by Mandy Baggot
“Don’t be too hard on her.”
“Don’t be too hard on her? What the Hell has happened to you? This morning, you wanted to shoot her!”
“You should calm down.”
“Calm down? I should calm down? No, I don’t think so.”
She was pacing now, up and down the sand, kicking at it as she went and counting under her breath.
“She was just following orders. Pretending to go rogue. Opening yourself up to blackmail is hard work, Autumn, and even you’ll admit, she’s done a great job at pretending to be the hard-nosed bitch she wanted everyone to believe she was.”
“Nothing’s changed, in my opinion, and I don’t know whether I even believe her, not now, not after she’s kept this from me for so many years.”
She stopped walking, and her shoulders shook with the sheer shock of the situation. Her father was alive. He was alive and she still didn’t get to see him. The tears fell thick and fast, and she drooped, ready to hit the sand again. This time he caught her.
He drew her into his body and wrapped his arms around her, trying to shield her from everything she was feeling. Her whole being trembled as she cried, and a memory from his past filtered into his mind. He had held someone else the same way, when he’d had to tell her their daughter and granddaughter were dead. He had felt the life drift out of her, her reason for existing floating away from her with every sob. He wouldn’t let that happen to Autumn.
He ran his hands over her hair, trying to comfort her, trying somehow, in some small way, to make her feel better. She drew her head away from his chest and met his eyes.
She looked so vulnerable at that moment, so lost and frightened and unknowing of what to do next. He felt that feeling again, starting in his stomach and moving downwards and upwards all at the same time. Lust? Definitely, but that wasn’t all.
She reached up to his face and traced a finger along his jaw line. He was unable to stop his eyes from closing, thinking about what could happen between them, what shouldn’t happen. He snapped his eyes open and took hold of the hand caressing his face.
“What?” Autumn asked.
“I’m your bodyguard,” Nathan breathed, trying to substantiate something. He didn’t really know what.
“I know.”
She pulled at the collar of her dress, undid the button at the back of the neck, then, in one motion, slipped it off her shoulders until it dropped to the ground around her ankles. She kicked it away.
Nathan took another deep breath in. He couldn’t do anything else but look at her. A slight frame, creamy skin, long, lithe legs, and bare breasts, nipples erect.
“So, here’s my body. Guard it,” she told him.
She needed someone. She needed him, to distract her, to take away the emptiness, to fill her with desire, if nothing else. She wanted to feel wanted. She needed to feel his hands on her, his body next to hers, deep inside her. She saw the want in his eyes, saw what the sight of her naked was doing to him, but still, he held back, breathing deeply, his eyes on her, his thoughts who knew where.
She reached out and ran her hands along the waistband of his pants, then lower, over his hardened groin. He wanted her, that was obvious.
“Autumn,” he groaned and took hold of her hands.
“What?”
“You don’t know what you’re doing,” he said.
She began to unfasten the buttons on his shirt. “Do you want me to stop?” she asked, slipping her hands inside.
“Yes.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
He shook his head and removed her hands from his chest.
“No! Don’t you push me away like everyone else!” She folded her arms across her chest. “You’re here. We’re here together, and I suppose—in a rather rough-around-the-edges way—you’re attractive. I know I’m attractive, and I know I’m attractive to you, so...”
“So...” he repeated.
She raised her chin and looked at him. “Just sleep with me, Nathan. Just, give me something to cling to.”
She was beautiful, the most stunning woman he had ever set eyes on, and here she was, offering herself up to him. In extreme situations, people took comfort from anything they could, and she needed comfort. He could do that without getting emotionally involved. He’d done it dozens of times before. He couldn’t fight it anymore.
He tugged her toward him and met her mouth with his, kissing her without any doubt to his intent. Her mouth opened wider to let him in, and he kissed her, one hand at the back of her head, the other removing his shirt.
He felt her rip open the buttons on his pants, and he pulled her over, rolling on top of her on the sand.
“I want to feel safe,” she begged. “Make me feel safe.”
He regarded her as he hovered over her, one hand in the sand, the other in her hair. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly open, moist from their kiss. Her creamy skin laid bare for him, the whole of her body, there, waiting. Waiting for him. Wanting him. He closed his eyes and took a breath, the essence of something from his past flowing over him. He was hesitating, thinking, still, even now, when Autumn was naked, exposed, and the need in him was pretty close to boiling point.
She bucked her hips slightly, making contact with him, letting him know how desperate she was for this closeness. She had never felt such longing. She pulled at the waistband of his boxers, making absolutely clear of her intention, easing the fabric down over his hips, revealing the part of him she craved inside her.
She watched his eyes close, and she reached up to cup his face in her hands, her fingers tracing the line of his jaw, down to his mouth. He opened his mouth and touched her fingers with his lips, so gentle.
And then he nipped the edge of one finger with his teeth and she let out a small cry. Not because he had hurt her, because she wanted more.
