by Eva Scott
‘Goodness.’ Lexie sat back, blinking those big green-gold eyes in what he took to be surprise.
‘I still haven’t processed it.’ He tossed back his drink, trying to dampen the resentment threatening to rise.
‘Are you going to accept?’ She leaned forward, the closest she’d been all evening.
‘I don’t know,’ he sighed, defeated by the sheer will of his ex-wife. ‘I can’t find a good enough reason to say no. Melissa has been my best friend for almost all my life. She’s finally got her greatest wish, to be a mother. I couldn’t give that to her and I don’t want to deny her happiness but …’ He ran an agitated hand through his hair.
‘That should have been your child.’
He looked down with surprise. Her hand covered his and her eyes were filled with compassion. ‘I get it,’ she said, and he believed her.
‘I can’t deny that thought has crossed my mind.’
She withdrew her hand before he could stop her.
‘Do you still have feelings for her? Your wife, I mean.’
A crucial question.
‘Melissa and I wore out. Simple as that. We went through nine rounds of IVF. It takes its toll. I care about her. I love her, just not the way a man is supposed to love his wife. I love her like a sister.’
Lexie nodded, her eyes fixed on her glass.
‘Which is why I’ll probably agree to be her daughter’s godfather, to make up for everything.’ He shrugged and screwed up his eyes, horrified by the depth of his own honesty.
‘I understand what you mean. Malcolm had some of his sperm frozen,’ she blushed, ‘in case I wanted to go on and have his child without him. Kind of to make up for not being here.’ Her eyes filled with tears. She blinked them away before they had the chance to fall.
‘Are you going to do it?’ He held his breath, waiting for the answer. She was still young enough if she wanted to try for a child. He didn’t want it to be Malcolm’s. He wanted it to be his.
She shook her head, letting her hair curtain her face so he couldn’t see her expression.
‘No. I don’t think I could cope with being a single mother and running the farm.’
‘It’s a lot to take on.’
‘You want to know the hardest part?’ She offered him a lopsided smile, and he nodded. ‘The thought of our child growing up never knowing its father kills me. I can’t bear it so …’
‘You haven’t gone ahead,’ he finished for her, secretly glad she’d made that decision and guilty that it fanned a flame of hope inside him.
‘Yeah, I’m a big coward. Lack the strength.’ She shot back the last of her Scotch.
‘I don’t think your decision makes you a coward. I think it makes you honest with yourself and smart too. Better to know your limitations than to discover them when it’s too late to go back.’
‘I believe children are non-returnable,’ she chuckled, lightening the mood.
‘Even with a receipt.’ He laughed, glad of her resilient heart.
‘Do you think we could do with some snacks to soak up the alcohol?’ She cocked her head and grinned like a child suggesting something naughty.
‘Sounds wonderful,’ he said.
Chapter 6
Lexie let out a big breath as soon as she hit the kitchen. Nothing about tonight resembled anything she’d imagined. Ripping open her standard nibbles, a bag of mixed nuts, she wished she’d opted for something more sophisticated.
Her mind buzzed with the problem of hors d’oeuvres, anything to avoid analysing even a tiny bit of tonight’s conversation. She rattled around in the cupboard for a suitable bowl for the nuts, suspecting that the two Scotches she’d had might prove to be two too many.
She upended the nuts into the orange glass bowl she’d found, the one her mother-in-law had given to her one birthday, which she’d never used.
The inescapable feeling of having revealed too much hovered over her as she picked out the Brazil nuts. There were only ever three or four in any packet. She popped them in her mouth one at a time and chewed them thoughtfully, playing for time.
She’d had no intention of confessing her heart’s secrets to Geoff tonight, or any other night for that matter. They’d escaped her without her permission, eager to be free the minute he’d laid his soul out on the table. Poor man. She knew how it felt to be somehow left behind, your partner going on without you. Their situations might be wildly different, yet abandonment was a universal feeling.
