It was nothing like that. Evan and Natalia were genuinely nice people who wanted to help me because they saw something in me.
I had a closet full of clothes, all new. Handbags with designer labels and an allowance that was more than I’d make if I went out and got an afternoon job.
It took me quite a while to accept that they wanted nothing in return and it was easy to love them.
Natalia with her warm sweet kindness that didn’t hide any ulterior motives and Evan, my first real crush.
It wasn’t a crush like I wanted to sleep with him, more like I’d like to find someone like him when I grew older.
In my eyes he was the perfect man, and much of that perfection stemmed from the way he treated his wife, and now me.
The first time I saw him getting into the pool I ran back up the stairs and hid. One look at his tattooed body chest and arms and my body had reacted.
I felt like the most horrible person in the world, like I’d betrayed them somehow and became withdrawn after that. I couldn’t face them.
It was weeks before I was able to understand that it was natural for a young girl to have those feelings, and as long as I didn’t act on them I had nothing to be ashamed of.
I still got butterflies in my tummy each time we were in the same room together but they were getting easier to control.
Plus, loving Natalia the way I did, I knew I would never do anything to hurt her. So after a while I calmed down and things went back to normal.
They didn’t even chastise me for my behavior of late. The first time I joined them in the family room to watch television after that, all they did was smile and welcome me back.
One day while we were having lunch after shopping, Natalia finally told me the real reason they’d even considered me when they weren’t even interested in having kids of their own.
They were both thirty, very successful and loved to travel. She was the daughter of an Italian businessman and they’d met four years earlier when Evan had gone to Italy on a business venture.
Her mom had been an orphan who had been mistreated in their system she said, and when she saw my story she couldn’t help thinking about her mom and what would’ve become of her if some nice couple hadn’t taken her in.
Apparently her dad is the son of that couple who’d fallen in love with the orphan like some fairytale and they now lived happily ever after.
So for the next few months my life had gone from the bottom of the barrel almost to the top. I never forgot though that I wasn’t really theirs and that it could all end at anytime.
Natalia took me shopping at the same boutiques where she got her stuff and I even got my hair cut in a salon for the first time.
She wouldn’t let them do more than trim the broken edges because she said she liked my dark locks that fell all the way down to my ass.
She taught me how to wear makeup, which Evan did not approve of and she teased him mercilessly about it. “Aw, daddy doesn’t want his little girl to look grown up.”
He swatted her with the kitchen towel he had in his hand after drying the bowls we’d used for ice cream sundaes, which he’d made as Natalia and I sat at the counter watching.
I looked at him expecting him to say I’m not her daddy, but he never did. That night in bed I said the word over and over again, enjoying the sweet feeling it gave me.
Then one day I called him daddy while we were playing. I think I said something like ‘daddy stop that tickles’.
I was so embarrassed when he stopped all movement that I wanted to disappear, but he just kissed my forehead and told me there was noting to be embarrassed about, that he liked being my daddy. I think I fell in love with him that day.
From then on that’s all I would call him. When we played basketball and he cheated, or when I needed help with my homework it was always daddy.
I never did get around to calling Natalia mom though, but she didn’t seem to mind, and the three of us settled into an almost idyllic routine for a year.
Then disaster struck and my world was turned upside down once again. It’s another one of those times that you know you’ll never forget no matter how old you get.
Evan and I were home alone playing scrabble, which he loves to cheat at. I remember we were laughing because I caught him making up yet another word when the phone rang.
He was still laughing when he answered his phone but then the laughter had died and the look on his face filled me with dread.
When he hung up I went to him, standing in front of him with tears already running down my face because I knew something was horribly wrong. I was right.
Natalia was on her way home from a night out with her girlfriends. They were t-boned on the highway by a drunk driver.
All three women were killed instantly while the driver got away with barely a scratch. I was in shock, screaming in my head as I dropped into the closest chair.
Evan stood there for the longest time not saying anything, just staring into space and I felt my heart break for him.
That night I went with him to the hospital to identify her body, though he wouldn’t let me go into the room with him.
For the next week we were in heavy mourning, both of us going through the paces and trying to keep it together.
The funeral was the most horrible thing I’d ever gone through, even more so than my mom’s because I didn’t only feel my pain, but his. He was broken and it showed in his eyes.
At night I’d stand outside his bedroom door and listen to him cry while tears of grief ran down my face, wishing I knew what to do for him to take the pain away.
3
Dakota
I thought daddy was going to go crazy. For weeks he was silent, not hardly saying anything.
And at night when I’d go to check on him he’d be drinking. The only time he showed life was when he thought I needed him.
Once I realized that that was the only way to get through to him, I let him know that I needed him at every turn. It wasn’t a complete lie I did need him. My world was once again uncertain.
