by Leann Harris
“Yeah, Charlie, I know where she is. She’s out at my ranch.”
“Why’s she out there? I heard she fixed up old Fred yesterday and Terri’s baby the day before. My lumbago’s bothering me and I thought she might give me somethin’ for it.”
“Now, Charlie, Dr. Courtland is stranded here for a couple of days. She’s not taking patients.”
Charlie huffed. “I heard that she saw Norma. That’s what her daughter told me when I went to the post office. Was she fibbing?”
Damn, what was Norma’s daughter thinking? “No, she wasn’t lying.”
“Oh.”
Derek wanted to explain to Charlie the situation that had stranded Alex in Saddle, but if he told the old guy, then everyone in the county would know within hours. And he didn’t want to get Billy in trouble. Although, if he thought about it, Billy deserved all the grief the knowledge would bring him.
“Charlie, the lady’s on vacation.”
The old codger raised one shaggy brow. “Too bad my lumbago don’t take a vacation.” With a final harrumph, he stomped out of the office.
Derek walked to the window and stared out into the street. The nagging question of Alex’s reaction to treating patients popped into his head. The more he thought about it, the more he worried about her. Something wasn’t right.
Maybe he ought to call Houston and verify Dr. Alexandra Courtland’s credentials.
He picked up the telephone and, after checking with information, called Ben Taub Hospital.
“May I help you?” the hospital operator asked.
Derek frantically tried to remember the name of Alex’s boss, or at least who she claimed was her boss. “I need to talk to whoever is in charge of the emergency room.”
“That would be Dr. Everett Carlin. One moment, please.”
“Dr. Carlin’s office,” the well-modulated voice answered.
“This is Deputy Sheriff Derek Grey from Brewster County. I need to speak with the doctor.”
“He’s down in ER. May I have him call you?”
“I need to talk to him immediately.”
“Let me call down there and see if he’s available.”
Derek had to wait only a few seconds before the doctor came on the line. “This is Dr. Carlin.”
After Derek introduced himself, he asked, “Do you know an Alexandra Courtland?”
“Has something happened?” The doctor sounded anxious.
“No, not to her, anyway. Her car broke down in our town and she’s staying here until it’s fixed. I just wanted to check out her credentials. There’s been a couple of incidents when she’s seen people in a professional capacity, and she’s acted strangely.”
“Define strangely for me.”
“In both cases she seemed very reluctant. When Fred sliced open his arm, she froze at the sight of blood. Now, it seemed mighty strange to me if she’s an ER doctor that the sight of blood would make her react that way.”
There was a long sigh on the other end of the line. “Poor Alex. I thought with a little rest she’d be okay. Damn.”
“So she really is a doctor?”
“Yeah, she is.”
Derek wanted to make sure they were discussing the same woman. “The lady I’m talking about is five foot five, reddish gold shoulder-length hair, blue eyes. She’s a good-looking woman with a sharp tongue. Is that your Alexandra Courtland?”
A chuckle sounded in Derek’s ear. “Yeah, that’s our Alex.”
Relief swept through Derek. Alex was the genuine article. Now all he had to discover was why she was acting so strangely. “What did you mean when you said you thought the rest would help her? I mean, I may have a medical crisis on my hands, and I need to know if Alex has a problem.”
“What kind of crisis are you talking about?”
Since this guy was Alex’s boss, he needed to know what was going on. “TB. The postmistress of our small town might have the disease. The post office is the main contact point for all the ranchers in this part of the county.”
“So you might have an epidemic brewing? Well, I can certainly see why you’d want to know about Alex.” He paused. “Dr. Courtland has worked for me for several years. A little over a year ago, she volunteered to go to Bosnia with the Red Cross. When she returned after her year, she didn’t want to take a couple of weeks off like I suggested. Instead she went right back to work. It was a mistake. She needed time to decompress.”