“You want me?” he whispered the question. Very slowly, inch by inch, he led a path with his fingers from her hair, across her shoulder, and down over her breast.
“Yes! God, Nathan, yes,” she breathed. His touch was burning her, each inch his hands traveled was igniting a dormant desire that had almost been completely extinguished by the partners she’d chosen in the past. Fake people, soulless people, people who’d made her feel nothing.
She wrapped her hands around his neck and buried her head into his shoulder, urging him downwards, wanting to feel him, hot and hard.
He caught her head with one hand and locked eyes. He pressed his chest against hers, holding on tight.
“Who do you see…when you look at me?” he asked, his breath coming out in bursts.
“I see someone true…and loyal…and strong.”
She let out a gasp as she felt him enter her, just a little, enough to make her whole body contract with need.
“What you see is what you get.”
“I know,”
She clung to him, her fingers digging into his skin as he pushed himself a little deeper into her.
“I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you…right here…right now,” he growled.
“Oh God, oh God, please, Nathan…please,” she begged.
He couldn’t wait any longer. He couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to stop. He clasped one arm around her waist and drew her toward him as he deepened his thrust, all the way inside her. All the pain, all the fear, all his memories were pushed to the very back of his mind as he let his body release everything he’d been holding in for so long.
He rocked her, long, slow movements at first, then quicker, more intense. He felt her match his rhythm, her breath warm and wet in his ear. This beautiful woman, this gorgeous, broken and vulnerable woman wanted him to make her world better.
“Do you feel it?” he asked her. He was right on the edge of the crest of that wave, holding back as hard as he could.
“Yes, don’t stop…please don’t stop…I’m right there…I’m there…I’m…oh my God…oh Nathan.”
That was it. He was gone. His heart burst apart, he fe
ll head first off the wave and everything fell from underneath him as that hot, sweet flood of release left him.
She pulled him tighter, aching to feel him contract against her as her head filled with flashes of ecstasy. She was trembling. She felt weak. Her heart was pounding, echoing Nathan’s that beat so hard against her chest. The tremors still came, each one bringing another delicious sensation, another wave of heaven rolling up through her body.
This man, this man she had despised had opened the floodgates to so much. He had pulled her apart physically and emotionally, and she needed it. She needed him.
He took her face in his hands, shifting a little but leaving them connected, bringing her lips to his. He kissed her, deep, wet, and tender, and she entwined their hands, moving her fingers in between his.
“How do you feel?” he asked. His voice nearly failed him. His body completely sated.
She replied at once, with conviction. “Safe.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Autumn woke with a start, clutching hold of the sheet and sitting up. She couldn’t catch her breath. She’d been in this terrible dream, running from someone, being chased. It took her a few seconds to separate the dream from reality, and for the events of the previous evening to come back to her. Her father wasn’t dead, her mother had come back to the house, and she and Nathan had...
As that last thought filtered through her mind, she noticed him. He stood by the bedroom window, looking out. He wore pants but no shirt.
“Morning,” he greeted, turning to face her.
“Morning,” she replied with a smile.
“We need to get together this morning and decide what to do,” he told her.
“Yes, I agree. Are you coming back to bed?”
“We need to decide the best plan to end this, taking into account everyone’s interests.”
He acted disinterested and detached. She knew this would happen. He had almost opened up a little the previous night, almost let her catch a glimpse of who he was behind the career soldier. Now he was reverting back to type.
“Coffee then?” she suggested.
He let out a breath and crossed the room toward her. She straightened the duvet and hugged it up around her body. He sat down on the bed, stilled for a second, then took hold of her hand.
“What happened last night, it was—”
“Don’t say anything,” Autumn interrupted, toying with his fingers.
“I have to...I want to.” There was a softness to his tone.
“I know what you’re going to say, and you don’t need to. I wanted someone. So did you. We used each other, and we should be okay with that,” Autumn said in a matter-of-fact manner.
His eyes connected with hers. “That wasn’t what I was going to say.”
Surprised, Autumn didn’t respond. He slowly stroked her fingers, and the sensation sent signals to places he’d touched the night before.
“Men like me, Autumn, we live by a different set of rules. Last night shouldn’t have happened, but it did, and that’s where it has to end.”
Autumn agreed with a nod. “That’s what I was trying to say. You just worded it differently. It was just a physical thing, that’s all.”
“No, you see, that’s what I’m trying to get out here, and I’m doing a fucking shit job of it.” Nathan put his hands to his head.
“I don’t understand,” Autumn said, tilting her head and looking puzzled.
No, she couldn’t understand. Did he really want to even go down this road? What was the point of telling her? If she was okay with the one night physical thing, shouldn’t he leave it alone? Why did he want to complicate things by telling her otherwise? The answer to that was simple, because of last night. Last night, she had brought out in him something he had thought lost forever. Emotion. Deep, intense, soul-burning emotion. The sex had been hot and fast, on the beach, and again in his bed, but then he’d held her and kissed every part of her with feeling, with his heart. It was a sensation he hadn’t experienced since losing his wife. It scared him. Just knowing he felt that way compromised this operation. He couldn’t keep Autumn safe if he felt that way about her. He’d miss something. His focus would be blurred around the edges, and he’d lose her, just like he’d lost his wife.
