by Marc Leavitt
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Think of an apple. Now try to think of the same apple without using any awareness. Can you have the apple without awareness? Turn the thought around. Think of awareness without the apple? Does awareness exist without the apple? Is awareness dependent upon the apple for existence?
Awareness is timeless, immeasurable, and therefore not subject to causation. Everything that exists, everything that has existed, and everything that can ever exist is necessarily measureable or finite and has depended on some other cause for its existence. It is only Awareness that is immeasurable or in-finite and therefore not dependent on anything else for its existence. Literally everything in existence has a source except for Awareness. Awareness is the Supreme Source of everything, because it is the very ground of being. Awareness is at one and the same time the Space we exist in, the Life that animates us, and the Love we experience.
So I narrowed the question down even further to, “If Awareness is all there is, then what is Awareness aware of, since there is nothing ‘else’ except for Awareness? What is the initial differentiation in Awareness that brings about something to be aware of in the first place? I had often read about mystics who used a mirror as a metaphor for Awareness, because a mirror is a clear and empty space for objects to appear in. The appearances of objects come and go within the “reality” of the mirror, but the mirror itself always remains untouched. What use would a mirror be if it was continuously altered by the objects that appear in it? The result would be a terrible mirror. But Awareness is perfect.
So, back to my diagram. It dawned on me that all one would have to do is simply bend or fold the mirror to create the line in the middle. That crease or line would be the one differentiation necessary to provide that all-important contrast: the appearance of two. With a bent mirror, I now had a mirror facing itself, thus creating the appearance of two objects when there is actually only one. I had a model that explained the One appearing as many. As you might expect, this led me to another question.
What would cause the mirror to bend in the first place? For my analogy to make sense, it must be inherent in the mirror’s nature to bend. Since the mirror represents Awareness, the question is: what is it about the nature of Awareness that would cause Awareness to bend or fold into itself to create the appearance of multiplicity? The answer is actually simple.
Consider the very nature of Awareness. The very essence of Awareness is that it is naturally and intrinsically aware. Since there is nothing ‘else’ to be aware of, Awareness naturally and spontaneously has no other option but to become aware of itself.
So, by virtue of the fact that Awareness is all there is, Awareness automatically becomes aware of itself by the sheer power of this attraction to itself. It has an overwhelming impulse to do what it does, which is to be aware.
It is this very power of attraction to itself that is enough to create this first “fold in the mirror” within itself, thereby creating the dynamic where Awareness is facing itself as modeled by the bent mirror. The design that this fold creates makes the One appear as two. The mirror folded in half provides the mirror with something to reflect. In a similar way, Awareness folded in on itself, via the power of attraction, provides Awareness with something to be aware of … Itself. So, now we have Awareness of Awareness… the One appearing as two.
The appearance of two or “duality” is what we have come to know as our world or universe. Since the appearance of our world is actually just the product of folded Awareness, this world naturally takes on the qualities of Awareness. In other words, whatever can be said of Awareness can also be said of the world … since they are one and the same. Perhaps this is what is meant by the ancient expression; “As above, so below.”
The most obvious quality of Awareness is the quality of being ‘aware.’ On the face of it, it sounds ridiculous to suggest that the world is aware, or that everything in it is aware. After all, most of the world is dirt, rock, water, plant life and other such stuff that is clearly not animate or awake. However, the Awareness that I am talking about is a continuum that ranges in its intensity.
At one end of the spectrum of Awareness, you have the state of sleep or unconscious Awareness. At the other end of the spectrum, you have the waking state: conscious or active Awareness. Between the two ends exists dreaming and other semiconscious states of Awareness. So, in terms of rocks and dirt being aware, or possessing Awareness, they represent the sleeping state of Awareness. As the Sufis say, “God sleeps in the rocks, stirs in the animals and wakes in the human.”
The other quality of Awareness that is reflected in this world is the quality of being Eternal or Infinite. Again, I realize how ridiculous it may sound to suggest that this world is without beginning or end, especially since the mystics place so much emphasis on this world being impermanent and fleeting. But the more we examine this world, the more obvious it becomes that we can never come to an ending at either extreme of the physical spectrum.
When scientists point their telescopes to the sky, space is found to be expanding in such a way that it is impossible to reach the end. Much like the horizon, the elusive end of space recedes exactly as quickly as you approach it. Even if you could imagine a boundary that is the end of outer space, the question becomes: how wide is that boundary and what is on the other side of that boundary … and those questions obliterate any notion of a true end to outer space.
Likewise, when scientists look through their microscopes to find the smallest things that can be measured, they only find Infinity. Every time scientists think that they have discovered the smallest unit of measurement, they discover that the unit is actually just an aggregate of an even smaller unit. For a long time, it was written in college science textbooks that the atom was the smallest unit of matter. It turned out that it just isn’t true.
