded her arms across her chest. Her heart ached for her parents. Daed held a somber glare and stroked his beard while Mamm’s shoulders shook as she wept. Hadn’t Martha considered the pain she would cause them? Ach, her pretending to be distraught created quite a predicament for Levi.
“We shouldn’t have spent the night together.” Martha turned toward Levi. “I wanted you to know how much I love you.”
“Did you—” Daed began.
“Nay!” The color drained from Levi’s face. “We never had relations.” He turned to look at David. “I’m telling the truth. We kissed, is all.”
“Did you think about her reputation?” David crossed his arms.
Levi slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll marry her,” he said softly. He briefly gazed at Martha. “If you’re willing to join the church.” Then he looked at David again. “If the bishop will still baptize us nau.”
“Your commitment to the church must be genuine,” David said. “Since you’re nett already members, you probably won’t be required to do a kneeling confession in repentance of your transgressions.” He looked hard at Martha. “But are you willing, if asked?”
Martha exchanged glances with Levi and nodded.
Daed glanced over his shoulder and noticed Judith. “Your sister has admitted her sin. I wish you would consider making a kneeling confession also.”
Judith gulped. She had been praying about the matter. “Truly, Ich have nett intentionally sinned against God.” Still, she had caused Andrew to disobey the bishop. She was guilty.
Daed’s eyes narrowed. “Go on your way.”
Judith turned. Her eyes burned as the tears pooled. He’s casting me away, God. I’m a disappointment—a shame.
She ran to her bedroom, flopped on the bed, and buried her face into her pillow to muffle her sobbing.
When she had no more tears left, she wiped her eyes and pushed off the bed. She opened the dresser and pulled out her clothing, remembering the time she spent with her mother sewing each article. She gazed around the room. The bare walls, the braided floor rug . . . she would miss every inch.
You wanted me to choose, God, but leaving my district would never be my choice.
Her eye caught on the wooden box she’d placed on the dresser. She ran her hand over the smooth birch, remembering the day she found it at the river. Opening the box, she lifted the rock.
Her heart sank. It looked like an ordinary rock.
She needed the glimmer of hope of the vibrant colors, but the rock no longer shone. Judith lowered it into the box, closed the lid, and went outside.
David stood at his buggy, harnessing his horse, when she stepped out on the porch. He waved her over to him, and her heart raced. Would he rebuke her too?
David pulled the leather strap from under the horse’s belly and looped it through the metal ring. “I understand you will be going to Ohio.”
“Jah.”
He faced her. “I wish you would have listened. I don’t want to see you go.” He motioned to the house. “Mamm and Daed are heartbroken.”
Judith lowered her head and nodded.
He touched her arm. “I’m sorry, too, about Levi. Ellen told me how you had dreamed of marrying him.”
Judith shrugged. It seemed a long time since she’d had any dreams of marriage. “Who told you about Martha and Levi?”
“Andrew stopped by the haus. He sounded worried about you.” David sighed. “He’s protective of you. He came to your defense the night you disappeared too.”
Judith raised her head. “He did?”
“Jah. He stood up for you in front of the bishop.”
Her chest grew heavy. “He shouldn’t have done that.”
“Judith, perhaps if you talked with the bishop and made a kneeling confession, you wouldn’t be sent to Ohio.”
“Confess I never saw an angel? Confess I no longer believe Samuel will walk? Confess what?”
“Tell the bishop what he wants to hear. Tell him you were confused, that you won’t make up any more stories.”
“If it were only a story, I would have already said so. But I didn’t make it up.”
David sighed. “I wish your conviction was a worthy one. Ich veiklich do.” He climbed into his buggy. “I will talk with the bishop once the talk has settled and see if you can return.” David motioned to the house. “Daed and Mamm are sad. They don’t want to send you away.”
The house door opened, and Levi and Martha stepped outside together.
Judith turned away. “I feel awful, but I will accept their decision. Tell Ellen I will write her.”
Judith meandered along the trail, and when she reached the river, she sat on the large boulder. Once again she opened the box with suspended breath. Again, the rock didn’t glow as it had before.
“I accept Your will.” She closed her eyes, desperately wanting to talk with Tobias. She needed to know if it was something she’d done that caused the rock not to shine. Judith waited with her eyes closed.
Silence.
Even the birds stopped chirping, and the breeze stilled.
Tobias was gone, and now God was gone too.
Judith stood, set the box on the boulder, and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Andrew held a tight grasp on the money from selling Judith’s quilts as he knocked on the Fischers’ door.
Judith answered, but the moment their eyes connected, she lowered her head. Her face was puffy and her eyes were red.
“I sold your quilts,” he said, stepping into the house.
“Denki.” Her reply wasn’t more than a whisper.
Andrew glanced around the room. Mrs. Fischer looked up from her sewing hoop. Her eyes were also red. Mr. Fischer sat in the rocker. He glanced up but quickly continued reading the Bible on his lap.
