Twisted Secrets

by Amy McKinley

  My face burned as I recognized who I’d clumsily run into—Xander. “Sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” I sidestepped around him, but he turned as I did, so our connection wasn’t severed as I’d planned.

  “Riley from the Coffee Hut.” Xander grinned.

  “Yep, the one and only.” I did not just say that. Could I be more awkward?

  “I’d hoped to run into you again, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon.” He eased back, creating some necessary space between us. “What’re you here for?”

  “Grad school.”

  “I meant this store, but that’s good to know too.”

  I wanted to smack myself in the forehead. Honestly, I would have thought it was weird to run into him, as Honolulu was such a large city, but the hardware store was only a few buildings away from the Coffee Hut. “I came for a pull cord. I yanked on the one for the fan in my apartment a little too hard.” I took another step away, getting ready to turn and flee. There was seriously too much eye contact going on, and something about the guy heightened, well, everything. Not in a bad way, but it was a lot to deal with. I wanted to deny the attraction, because I was with someone else. It wouldn’t go anywhere despite the clear interest in his gaze.

  My stomach chose that moment to growl. Loudly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose before opening them. The day needed to end.

  Xander chuckled. “I was going to head over to the Crab Shack. Want to come with?”

  “Oh”—is he asking me out?—“I-I have a boyfriend.” I wanted the floor to swallow me. This is why I have one friend.

  “It doesn’t have to be a date, just lunch. I could use the company.”

  I thought about it for two whole seconds before my stomach won. It would be nice to talk to Xander since I couldn’t get a hold of Ava. Charles was teaching a class but was going to try to swing by later. “Okay, that sounds good. Should I meet you there?”

  “We can walk over together. I should be done loading some stuff on my truck by then. I’ll be out front when you’re ready.”

  I nodded then left to get my pull chain as he headed out the door. It didn’t take long, and I found myself hurrying to meet Xander outside. It was a beautiful day, and I needed some company—when I went back home, I had work to get done for class. Aside from a short visit from Charles, it would be a long night alone.

  “All set?” Xander was leaning against a black F-150.

  “Yep.” I held up my small bag then turned in the direction of the restaurant, since we were walking there. He fell into step beside me, and I wracked my brain for something to talk about. Next to him, I felt small. He moved with the grace of an athlete, and despite the easy silence between us, I was glad when we reached our destination. “I’ve been wanting to try this place.”

  “It’s always packed here. They serve some of the best seafood on the island. When I’m home, I eat here about twice a week.”

  The sign said to seat ourselves, so we claimed a table near the edge of the outdoor patio section. “Do you have a place close by?” With his dark hair and eyes and bronzed skin, he looked like a native Hawaiian. I toyed with the hem of my shirt, releasing it when the waitress dropped off menus and water before hurrying to take an order at another table.

  “I do, and I have some time. I’m doing work on the cabins my family owns.”

  “Here on Honolulu?”

  “No, it’s a small private island that’s been in my mom’s side of the family for decades. It’s about a fifteen-minute boat ride from the harbor.”

  Wow, his mom must come from serious money.

  “What about you? Are you planning on staying here after you graduate?”

  Wasn’t that the question of the day. “I want to. It’s gorgeous here, but I haven’t made any firm plans.”

  “I can tell you that this place is hard to leave. A bit of paradise, and the people are pretty great. Most of them.”

  Our conversation came to an abrupt halt as the waitress stopped back and took our orders.

  “What are you going for in grad school?” he asked.

  “My MFA in photography. I’ve been working in the field for years but needed a change. Moving here and going to school seemed like just the thing.”

  “What sort of a change? Career or location?”

  “I love what I do—it’s not that. College was an escape for me. I needed somewhere to go and couldn’t get out of Illinois fast enough. After graduating, I’d already secured representation at a couple of galleries, but I was restless. So when I ran into a college friend who mentioned that one of my photography idols would be teaching a limited-time class at a graduate college I was looking at, I was hooked. I wanted to expand what I’d learned, and he uses many of the methods I gravitate toward. It seemed like fate had intervened, so I applied, got accepted, and moved here.”

  What I hadn’t planned on or thought would happen was falling for a very persistent psych professor, whom I’d met when Melanie, my coworker and fellow grad student, who urged me to take a couple of his classes. She was a big fan of more than his classes. She’d confided in me that they’d dated, and she wasn’t the only one. But Charles swore he’d broken it off with his other girlfriends. I, on the other hand, tried to keep my relationship with him a secret.

  In the beginning, I’d taken his class because it never hurt to gain knowledge, and psychology would help me to understand and interact with people better.

  Xander tilted his head to the side. “You don’t seem satisfied. Was it not worth the move?”

  “I didn’t say that.” But he was partially right.

  He chuckled. “You didn’t have to. Your thoughts are written all over your face.”

  “And what thoughts were those, exactly?” I tapped my finger against my leg, nervous about what he’d read from my expression.

  “You frowned and shifted in your seat, and your napkin has been crumpled and smoothed a few times. I guessed you were restless. Dissatisfied.”