However, they believed it was true until they discovered that even these “atom” units were just aggregates of even smaller units. At this point, it seems that science is realizing that it can never find an indivisible unit of measurement that defines an end to just how small things can get. In a similar way, the large has no boundary either.
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Consider this, how many times can you divide an inch? The fact that any unit of measurement is infinitely divisible has profound implications when it comes to the true nature of our world. What it implies is that infinity exists between any two points. You can have two points that are only millimeters away from each other but you can divide that millimeter distance between the two points infinitely, since there is no “smallest” unit of measurement. The bottom line is that not only is the world endless in terms of its breadth, but it is also endless between any two points; no matter how insanely close to touching each other these two points seem to be.
Another example of the world-mirroring qualities of Awareness is the power of attraction. This power of attraction that created the original fold in awareness is the same intrinsic power of attraction that is responsible for the creation of all life that exists within the very world that was created by the original fold. Whether we are talking about the binding of cells, a plant reaching for the sun, a dog in heat, or gravity itself, we are simply witnessing examples of the intrinsic power of attraction. It is the power of attraction that not only created our world but sustains it as well.
From late winter through the early summer months of 2002, I spent countless hours contemplating all of this as a metaphor for what I called “The Grand design of Reality.” The more I contemplated the relationship between the One and the many, the more I became obsessed with this idea of the ‘fold.’ Taking it further, the more I thought about the ‘fold,’ the more I became aware of how relevant the concept of the Trinity is in terms of explaining the relationship between God and man, mind and matter, heaven and earth etc.
The concept of the Trinity or Triunity is found in all major religions. The Christians have Father, Son and the Holy Ghost to describe the three aspects of the O
ne God. The Pagans have Mother, Maiden and Crone to describe the three aspects of the Goddess. The Hindus have Brahman, Vishnu and Shiva. Vedantist’s have Sat, Chit and Ananda. The Taoists have the ‘Three Pure Ones.’ The Jews have the “Three in One” notion of God. And the Buddhists have the Trikaya.
When you compare all the examples of the Trinity and what each aspect of the particular Triune represents, a pattern arises. All examples of the Triunity seem to consist of three specific aspects of God: What God is … the base; what God does … the path; and what God produces … the fruit. Here is a comparison of three of the most recognizable examples of the Triunity.
I’ve always been curious about the relationship between Jesus and God. My question to Christians has always been, “Why not just surrender directly to God?” The answer I was given is that Jesus IS God because they are One as a Triune. While the implications of that should have blown me away, I was left only dumbfounded and confused. But now that I have come to understand the concept of the Trinity for myself, I see the profundity in the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as all being one God.
The Father is described as being the Creator. This is the Base of the Trinity. The Son, or Jesus, is always described as the “way” or the path to salvation. This is the Path of the Trinity. And the Holy Ghost is always described as an experience, a direct result of being saved. This would be the Fruit of the Trinity. The fact that the concept of the Trinity is often dismissed as a mystery in our culture is certainly understandable, considering its subtle and elusive nature.
But I suspect that it may be the key to understanding the mystery of our creation. Once again, I come back to my basic black and white diagram and notice that, in itself, it already contains a perfect description of the concept of the Trinity. At first glance, the diagram indicates two things, the black bottom half and the white top half. The black half represents the Subject or the Unmanifest and the white half represents the object or the manifest.
After spending considerable time contemplating the fold in the center of the circle (creating the dynamic of Awareness being aware of itself), it dawned on me that our whole perspective of being the subject experiencing objects is just an illusion caused by that ‘folding’ of Awareness.
Now, taking the Trinity into consideration, let’s look at the diagram again. But this time, imagine a round leaf as our symbol for Reality or God. The leaf itself represents the first aspect of the Trinity: the Base … what it is. The slight bending or folding of the leaf represents the second aspect of the Trinity: the Path … what it does. And finally the bended leaf, resulting in half of it being obscured by its own shadow thereby creating the appearance of two where there is truly only one; that would be the third aspect of the Trinity: the Fruit … what it becomes. In other words, Creation is the One appearing as the many.
It was all so obvious now and the implications were staggering. Prior to this, I had been focused only on the one aspect of the 360 degree experience. I was the Subject … the bottom half of the circle; experiencing objects … the top half of the circle. But now it was becoming all too apparent that this was all an illusion caused by this folding process. The illusion is caused by the One simply folding itself and thus giving the appearance of two. It is the fold that creates the whole illusion of Subject and object, the very basis of the dualistic perspective. Without that fold in the center, there would be no sense of a ‘you’ and a ‘world.’
In actuality there is only the leaf (Awareness). This Awareness is what is actual. The slight folding of the leaf (Awareness) creates the illusion of two. The shadowed half being ‘the world’ or the object, and the unshadowed half being ‘you,’ the Subject. What is actual and real is that only the leaf (Awareness) exists. Our very idea of being an individual subject experiencing an external world is nothing more than a byproduct of this basic illusion. Or perhaps better put, it is the Grand Illusion.