Andrew cocked his head to get a view of Judith’s eyes. “Are you all right?”
She nodded.
“Can you go for a walk with me?”
“Nay,” she mumbled.
He leaned closer. “I have to talk with you.”
She made a sideways glance at her parents and shook her head.
“Is it about Levi?” A tinge of guilt spread through him for involving David.
She shook her head in denial.
Andrew held out the money. “Mrs. Stanly will have the rest of the money meiya.”
“Denki.” She glanced up but quickly averted her eyes. “If I’m gone, will you see that my parents get the money?”
“What?” He looked over at Judith’s parents, and seeing their lack of interest in their conversation, he stepped closer to her. “Come with me to the river, please.”
“I can’t.”
He touched her arm. She tensed, and he dropped his hand. “Don’t shut me out.” He looked over at her parents again, and when Mrs. Fischer looked up from her needlework, he bade them good ni
ght.
“Guder nacht.” He turned but paused long enough to look back at Judith. “The river,” he mouthed, but she made no indication that she would meet him there.
Andrew crawled out of bed and stretched. He hadn’t slept much during the night. After waiting several hours for Judith to meet him at the river, he finally left, brokenhearted and discouraged beyond measure. The remainder of the night he spent on his knees petitioning God.
He fastened his suspenders and cringed as a knot tightened his lower back.
“Lord, I’ve asked You so many times, and I thank You for Your patience with me, but why can’t I let Judith go? My heart aches for her. I dreamt that we were praying together at the cabin. Lord, I don’t understand any of this. Is she upset with me over involving David? Does she still believe that Levi has changed? Is she willing to marry him? If so, I cannot continue to stay in this community if I covet another man’s wife. Please show me how I can escape the temptation. Aemen.”
The scent of frying bacon brought him out to the kitchen. His mother dished up a large portion of eggs, potatoes, and bacon and placed the plate on the table as Andrew pulled out the chair.
He smiled at his mother. “Denki.”
“You muscht be hungry. You didn’t eat supper last night,” she said, returning to the stove to prepare another dish.
“I wasn’t hungry.” Andrew glanced across the table at his father. With his Bible next to his breakfast plate, his father was engrossed in his studies. Andrew poked his fork into the eggs and stirred the runny yolks into the potatoes.
His father looked up from his reading. “I understand you’ve been working on the cabin?”
Andrew nodded. He wondered how his father knew, but decided to leave the matter alone.
“What are your plans, to sell it?”
“Nay, to move into it.”
Zechariah pushed his reading glasses higher on his nose. “Gut.” He nodded in approval. “I’ve made arrangements with Abe King for you to marry his daughter.”
Andrew choked on a forkful of potatoes. He coughed longer than he needed to as he tried to register his father’s words.
“I’m not marrying her.”
His forceful tone startled his mother, who scurried to calm the clattering plates that she’d dropped on the counter.
His father’s brows furrowed. “What reason is there to move into the haus if you have no plans to marry?” His voice deepened. “Every man of God has the responsibility to abvoahra in ministry. How will you serve if you do not marry?”
“I plan to marry Judith Fischer.” His words were out before he thought of how it sounded, loving the woman his cousin intended to marry.
“Nay! I won’t allow it.”
“I’ve fallen in love with her.” Andrew bowed his head, ashamed of his inability to guard his heart—inability to turn from his feelings.
Bishop Lapp groaned. “Your heart will mend once she’s sent to Ohio and you’ve married the King girl.”
“What do you mean . . . Judith’s being sent to Ohio?”
“She has relatives there.”
Andrew’s jaw tightened. “When was that decided?”
“The meeting was amongst the deacons and myself. I will not discuss—”
“Why is she being forced to leave?”
His father’s eyes narrowed. “I am the bishop. She will not cause division in the church. In my haus! I forbade you to see her, and you disobeyed my order.”
Andrew pounded his chest. “Then I’m the one you should send away.”
“Stop it. I will not allow my son to talk in this defiant manner.”
Andrew slid his chair back from the table and stood. “I won’t let her go.”
His father’s eyes hardened. He pointed to the chair. “Sit down. You don’t know what’s best.”
Andrew walked to the door and paused. Looking back at his father, he pointed to his Bible. “If you read in there what pleases God, you’ll find out it’s faith. This district has ridiculed Judith for her faith, and they’ve mocked God in doing so.” Andrew opened the door. “I want your blessing to marry her, Daed.” He didn’t give his father time to deny his request, but continued. “And I’m willing to marry her without it, even if it means moving to Ohio.”
“Andrew Thomas Lapp,” his mother said.
Andrew stopped and turned. “Mamm, I love Judith.”
She met him at the door and leaned toward him. “Work out your rebellious ways with your father. God wants us to live in unity with one another, not carry strife.”
