I started to cry. Big tears streamed down my face and my breath came out in hiccups. “How…I…”
“Please don’t cry, Ker,” Payton said softly. He grabbed my hand again and held it, stroking the top with his thumb. “We’ll be there soon, and I’ll be there with you.”
“What if he…”
“Don’t say that, Ker, he’ll be fine.”
***
The hospital smelled like bleach and sickness. Payton held my hand as we walked toward the elevator. He pushed the up button and we waited a few moments before the doors opened. We walked in, and once again, Payton pushed a button, four this time.
The doors opened to a pictured hallway of doctors that had worked in the hospital previously. Sort of their version of their own walk of fame. We followed the pictures to a smaller version of the emergency room waiting area when I heard my mother’s voice.
She was crying.
“No!” Mom cried. “No!”
I looked around the room and saw my twin brothers, Seth and Jack, their eyes, their expressions and then I felt myself crumble, and then Payton’s arms as they squeezed me tight.
Dad had died, and I was too late. I didn’t get to say goodbye.
Much of the night was a blur, as my mind kept going into the past. I was a little girl again, sitting on my daddy’s lap, waiting for Santa. I waited for hours on my dad’s lap, and even he was asleep. I looked at daddy and then to the tree, and wondered when Santa was going to come.
It wasn’t until early the next morning when I woke up on daddy’s chest that I looked back over to the tree and noticed all the presents with big curly ribbons and glittery paper. I patted my daddy on the arm and he awoke slowly with a grin. He looked at the tree, too, and saw what I was looking at. “Ah, baby,” he said, “we missed it.”
I remembered him dancing with me at my sixteenth birthday party, the one where I invited most of the class, and after they all left, he asked me to dance. He didn’t want my last dance to be with one of the morons that I had invited. I remembered thinking my dad was a goof then. Yet now, looking back, he was right. I was so glad that he had that dance with me.
I started crying again, and felt Payton’s arms around me once more. I started to feel a bit better. I looked up, and saw that Payton had been crying as well. It was nice knowing that I could be myself around him, and that he had felt comfortable enough around me to be himself, too.
“What am I going to do?” I asked, thinking of all of the things that my dad and I wouldn’t share together. As a kid you don’t really think about what you have or don’t have. You don’t think about not having your dad walk you down the aisle, or of your dad not being a grandpa. It was always something that would just happen. Who would have thought that this would have happened so early? He wasn’t even fifty years old.
“I don’t know,” Payton said softly. “I’m so sorry, Keri.”
“Me, too.” I put my head on his shoulder and cried some more, thinking of everything. What would Mom do? I looked over and saw my mom, in-between both of my brothers, sobbing. Seth was crying, too, and Jack was whispering something to mom. What would we all do without him?
Chapter Three
*It’s not goodbye*
I woke up early, feeling a bit colder than I should have. It had been a few days since my dad had passed, and since then, the preparations for such an event nearly drove me out of my mind. I opened my eyes and focused on my surroundings. I was in the tree fort between Payton’s place and my Mom and Dad’s. Payton was still sleeping, curled up, facing me. Sometime during the night, I had unraveled myself from my sleeping bag.
Payton was able to get us some wine from his older brother, Mitch, and we came here to get away from all of the funeral planning. I couldn’t take it, looking at the flowers that would be on the coffin, the eulogy, and the prayers that would be read during the ceremony. Honestly, it was all way too much for me. I wasn’t ready to bury my dad. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
Payton stirred, and then stretched. His arms went up and I could see as his muscles tightened and then released. I hadn’t gotten a good look at him really since he picked me up at the airport. He’d changed. Big time.
He opened his eyes and caught me staring. “Hey,” he said, roughly. “Everything okay?”
I nodded, then bit my bottom lip to keep from crying more. “Yeah.”
“Come here,” he said. He opened up his sleeping bag and waited for me to move toward him. It shouldn’t have bothered me as I’d done this more times than I could count, but for some reason something was different about Payton now. Something completely different.
He noticed I didn’t move.
“What?”
“No...nothing,” I stammered. I moved closer and then snuggled into the bag with him. I felt completely stiff as he wrapped his warm arms around me. I shuddered.
“Tell me,” he whispered. He moved my hair on the back of my head to the side a bit and I settled in.
“I don’t know.”
“You’re acting funny, Keri. Is everything okay?”
No, it wasn’t okay, this was completely weird. “Yeah, no everything’s all right.”
“Okay. You’re freezing, though. How long have you been up?”
“Just for a few minutes that’s all. I was cold. I kicked off the sleeping bag at some point last night.”
“Well that was dumb. Though, you did have a bit more to drink than I did.”
I laughed. Yeah, it was dumb. “Yeah I know. Sorry about that.”
Payton laughed, and the sound tickled my ear. I moved, and felt him behind me. Payton didn’t move, but I heard his breath hitch.
“Sorry.”
My eyes widened; this was embarrassing. “Uh…okay.”
“It’s morning,” Payton said, his voice was hoarse.
“Oh my God,” I cried, trying not to laugh, but failed.
Payton laughed softly. “I said I was sorry.”
