Dancing
Through
the
Flames
Dancing
Through
the
Flames
Rebecca Bardelli
Dancing Through the Flames
Copyright © 2017 by Rebecca Bardelli
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or conveyed in any form or by any means without the permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Please refer all pertinent questions to the author.
ISBN: 978-0692862469
Cover Photo: Copyright © fotolia 55218621
Life can be painful,
but we must dance
through the flames.
We must endure the flames. We must dance through the flames. We must accept that we are perfectly unique. We must learn to extinguish the flames so that we can enjoy this gift of life. We must do it. And we will do it because we are survivors.
DANCE WITH ME
Dance with me.
Let's pirouette
with arms up high –
whirling together
as we kiss our pain goodbye –
twirling with toes pointed
painting beauty in the sky.
I wrote this for you.
I wrote this for me.
I wrote this for us.
Table of Contents
CHAPTER 1: FLAMES 10
CHAPTER 2: DANCING THROUGH 30
CHAPTER 3: PERFECTLY YOU 54
CHAPTER 4: EXTINGUISHING FLAMES 63
CHAPTER 5: AFTER THE FLAMES 92
CHAPTER 1: FLAMES
FIREPLACE
Ruby tears I cry
that stain my face,
and instead of leaves
flames fall from the sky –
transforming this forest into a fireplace.
ECHOES
I am dancing
in the dark
to the echoes
of my screams.
HAS ALL THE WORLD GONE MAD?
As I dance from lily pad to lily pad,
I see so many things I wish I hadn't had.
Why do numerous people seem so sad –
while others do detestable things
just to make them glad?
I hope it's just a fad.
But still, I wonder if all the world has gone mad.
EVANESCENCE
Is she wandering away or forward –
For she does not know – her mind is altered.
She's lost inside and her heart is tortured.
She walks in the foggy, dying orchard.
Her dreams evanescence –
Desires suppressed –
Insomnia – no rest –
Half awake – at best.
With a mask of beauty, she hides her pain,
But inside she's drowning from the storm's rain.
She's weighed down by an invisible chain
And battles her thoughts again and again.
Everyone else thinks they know what's right,
But she doesn't see things that black and white.
She tries to be shiny, happy and bright,
But she's tired of the fight – she's not alright.
DEATH
Death was all around me.
There was just no escape.
It kept appearing like a vampire
With red eyes and a black cape.
It just watched me each time
As I withered and cried
Before I was ready
To say goodbye.
It haunted me in real life
And while I was sleeping in bed.
I wanted to kill it,
But it was already dead.
After so many funerals,
I became accustomed to black,
And I was always left wondering
When death would attack.
PAIN
And some days
I say I do –
but I don't really want to
fall from the black sky –
I just want it to transform
into an orange poppy sky –
to take the pain away
and dry my misty eyes.
- I don't really want to die.
BLEEDING
I took
my heart
and r i p p e d it out –
t h r e w
it on the floor.
It is clearly bleeding,
so why is it still
holding on
and beat – beat – beating...
LAST KISS
She knew
that last kiss
would be her death,
but she couldn't resist
that moment of bliss,
so she forever bleeds black
instead of red –
walking among
the living dead.
HEART OF GLASS
My heart of glass has shattered into a thousand shards
in spite of my many safeguards.
It is easily pained –
and instead of clear – it is bloodstained.
Along the way, some pieces have mended
while new pieces continue to crack –
I'm left wondering if this heart will ever be intact.
YOU DON'T GET TO DANCE WITH ME
You don't get to see me cry.
You don't get to see me at all.
We were dancing on the clouds
when you sat back and watched me fall.
In fact, I think you pushed me
to protect your sanity,
but now you have to live with
your chosen reality.
YOU HAUNT ME
I feel my bones crack
and my pulse race.
Why do you
whisper in my ear?
I feel my eyes strain
and my insides scream.
Why must you
appear out of thin air?
I lose my balance
and shiver to the core.
How do you touch me
if you're not really here?
TIME TO HEAL
I've turned into a fire eater –
swallowing words that sting,
and I teeter through rings
aflame with meteors
to escape actions
that cause internal bleeding.
It takes my body time to heal.
How am I supposed to
just snap out of how I feel?
I'm tired of feeling like I am in hell.
Oh well – oh well – oh well.
SOME USE LOVE TO STEAL
Love is a beautiful gift,
but some use it to steal
rather than to heal.
I found out the hard way
that many weren't a merman
but rather a deceiving eel.
With fancy words
and a kiss to seal the deal,
many use love to steal.
Watch out for their sly tactics
and their dance around
the word “no” game.
They try to hide
their true intentions
although it's crystal clear –
they know not how to love
and only how to steal.
THE PAST
My past came back to dance with me –
it consumed my thoughts –
spun me in nonsensical circles
while leaving chaotic footprints
of worry in the back of my mind –
just enough to taunt me –
only allowing me to see
a trail of purples and pinks
out of the corners of my eyes.
I WANT TO
I wake up
to hear
the sound
of birds chirping,
and in this
despondent state
it brings me
both delight
and sorrow –
for I too want to
wake up with
such zeal.