  I forced myself to still and didn’t respond. He was right. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was bothering me or if it was one thing or an accumulation of many, but it was there regardless.

  Our food was placed in front of us, and we took a few minutes to dig in, which gave me time to think about why I wasn’t all the way settled in Hawaii. He didn’t push me, and as my stomach filled up with crab cakes, the tension that always developed in my shoulders when I thought about what was next in my life eased.

  Even so, I shrugged. I didn’t know, not really. “I have a few weeks left before graduation.” I couldn’t help but think about Charles and where our relationship would be then. “So we’ll see. I don’t have any firm plans yet. Jeffrey said you were in the military. Are you active duty?”

  “Yes, but my team recently came back from a mission, and we have a short break.” He took a sip of his ice water.

  “Do you like it?” I couldn’t imagine being in the military, but I respected those who were. It couldn’t have been easy.

  “I do.” He polished off another soft-shelled crab.

  I suppressed a shudder—I had no idea how anyone ate those.

  “My dad was a SEAL, and it seemed natural for my brothers and me to follow in his footsteps. My oldest brother got out, but he lives here on the island. What about you? Do you have any family nearby?”

  I ducked my head. If he could read me so easily, my response wasn’t something I wanted him to see. I didn’t have the best childhood. “No. My last living relative died the summer before I went into college.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. You must miss your family.”

  His gaze burned into me, and I lifted my chin, letting go of the shield I liked to erect whenever someone asked about my past. “You would think that, but it’s not bad. I got used to people leaving at an early age. My parents died when I was young, and my aunt raised me. Reluctantly. She didn’t want to have children and lived alone. I was more of an inconvenience, but at least I had a ro
of over my head.” I shrugged again. “It could have been worse.”

  “There are all kinds of people.” He sighed, and I saw shadows pass through his brown eyes. “Is that why you’re not sure about living here after you graduate? Because of feeling displaced?”

  I laughed. “You read between the lines well. And yeah, I think that could be part of it. I do love the island, though. It fills my soul, my creative well.”

  “It’ll do that. When I come back from a particularly difficult mission, this place”—he scanned the area, and a small smile curved his lips—“goes a long way in healing whatever I’m struggling with.”

  The plate in front of him was empty, and the restaurant’s efficient waitstaff swept in and cleared it away. I still had most of my fries left, but the crab cake was pretty darn amazing, and I’d polished it off. I pushed my plate between us. “Help yourself. I can never finish the fries.”

  He reached for one at the same time as I did. Our hands brushed, and I snatched mine back. A sexy-as-hell smirk curved his lips, and heat climbed my cheeks. I didn’t understand the tingles that erupted when we touched. The heightened awareness was a new experience and had to be because of how he looked. All that muscle, height, and dark swirl of ink on his bicep was a heady combination, without even considering how gorgeous he was.

  I was used to Charles. As a theory professor and my advisor, he had his own appeal, but he was nothing like Xander. Even so, my mind flashed back to a recent conversation I’d had with Charles, and I let my mind wander.

  “Riley,” Charles had said, pushing his wire-frame glasses higher on the bridge of his aristocratic nose and letting a smile curve his lips. “You’re looking beautiful. How did I get so lucky to have you as my girlfriend?”

  Pleasure had soared through me at his words. He said sweet things to me often, and I winked at him to add some levity. “Relentless pursuit.”

  Laughter had filled his office, and he motioned me closer. “Worth every groveling minute of it.”

  I’d smiled fondly, clinging to the moments we’d shared a few days before. His mischievous smile and ready laugh had drawn me to him in the beginning. He’d helped me acclimate and convinced me that I was unique and worthy. My confidence had soared at his validation over me as an independent woman, not just an artist. As our relationship grew and deepened, other characteristics came to light, such as jealousy and a quick temper. One mistake with getting caught could topple the shaky ground that our relationship rested on.

  Charles had already had an informal chat with his boss over dating several graduate students he advised, regardless of the fact that they were over twenty-one. But that was over, aside from us. We’d been together for some time, and I wanted to give our relationship more of a chance and see if it led anywhere. The kindness he’d shown me, then the love, wasn’t something I was willing to discard over a few disagreements, despite the rocky interactions we’d been having lately.

  I started as the waitress suddenly appeared and cleared the rest of our dishes. Xander watched me with that penetrating gaze, and I shifted in my seat. “Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind with schoolwork I need to finish today.”

  “No need to apologize. I’ll get the check, and we can get going.”

  I tried to pay, but he graciously declined my offer, flagged the waitress, and took care of the bill. We stood, and I wracked my brain for something else to talk about before we parted ways. I didn’t want to leave, even if I had to.

  “Jeffrey told me you surfed, and that he thought you would have gone pro. Do you still get out there?”

  Xander chuckled. “I don’t know about going pro, but yeah, I love it. But I’m glad I went in the direction I did. It was the right thing for me to do at the time.”

  “When I first moved here, I took surfing lessons. It’s fun.”

  “Maybe we could hit the beach together sometime.”

