by C. Gockel
Amy stares at the space Loki had been. In the universe of where Chicago had been turned to ash, when the damaged Loki had pushed her away in the In-Between, the last thing she wished for was to go to a universe where Loki didn’t have to die. Her mind spins. And before that, during the first jump to another universe, she’d wished to be with Loki again….
At that moment Loki reappears, heaving for breath. Bending over, resting one hand on his knees, he gives her a wry smile and gasps. “Well, that didn’t work.”
Amy stares at him. She thinks she knows how to go home. But first she needs Laevateinn. She bites her lips. She has no weapons and even if she did, Loki and Valli have centuries of experience in combat. Her hands go to her pocket. Mr. Squeakers is still there. Amy’s eyes slide down to her little passenger. What had Loki said? Mr. Squeaker’s venom is strong enough to knock him unconscious...and hadn’t Bohdi been terrified of her little mouse? Beneath her hand, Mr. Squeakers’ tiny body trembles and something else occurs to her. The spidermouse hadn’t attacked Loki when he’d saved Amy from Odin or the guards of Valli’s cell...how aware is her supposedly dangerous little mouse?
Recovering, Loki steps towards her and grabs her wrist in one fluid movement. Mr. Squeakers doesn’t protest, but his trembling intensifies beneath Amy’s fingers.
Turning down the catwalk, Loki shouts, “Valli! Get over here! We have to leave!”
Spinning towards his father, gun upraised, Valli screams. “I’m not going anywhere without Cera.”
Beside Amy, Loki swears but doesn’t contradict his son.
One of the doors cracks open with a groan and Valli spins towards the opening and fires a few shots. There are screams from the hallway beyond and then more gunfire, muffled this time, from the other side of the cracked door. Cursing, Valli crouches behind the wall of storage containers he’s built and aims his gun towards the open door.
Loki holds up a hand, and from the hallway beyond Valli Amy hears screams and sees the light of orange flames. Loki intends to stay and help Valli...and…
...and what if he wanted to leave? Where would that leave Amy? She can’t stay with this Loki and this Odin wants her dead. She has to go home...and to do that she has to get Laevateinn.
She looks down to where the sword hangs loosely in Loki’s hand. Maybe all she needs to do is touch it. Taking a deep breath, Amy pulls her free hand away from Mr. Squeakers and puts it on the handle just above Loki’s grip.
With a snarl, Loki rips it away. “What are you doing?”
Twisting her arm in Loki’s grasp, Amy says, “Going home. I know how.”
Gunfire explodes where Valli is.
Narrowing his eyes, holding the sword high beyond her, Loki says, “You figured it out.” He shakes his head and sneers. “But you won’t do it. Without Miskunn your baby will die.”
Amy stills. And her heart falls, as all her breath rushes from her chest. Loki is right...without a magic user like Miskunn, what chance does her magical baby have to survive? Gunfire rings in her ears. She looks towards the landing. Loki’s son lets out a cry like a banshee.
Amy closes her eyes. Her body suddenly feels like lead, all fight leaves her.
“You’re seeing sense,” says Loki, pulling her tightly to him. “Now be good, and maybe we can work something out for you after the baby comes.”
Amy gasps at him as a tear rolls down her cheek. A promise and a threat? She’s standing over a precipice...her child’s life or her own. It’s an impossible, horrible choice. That he’d force her to make it makes her feel sick.
There is more gunfire, and Valli gives a whoop of triumph and a mad laugh by the still mostly closed door. If Valli gets Cera...if this Loki gets Cera...she looks at Cera and remembers the world of ash and rubble that Cera destroyed. No, not world. Steve had said Loki had destroyed all of the nine realms with Cera.
Amy remembers that other Loki grabbing her and whispering, “I would take care of you both. But this is the best I can do.”
Tears sting Amy’s eyes. That Loki had trusted and believed in her and that Loki had wanted the same thing for Amy’s baby that Amy wants. A better life.
Even if she manages to have her baby here what sort of life will Amy be giving her? She takes a deep breath. There are magic users on Earth...a few...the Russians are in contact with elves, and then there is the frost giant Gerðr, now at Guantanamo. Swallowing, she closes her eyes. She’s rationalizing what she is about to do….but there is only death in this universe for Amy, and the world this Loki would give their child would not be a life.