There he was, with his business and city life, and here she was, with her farm and her memories, both without their partners and the children they’d hoped for. Life had manoeuvred them down twists and turns, leading them to share this Christmas together. Maybe Bea had a point. Why not indulge in a romantic moment as a kind of Christmas present to herself? It would be nice to feel something positive again.
Picking up the bowl, she stopped to watch him through the window. He had a sexy way of messing up his hair, unconsciously running his hands through it when something touched a nerve. And the way his face relaxed into sheer handsomeness when he laughed sent little spirals of giddiness through her.
To rest her head on those broad shoulders, to lie in the haven of those arms … The thought generated a longing and loneliness in her, cavernous in its yearning. That was it! Decision made. If Geoff made a move tonight she’d follow his lead, no matter how terrifying the thought of intimacy with a man who was not Malcolm might be. She’d feel the fear and do it anyway.
Shaking off the cliché of a self-help book, Lexie stepped out onto the veranda with the nuts and a renewed sense of courage. Maybe things would work out, and maybe they wouldn’t. Either way she’d have an adventure, her very first proper affair, which she may or may not tell Bea about. Her sister didn’t have to know everything, even if she was very good at guessing.
He caught sight of her and smiled, not the usual nice-to-see-you smile, but a smile of genuine delight that made her heart rattle around in her chest. Come what may, this was the right decision. She placed her nuts on the table and returned his smile with one of equal wattage.
‘I was wondering if you’d like some music,’ she said, remembering where that had led to last Christmas.
His expression changed. ‘Hold on a minute,’ he said as he abandoned his drink and disappeared into the house.
Lexie sat down and waited, selecting a few cashews to keep her occupied.
Geoff reappeared moments later.
‘Here, this is for you.’ He held out a gift wrapped carefully in gold paper and tied with a silver bow.
‘I didn’t get anything for you.’ Mortification! The thought of a gift had never crossed her mind.
‘I don’t need anything,’ he said, waving away her concern. ‘Being here with you is more than enough.’
She tore at the paper with trembling fingers, revealing a CD. Not a Christmas compilation, she noted with some relief. Songs about snow while it was boiling hot outside always seemed odd to her.
‘I hope you like it,’ he said. ‘I wanted to get something to add to your collection. Hope the Reverend Al Green fits the bill.’ He reminded her of a bashful schoolboy, unsure of himself.
‘I’m not familiar with his work but I’m sure it’ll be perfect,’ she said. ‘How about I put it on while you make us another drink?’ She’d need the Dutch courage if things were going to go the way she thought they might.
‘Okay,’ he said, hands in pockets and what she took to be a hopeful glint in his eye. No doubt he remembered last year’s slow dance and what it led to. Or maybe he could read her thoughts. She couldn’t stop the blush that stole across her cheeks.
‘I’ll … um … go and …’ She stood quickly, nearly knocking her chair over in her haste to be out from under the scrutiny of those chocolate eyes.
Alone in the lounge room, Lexie turned on her CD player and, with fumbling fingers, popped the silver disc into the machine. The little drawer closed with a satisfying snap, and the disc whirred to the first track. Al Green’
s dulcet tones rumbled out of the speaker, singing about how tired he was of being alone. Could be her theme song. She took a deep breath. ‘Showtime,’ she whispered.
Geoff met her with a fresh glass as she stepped out onto the veranda.
‘Do you like it?’ he asked.
‘Both the drink and the CD, thank you.’ She took a sip to give her something to do as her nerves began to jangle with anticipation.
‘Not quite Billie and her blues,’ he said. ‘I thought something more uplifting and soulful might be in order this year.’
‘You did? Why was that?’ she asked, curious.
He moved to the railing and leaned against it, looking up at the velvety darkness blanketing the sky. ‘I had this feeling things were going to change for the better.’
‘Really?’ Without noticing it, she had moved to stand beside him. He drew her to him as if she had no control.
‘I took a gamble you might feel the same.’ His eyes locked with hers. Every molecule in her body sang as an understanding passed between them. He was in this too.
