The Boleyn Effect (The Boorman Ending)
Page 15
'Yes, twenty years should be celebrated,' Katherine continues.
The return of the waiter with our food stops me from answering. I look down at my plate and the portions suddenly look far too big for me to handle. My stomach churns and I have to excuse myself.
Running to the restrooms, I hide inside a cubicle and try and get myself together. I can barely breathe. I just want to leave and get out of here. These anxiety attacks are becoming more common the deeper I fall into this. Finally, taking a deep breath, I open the door and I start with shock. Katherine is leant against the sinks waiting for me.
'Are you ok honey?' she asks.
'Yeah of course. You know woman troubles,' I say.
She gives me a smile, but there's something behind the smile that makes me nervous.
'I'm sorry to hear that. So what do you think to my news?'
'I think it's amazing. So the other issue has been dealt with?' I ask.
Katherine turns her back to me and looks at her reflection in the mirror.
'Most definitely. Like you said, she was just another nobody. A little toy for him to play with until he got bored. Now he's dropped her like the others. He knows what's waiting for him at home. He's finally going to settle down with just me. No more girls. He's promised.'
She catches my eye through the glass and I'm sure she's looking right through me. My heart is racing so hard and my head is spinning again. If he's dropped me then it's over and he hasn't even had to balls to tell me himself.
'Well that's good,' I manage to say going to the door.
'Wait,' she says. 'There was something else I wanted to ask.'
I move away from the door and face her once more.
'Do you have many friends?'
I frown at the question. 'Erm, I have enough,' I answer.
'I ask, because I consider you a friend.'
'Me too,' I manage to say.
My mouth feels dry and I am struggling to speak. The restrooms are getting smaller and I already feel like a cornered animal.
'And I suppose good friends share everything. Like clothes, shoes, gossip...husbands for example?'
I take a step back as she turns fully to face me.
'Have you got nothing to say to me? No denial? Maybe you didn't think I'd find out.'
I have been here before. She thought I was sleeping with Harry before and I convinced her I wasn't then, I can do it again.
'Haven't we had the conversation before, Katherine? You said I wasn't his type,' I try and laugh.
'Don't you dare laugh at me. You've been seen together at the university car park. My husband going to your studio and then leaving some sleazy club. He has no idea that I know. He thinks he's got away with it again. But I always know and I always find out, but like any good wife I shut up and put up. So this is what we'll do. I make sure those contacts I sent you come to fruition and to thank me for being such a good friend you will leave my husband alone.'
'Are you buying me off? Seriously? If I'm just a toy to play with then surely you don't need to. Unless he hasn't really dropped me and I am more of a threat to your marriage then you're willing to admit.'
Katherine grabs my arm and forces me too look at myself in the mirror. Her face is pale with anger and I realise with a gloating feeling that I mean more to Harry then all of the others. He's not left me at all. I'm still there. I'm winning.
After my phone call I thought maybe I'd scared him off. A little pissed off at me, but not now. Now I may have a chance. She touches my neck where the necklace sits and I flinch ready for it to be ripped from me.
'Is this one of his? It looks like something he'd give. I must give you credit for making him shell out some cash before you opened your legs for him,' she hisses.
'Well it didn't take much to get him to chase me. I thought I'd have to work much harder, but it turned out to be relatively easy.'
'You know the problem with girls like you is that you end up losing your head,' she hisses.
'My head is not what you should be worried about,' I throw.
I pull away from her and now I can see her shaking.
'I am rich and powerful. I can give him anything. What have has a little girl like you got to offer?' she snaps.
I straighten up with a smirk on my face.
'Oh, I don't know... a working womb maybe.'
My face hits the wall she's hit me so hard. There's a taste of blood, but I can't stop laughing as she looms over me.
'You think you're so clever. You tease him, by giving him a little then taking away. Well let me tell you something young lady, I've known Harry a lot longer. He gets bored and right now you think you have him, but it'll be me that he comes home to. I will be the only Mrs. Cobain.'
'Then why would George offer you a way out of this so called perfect marriage?' I snap.
She turns my way and looks at me with disgust.
'My marriage is none of your business and when you finally grow up little girl, you'll realise it's all about sacrifices. I am the better woman Miss Boorman and I always will be.'
She storms out of the restroom leaving me alone. Looking in the mirror, I dab a paper towel on my bleeding lips.
'We'll see,' I say.
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
'Sit still,' George chastises as he dabs my lips with ice. 'I swear to you I had no idea they were there,' he promises. 'What happened?'
'She knows.'
After our confrontation I'd not even attempted to go back to the table and left sending a message to George to follow. I'd cried all the way home in the taxi and it was George that held me tight. Now he's cleaning my war wound.
'What did she say? Did he tell her?'
'No someone else. We were seen together. She tried to buy me off,' I sniff.
'Really? How much? You must be really doing some damage.'
I get up from the stool and grab myself a bottle of wine from the fridge and changing my mind grab the bottle of Jack and drink it neat from the bottle. I've already drunk far too much, but I don't care.
'It doesn't matter. If they are renewing their wedding vows then he's not divorcing her. It's over. You win.'