MOTHER NATURE
Some days I want to
melt into nature –
wrap myself
in the blankets of the earth –
let clovers caress me
while roses protect my sanity
- for some days she seems
kinder than humans.
DROUGHT
I see the clouds cry
with such ease,
and I too
want to weep –
to release the pain –
to know I am still human.
I am left to wonder
if I've flooded my eyes –
used up all my tears –
that I must now
endure a drought.
DIZZY
And sometimes
my mind races with itself –
thoughts bolting like lightning –
spinning me dizzy
- as if it has something to prove.
STRAWBERRY SKY
Strawberry sky,
please put me
under your spell.
Ease my mind
with your beauty –
help me kiss
my worries farewell.
CHAPTER 2: DANCING THROUGH
DANCING WITH CANDLES
I danced in the candlelight.
It was a beautiful display.
All seemed perfect
when life darted flames my way.
With the melted wax and ashes,
I beautified my skin
to show that there is redemption in suffering
and that I won't let my hardships win.
DADDY'S GRAVE
On that cold, dark day –
I left footprints
to my daddy's grave.
I went through the motions –
too numb for any emotions.
Only years later
could I retrace those steps
and truly accept
that he was at rest.
DANCING WITH DARKNESS
I'm dancing with darkness –
it loves me so.
It whispers in my ear
that I'm nothing more than a shadow.
It tells me I'm not worthy
of love, light or rainbows.
It screams that the dreams I've been watering
will never, ever grow.
The darkness dips me and clips my wings,
but I remember
that they always regrow.
The darkness loves me –
but I don't love it so.
DANCING WITH LIGHT
I'm dancing with light –
I love it so.
The sun has recharged me
so that I once again glow.
My wings are strong
and can withstand tornadoes.
I can do anything
while I'm part of this light show –
that is until the darkness comes
and tells me I must go.
I'll give the dark its dance
but I already know
that it won't last forever
even though the dance feels slow.
REBORN
I've died a thousand deaths
in the course of days.
This depression wants
to claim me as its own,
but I know better
and will keep dying
until I am once again reborn.
PART OF THE DANCE
I've been to hell
and back
and back
and back
so many times
that nothing
scares me anymore.
- It's all part of the dance.
CLOUDBURSTS
The cloudbursts
come my way –
without warning
in a violent rage.
The skies scream
as lightning strikes,
and the clouds
drench me in tears.
I'm left to dance
in a chaotic state,
and although
these cloudbursts
may cause suffering
for days –
or even days upon days,
they never stay.
- I come out stronger in the end.
DANCING ACROSS CINDERS
I will keep dancing across these cinders –
I will not let them hinder me.
As I dance on them with my bare feet,
I will tell myself I feel the ocean floor
rather than scorching heat.
When I am finished,
my feet will have permanent tattoos
to serve as a reminder of all that I can do.
BREAKING THROUGH BLACK
I broke through the black
by walking until I saw gray,
so I began to dance
with arms up as if to fly –
knowing that
the colors of the atmosphere
would soon enter my sight –
if only for a moment.
And when they did,
I would pull them from the sky –
grab them with such force
that they would
never leave my side.
I DANCED WITH DEVIOUS THINGS
My light was once blanketed
By an endless velvet night –
An eclipse that blocked
All that was pure and white.
My thoughts gave in,
And I danced with devious things –
They seemed angelic
But flew with black wings.
Finally, the veil was lifted
So that I could see –
I was enlightened
And freed from what was beastly.
From time to time –
I see glimpses of gray,
But I meditate on iridescent colors
Until the clouds fade away.
LIFE-CHANGING PAIN
I kept repeating the same thing –
it felt like a familiar dream –
a subtle sting.
Each time – I stepped into the same waters
surrounded by jellyfish
that caressed my skin
and magnetized me with a poisonous kiss.
I grew so accustomed
to the pleasure and the pain
that I thought they were
one in the same.
Until I was stung with such force
that my insides screamed
and the waters lit up
so that I could see
such beautiful artistry –
the pieces that it stole from me.
I swallowed the salty water
until I couldn't ingest anymore,
and I soaked in the life-changing pain
just long enough to take me
to the brink of going insane
so that I could be sure
I would never step foot
in those waters again.
MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS
In moments of weakness,
we will always be able to find
someone to tell us
what our vulnerable side
wants to hear.
In moments of weakness –
when we are not thinking clear,
we must be aware
that not everyone
has our
best intentions at heart.
The sad truth is –
not all people care.
This is where
we must come in
and hold ourselves dear.
We must know who
we can show our weaknesses to
and to whom we must appear
to be confident, strong
and of good cheer.
WORKING TOWARD
I know I was just dreaming –
but it was so vivid
and left my insides screaming.
I am awake now –
but the memory remains,
along with stirred up emotions
that I never wanted to feel again.
But still, I do feel
that the dream helped me
arrive at a place of peace
where my conscious and subconscious
are in one accord,
which is something
that I've been working toward.
GUARD
A promise can be broken.
Feelings can be faked.
Words can be a lie,
and eyes can say one thing
yet mean another
while they look you in the face.
- I've learned to guard my heart.
Dancing Through the Flames Page 1