by Michael Oher
When I called him from my dorm room at Ole Miss, I asked him the question he loves to share when discussing The Blind Side: “Are you the guy who keeps asking every other person in the world questions about me when you could just come and ask me?”
Yes, it turned out, he was that guy.
“Man, you’re big time!” I laughed. And after that, we struck up a bit more of a conversation. He was just wrapping up his writing of the book, so the timing worked out well. After a couple of discussions, he felt he had the story he needed to help bring a human face to the position of left tackle.
I think we all sort of thought that that was the end of it all: The book was finished and probably would be a big hit with sports guys and people interested in strategy, and that was it. After all, no one gets that wrapped up in a football story, right? Obviously, we were wrong.
THE BOOK WAS RELEASED LATE in 2006. The Times chose to run as their exclusive scoop on the book a piece called “The Ballad of Big Mike,” which was all about me and how I ended up where I was. The story was in the September 24, 2006, issue of the magazine, during the fall of my second year of college. To be honest, the book didn’t really affect me much at first—initially I think it was mostly football fans who were reading it. It hadn’t yet become a huge phenomenon.
Less than two years later, the movie rights were sold and Lewis was working on a screenplay with John Lee Hancock, who would go on to direct the movie. It turns out that football fans weren’t the only people reading the book. Most people weren’t excited about the ins and outs of the left and right tackle positions; they were connecting with the human side of the story.
Filming started in Atlanta in the spring of 2009 as I was finishing up my senior year of college and getting ready to graduate. I was way too busy focusing on the last of my classes to be too worried about any of that. I had heard that Sandra Bullock had signed on to play Leigh Anne, which seemed like good casting to me; Sandra seemed like she was strong enough to pull off the role in a way that would really help get Leigh Anne’s personality across to people who didn’t know her.
When the movie opened in New York in November, I couldn’t go to the premiere. The Ravens were in the middle of their season and our next opponent was the Colts. There was no way I could take off time from getting ready for a game against one of our toughest opponents. The Tuohys all went, though. Leigh Anne was in a black evening gown; Collins wore a purple one. They both looked really beautiful from the pictures I saw. Sean and S.J. were both in suits, and S.J. wearing an Ole Miss tie, which I thought was pretty cool.
The film also had a debut in New Orleans the day after its New York premiere. That was a great choice, since Sandra cares a lot about that city. She bought a house there and has been helping support a lot of local students since Hurricane Katrina wiped everything out. Also, her little boy Louis was adopted from New Orleans, and she was quietly finishing up the last stages of that process as the movie was opening. Sean also grew up in New Orleans; his dad was a famous high school basketball coach with an amazing record and a great reputation as a character. So it made sense to celebrate the movie in a city that could really use some positive excitement. But again, I wasn’t able to be there because of my work schedule and our upcoming game on Sunday.
As a matter of fact, I didn’t end up seeing the movie until the season was over in early January. It had already been in the theaters for over a month by then, and I had several guys on other teams say, “Hey, Hollywood!” when we faced one another on the line. The funny thing was, they were mostly nice about the movie; several of them said they liked it a lot. For a bunch of guys who make a living trash-talking and tackling one another on the field, it was nice to know that they were happy for me.
When I finally went to watch it, I went with a couple of my teammates and just bought a ticket to the show like a normal person. I didn’t tell anyone at the theater who I was or that the movie was about me. I just wanted to see it the way anyone else would.
My feelings afterward were mixed. First of all,I couldn’t understand why so many people around me were sniffing and blowing their noses at the end. I wanted to stand up and say, “You realize that was a happy ending, right? I mean, I have a great life, a great family, and I am really thankful for all of the blessings I’ve been given. Things turned out really good for me—please don’t cry.”