There is an explosion from the landing.
“Valli, get over here!” Loki shouts.
Eyes blurry, careful to keep her movements slow and non-threatening, Amy reaches into her pocket and wraps her hand around Mr. Squeakers, the only weapon she has. She hopes he is as dangerous as Loki made him out to be.
“I’m sorry, Loki,” Amy says. It isn’t a lie. She had wanted so badly for the affection this Loki showed her to be real.
Loki turns to her, his face livid, because he is angry at Valli or her she isn’t sure. Gunfire explodes on the landing. There is more pounding at the door. Amy glances to see it inching open. Valli fires, but there is no screaming from the other side. “Father!” Valli shouts. “They have a battering ram!”
Loki is gazing at Valli when Amy reaches up to give him one last hug.
Grabbing her wrists, voice terse, Loki says, “You can show me you’re sorry later.”
Bowing her head, Amy opens her fingers as Loki pushes her arms off him. She feels her little mouse wriggle out of her hand. “Mr. Squeakers,” she whispers.
“What?” says Loki.
Through clenched teeth, Amy whispers, “We have to go home, Squeakers.” She is about to say, Bite him, but the words never leave her lips.
Loki gives a cry and stumbles backwards. His hand smacks the back of his neck, and Amy’s heart drops, but a moment later Mr. Squeakers is jumping through the air and landing on Amy’s shoulder.
Loki’s eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging open. He wavers a moment and then falls to the ground, Laevateinn clattering from his grip.
Amy picks up the sword and looks down the landing. Both of the security doors are slightly ajar, and Valli is crouched behind the wall of storage containers he’s built, firing down the aisle beyond the doors. She stares down at Laevateinn. It glows blue, but her reflection and the reflection of Cera behind her remain the same.
At her feet, Loki whispers, “You bitch...how can you be so heartless. How can you be so selfish…”
Loki’s eyes slip shut and Amy feels like she might throw up again. Maybe she is being selfish? Loki won’t hurt her while she’s pregnant and if she just waits a little while longer maybe she’ll find another way to escape….
From down the landing Valli screams in her direction. “What are you doing?”
Amy glances up to see Valli’s face contort with rage. She pushes all her despair aside and grits her teeth. Heart pounding in her ears, face flushing, Amy looks down at the blade and wills the universe to shift…
...Nothing happens.
From the landing, Valli starts racing towards her...Amy gasps and remembers the other Loki pushing her away when they’d been in the In-Between.
Slipping Mr. Squeakers into her pocket, she climbs to the top of the railing separating the catwalk from Cera.
Awkwardly swinging one leg over, trying not to skewer herself with Laevateinn, she raises her eyes and sees Valli lifting his gun in her direction. At that moment the security doors burst open and Odin steps into the room, armed guards behind him. Valli turns to him, ready to fire. Tapping Gungnir on the ground, Odin shouts. “Stop!”
No bullets come, and Valli freezes in place. So do the guards behind Odin.
Amy finds herself so afraid she can’t even blink. She’s filled with a memory of her Loki, fighting Odin’s ability to stop time, trying to get to Nari and Valli before they were sucked into the void.
Her eyes slide to the All Father. He has his spear in hand and is striding alone towards her down the catwalk, past the immobilized form of Valli.
Amy’s body feels weak, her legs like wet noodles. She doesn’t think she has the power to jump. But she’ll die if she stays here. Or worse, be a pawn to Odin...or Loki. Her child might be a pawn.
Summoning all her will, she straightens her body.
“You!” says Odin, his one eye going wide.
Sitting on the railing, Amy leans towards Cera. She may be plunging to her and her child’s death. It’s the best she can do.
She lets out a breath of relief and almost smiles when she feels herself toppling over into the Promethean wire, vaguely aware of Odin striding towards her, swinging his arm out to catch her and missing her by just inches.
When she feels the cold darkness of the In-Between she clutches her stomach and silently gives will to her child’s unconscious magic, the magic fueled by Laevateinn, the magic that allows her to slip through universes. Let’s go home.