Natalia had been more of a mother to me in the last year than my own had been in the sixteen years I’d known her.
She was more like a big sister than a mom, but she had filled a void in my life at a time when I needed it.
Because of her I knew so much more about myself, like my beauty, which she taught me, was something to be cherished and not hidden away like something to be ashamed of.
She’d tried in vain to get me to show my body in more appropriate clothes but that never worked. Most of those designer clothes still hung in the closet while I preferred Evan’s old tee shirts and sweats.
Natalia had teased and told me that I’d grow out of it soon, that one day I’d want nothing but the feel of silk against my skin and heels that made my calves look sexy.
She was so free with her compliments with no hint of jealousy, that for the first time I learned that not all women were jealous bitches and some could be trusted.
We were like best friends her and I and Evan was the man who spoiled us both. There was never a time that he made me feel left out. Whenever he’d buy Natalia something, he’d make sure that I got something also. Once I told him that he didn’t need to. I didn’t want Natalia to get upset but I didn’t say that out loud.
His answer had been that I was the only daughter he was ever likely to have and it was his job to spoil me.
Natalia had laid my fears to rest, assuring me that she liked that he was so attentive with me and liked spending time with me. She truly was an angel, and I’d been lucky to have her even for the short while that I did.
And now she was gone and that void had opened back up again. I was seventeen and a half when she died and had been doing very well. I’d put off graduating early just so I could have more time with them.
Even though they’d assured me that I would always have a place in their lives, I didn’t trust that things wouldn’t change if I went away. Now I was glad that I’d s
It took months to get him out of his funk and once again, it was only because of me. He kept going on and on about the plans Natalia had had for my eighteenth birthday and how we had to make them happen.
He wanted to throw a party for me and all my new friends of which they were many now. After I’d changed schools for the new private school they’d enrolled me in, I was suddenly covered in friends.
My birthday was still a few months away so at least I knew he’d be too preoccupied with that to go back into the doldrums.
Things were going well, we’d made it past the first anniversary of her death by spending the whole day together. I’d taken off from school and made him stay home from work.
We’d gone to her grave and taken new flowers and sat with her for a while before going home to cry in each other’s arms on the couch until dark. After that day it was as if a change came over him.
He started staying out late and though he wasn’t inattentive, it was obvious there was something going on with him. Her name was Ashley and I met her when he took us both to dinner to introduce us.
I hated her on sight. She was nothing like Natalia. Her bleach blonde hair and fake smile made my skin go cold.
I knew she didn’t like me either, though she tried to pretend for him, but I’m sure she knew I knew.
I saw the same look in her eyes that I’ve seen in countless women over time. It’s a look of jealous envy. I smirked at her even though inside I was miserable. I never thought daddy would date anyone, let alone only a year after Natalia’s death.
That night we had our first argument. I’d become so comfortable with him that I wasn’t afraid to let my feelings known, and besides, I was so mad at him I didn’t care if he didn’t want me anymore.
“What is the matter with you?”
“What’s the matter with you? It’s only been a year…”
“Dakota that’s enough. There are things going on here that you cannot understand.”
“Why because I’m stupid? I know you only want her for sex. I hate you.” I ran up the stairs and refused to return when he called me back. He barged into my room five minutes later and I refused to look at him.
“Dakota, I want you to apologize right now. And since when do you speak like that?”
“I’m not sorry.” I said it sulkily but the truth is I don’t know why I was so mad.
He had every right to go on with his life. So why did I feel like he was deserting me? The betrayal cut deep and I had no escape for the new irrational feelings that had been awakened in me.
He left the room without insisting on an apology and I felt bad two seconds after he left. I felt even worse the next morning when he was gone before breakfast.
It was the first time since he’d brought me home that we hadn’t shared that particular meal together barring a few times when he had to be in the office early.
I was miserable all day at school and couldn’t wait to get home. He never came home by my bedtime and I had to go to bed without seeing him.
Something woke me later that night, it sounded like voices. I was surprised since my room was separated from the master suite by a long hall and three bedrooms.
You couldn’t even see my room from his. I snuck to my door and placed my ear there but the sounds were still too muffled.
I sneaked open the door a bit and tiptoed halfway down the hallway. The sounds were coming from downstairs.
It was that woman. All the anger came back and I felt hate like I never did before. I walked back to my room feeling dejected.
That night I laid in bed crying my heart out and thinking what a fool I’d been. I really had no right to tell him how to live his life. I wasn’t his daughter and though the last year and a half had been magical, the reality was that he didn’t owe me anything.
The next morning he was sitting at the table when I walked in. “Morning daddy.” He didn’t answer so I figured he was still mad at me.