I tucked my head toward my chest and laughed even harder. “This would be odd if it weren’t you, Payton.”
Payton moved so I was underneath him and I had no choice, but to look up into his eyes. “What does that mean?”
I stopped laughing, not knowing what to say. I shook my head. Payton was looking right at me, his eyes were beautiful and brown and… I shook my head again; what was happening to my childhood friend? He was… “Gorgeous,” I breathed.
His eyes widened, and then he smiled softly, his arms framed my sides. His chest was nearly even with mine, but the rest of his body was to my side, hiding his ‘morning’ problem.
“Did I say that out loud?” I asked, mortified. I closed my eyes, and then opened them back up. He was still grinning at me. “Oh shit, I did.”
“Yes, you did.”
He touched his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. I couldn’t breathe. He was surrounding me, and it made it hard to focus. What if he kissed me? What if he didn’t?
“I think you’re gorgeous, too.”
I opened my eyes. Wait, what? “Hmm?” I asked, wanting to pretty much hide somewhere. This was awkward. Payton was my best friend, my buddy, my…and now we were sharing a sleeping bag in his tree fort like we had done before, but not like this…
“I said I—”
“I know what you said,” I replied, “I just can’t believe you said that. You don’t like me, do you?”
Payton moved away slowly, and I unzipped the bag and moved back to a safer position.
“What would be wrong with that?” he asked, looking at me, and then down to the floor.
“I don’t… I…. but we’re friends,” I panicked. Payton’s jaw twitched slightly and then he wiped his hand down his face in frustration. Damn he was gorgeous now. How could I have missed it?
“Yeah, I know,” he said, and then looked up. “I’m sorry about that.”
“But you…”
“What?”
“You said we’d always be friends, that you’d be here fo
r me… you said that to me. You never said…you never told me that…” I was really freaking out now. My face was the worst, too. It was like a bad poker tell.
“And I meant that. Just because I like you,” Payton said, and I flinched. He continued, “Doesn’t mean that I won’t be there for you or be your friend.”
“No, I can’t do this right now, Pay. I just can’t.”
Payton nodded. His face was a slight shade of red and his muscles tensed again. I looked up into his eyes and saw the hurt. “I’m sorry, Payton. I just…You’re my best friend. I need you to be that.”
“I know. It’s fine.” Payton looked ready to jump out of the fort to his death. Unfortunately for him, the fort was only a few feet off the ground.
I sighed. “Okay. Good. I need to get going, mainly because mom will need my help before we go to the funeral home. Are you coming with me?”
Payton nodded. “Yeah, of course. I’ll just go home, shower and get ready. My parents are coming, too, but I’ll give you a ride if you want?”
I looked at Payton and knew that this was hard for him. I never in a million years would have thought that he and I could have been something. “Yeah, I’d like that. I don’t want to be alone.”
“I don’t want that for you, either. Did you call your friends back?”
Alexis and Todd called yesterday, as well as my bio-chem partner, Charity. I nodded. “Yeah, I called Alexis, Todd and Charity. They’re all fine. Thanks.”
At the mention of Todd, Payton flinched. I didn’t feel like explaining my new roommate to him, nor did I have to. Payton and I weren’t an item, and the thought of it made my heart chirp a little, which was rather odd, but it still didn’t mean that I should or rather we should start something.
“Okay, I’ll see you in an hour,” I said as I started down the ladder and toward home.
“See you then.”
The funeral home was beautifully decorated with all different kinds of flowers and tasteful fall décor. I thought of my dad, and how he loved October. He loved the smell of burnt leaves, the taste of pumpkin pie, and the colors of the trees.
I swallowed down the pain as we walked into the main viewing area, and I saw all of the pictures that we had picked out for the past few days. There were frames covering nearly every surface of the place. Pictures of my dad and me, pictures of dad with Seth and Jack, and pictures of Dad with Mom. Mom cried hard as she walked with both Seth and Jack on each arm. She could barely stand as they went toward the front where my dad was lying in a bed of white.
Beautiful red roses with white baby’s breath were draped over the top of the coffin with a banner that said husband, father, brother, son and friend.
My body shook and I started to cry. Payton held on to my hand, giving me the strength to look at my dad.
When we got there, I saw the little trinkets that were important to him in beside him. His watch, pictures of us when we were kids, his pocket knife that his dad had given to him when he was little, and his Dale Earnhardt number 3 coin. He wore a nice pair of jeans and a black button down shirt, clothes that he lovingly had worn when he was still here with us. He’d told us, jokingly, that if he died, or when, he wanted to be buried in his favorite shirt and a pair of jeans. We did just that.
“He looks good, Mom,” Seth said, his voice croaking a bit. Mom nodded, tears streaming down.
“He always did,” she replied. “They did a good job.”
I looked at dad, and it was unreal. It looked as if he were asleep, like at any moment he would wake up and yell at the television, or ask us where the hell the remote went. He didn’t look like those wax figures in the museum that resembled someone famous, but you knew that they were fake. Dad looked good, Seth was right.
“He does,” I agreed. Payton squeezed my hand. I looked down into the coffin and put my left hand on dad’s chest. I leaned in and let go of Payton’s hand, and straightened dad’s shirt. “I love you, Daddy.”