‘I think I do,’ she said softly.
He moved in closer until she could feel the heat radiating from him. His eyes locked onto her lips. Her breath caught as his mouth descended gently on hers, exactly as she remembered—the same molten desire caught at her centre now as it had then. She leaned in, wanting more this time. He slid one hand around her waist, tugging her forward into the circle of his warmth. Lexie rested her hand on his chest, his heart beating in time with hers.
She gave herself over to the kiss, wilfully crossing the line with him to uncharted territory. Sparks of desire caused her body to quiver and hum until she thought she’d explode. She wanted him right now. Last year, overcome with guilt, need and way out of her depth, she’d fled. This year, she intended to stay no matter how much the thought of romance scared her.
Entwining her arms around his neck, she drew him closer, pressing her body against his to leave him in no doubt of her intentions. His hands slid down to cup her bottom and he groaned, his need obvious.
He broke contact, forcing her to come up for air. Her breath caught in snatches and her thoughts were all suspended in honeyed desire.
‘Are you sure you want this?’ Dark eyes searched hers, allowing her the option to pull away and say no. Lexie had no intention of doing any such thing.
‘I’m as sure as I’ve ever been about anything,’ she said. ‘It’s been a long time since … well, you know.’
He chuckled, the sound reverberating through her body. ‘I promise you that you won’t have forgotten a thing.’
‘Bit like riding a bike?’ She grinned up at him, delighting in the way his stubble shadowed his jaw even though he must have shaved this morning.
‘I was going to say it’s the most natural thing in the world. Don’t think too much.’
No danger there. The scent of him, cologne and something earthier lurking underneath, had her in a head spin. Thank goodness he held her up, otherwise she was certain her knees would give out.
‘Nervous?’ he asked.
She nodded, not trusting her voice to reply.
‘Then we’ll take it slowly. We have all night and all day tomorrow.’ He traced the line of her arm, his fingers mapping tingling pathways along her soft flesh. She quivered in response. All night and all day … She didn’t think she could bear another moment of waiting. The longing for the sensation of his warm skin against hers threatened to overwhelm her.
An image of Malcolm flittered across her mind and she pushed it away. He wasn’t here, and he wasn’t coming back. She had nothing to feel guilty for. Malcolm would be the last person to deny her happiness where she could find it.
Lexie snuggled in, wanting only to be in the moment. She reached her arms around Geoff, her hands exploring the contours of his back, committing him to memory.
He sighed and wrapped his arms around her once more. She laid her head on his chest, the sensation of safety and lust a heady cocktail. Whatever happened, she would have tonight to treasure, to sustain her.
In the background Al Green sang about surrendering to the one he loved.
Chapter 7
Geoff watched the morning light play on the ceiling as he lay in bed, one arm behind his head and the other cradling Lexie as she slept on. He drew a deep, steadying breath and closed his eyes, letting the perfection of the moment settle on his skin. Outside, a magpie warbled its liquid song and somewhere a dog barked. Peaceful. Not a single car horn to be heard. No noisy neighbours. No ringing phone.
Lexie stirred, and he willed her to stay asleep, to help make this moment last. Holding her in his arms felt so right, so unlike anything he’d experienced before. Even with Melissa. This was like finding a part of a puzzle he hadn’t even known was missing.
The way she’d responded to his touch, the way their bodies had fit together like they had been made to match, had exceeded his daydreams. A warm, bubbly sensation had taken up residence in his chest.
Happiness.
It had been so long since he’d experienced it that he almost didn’t recognise the feeling.
‘Good morning.’ Lexie’s green-gold eyes met his, steady in their regard with no sign of regret to be seen. Relief trickled through him. Despite his newfound optimism, a part of him had worried she’d wake up this morning and decide the whole thing had been a mistake.
‘Hello, you,’ he said.
She propped herself up on one elbow and pulled the sheet a little higher across her breasts.