I kept my head lowered as I took my seat across from him and reached for the juice that cook had poured for me.
“I’m sorry I was rude.” I really meant the words. I hated that I’d hurt him and that he was mad at me.
“Apology accepted.” I felt like the sun came out from behind the clouds at the smile he gave me and the butterflies had a party in my tummy.
“How was your day yesterday baby?” I filled him in on my day and we were talking like old times. He seemed more relaxed and I felt real joy for the first time in a long time.
I was beginning to be thankful that the worse was over and he wasn’t going to kick me out for being disrespectful. And then she walked in.
I had to bite my tongue not to say what I was thinking when she walked into the room still fixing her clothes like she’d spent the night. The hurt was instantaneous and I fought back bitter tears.
I felt betrayed and abandoned and when she kissed him like she had the right I wanted to throw my eggs in her face.
She joined us at the table and reached for the juice before turning her slutty smile on me.
“Oh hi Dakota, I hope we weren’t too loud when we came in last night.”
I bet you do you bitch. “Not at all I was probably asleep by then.”
“So, Evan tells me you’re a foster kid, you’re a little old for that aren’t you?”
“Dakota is more than just a foster kid.”
“Thanks daddy.”
“Daddy, wow I guess you two are really close huh.” I didn’t bother answering her. If I tried I might unleash the anger growing inside me.
“I’ll be going now daddy I don’t wanna be late for school.” I kissed his cheek the way I always have and left without another word to her.
For the next week things went on like that until I hated going down for breakfast and seeing her there, so I stopped.
I hardly saw daddy anymore, he was always gone by the time I woke up in the morning and home after I went to bed.
I knew it was her doing, that he would never have left me like that, alone in this big house on my own.
I was more miserable now than at the home and once again I was back to counting down the days. I was really starting to regret not taking early graduation after all.
It was just horrible being there alone, especially at night in bed when I imagined him with her and the pain was like a knife cutting into me.
It’s funny but I never felt that pang of jealousy with Natalia. Even though I had a crush on daddy, I never felt the way I do now seeing him with another woman.
4
Dakota
The night of my birthday party came and went and I was more sure now than ever that it was over. Maybe Natalia was the one who’d kept our little make believe family together and now that she was gone he saw no need for me.
He was very nice, very generous even for my birthday, but he wasn’t his usual attentive self and I knew that I had lost him.
I still had a few more months of school so it wouldn’t make sense to leave now and lose my scholarship, but eventually his neglect got to me and I started acting out.
It didn’t help that whenever Ashley and I were alone together on those rare occasions when I wasn’t fast enough to avoid her, that she was always dropping hints about my leaving.
It was when she brought up my past and my dead mother and what she used to be that something inside me snapped. What had I been playing at these last two years anyway?
Hadn’t I always known that this was too good to be true? That it would end one day? I just hadn’t expected it to end like this. I started to resent Evan. I’d stopped calling him daddy in my mind for some time now.
He on the other hand didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong. That is until the day I was dressing to go out with friends and he happened to catch me heading out the door.
“Hold it, what is that you’re wearing?” I looked down at the short pleated skirt and short tee. The skirt wasn’t much different from the one I wore for school, just a few inches shorter, and the top was the tightest I’d ever worn.
Because of my large breasts I tended to wear roomier tops and except for my school uniform, I rarely wore skirts, especially one this short.
“What? It’s decent.” I started to go out the door and he stopped me. “Dakota get back in here I’m not done talking to you yet. Get over here.” He seemed upset and I couldn’t figure out why.
It’s not like he cared, he hadn’t been around much in the last few weeks to know what I wear and I told him just as much. “So you see, Evan.” I made a point of emphasizing his name. “You have no say.”
“So it’s Evan is it? What happened to daddy?” I didn’t bother to answer him, except for a mumble under my breath. He hadn’t been ‘daddy’ in a long time. Not since his slut came into the picture, but I didn’t say that.
What was the use? It was obvious that she didn’t want me around, and since he seemed to have chosen her over me, it was only a matter of time before she convinced him to put me out on the streets.
I started for the door again ignoring him and was surprised when he grabbed me and pulled me back. “You’re not going out of here looking like that. Now get upstairs and change.”
“No, you can’t make me, now get off.” I felt like I was going crazy, like my head and heart would explode any second. I was almost blind with anger and hurt as I tried struggling out of his hands.
He pulled me towards the stairs and I screamed, lashing out at him and connecting with his jaw. “What the hell has gotten into you?” He shook me before pulling me around roughly and my skirt flew up around my hips.
“What the fuck?” It was the first time I’d heard him swear, the first time I’d seen that look on his face. It was pure rage and it stopped me cold. I’d never felt fear in his presence until that moment.
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