Chapter 10
Amy’s eyes are wide open when she tumbles out of the In-Between into a dark room. She lands upon a wooden floor...that cracks under her weight and gives way. Amy falls a few more feet and jolts to a stop. Catching her breath, Amy’s eyes slide to the side. She’s crouched between the leaves of a shattered table in a room that looks familiar.
Behind her she hears a shout.
Spinning, Amy finds herself staring at a wide-eyed Bohdi. He’s clutching an open laptop in his hands and peering over the screen. She’s in the conference room where she first saw Laevateinn.
She doesn’t feel relief or happiness. She just feels incredibly tired. Closing her eyes, she touches her bump. She is still nauseous.
Above her, Bohdi whispers, “Ouryay ackbay.”
Cold fear washes through Amy at the strange, unfamiliar language. Maybe this isn’t her ADUO conference room?
Bowing her head and biting her lip she makes a plea to the universe at large. “Please tell me you speak English.”
“Oh. Yes, I speak English,” says Bohdi quickly.
Lifting her head, Amy finds Bohdi staring at her. He shrugs and his head does that little tilty thing. “That was just Pig Latin. For a project I’m working on.”
Amy blinks at him. In another universe Bohdi had outwitted Loki...not just once...twice. In this universe Bohdi had his memory wiped by Loki. She’s beginning to suspect Loki might have jiggled Bohdi’s marbles a bit, too.
Snapping the laptop shut he says, “You’re back.”
Before answering, Amy looks carefully around the room. Her body freezes, and her heart stops. “Maybe,” she whispers, trying to stay calm. “This doesn’t look exactly like the room I left.” The walls to her left and right lack Promethean wire, though it covers the walls behind and in front of her, and the ceiling and floor as well.
Putting the laptop down on the chair, Bohdi jumps forward and holds out a hand. “Oh, the guys in the physics department theorize that Promethean wire works pretty good at containing magic up to a point...but for magical objects that are too strong it acts like a circuit and opens up passageways to the In-Between, especially if containment isn’t complete…”
Amy can only stare blankly at him. Licking his lip nervously, Bohdi adds, “Unless you’re at a point in the World Tree that is a branch, then they thought it might just lead to another realm which I guess it did because you’re back and not a spacecicle...also they thought if we made it a loop instead of a sphere it might be more likely to open up on this end if we could get another object and then we’d follow you...not that we have an object...but Steve’s trying to get Gerðr the frost giantess at Guantanamo relocated back here...” He tilts his head. “Your clothes are different, but not very different—where did you go?”
Amy’s left so breathless by that breathless explanation that she can’t even answer. But her mind catches on his words. Gerðr might be coming back. She stays crouched on the floor a few moments longer before she realizes Bohdi’s still holding out his hand. Amy takes it. “It’s a long story,” she says at last as Bohdi pulls her to her feet. As soon as she’s standing, he drops her hand, backs up and slips his hands into his pockets looking a little uncomfortable.
“Thank you,” Amy says. He nods. Amy feels like she should say more, after he tried to save her life in the library. She puts a hand to her temple. The Loki in that universe wasn’t her Loki, and this Bohdi isn’t that Bohdi. Instead she says, “I need to see my grandmother.”
Bohdi nods. “She’s here…” he waves a hand. “I mean, she was. She took Fenrir out.”
At that moment Amy hears yapping from the hallway. Turning from Bohdi, she goes to the conference room door and throws it open. From down the hallway comes the sound of four tiny paws racing towards her at great speed. She looks down the aisle and a little gray blur bolts around the corner. A moment later, Fenrir is at her feet, the dog’s whole body wiggling and bouncing in glee. Amy catches her when Fenrir makes a particularly mighty bounce and a long, pink tongue slinks towards her nose. Grateful for Fenrir’s weight and warmth, Amy squeezes the little animal tight, trying not to gag. Fenrir’s mouth has apparently been recently acquainted with something dead—her normally tolerable breath is as attractive as her ragged ears or her long rat-like muzzle. Still, Fenrir is the most beautiful thing Amy’s seen since falling through the In-Between. She rubs her hand through the animal’s mottled chihuahua-meets-poodle coat, and presses her cheek to her back.
“Amy!” she hears her grandmother say. She looks up to see Beatrice down the hall, walking briskly beside Steve.