Terrific. He didn’t want to be emotionally involved with Alexandra, but Dr. Carlin was pulling him into that charged world of feelings. “Why do you say that?”
The doctor hesitated.
“Dr. Carlin, I need to know what I’m up against here.”
“The first hour in the emergency we had a teenager with a gunshot wound to his chest. Alex walked to the gurney and froze, then tore out of ER like the demons of hell were chasing her. I found her in the locker room, sitting on the floor, crying.”
Although Dr. Carlin didn’t label what Alex had as delayed stress syndrome, Derek recognized the symptoms.
“What happened?” Derek asked.
“She dried her eyes, then told me she was quitting. Now, you’ve got to understand, Alex’s a damn fine doctor and I don’t want to lose her skill in ER. But more than that, she’s a good friend and I’m worried about her. Alex needs to talk about what happened in Bosnia, if not to a professional, then to a friend.”
Derek didn’t like the drift of this conversation. He was a professional, but not the kind Dr. Carlin was talking about. And he certainly didn’t qualify as a friend. “Didn’t the Red Cross offer counseling? Or at least recommend some?”
“I’m sure they did, only Alexandra didn’t take them up on the offer. She always said that psychiatrists and psychologists were nuttier than most of their patients, and she didn’t need the inmates of the institution telling her how to act.”
Derek bit back a grin. He could well imagine Alex saying that. “Well, you’ve answered my questions, Doctor.”
“If I can be of further assistance, let me know.”
“Oh, you’ve been more than enough help.” More than he wanted.
Derek leaned back in his chair and rubbed his aching head. He had gotten his answer. In spades. Alexandra had spent a year in Bosnia. No wonder she had problems.
Delayed stress. He didn’t doubt she was suffering from it. He’d seen enough cops and firemen in San Antonio who carried with them the scars of their work.
It’s none of your business, a voice in his head argued. And that was true enough. Alexandra had not asked for his help in solving her problems. If it wasn’t for circumstances beyond her control, she’d be back in Houston this minute and be Dr. Carlin’s problem. Instead, she was here in Saddle with him, doing strange things to his hormone level.
Apart from his carnal desires, Derek felt an emotional responsibility for Alex. He’d seen too many cops self-destruct because they kept all their feelings locked inside. He didn’t want that to happen to Alex. Dammit, he didn’t want to be involved, but he was. The first time he touched her, his feelings had gone beyond simple caring. He wanted to help Alexandra.
Since when have you become a psychologist?
A sharp bark of laughter escaped his lips. What an irony. He was going to try to play shrink to a lady doctor who didn’t want anything to do with shrinks. Boy, was he in trouble.
* * *
Alex ran the currycomb over the bay’s flank. The familiar action and the comforting smell of the barn took her back in time to her teenage years. She had loved her horse, Twilight. In the chaotic years of her adolescence, Twilight had been her main solace.
“There you go, big guy.” Alex gave the gelding a final pat and stepped away.
“You do that like a real pro.”
Alex spun and saw Derek standing at the entrance of the barn. She returned the brush to its place on the shelf.
“I ought to. I groomed my horse countless times when I was a kid.”
He walke
d to the stall and leaned against the wooden wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “What kind of horse did you have?”
“A quarter horse. Twilight and I competed in many a contest and won several ribbons.”
“Do you still have the horse?”
“No. Medical school took too much time, so I sold Twilight to a young man who wanted to make the rounds of quarter-horse competition.” Remembering her horse, she smiled. “They went on to win a fair number of titles and lots of money.”
“Do you miss riding?”
The question caught Alex off guard. “Now that I think about it, yes, I do.”
“Do you miss competing?”
“Now that’s an interesting question.”
“Why?” He gave her a quizzical look.
“Well, because I never thought about the adrenaline rush that I got from competing. I get the same intense and urgent feeling from a crisis in the emergency room as I did from competition.” She gave him an approving nod. “Maybe you should’ve been a head doctor instead of a cop.”