'Don't be like that,' he says. 'The contract is ripped up.'
He watches me wary as I down more Jack.
'I'm not being like anything. I'm just saying congratulations you win and I don't want to sleep with him if he's with her. I want him to myself. I wanted to keep him.'
George grabs my shoulders and tears are now falling down my cheeks.
'Please tell me you're not in love with him?'
I look up at him and nod slowly. I hadn't even realised it had happened until Katherine confronted me. Now I can feel my heart breaking and powerless to stop it.
'Jesus Christ, Leigh,' George pulls me into a tight hug.
'I can't let him go,' I sob.
'You have to let him go. It's over. I told you that you couldn't keep him and you can't. He never belonged to you. He always belonged to his wife and she obviously wants to keep him no matter what. You've lost.'
'I don't have to...I could still...,' I protest.
George moves away from me and sighs. His anxious pacing is infectious as he mulls things over.
'The contract is finished. You know that already. I would never have held you to it anyway. I knew you would never love me enough to marry me. It was just wishful thinking. But I do love you and I just want you to be happy. I want my best friend Leigh back.'
'Thanks,' I mumble.
'Come here,' he reaches over and pulls me into a bear hug.
He starts to kiss my hair and stroke my back and for some reason I don't stop him. Everything is distorted and my whole world feels like its tipping on its axis. This world that I'm now living is no longer real.
'My beautiful Leigh,' George murmurs. 'He's a fool if he doesn't want you.'
His hands start to wander as does his lips as they move from head to cheek, then a peck on the lips. Holding me so tight, I can already feel him
stiffening against me, but I still can't move. It's like all that's happened mixed with the alcohol has immobilised me.
I am this empty shell that can't function anymore. His hands move to my breast where they squeeze and fondle as he forces my lips open with his tongue. I need him to stop, but it feels like I've already left my body.
'George please,' I manage to say.
'Please let me have you. Just the once. I love you,' he pleads. 'He's already got your heart. Let me have something. Just let me make love to you once. That's all I ask. Just once. Let me have you.'
'George, I can't...' I try to say.
'Baby, please. After all I've given you. Just give me this.'
He pushes me towards the bedroom and then onto the bed. I can hear myself wanting to scream for him to stop, but I can't move. I don't want this to happen, but I have no choice. I have no power to fight him anyway.
I may as well get it over with. At least I should be grateful for the bottle of wine and Jack that I've drunk as my body seems lost of all feeling as George fumbles with his clothes and a condom. He doesn't even take off my clothes; he just peels my pants off and enters me.
'God, Leigh, you feel so good,' he murmurs.
He continues to heave on top of me, seemingly oblivious that I am not even in it with him. I have truly become a whore, where my body is used to manipulate and appease men.
He just wants a piece of me he didn't think he could have. I could have stood my ground and said no countless times. But I am tired to fighting him. Maybe if I let him screw me then he will let me go and realise I'm not worth it. Get it out of his system. The reality rather than the fantasy.
With a tensing of his body and one final thrust, it's over and thankfully it's quick. Finding some strength, I push him off. He looks down at me and then shakes his head as I turn my back on him. This whole thing is over. The friendship I'd once shared is in shattered pieces and I am to blame.
'I said I'd stay with Clair,' he mutters as he dresses.
I don't answer and with a Jesus Christ comment he's gone leaving me alone once more. Stumbling from the bed, I run the bath as hot as I can bear it and sinking into I allow myself to cry. This is my punishment for being thoughtless and uncaring. I took what wasn't mine and now I'm paying the price
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
Sitting in my car, I am contemplating whether to go in or not. Can I put myself through this? But I do deserve an explanation. It was in the midst of the summer when I first entered into an affair with Harry and now the bite of winter is starting chill the air. I left message upon message to him, but he's not even bothered to tell me to go away, just stone silence.
George has stopped talking to me and I have taken it upon myself to send back the SLR to him. I know I should have been stronger and not allowed it to happen, but he should have known better too. I was in a weak place and he took advantage in order to get his own way.
I catch my reflection in my wing mirrors and I no longer look like myself. My hair has lost its shine and is being held in place by a scrunchie and tucked under a peaked hat. My face is white and thin causing my eyes to look too wide. I feel so sickly and weak. I never realized I could hurt like this. It's beyond painful, it's agonizing. Looking myself over, I decide I will do. I have to make him see me, because if he sees me then things might change. My car radio is playing Runaway Baby and it just ignites my anger more.
'Just shut the fuck up Bruno,' I mutter as I switch of the engine.
I weave my way through the narrow corridors and past students until I reach Harry's office. Since it's the middle of the day, Harry's secretary is there at her desk. I've never met her before and to my unease she looks astonishingly like Katherine, just maybe not as regal. Both sharing the long black hair and smart power suits. She types away, ignoring my presence until I give a small cough.
'Have you an appointment?' she asks not looking up.
'Yes,' I lie.
She starts to question me but we are interrupted as the door opens and out steps a giggling blond girl. My heart stills as I watch this girl wearing tiny shorts over thick tights and a floaty shirt push past me.