  “I’d like that.” I genuinely meant it.

  I turned down Xander’s offer of a ride back to my apartment, even though his truck was only a few blocks away at the hardware store. It was a lovely afternoon, and I wanted to be outside for a while longer until I had to spend the rest of the day and evening working on a paper and my graduate project.

  I had a theory objectives class, where analysis and application over the history of photography was examined and applied, then business marketing, history, and theory class, which explored the intricacies of people, environments, and emotions. And finally, I had my image, printing, and learning outcomes class that semester, and then I was done.

  Photography work, portfolios, or anything of that sort, I was all over. The hours flew by. But anything else was torture. I didn’t enjoy studying for Charles’s theory class. While the content and discussions were interesting, the reading put me to sleep. Thankfully, I’d turned in the crazy-long paper that was due, the final one for the year. It was last minute, of course, and I hoped Charles got it in time for it to count. All that was left was a quiz and test.

  Lunch with Xander had been a luxury, and I looked forward to meeting with Charles for an hour or two after his last class. I glanced at the time on my phone. He would be at my place in half an hour. As I picked up my pace so I wouldn’t be late, my phone pinged with a text. My heart sank at what Charles wrote: I won’t be able to swing by today. Let’s plan on tomorrow. Miss you.

  There was no explanation for why he was canceling, and irritation swirled in my gut. I missed him, too, which had been one of the things we’d argued about that morning—we wanted to spend more time together but couldn’t figure out a way, given his work commitments and our need to stay on the down low so he didn’t get in trouble for dating another of his advisees.

  I replied: Did you get my paper on time?

  Not to worry, it will be an A, his return text said.

  That’s not what I asked, I typed then deleted. My fingers flew over the keys in angry strokes. I couldn’t help it. I was upset about more than his offhanded comment. That A better be on merit and not because we’re sleeping together.

  Relax, his reply said. I’ll see you tomorrow. Come to my office after class.

  No one in history had ever relaxed when told to, and it wasn’t going to start with me. I shut my phone off before I said something nasty. He didn’t deserve it, not really. We were both missing each other and lashing out in frustration. After several deep breaths, I managed to regain a level of calm, despite the shitstorm I had no doubt would follow my refusal to reply to his text.

  4

  Riley

  With about half an hour until I was to meet Ava for shopping, I entered the stairwell to jog up to the third floor. I wiped the perspiration from my forehead. Monday was officially behind me, but after morning classes today, the temperature was creeping into the mid-eighties, and I had to exchange jeans for shorts and drop off my heavy book bag. As the metal door slammed behind me and I started the climb, my cell rang. Distracted, I answered without checking to see who it was.

  “Where are you?” Charles snapped.

  I paused halfway up the first flight of stairs. “What are you talking about?”

  “You were supposed to come to my office. I’ve been here for twenty minutes, and you haven’t shown. I have another ten before my next class. Hurry up and get here.”

  For sex—that was all he wanted. He’d canceled again the night before and wanted to reschedule for today, but I hadn’t responded. I was still upset about his comment about my paper being an automatic A.

  Hurt and frustration curdled in my stomach, and I resumed my trek up the stairs. We had fallen into a pattern lately that left me feeling hollow and empty. It wasn’t how things had been between us a couple of weeks before, and I missed that. I didn’t need to deal with his bad behavior. “I never said I was coming. After you ditched me last night, you demanded that I meet you today.”

  A heavy sigh filled the line, and I could picture the look of annoyance and disappointment on his face. For once, I was glad I wasn’t
there to see it.

  “Riley, we’ve been over this too many times. I’m swamped. On top of my classes, grading assignments, and the incessant lawyer meetings because of my ex-wife and our continued collaboration on professional papers, my time is limited.”

  I’d heard it all before. Part of me sympathized with him. He did have a lot on his plate. But he wasn’t the only one, and he was being selfish and taking advantage of me. “I understand you have a full schedule, but it’s not only that—”

  “You have no idea what it’s been like with my ex. The papers were—and are—in both our names, but she screwed me. I’m a footnote.” His voice rose. “A fucking footnote. I’m an expert on the subjects. Not her.”

  “I get that you’re upset, but this is not what our issues are about.”

  “They have a huge bearing on my availability.”

  I stifled my growl of frustration at him not listening to me and paused on the landing that led to the third floor to make my point. “You have very little time for me. What you do have is based on your needs, and we meet in your office or my apartment. I’ve never been to your place. Nor have you taken me out on a date recently.” I understood why he didn’t want to go anywhere local. I was his student, and he worried about his career. I did too. But there were other places we could go. Things felt stalled and complacent.

  We’d gone to several romantic settings that I loved, but I wanted to try some nearby restaurants with him, off-the-beaten-path locations that wouldn’t be a big risk. He showed no interest. He’d eaten at several of them many times, and he would claim my suggestion wasn’t to his liking or he was tired of the place. His lack of willingness to indulge me was bothersome.

  “What do you want from me, Riley? I’m trying, and I feel as though you’re not.”