The Grand Illusion is that there truly is only the One. But when the One folds itself, it automatically dis-appears leaving the appearance of two. Much like the movie screen dis-appears when the images appear in it. The fleeting images on the screen may obscure the screen itself, but ultimately it is only the screen that is Real.
In summation, here’s how all of this relates to the Trinity in terms of describing the relationship between God, man and the world: the relationship between God and man is identical to the relationship between white light and a rainbow. Just like God, the light is real and actual, and just like the rainbow, we only appear to be real.
The light represents the first aspect of the Trinity: the Base … what it is. The bending or folding of the light is the second aspect of the Trinity: the path … what it does. The rainbow is the third aspect of the Trinity: the fruit … what it becomes. Just as the bending of light creates the appearance of a rainbow, the bending or folding of Awareness or God creates the appearance of you and a world. When the rainbow appears, it obscures the pure white light. When you and the world appear, God dis-appears.
Taking the Triunistic nature of the rainbow into consideration, it’s easy to understand why all major religions describe the same relationship between God, man and the world. Each of the three; God, man and the world are unique aspects of the only Reality that exists and that Reality is Awareness. Christianity’s offering of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost seems to reflect the mysterious relationship between God, man and the world very neatly.
The ‘Father’ represents God or Undifferentiated Awareness which is the Supreme Source or Eternal Creator. The ‘Son’ represents man or individuated Awareness which obviously extends to all sentient beings. The ‘Holy Ghost’ represents the result of individuation which is Awareness appearing as an ‘other’ or what we refer to as the ‘world’. This makes perfect sense when you consider the words that other major religions use to describe the world such as maya, mirage, samsara, illusory etc., which is to suggest that the world is ethereal like a ghost. Since the world is recognized as being an aspect of God much like the rainbow is actually white light, the world or the ‘ghost’ is therefore recognized as actually being divine or as the Christians put it, a 'Holy' Ghost.
Let’s go back to my original diagram. I’ll use a simple circle with no line through it to represent undifferentiated Awareness or the base.
The addition of the line represents the fold or the path. The resulting sense of you and the world represents the fruit. We have undifferentiated Awareness dis—appearing in favor of differentiated Awareness. Or rather, God becomes obscured by the rising of you and the world.
It’s just like movement that can never know Stillness because one cancels the other out. To experience God, we must cancel ourselves out. To cancel yourself out means to transcend or drop the dualistic perspective of seeing yourself as simply an individual inhabiting an external world, in favor of the Nondual perspective of seeing yourself as undifferentiated Awareness. I realized that practicing Stillness is tantamount to practicing death. As this realization settled in, it became clear that true spiritual practice is nothing less than a suicide mission.
Chapter Four
The Suicide Mission
Journal Entry: July 12, 2002
July 1st was the first day of my latest commitment to being present. I decided that I will practice abiding in presence as if I am digging myself out of a concrete prison with nothing more than a spoon. Every day, I will spend every available moment scraping away at the wall that serves as a barrier to the final liberation that is awaiting me. The way I look at it is I just have a very bad habit, which is thinking, and I just need to have the courage and the earnestness to break this habit. To just Be. No boundaries, no borders, no obstacles and no problems. Just This!
So, nearly two weeks ago, I just quit thinking. Or I just decided that I wouldn’t talk to myself anymore. It’s been rough. My god, I never realized how much I loved to affirm myself by just saying “I” this and “I” that. It’s like if we stop talking to our selves we feel like we are dying because
that is all the self is. My very sense of ‘self’ has been revealed to be a mere psychological tension sustained with constant internal dialogue.
The sense of ‘I’ is nothing more than our constant assertions that “I exist.” That is why a silent mind is tantamount to death. The self or the thinker is nothing more than a stream of thoughts. When the thoughts die, you (or the sense of you) die with it. Here is a little on how I’ve been dealing with the difficulties of facing that death.
The first day was very rough as I found my mind to be a churning cesspool that seemed to have a life of its own. My mind could not settle down and all kinds of negative emotions were aroused as a result of my trying to tame this wild beast. I began to loathe myself for being such a ridiculous mess, which was just compounded by the negativity that came about as a result of this practice of abiding in presence.
Following a full day of staying present in that whirlwind of mind activity, the next day brought about a sense of relief. My mind was no longer resistant to being watched and it was very calm compared to the day before. It was still rough around the edges but by the time the weekend came, I felt that I had pretty much stabilized my presence in Being.
Something else that I have been doing lately is seeing what I could ascertain from reality just by nakedly observing what-is. Every night I have been sitting in silence and just observing. I have been observing everything; myself, my thoughts, my sensory perception, the world before me, the eternal Now, anything that is available to me is examined. I figured that I should be able to see the Truth from where I am at any moment. I knew that I didn’t have to look any further than wherever I found myself, so I just inquired into ‘what is.’ This has been much fun and I find myself getting incredible insights that I will detail later.