by Candy Nicks
The woven hemp rope she retrieved from under the decking looked too short. It would have to do. She gave it an experimental tug, and with no idea whether it would hold Sol, she raced back to the ravine.
"Tian?"
"Sol, it's me."
"Did you find a rope?"
"Yes, but I don't think it will reach you."
"Try. Brace the rope around your waist. I'm heavy."
"And I'm strong."
"Thank the Goddess."
Tian did as instructed, wrapping the rope around her palm and then passing it behind her back. She heard it bump the rock face as it unravelled and tumbled towards Sol.
"Can you reach it?"
"I can see it, just above me. Damnation, it's too short. Can you lie flat? Give me a few more hand-spans?"
They'd become two disembodied voices working in the dark towards a common purpose. With no need for sight, she let go her wolf's eyes and directed the energy into giving Sol the extra length of rope that would allow her to pull him out. She lay full length, searching for the edge with her palm. Trapping the rope beneath her body, she dug her toes into the soft earth, anchoring herself. “Can you reach it now, Sol?"
"I have it."
The rope jerked and tautened. With each thump of Sol's feet on stone, each determined grunt, she hauled and prayed and implored the wolf to strengthen her arm. When the blur of his face appeared, level with hers, she reached out, meaning to take hold of his tunic, then remembered he was bare to the waist. She grabbed his hair instead, twisting it around her palm as she pulled him gasping, over the edge. He rolled across her and onto his back, a mess of cuts and bruises, blood dripping from his chin to his chest, but alive.
For a long moment, neither spoke.
"Tian,” he said at length. “Have you any idea what you just did?"
The words, whispered, urgent, took her by surprise. She had no breath to answer.
"Tian, you saved my life. I'm forever in your debt."
Closing her eyes, she turned a cheek to the musty earth and waited for the shaking in her arms and shoulders to subside. The rope-burns stung her palms. The wolf had given her everything and for now, she was utterly drained and vulnerably human.
"Thank you, Tian. Thank you."
She lay in the dark, listening to Sol's rumbling voice, punctuated by hisses of pain through his clenched teeth. Exhaustion and exhilaration. Confusion and certainty. Her body and mind were a whirl of contradictory sensations. His fingertips, slippery and wet, rested lightly against her palm, connecting but not imposing. She forced herself to relax and breathe with him and come back down to earth.
Death had taken her mother, but she hadn't let it take Sol. He would return to the people in the picture, and for that she allowed herself a small surge of triumph. His fingers twitched. She pulled hers away, curling them into a tight fist.
Inside, her wolf stirred and tested the confines of its human cage.
You saved him, Tian. We go now?
Sol let out a long steady breath, like a man steeling himself for an unpleasant task. She listened to him shift and move. Made out his dark shape as he hauled himself into a sitting position. This close, the thundering of his heart deafened her.
"Tian,” he said. “Will you help me with my shoulder?"
"I have to go,” she replied, gathering her scattered wits. “I shouldn't have returned."
"Please, I need you. Put it back for me. It's dislocated. You're strong enough to do that."
"I don't know how."
"Give me your hand."
She'd rescued him so he could return home and she could leave this place with a clear conscience. If only life were that simple. For every action, a consequence. If she'd wanted nothing more to do with this man, she should have left him in the ravine.
"Can you see right now?"
"Shadow and shapes. My wolf is ... sulking."
"Tian, take my hand. You saved me and you can do this, too. I won't stop you leaving if that's your wish. I swear it."
Should have left him, Tian.
No, she thought. It was the right thing to do. I'm a Lupine, and he is only a man. And sent by the Goddess, too. He is no threat to us.
"I do wish to leave.” When she rolled over to sit up, her coat gaped open. Hastily, she found the fastenings and closed them. Only when she offered her hand did he wrap his long fingers around hers.
"Too near to the edge,” he said. “Move away. My word is my bond, you can trust it."
She allowed him to pull her away from the ledge, painfully aware of his worldliness and that, even now with his gentle manner and unhurried movements, he might be playing some sort of game with her."
"Put your hand here,"
Her palm slid over the warm curve of his shoulder. Over broken skin, rigid muscles and the lump of displaced bone. Sol took another deep breath, readying himself for the ordeal. His shoulder rose and fell under her hand.
"What do I do?"
"Tell your wolf to stop sulking and put your other hand here."
"If I pull it upwards, will it go back into place?"
"Push down hard on my shoulder and pull my arm up at the same time. One sharp pull should do it."
"All right. You must relax. It will hurt more if you stay hard."
"Difficult to relax around you.” A tremor shook his body. “Cold,” he said with grim humour. “And yes, it will hurt like the devil. Do it and don't mind my cursing. It might get a little colourful."
"How can you jest when you're in pain?"
"It's what humans do."
"All right. There!"
Inside of her, the wolf leaped at the sharp sound of the bone snapping back into place. She might have changed had Sol not grabbed her with his good arm and held her to his shaking body. The wolf backed off, more alarmed than frightened now. Tian struggled to breathe in the crushing grip, understanding his need for an anchor to ride out the pain. His anguished bellow seemed to echo around the entire mountain. As it died away, Sol softened, holding her more like a man seeking reassurance than someone who'd come to drag her bodily back to civilisation.