Fenrir’s tongue sneaks out to kiss her chin. Amy briefly glances down...and is seized by another one of Loki’s memories.
...Loki’s hand was blue against the white skin of Amy’s hip. She was looking up at him with sleepy eyes, smiling softly, completely unfazed by his blue appearance. He thinks he looks diseased, but she said he looks beautiful and he detected no lie...and there’d been no lie when their bodies had joined. He watches her as her eyes drift closed, then holds his blue hand up to his eyes. How could she not be disgusted by this? He stifled a bitter laugh remembering her little rat dog. Of course. She loves unlovable things and can’t turn away from pitiful creatures…
“Amy!” Beatrice’s second cry snaps Amy back from the memory. Beatrice and Steve are just steps away. Beatrice puts a hand a hand on Steve’s arm for a moment, and then runs towards Amy. Wiggling with renewed vigor, Fenrir spills out of Amy’s arms and Amy wraps her arms around her grandmother, trying not to cry.
“You’re back! You’re back! I thought I’d lost you again!” Beatrice cries. At their feet Fenrir does a little dance of happiness, wiggling between Beatrice, Amy, and Bohdi, but giving Steve a wide berth.
As Amy buries her head in the space between her grandmother’s neck and shoulder she feels relief, sadness, and disorientation at the shift from memory to reality.
From beyond Beatrice, Steve clears his throat. “Amy, I need to debrief you.”
Amy closes her eyes. Mr. Stickler for paperwork. She bites her lip. And possibly enemy to Odin. She does need to talk to him...but... “Steve,” Amy says, “I need to talk to my grandmother first.”
Steve exhales slowly. “Alright,” he says. Turning to Bohdi, he says, “Have you seen my laptop?”
“Umm...I think it is in the conference room?” says Bohdi.
Amy is barely listening. Without any words, Amy and Beatrice begin to walk down the hallway together, arms looped, Fenrir trotting beside them. “Grandma,” Amy says. “There’s something I need to tell you.” Something she’s suddenly sure she doesn’t want the government to know.
<
br /> Beatrice’s eyes dart down to where Amy has instinctively cradled her barely there bump, and then up to a corner in the wall where a camera stares down at them. She says nothing, just meets Amy’s eyes and nods. The warning, and the sharpness of her gaze, it reminds Amy that whomever healed Beatrice did more than just erase the effects of her stroke. Whoever did it healed the ravages of age in Beatrice’s mind, the daze and confusion of mild senility have been swept aside like so many cobwebs.
They leave the office, Fenrir still at their heels. It is late afternoon in this reality, cold and overcast. The streets and sidewalks are clear, but ice is beginning to creep over the puddles.
Sliding her arm from Amy’s, Beatrice takes her hand. “Is there something you wanted to tell me?”
Amy takes a deep breath. And begins to tell her everything.
By the time she’s done they’ve made their way to a bench in the courtyard of the Board of Trade Building. Fenrir is curled in Amy’s lap, along with Mr. Squeakers. Light snowflakes are beginning to fall. Beatrice is patting Amy’s hand.
Amy sighs. “I had to leave, Grandma, even though...” She clutches her middle. Amy swallows.
“Of course you did,” says Beatrice. “And it may turn out alright. Steve will get Gerðr back—the man is very good at handling these things.”
Amy turns towards her grandmother. It strikes her that Beatrice has never once questioned Steve’s abilities based on his race. Was Beatrice’s unconscious racism before her stroke just another cobweb of an elderly mind swept clean?
Amy swallows. Beatrice is right, Steve will get Gerðr back—but in time?
Beatrice shakes her head. “I’m just glad to have you home.” Dropping her hand, Beatrice puts her arm around Amy’s back and squeezes her tight.
Darkness is falling and snowflakes are beginning to tumble from the sky in earnest. The snow is covering up the garbage littering the gutters. In the highrises around Amy and Beatrice lights start to flicker on in the windows. Another memory sparks in Amy’s mind. “Our Loki thought that at night Chicago looks more like a city built by gods than any city in the Nine Realms. He loved us, Grandma.” Her Loki did love humans, if not her individually. “I don’t understand how the other Loki could be so…” Condescending. Dismissive. Cruel.