‘You’re still here,’ she said.
‘Where else would I be?’ He frowned with confusion.
‘You might have thought it was all a big mistake and snuck off in the middle of the night.’
He laughed. ‘I was thinking that about you.’
‘Yes, but this is my bed.’
‘Good point. Would have been weird if you’d snuck off to my bed.’
‘I guess that puts the ball in my court. Do I kick you out or keep you?’
She’s joking. Right?
‘Mmm … let me think about that for a moment,’ she said as she closed her eyes. He waited, genuine worry beginning to gnaw at him. Then her warm hand cupped his manhood.
‘Keeper,’ she whispered as she leaned in to claim his mouth.
Half an hour later, they’d managed to finally get out of bed. Without hunger to drive them, he was sure they would have stayed in bed for the rest of the morning. If you couldn’t lie about on Christmas morning, when could you?
‘I forgot to wish you a merry Christmas,’ she said as she poured them both a glass of orange juice.
‘I think we made a great show of celebrating Christmas early, don’t you?’
‘In the European tradition of opening our presents on Christmas Eve.’ She gave him a cheeky wink over the top of her glass.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her. A silky kimono-style wrap in the softest pink embraced every curve of her body. Her hair, carelessly piled on top of her head, gave her an irresistible Brigitte Bardot vibe, while those eyes of hers telegraphed delicious wickedness that made him want to take her straight back to bed and lock the door.
‘Are you hungry?’ she asked.
‘On many different levels,’ he said.
‘Let’s deal with the stomach first and we can get to the rest later. I’ve got salmon and I can rustle up some scrambled eggs to go with it, if you like.’
Geoff’s stomach roared its approval. ‘Do I need to say more?’
Lexie laughed. He could listen to the sound of her happiness for the rest of his life.
‘Go and take a shower while I cook,’ she said.
He stopped at the doorway, a thought hijacking his progress. ‘Um …’ Nerves threatened to get the better of him as he stepped out on a limb. ‘How do you feel about me staying for a few days … you know … beyond Christmas?’
‘You can do that?’
‘I’m not expected back at the asylum for a couple of weeks ye
t.’
‘Then maybe it’s a good idea to have you where I can keep an eye on you,’ she said.
His apprehension vanished as a helium-like substance seemed to fill his body until he was floating on air.
‘Brilliant. I’ll cancel my flight, extend my car rental and …’
‘Have a shower.’ She shooed him out the door with a tea towel. ‘All that stuff can wait, breakfast can’t.’
He could hear her clattering about in the kitchen as he slipped under the hot shower. His whole world had changed in twenty-four hours. Images of waking up with Lexie in his own home flittered through his mind as the smell of fresh coffee reached him. Having breakfast with her every morning and coming home to her every evening sounded like his definition of heaven. He resisted the urge to sing as he soaped himself down.
By the time he re-emerged, Lexie had laid out their meal complete with two sparkling flutes of champagne.
‘Are we celebrating?’ He slipped his arms about her waist as she put the finishing touches on their plates. She slapped his hands away as they wandered with a mind of their own.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Not only is it Christmas, this is the beginning of us.’
Us. The word sounded so sweet.
‘Let’s barricade the gates and lock the doors. Let’s stay inside until the food runs out.’ He raised his glass to hers.
‘That’s a hell of a toast,’ she said.
‘It’s more than a toast, it’s a game plan.’ He forked some salmon into his mouth. ‘God, this is heavenly.’
‘This is the one fancy breakfast I can do well,’ she confessed. ‘How about we downscale your plan to stay inside until the food runs out. The weather is too hot for barricading and the neighbours would talk.’
‘Good point.’ He took a sip of coffee, the dark liquid zinging its way through his blood and banishing any weariness a late night had left behind.
‘I was thinking I might have a shower after breakfast, tend to the animals and then we could spend the day in bed … that is if you don’t have anything you’d rather do.’ She said it as casually as if suggesting a stroll into town to pick up the daily paper.