Seth’s resolve crumbled as well as Jack’s. All five of us just stood there, crying, awaiting the service to start.
Chapter Four
*Back to Normal*
How do you get back to normal after your dad dies? I’d imagine it’s as hard as going back to life without an appendage. Dad was our main everything. He made the most money in the house, as my mom was a housewife or as she would call herself a “homemaker” for the past twenty-two years. She raised a set of twins and a daughter and did, not only the housework, but the outside stuff, too. Dad, however, made the money so we could all do what we do now.
I didn’t want to seem selfish, but from the moment the funeral was over until now, a week later, I had wondered if I’d be able to continue to go to school, and if my brothers would be able to finish out their last year in school. I wondered what would happen to the house or to their cars or to my mom.
Death didn’t just happen to the person that died, it happened to everyone. Things ended for everybody, and with that said, it was a hard subject to broach my mother with.
So, when Payton asked me what I was going to do now, I really had no idea.
“I don’t know,” I said, after thinking for a bit. “I’ve been wondering that, too. We sat up in his tree fort with a bag from Burger King and his CD player. I couldn’t look at him anymore without thinking of him wanting to kiss me. It was difficult, knowing that my best friend might be having weird impure thoughts about me; yet on the other hand, it was awesome.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, looking at me with amusement in his eyes.
“Nothing,” I said, somewhat laughing at the embarrassing thought. Me and Payton? Oh my God.
“You’re such a liar. You know you suck at it.”
He was right. I couldn’t lie for shit. “No I’m not.” I blushed.
He grinned. “You’re blushing.”
He was pointing out the fact, and I put my hands up in front of my face.
“Are you thinking about how gorgeous I am again?” he taunted.
I blushed even harder. I could feel my face burning. “Shut up.”
His grin widened if that were even possible. “You are.”
“No,” I said, exasperated.
Payton laughed hard. “I can’t believe that you won’t even admit it.”
“Really? You can’t?”
His eyes widened at that remark and he picked up his Whopper and unwrapped it. I sighed and took the pickles off of my sandwich and handed them to him. “Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know how to talk to my mom about it, and she isn’t in any shape to be alone. I have to go back to school or I’m going to flunk out of my first semester, and I don’t know how I’m going to do that either,” I said, changing the subject.
Payton sighed. “I don’t know. What about your brothers?”
“I haven’t talked to them about it either. I think we’re all just…I don’t know…worried about mom. And, she hasn’t been eating. I made breakfast this morning and she didn’t even touch her food.”
“You made breakfast?” Payton teased, and then frowned. “Sorry, that was way too soon.”
I laughed at how uncomfortable Payton was, and he looked up at me all sheepish. “You’re fine. Don’t worry about it. And, I know I made the bacon, but she usually eats what I make. She didn’t eat a thing.”
“She probably needs to talk to someone. I can’t imagine losing my wife. That would be the worst thing in the world to me.”
I looked up at Payton curiously. “So did you get married sometime between last week and now and just hide it, or what?”
He blushed and then looked at me all seriously. “No, you’d know if I did.”
I didn’t say anything as this was one of those weird things that came out of Payton’s mouth like last week, when he mentioned that he thought I was gorgeous, too.
I shook my head, and sluffed off his comment. “At any rate,” I said, “she needs to eat, and I can’t leave until I know that she’s okay.”
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“You also can’t stay here. Your dad wouldn’t have wanted that either.”
“No,” I said, knowing that he wouldn’t. “I promised him that I wouldn’t quit school, and that I would achieve what I wanted before coming back home.”
“But what about tuition?” Payton asked the million-dollar question.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to see if I qualify for student loans next semester.”
“Enough with the heavy, let’s eat.” Payton grinned at me and then put his burger toward mine and toasted. I smiled, and then we both took a bite of our food.
***
Later that night, Mom and I were sitting in the living room trying to watch television. Mom kept crying at everything, and I didn’t know what to say. What did you say to someone that lost their best friend? I thought about Payton, and then tried to think of him dying. The thought was way too painful.
“Mom, is there anything I can do?” I asked, knowing that the question was incredibly stupid.
Mom turned toward me and wiped her eyes. “No, honey, I’m fine. It’s…okay.”
“I know it’s not, but what can I do to help?”
“The thing is, honey, there’s nothing you can do. I’ve loved your dad nearly my entire life. It was just like you and Payton.”
I was taken back by the comment and looked at her strangely. “Me and Payton?”
“Well, sure. I see the way that you two look at one another, honey, I’m not stupid. Your dad and I met when we were just kids, too. He was also the boy next door. It was special, he was something.” Mom smiled as she talked and I couldn’t help thinking that she was a bit crazy.
“Mom, I’m not…”
“Oh, honey, I know you guys haven’t figured it out yet, or at least you must not have, but your dad and I knew it from the time we were ten. I have never kissed anyone else. I did everything with your dad. He was all of my firsts. And now this…I don’t know how to do things without him.”
My lip trembled and I reached for mom’s hand. “Mom, I don’t know what to do either. I think I should stay here with you.”
The Boy Next Door (Falling for You Book 1) Page 2