But the other side of me had to deal with some wounded pride. I understand that there are certain things you have to do to make a story work as a movie; you may have to move some things around or play certain things up or down in order to help the audience buy into your characters and plot. I liked the movie as a movie, but in terms of it representing me, that’s where I had a hard time loving it. I felt like it portrayed me as dumb instead of as a kid who had never had consistent academic instruction and ended up thriving once he got it. Quinton Aaron did a great job acting the part, but I could not figure out why the director chose to show me as someone who had to be taught the game of football. Whether it was S.J. moving around ketchup bottles or Leigh Anne explaining to me what blocking is about, I watched those scenes thinking, “No, that’s not me at all! I’ve been studying—really studying—the game since I was a little kid!” That was my main hang-up with the film. I liked the book pretty well, but I knew more people were going to watch the movie than read the book and I really didn’t want them to think I was someone who was so clueless about something I had always taken pride in being pretty smart about.
On the other hand, I’m glad the movie was a big enough hit that it could reach some kids who are in the same position I used to be in when I was in foster care. If my story in The Blind Side can help inspire them to find a way out of the ghetto, then it’s all worth it to me.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
A Different Kind of Fan Mail
Every week, I get big boxes of fan mail that have been sent to the Ravens, to my parents’ house, and to Ole Miss. Many are autograph requests or people wanting me to make an appearance at one event or another. I really appreciate the enthusiasm my fans show, but the volume is always way more than I can possibly handle, so I end up having to turn down a whole lot of requests.
There are some letters, though, that stand out to me. A handful of letters from just a typical week paints a pretty good picture of the kinds of people who have written to me because they’ve been touched by my story—by our story, really. What these letters tell me is that kids like me aren’t the exception. There are a lot of us out there whose family life is unfortunately similar to mine, and whose struggles sound familiar. These letters come to me from Maryland, Kentucky, Mississippi, Oregon, California, Ohio—all over our country in every state and every community there are kids who are hurting. Some of these kids have had people step up to show them love; others are still waiting for someone to do that. All of them are desperate for a role model.
The stories I share below are all taken from just a couple of days’ worth of fan mail. Some of the letters made me cheer, some made me smile, some made me want to cry. Some tell long stories and others are just a few lines on notebook paper. But all of them are an important look into a world many of us might never see otherwise.
I want to include them here not as a way to pat myself on the back for the positive words they give me, but because I want people to understand how big the need is, and how clearly kids like I was are hurting for someone to look up to and teach them how to make the right choices and reach their full potential in life.
“E” bravely shares her own experiences and struggles as she writes about being rejected by her mother while still in high school, losing an athletic scholarship in college, struggling with addictions, and being homeless until one woman stepped up to mentor her and a loving family stepped in to give her a home.
This happened in May of 2009 and I am still there. I am sober, I have a good place to live, I have a family, and I no longer feel lost, ashamed, abandoned, lonely, or hurt. I have a mom, dad, two younger brothers, and a
dog. I am no longer on the run. I no longer have to be hungry every night. I no longer have to sleep on the ground, I have a bed, and I look forward to it every night. It is a warm, safe, comfortable, supportive, and loving, not abusive, environment. I finally have what I always wanted: a family that loves and cares about each other. Well, it took a long time to get here, and many times I felt like giving up along the way, but I made it with the help of many people. I cannot say enough good about these people. They opened up their house to a stranger and allowed me to be a part of it, not an outsider . . .
Your story let me know that I am not alone, and that I am not the only kid who had a rough beginning—and to never give up. Thank you for having the courage to share your story on a much larger scale.
In a completely different kind of letter, Molly writes to share her story of a family who opened their hearts to a child who needed a home:I am eleven years old and I was born in China. My mom gave me away. I was adopted by two of the greatest parents. My tale is simple and easy. You went through so much more ... You will always be one of my greatest heroes and a wonderful role model. You are amazing and I am always grateful for the people that care about the homeless and poor. Keep changing people’s lives like you did with me.
Betty describes her own experiences in reaching out:During the NFL draft, I was enthralled with the story of your life. It mimics the story of my life. God decided that in our family’s lives should be a little abandoned 4½-year-old toddler of a different race. Today, she is a wonderful, successful, beautiful woman. We are a typical, very middle-class family that wanted to share our blessings with someone that may not have what we have . . .