"Shh,” she said, remembering the words her mother would use to soothe her when she'd fallen and skinned her knees. “It's all over now. Hold on and wait for the pain to go away. It won't last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Shh..."
"Yes, I know. Thank you."
Her turn to shiver. The words, spoken too close, felt like a caress. She brought her hands, sticky with Sol's own blood, to his face and touched his features lightly. Feeling for injuries, she told herself. And seeing with her hands as she did when the wolf refused her sight. Sol remained in place, letting her explore him. Oh yes, he knew the Lupine well.
The masculine roughness of his jaw fascinated her and contrasted with soft lips and the gossamer flutter of eyelashes against her searching fingertips. His hair slipped through her fingers like down until she found the spot where his skull had hit the rock and a slippery clot was forming over the wound. His back and chest, criss-crossed with shallow cuts and scrapes, read like a map of his suffering. He endured her gentle scrutiny with stoic silence.
"Come,” she said. “You're starting to lose heat. I will make up some taraga root for the cuts. And we will see where else you are hurting."
"I'll survive,” Sol said with weary resignation. “All I want is talk to you. There are men who would hurt you. I'm not one of them."
"I only know what you tell me. Can you stand?"
"Why did you rescue me? Look into your heart. You'll never have cause to doubt my actions or my words. This I swear as a warrior of the Tribes of the Eagle."
She wished she shared his belief. Sol's conviction and determination to follow his chosen path shone from his every pore. She, on the other hand, was becoming more conflicted with each breath. Deep down, she'd known good men must exist somewhere in the world. She'd listened to her mother's wise counsel and tempered the strength of her words with adolescent dreams of love and shining knights
on white steeds who would take her away from this life of isolation. But the fairy tales sitting on her bedroom shelf had remained there. Would she ever be brave enough to explore what the world had in store for a creature like her?
Sol rose to his feet and accepted her shoulder as a prop. At the hut, he lowered himself gingerly onto the step and leaned his head on the decking-post. When she made to leave him in order to fetch taraga and water to clean him, he put out his arm and blocked her path.
"I took an oath to protect you and I will do that to my dying breath. Here's my hand. If you choose not to take it, I nevertheless remain bound by my obligation to the Goddess. One way or another, Tian, I am at your service. You have me for life."
She didn't doubt the fervour in his tone. It was frightening in its intensity. The strong arm blocking her way could be a small taste of life bound by the conventions of society. The wolf's hackles bristled at the man's arrogance. Tian pushed it back. The wolf would simply run away. Hide in the mountains and live each day as it came. The woman in her knew questions needed answers, otherwise they'd fester and eat at her and she'd never have any peace.
"You ask too much, too soon,” she said choosing her words with care. “I rescued you because your actions showed me you did not deserve to die. Because you risked yourself to save me. It does not mean I wish to return with you, or to have you follow me like a dog. According to my mother, my father had the face of an angel, a silver tongue and the heart of a devil. He travelled a lot, but when I turned five summers, he took me away from her. She risked everything to rescue me and hide me here. By staying true to her sacrifice, I honour her memory."
The barrier made by Sol's arm dropped away. “Perhaps I was a little unrealistic in my expectations.” He laughed and tilted his face to look up at her. “Naïve, even, to imagine I could ride into your life and expect you to follow me without question. During the journey, I fell in love with the idea of you. I must admit the reality is somewhat different."
"Oh.” She felt oddly nervous as she asked, “Better or worse?"
He looked away. “I haven't decided. Go, fetch your salves and then I would like to sleep. My head is thundering fit to burst."
"You don't like me?"
Sol remained silent. When she focused her wolf's eyes on his face, she caught the hint of a smile amidst the pain. It only served to confuse her more.
* * * *
"Ahh!” Sol hunched his shoulders when Tian's fingernail caught on a piece of torn skin. With a wan smile, he nodded her to resume. Her fingers stilled.
"You wish me to continue?"
He twisted and offered his back. “If you wouldn't mind,” he said, putting aside his warrior's pride in order to prolong the contact. The dark fall of her hair brushed his arm as she leaned into her task and continued to work in the salve. He sensed in her a growing detachment from the task. As if she wanted it over so she could leave. She huffed out a breath and muttered quietly to herself.
"Something wrong?” he asked.
"I can't see properly,” she snapped back. “Stop fidgeting."
"You wolf won't co operate?"
"I don't know what's happening.” He heard the soft thunk of the pottery salve dish on the wooden decking. “Is this the life you're offering me? One where I will be constantly at war with myself? Blind and helpless? A wolf cannot live with humans. It doesn't want to live with humans."
"They can and they do, Tian. Your family will teach you."
"My father wanted to put me in a cage."
"I mean the family you don't know. Your brother. Nephews and nieces. They've found a way and so will you.” He resisted touching her, mindful of the tightrope they walked. If the wolf won the fight for dominance, he would never see Tian again.
"There are others like me?"
Sol gazed out into the night. At the dark moving shapes of the trees. They stood like guardians, isolating the clearing and the hut from the rest of humanity. “Yes, there are others like you. Out in the world."