“Cops have to know how to deal with people. If we didn’t, more of us would get shot.”
“Good point.”
He pushed away from the wall and reached for the bay, lightly rubbing the horse’s nose. “Since I’m so perceptive a guy, you might appreciate that I noticed an odd pattern in your behavior with Fred and Terri.”
She went still, dreading what he would say next.
“I kept questioning why so talented a doctor would be reluctant to treat a sick baby or freeze up when she saw blood, apart from just not wanting to spoil her vacation.”
“And what answer did you come up with?”
“I decided to check your credentials to make sure you were who you claim to be.”
In spite of his actions being the correct and logical choice, Alex felt violated. “You did what?” she growled through clenched teeth.
“I called Ben Taub Hospital and talked with your boss.”
Anger and indignation rose in her, like the tides before a hurricane. “And you discovered I am who I claim?”
“Yes, I did.” From his tone it sounded as if he finally realized what kind of a mine field he’d stepped into, but he didn’t care.
“Why didn’t you call Austin and check on my license? Or better yet, why didn’t you call my dad? You would’ve loved to chat with him.” Alex took several deep, slow breaths to try to regain control of her roiling temper.
“Alex, your behavior was...”
“Was what?”
“Odd.”
“Oh, since when did you go to med school? Gee, if you’re such an expert in the field of medicine, maybe you should take the job the town offered. Then you could be the deputy doc.” She was shaking. The tight hold she kept on her emotions was slipping dangerously out of control.
“Alexandra,” he said softly. His eyes were tender with compassion and he held out his hand.
She slapped it away. “Don’t Alexandra me.”
“I know about Bosnia.”
His words held her paralyzed.
“Your boss was concerned about you. He said you might be suffering from delayed stress. I agree with him. You need to talk about what happened.”
A red haze fell over her vision. She snatched the currycomb from the shelf and threw it at him.
He dodged the missile. “Hey, what are you doing?”
“You bastard, how dare you? You have no business messing around in my life.” Her voice rose with each word until she was shouting. “Who gave you the right?”
“Listen, lady, I’ve seen too many good cops who kept everything inside. Eventually the ugliness and sickness of what they dealt with ate at their souls and drove them into hellish places.”
“When you were sworn in as a deputy sheriff, were you given a divine appointment to muck around in other people’s lives and set them straight? If that’s so, maybe you should advertise for angels.”
His eyes hardened as her gibe hit its mark. “You know I’m right, Alexandra. What you saw in Bosnia is inside you, festering. You need to face those memories and talk about it.”
“Stop it,” she yelled. “Stop it.” She wrapped her arms around her waist and turned her back to him. She fought the tears. She would not break down in front of this man. Her gaze traveled around the barn, searching for something to concentrate on besides her oscillating emotions, and came to rest on the barn cat licking his paw.
Her heaving world was beginning to steady when the cat stood. It had only three legs. She watched the animal walk, with its odd gait, out of the barn. The pathetic sight was more than Alex could bear. She had seen so much worse and yet...
A sob tore from her throat. She struggled to bite back the next one but lost. Her hand clamped over her mouth, trying to muffle the sound, and tears ran down her cheeks.
It felt as if someone had reached inside her and ripped her heart out of her body, leaving her raw, bleeding and in agonizing pain.
“Ah, damn.” Derek’s voice filtered through her anguish.
She felt his warmth behind her, then he slipped his arms around her waist and drew her back against his strength. His chin settled on her shoulder. She tried to remain stiff and unyielding in his arms, but the comfort of his body was too powerful. Turning in his embrace, she wrapped her arms around his waist.
The dam broke inside Alex. The faces of those children and adults she had tried to help, yet failed, flashed through her mind. The tears she hadn’t shed before now came with a vengeance.
“That’s it, sweetheart,” Derek crooned softly in her ear. “Let it out. Get rid of it all.”