“Talk to me,” Autumn begged, frowning at the expression on Nathan’s face.
He faced her then whispered, “I can’t.”
“Nathan, please, give me something here.”
He headed for the door. “I’ll make some coffee then we’ll speak with your mother and Tawanda, decide what to do.”
She watched him leave and sank back into the pillows of his bed. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes.
Last night, when he’d held her, she could have died, right there and then, and been happy. She’d never been made love to like that before. It was raw and passionate, but more than that, it was tender, and she had cried. When she hit the top of the rollercoaster, that moment before the rails fell away, she burst into tears, and he looked into her eyes as she came apart, and he’d held her tight to him and whispered you’re beautiful.
She didn’t want to get out of bed. If she did, she would leave behind the pleasure of the night and have to face the reality of the day. Her reality used to be visiting the recording studio and picking out a new collection of clothes. Now, it was kidnap threats and terrorism. So much had changed in just a few days.
“I made coffee and two types of tea,” Tawanda said then made a face at Alison in the lounge.
Nathan took a cup from the work surface. “Thanks, Tawanda,” he responded.
“Things are more serious now, yes?” Tawanda remarked.
“We need to make a decision about how we want this to go. I have an idea but...I don’t know if I can do it,” Nathan told her.
“I was talking about Miss Autumn. Her bed wasn’t slept in, and I was kept awake quite late into the morning.” Tawanda’s eyes widened at him.
Nathan poured coffee into his cup. “That’s my business.”
Tawanda shook her head and busied herself, chopping fruit for a salad.
“I know what you’re thinking, but it isn’t like that. I won’t hurt her,” he insisted.
“Damage is already done.”
Nathan turned away and made his way into the lounge. Alison looked like she hadn’t slept much, and her cocktail dress, as well as being creased, looked entirely inappropriate for a Michigan morning.
“Morning,” he greeted as he sat down on the sofa.
“Good morning,” Alison replied. “Have you seen Autumn this morning? How is she?”
“Yeah, she’s all right, you know, considering the news yesterday,” he responded.
She toyed with the hem of her dress. “I’ve not been able to sleep. I wish I’d never agreed to get involved with this.”
“I don’t suppose Section 7 gave you a lot of choice,” Nathan remarked.
She met his gaze and shook her head. “No.”
Autumn could hear them talking as she stood outside the door. Her mother—what was she supposed to make of her now? Did she believe this new version of events that painted the politician as someone trying to stop the terrorists from getting their hands on someone of national importance—her father, who she had been led to believe was dead? Or did she have another agenda entirely? Was this about money? Did she really care for Autumn? How could she work it all out?
When she heard Tawanda call that breakfast was on the table, she pushed open the door, entered the room and headed for the kitchen without glancing at her mother or Nathan.
“Morning,” she greeted them.
“Good morning, child.” Tawanda pulled out a chair for Autumn. “There’s fruit salad and some hot croissants, or I could make you some eggs,” she offered.
“Eggs would be good,” she answered as she took a croissant from the plate. She tore it in half, then half again and shaped out a fifth section to put on her plate.
She kept her eyes focused on her plate as
she sensed Nathan and Alison approach the table. She didn’t want to talk about anything yet. She just wanted to eat and rehydrate, then later, when she was ready, she would tell them the decision she had made.
“Did you sleep at all, Autumn?” Alison asked, pouring herself her second cup of ginger tea.
Autumn sipped from a glass of juice Tawanda had put in front of her. “Yes, thank you, I did,” she responded.
“Good, I’m glad,” Alison replied.
“Are you? Are you really?”
“Yes, of course I am. Yesterday, it was a lot to take in and...”
“And what, Mother?” Autumn’s eyes flashed as she raised her head to look at her.
“Autumn, please, don’t be like this. Do you think it was easy keeping this from you? Have you any idea how hard it was on me? I love him, Autumn. He’s my husband, and I can’t be with him, ever again. It’s like he is dead. No, it’s worse than that, because he’s alive, living a life completely separate from mine, completely separate from ours.”
“Listen,” Nathan interjected, “going over this isn’t going to change things. We need to decide what we’re going to do.”
“No, that’s where you’re wrong,” Autumn said firmly. “You’re not going to decide what we do, and neither is she. This is my call. I’m the one they want to kidnap. It should be my decision what happens next.”
“Autumn, I am very experienced in handling situations like these, and Mr. Regan is—”
Autumn looked directly at Nathan. “I’m going home, today, back to London,” she said. “I am going to resume my old life, get back into all my old routines, and you can tell the terrorist group that my security detail isn’t quite as tight as it was. That way, I’ll be fair game.”
“No,” Nathan said.
“Autumn, any kidnap was always going to be controlled and—” Alison started.