“Please don’t worry about me. I am prayerful of such important matters. Judith is a gut woman. She loves God.”
He waited, wanting her acknowledging smile, but knowing in submission to her husband she wouldn’t outwardly go against his father’s word. Andrew turned and twisted the doorknob, silently praying that his mother’s large brown eyes wouldn’t haunt him forever.
His hands trembled as he harnessed the horse. He should have known not to risk meeting Judith after Sunday services. This was all his fault.
The driveway’s gravel crunched, and Andrew turned to see Levi pull into the drive. Now was as good a time as any to approach him about Judith. Andrew left his buggy to walk over to meet Levi.
“Is your daed home? I need to talk to him about baptism and marriage.”
Andrew drew a deep breath. “So her answer was jah?”
Levi chuckled. “She was practically all over me to ask.” He twisted his lips. “Not that I had much choice. Her family says I ruined her reputation.”
Andrew gulped.
Levi chuckled. “Maybe all this is too much for you to hear, Bishop Junior.”
Andrew’s chest expanded. “Do you love her?”
Levi shrugged. “I suppose eventually— Ach, settle down.” He planted his hands on Andrew’s chest. “You’re the one who got David involved. Besides, I told Martha if she joined the church I would marry her.”
Andrew blew out his breath. “Martha? I thought you were planning to propose to Judith.”
“I did.” Levi clapped Andrew’s shoulder. “She said nay. She’s in love with you.”
“She said that?”
“She said she’s never loved me . . . said something about not even knowing what love was until recently.” Levi dug his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “I put two and two together.”
“I do want to marry her.”
Levi’s brows rose. “Ach, then you better hurry. She’s leaving for Ohio.”
“Jah.” Andrew’s stomach flipped. “Jah! I’ve got to go.” He turned and sprinted to his buggy, then remembered something he needed from the workshop.
“Where are you going?” Levi called.
“I forgot something important.” Too important to leave behind.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Martha poked her head inside the bedroom door. “Judith, can we talk?”
Last minute send-off, was it? Couldn’t Martha let her leave for Ohio in peace?
Martha entered the room. “I’m sorry, Judith. I’ve treated you badly.”
Judith continued emptying out her dresser drawer.
Martha sat on the bed and folded her hands in her lap. With her down-turned mouth, she almost looked convincing.
Almost.
“I don’t want you to leave without knowing how sorry I am. I truly am.”
Judith tossed a dress into the suitcase with the others, then crossed her arms. “You won. You have everything you wanted. Besides, I’m not upset with you. You have to live with yourself.”
“Levi had a long talk with me. He helped me to see how poorly I’ve acted. I’ve been acting like a child.”
Judith bit back the urge to agree. If she said anything, she would point out how at seventeen, Martha was a child. Instead, she resumed packing. She didn’t know what time she needed to be at the bus station, and she still wanted to say good-bye to Samuel.
“He wants me to confess before God . . . and you. I was
jealous of you.”
Judith stopped midway to the closet and turned. “Jealous of me? Why?”
Martha’s eyes filled with tears. “You’re older. And never in trouble . . . and allowed to date.” She sucked in a deep breath. “And Levi had teased me, saying I’d be his little sister-in-law soon.”
“When was this?”
“At the barn raising.” Martha lifted her gaze to meet Judith’s. “It’s all my fault. I was angry he called me a child, and I . . .” She hung her head low. “I wanted to prove I wasn’t a child. Ach, I’m sorry. If I hadn’t convinced him to teach me how to kiss like Englisch girls . . .”
“It’s okay, Martha. What’s done is done. I forgive you.”
Her shoulders shook and she cried harder.
Judith sat beside her on the bed and put her arm around her sister’s shoulder. “Don’t cry.”
“I don’t want you to leave because of me.”
“It’s God’s plan.”
Martha’s tears coursed down her neck. She lifted her head. “Samuel falling was never your fault. If I hadn’t been teasing Levi . . . Ach, Judith, please forgive me. I’ve blamed you and I’ve been angry at you and it wasn’t your fault.” Martha folded into Judith’s arms.
Judith patted her sister’s back. “In God’s time, He will reveal His plan.”
Judith had told herself those same words throughout the night. She’d spent numerous hours begging God for answers. Then when she learned about Ohio, she begged God for a different plan. But her request was useless. Her dreams of the three roads stopped. Tobias hadn’t returned.
A heavy knock on the door sounded, and Judith wiped her watery eyes. “Jah?”
The door opened, and her father looked into the room. “We must geh soon.”
Judith nodded.
Daed closed the door, and Judith patted Martha’s back. “Ich must finish.” As she pulled away, a peaceful warmth passed over Judith. Was God showing her that things would work out in Ohio too? She had to trust Him. Having witnessed the miracle of Martha’s heart softening, anything was possible.
“Martha, will you take mei suitcase out to the buggy while I say mei good-byes to Samuel?”