'Jayne?'
Harry is then at the door calling this girl's name, but stops short when he sees me standing there. The girl called Jayne turns and walks back as he hands her some sheets of paper. Venom fills my stomach as there is slight contact as the paper changes hands. Then she bounces away.
'Miss Boorman, what can I do for you?' he asks turning my way.
Formal it is then. I am not quite down and out yet. I can still play the game, but this time I'm fighting for my heart and not money.
'I was hoping I could have a word, Sir,' I answer.
There's a flicker of a smile as he holds the door open for me.
'Emma, will you hold any calls for me,' he says.
'Yes, Mr. Cobain,' she answers as he closes the door.
The desk he had me over is now filled with a lap top and papers, but the memory still lingers and warmth runs through me.
He moves round where I stand and takes his seat behind the desk. There's concern there, but I'm not sure if it's for my wellbeing or if I am about to kick off.
'Do you remember when you said you would do anything not to hurt me? Do you still mean it?'
'Leigh...Leigh-Anne, please.'
'Harry, just answer the question.'
'Of course I mean it. I'm not a monster. I still have feelings for you.'
I breathe out slowly to steady myself.
'I just wanna know once and for all. Were you telling the truth when you said you'd divorce Katherine? I don't care what the answer is, I just need to know.'
Harry gets to his feet and moves to the window. His stance is stiff as he looks out. I already know I'm not going to like what comes out of his mouth.
'At the time it was the truth, but I can't divorce her now. She needs me...she...well it doesn't matter and I know that you wouldn't be happy with sharing.'
Shaking my head in disbelief I go to his side.
'Is that why you've moved on to the next target? One that won't expect too much from you.'
'What are you talking about?'
My body is shaking with jealousy and fury. I'm hugging my body tightly as nausea is starting to consume me once more.
'I'm talking about that blond girl. The little bimbo that was giggling out of your office. You never gave me choice Harry and that's what pisses me off. I've fallen in love with you and if you'd have asked I may well have remained the mistress, but no, you take matters into your own hands and move on. Well so much for having feelings.'
'You're reading far too much into this, Jayne is just a student. Look, go sit down and I'll get you a drink. Because you look like you're going to collapse on me any minute.'
I sit down on the leather sofa as he leaves his office. I can't believe I'm crying again. What in the hell is wrong with me? I was determined to come here strong. Make him remember the girl he first met, not this needy quivering wreck. As I hear the door open, I quickly wipe my eyes. Harry enters with two cups of coffee and sits down beside me.
'I've put extra sugar in it and brought some biscuits. When was the last time you ate?' he asks.
I look down at the plate of chocolate Hobnobs and my throat feels tight, but to appease him I force myself to take one.
'You mean a proper meal? That would be when I stayed with my parents,' I try and smile. 'I'm not such a good cook.'
He shakes his head his eyes filled with concern and maybe a little pity. That I don't want to see and it forces me to toss the biscuit back on the plate. I don't need his charity.
'I cannot believe I have done this to you. I am sorry,' he says.
'You haven't done anything I've not asked you to,' I smirk.
We both laugh a little, but soon turns serious again as we sip our coffees.
'So what do you suggest we do now?' he asks.
'I think maybe we should end this. You remember Jamie? Well he want
s to take things further...maybe I should take him up on it. Leave you to get on with your life with Katherine. We had fun and I suppose that's all it can ever be now you're renewing you vows.'
'Is that what you really want?'
'Is staying with Katherine what you really want?' I ask.
I look him in the eye and it's still there. That electricity. He still wants me, but he's trying to suppress it. What has Katherine promised in order to keep him? I'd love to know. But I am a dirty player too. I just need to regain my inner balance.
'I asked you first,' he says.
He's avoiding the question. He doesn't want to give me the answer, because I'm not going to like it. But I have to try and double bluff him. Just once.
'Of course not, but I don't really have any choice. I meant what I said. I am in love with you Harry, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made. You was never meant to be mine. I can't keep you.'
To seal my deal and gamble I lean across and kiss him lightly on the lips. His hand grabs mine and pulls me back towards him as his tongue plunges into my mouth. He pushes me back against the sofa and his hands start to pull at clothing. Feeling him grow and harden between my legs makes me want to wrap my legs around him and submit. But I can't I have to find that Leigh that told him no while he fingered me in my studio. Because she was much stronger than I am now.
'You should never wear jeans when you come and see me,' he growls.
I push against him and manage to wiggle from his grasp.
'And you should learn to listen when a lady says something to you. I'm saying no.'
I grab my things and walk confidently out of the office. His secretary glances my way and I offer her a smile. I'm back and ready to go again. Katherine knocked me to the floor and I took George with me, but now I've got back up all by myself and while there's still breath in my body he will divorce her.
CHAPTER THIRTY
It didn't happen straight away, in fact nearly three days later. I was in the middle of a busy day and I’m nearly back to back with customers. Photographing a young family is driving me crazy as the little angels will not do what I ask. With a white backdrop spread across the floor, I've taken to allowing them to run riot across it, much to the parents distress. It seems to be working and very very slowly I'm getting what I need.