"My mother taught me to fear the world."
"And she was right. It's a dangerous place, but that's no reason to turn your back on the good things. I've come to offer you companionship and my protection. If you stay, your father will find you eventually. I know he will never stop looking for you."
"You know my father?"
Sol gave a bitter laugh. “We've met, yes."
"The Goddess will protect me."
"Yes, she will. That's why she sent me.” Sol turned to her and extended a hand, slowly so as not to alarm her, and ghosted it over the thick mass of dark hair flowing over Tian's shoulders. Even as the woman trembled in response, the wolf growled a warning. Tian pulled up her knees and leaned away from his touch.
"My wolf will protect me. I don't need you. Go home."
"You're not the slightest bit curious about what's out there?"
"No. Can't you understand? This is what people want to see, Sol.” Eyes burning the brightest amber, her features distorted into those of a creature neither human, nor wolf. “What use is this to any one, other than as a freak-show?"
"I understand how you feel."
"No, you don't.” Tian reappeared. “Don't patronise me, Sol. Or make the mistake of thinking I lack for anything. I like my life just the way it is. Now, let me bind that head of yours. I do not want you bleeding all over my mother's embroidered pillow-slips."
"I wouldn't dream of it.” Her bravado didn't fool him. Though he would never really know how she felt, he was one of the few people in this world who understood that her life would be a constant battle to find out who and what she was.
A true warrior didn't fear strength in others. The care with which she bandaged his head told him he'd planted a seed and perhaps time and patience would see it grow.
"May I stay for a few days? I'd like to rest and heal a little before the journey home."
"I won't change my mind. Stay until you have restored your energy but no longer. I smell snow in the air. Soon the tracks will be impassable."
She tied off the linen strip and regarded him with her softly glowing eyes. He risked a tentative smile.
"I don't have enough feed for the horses. I must admit, I planned a quick turnaround and to be at the nearest Settlement, if not Wolf's Valley, before the weather changed. If you choose not to return with me, were you planning to winter in the hut? Have I driven you away?"
Tian shook her head. “No, I'm not staying. Please stop worrying. You must know my wolf will find the winter no hardship."
"To survive winter on the mountain, you'll have to lose your human side."
"I know."
"That would be a shame."
"I said to not concern yourself.” With practiced ease, she unfastened her coat and giving him only a brief flash of her naked body, morphed into her wolf. The wolf grasped the coat in its jaws and without a second glance, loped away.
Sol watched it disappear into the trees. Heard the horses fretting as it flashed past them. If he stayed for the winter, he would need to build stabling for them. What he'd feed them on, he had no idea. Once the snow covered the pastures, they would be dependent on what little dry-feed remained. He rose and grimaced at the stiffness already locking his abused muscles. At the throbbing ache in his wrenched shoulder. Best bring them nearer to the hut for the night and worry about the practicalities in the morning.
Before entering the hut, he washed his muddy feet in a bucket of water hauled from the well and then dried them on the rug behind the door. He'd forgotten to ask Tian to strap his arm and was too exhausted to do it himself. The silent interior embraced him and welcomed him in, as if it knew Tian had given him leave to enter.
As he lay on the low bed, contemplating the day, he heard the liquid strains of the harp weeping softly for the people it loved. He thought of his family, back in the Settlement, busy preparing for winter. Of Tian's father, whom he'd last crossed paths with as an eight year old child. They hadn't parted as friends.
"Goddess
, protect Tian,” he prayed. “You've kept her safe all these years. Don't abandon her now."
I have sent my finest and best to protect her. I can do no better than you, Sol.
"She won't have me. You heard her."
Tian listens with her heart and her eyes. She is stubborn and wilful but I sense a growing wisdom in her. She needs to find her true self and she will only do so when life tests her to the limit.
"She's running away."
The Goddess's laughter ghosted over his skin. We shall see how far she gets.
"I ... we need to be gone before the snows. How will I convince her in so short a time?"
She must discover for herself that life is a journey worth making. You will help her.
"Your will be done,” he muttered and then added. “But why does it always have to be so damned painful?"
He closed his eyes and shut out the sound of the Goddess's fading laughter. His head ached too much to make sense of her cryptic messages. An Eagle warrior would simply throw the prize over his saddle and take her.
The Moon Child in him knew that to persuade someone to follow, you needed to let them go first.
In his dreams, he wrestled with a more troubling thought. Perhaps the success of his mission would be measured by what he didn't do, rather than what he did. Show her another way and then stand back and let her decide.
The next morning he awoke to the smell of roasting meat and the desperate growling of his stomach. Like an old man in his dotage, he hobbled from the hut, every muscle stiff, to find a deer spitted and cooked to perfection over the roasting-pit. An iron bucket, partly pushed onto the coals, held heated water. The saddles and packs had been stowed under the decking and the horses were each nosing their way through a heap of precious dry-feed.
Hot water for shaving—a luxury he'd not indulged in a long while. Would Tian have a tub big enough to hold him? What he wouldn't give for a long, hot soak. He pulled off a piece of meat with his knife and let it melt on his tongue, convinced he'd never tasted anything as good.