In the midst of her heartache Alex knew she could fall apart and Derek would be here to catch the pieces. She was safe.
Time seemed to stand still. Alex might have cried for hours or minutes, she didn’t know. But when the last tear fell, she became aware of the hard chest beneath her wet cheek.
Derek handed her a clean handkerchief. “Blow,” he commanded.
She obeyed, then dabbed her wet cheeks.
Derek cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face to his. “Feel better?” His fingers lightly wiped away the remaining moisture from her face.
She nodded.
“I’m sorry I had to push you.”
She sniffled. “No, you’re not.”
He gave her that heart-stopping, curl-your-toes grin of his. “It’s all part of the job, ma’am.”
Her gaze dropped to the strong column of his throat. Her feelings were too raw to look him straight in the eye. “Thank you for caring.” She handed him back the handkerchief. He stuffed it in his back pocket.
“I’m up here, Alexandra.” His thumb tilted her chin up. Although there had been lightness in his voice, his eyes were dark with awareness. His hand slipped to the side of her neck; his thumb traced the underside of her jaw, then found the pounding pulse at the base of her neck.
Suddenly Alex was aware of every inch of his large frame pressed against hers. The air around them turned heavy and charged, like the thick moments before a thunderstorm struck.
Derek’s gaze settled on her lips, and her mouth tingled with anticipation. Lightning seemed to arc around them as his mouth settled on hers, short-circuiting every rational thought in Alex’s brain. All she knew was the clean masculine smell of him, the glorious taste of him as his tongue slipped into her mouth, the solidness of his body.
Her fingers dug into his back. She wanted to bring him closer to her; she wanted more, needed more, had to feel him in every ounce of her being. He seemed to understand her unvoiced longing, because he shifted his legs, bringing her into the cradle of his thighs. Alex moaned in her throat at the feel of his arousal against her belly.
“What you do to me, woman,” Derek gasped before nibbling his way down her throat. She tilted her head back in order to give him better access. When his mouth reached the top button of her shirt, his fingers quickly opened it. He kissed the newly revealed skin, causing Alex’s he
art to pound so hard she thought it would burst from her chest.
“Deputy Grey,” a voice called out.
Derek’s fingers froze on the next button.
“Deputy, you in here?”
Derek’s head fell forward to touch Alex’s and she heard him mumble a graphic profanity. She winced.
He rolled his forehead against hers. “Sorry.”
“I share your sentiments. Only I would’ve chosen another word.”
Grinning, he lifted his head and secured the buttons he’d undone. “You would’ve said?”
“Rats.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “As I recall, Doc, you just called me a bastard. Now we’re back to rats?” He leaned down and brushed a kiss across her mouth.
Someone cleared his voice, bringing both Alex’s and Derek’s attention to the man who stood inside the barn door. Derek’s arms fell to his sides and he stepped away from Alex.
“Excuse me,” the man said. “I don’t mean to interrupt anything.”
“Agent Collins, you remember Dr. Courtland.”
He nodded. “Yes, I do.”
“What can I help you with?” Derek asked.
“Stan wanted me to check with you. We spotted a wrecked truck off a little-used dirt road. The truck had managed to go into a ditch. We think it might be connected with that plane we were looking for the night before last. We’re going out to investigate and wanted to know if you wanted to come along?”
“Yeah, I want to go. I’ll be there in a minute.” Once the agent was outside, Derek turned back to Alex. “If you want to go back to Saddle, Cathy or Todd will be happy to take you.”
There was so much that Alex wanted to explain to him, yet she didn’t have the words right now.
His hand curved over her cheek. Though he didn’t say anything, she saw the questions and longing in his eyes. There was a multitude of issues between them that would have to be resolved. “I’ll see you back in town,” he said softly.
She needed some time alone to pull herself together. “All right.”
He hesitated for a moment, seeming to want more. But there was nothing else she could give him at this moment, except—
She rose on her toes and placed a kiss on his lips. “Be careful.”