Today, I volunteer at the high school that all my children graduated from. I asked myself, why would I volunteer EVERY DAY? Lo and behold, after one week, I found the answer: a six foot four young man from the streets of Cleveland, Ohio. I am just in the beginning stages of getting to know him, teaching him, and guiding him. Tomorrow we have our first outing. It is Martin Luther King Day and I am taking [the student] and his fellow basketball team members to the Cinemark Movie Theater to see The Blind Side. We are taking baby steps that started with a part-time tutor, clothes, and food.
I am excited to begin my second version of the “Michael Oher” story. May God continue to bless you! You and your family are truly an inspiration!
Lance and Becky share about the need they saw in their community and how it has helped their family grow in wonderful and unexpected ways:Your story has affected a seventeen-year-old young man, Jyi. We met him over a year ago. He is a senior football player at [our local high school]. He has had many obstacles to endure during his life. He has lived in different states and has been exposed to situations with drugs, violence, and safety issues. He has had no option but to grow up early and take on adult responsibilities and financial stress. His childhood has thrown many situations at him, which included . . . his family in and out of the legal system, navigating through the school system having dyslexia, and now his mother having a cardiac condition that requires surgery. Because of this, she has been unable to work and maintain their housing. As a result, he has come to live with my husband and me and our three children.
When we were moving him in, my husband hammered our wall just to get his bed in his room. This is Jyi’s first bed he has ever owned . . . My children think of him as a brother. He goes to their games, helps them with homework, and interacts with them like a big brother. He shares his life experiences with my husband and me. I am a social worker who works with at-risk children and families. Even with this experience, I have come even more to realize the importance of a mentor and role model in a child’s life. You have given him the inspiration to keep moving forward and continue to live the sport of football. He is making college site visits and pursing a degree in criminal justice after graduation . . .
Jyi has not only become a family member, he is now mentoring some of my children’s friends. He has shared that he knows what it feels like to have someone give you that attention and is now doing it for them. I feel joy and peace when I hear him laugh. The sound of his laughter is one I will never forget.
Despite all of his challenges, he has become a delightful young man. He supports his mother; takes her to all doctor appointments; helped her move—all while attending school. She is in his life and has taught him how to be a strong, dependable, well-mannered young man. She willingly shares the mistakes and circumstances they encountered while he was growing up, but continues to support him in his future plans. I believe with all the challenges that arise, your story enables him to make good choices and pursue his dreams! . . . You are his favorite football player and mentor . . . He considers himself the Michael Oher of [our town]!
Other people, like Ms. Maureen Long of Mississippi Children’s Home Services, share encouragement about how my story has helped children and the teachers who work with them to find hope and promise in the future:I am the principal of CARES School, which is a private, state-accredited school that serves students who have been identified as having special emotional and behavioral challenges. Many of our students are in the custody of the Department of Human Services and have had many home placements. They are from six to eighteen years of age. Currently, we have 102 students enrolled. Your story has inspired me to continue to work to help young people find their strengths and talents.
During the Christmas season our teachers went to see The Blind Side. We were so moved by your story that the teachers pooled their own resources to pay the admission costs for our students to see the movie. The kids enjoyed the movie, but seemed to think it was a “fairy tale.” For them, things like that don’t happen in real life.
One of my goals is to help students identify their strengths and talents. In special schools, we spend most of our time working on students’ weaknesses and needs. You are living proof that if someone takes time, resources, and the initiative, students can learn skills that directly lead to success in life!
... Again, I congratulate you on your success and the impact your story has had on the staff and students at CARES School!
Some of the most touching letters I receive are from groups like the YMCA/YWCA and the Boys and Girls Clubs. Ms. Charlene Hawkins, the Program Manager for Youth Services at the YWCA of Annapolis and Anne Arundel County, has shared with me the letters of several young people in her organization:The reason why I am writing you is that we took our youth to see your movie, The Blind Side. First, I want to thank you so much for allowing your life to be put on screen to inspire the youth of today. We really enjoyed the movie and the students had to write a letter to you to tell you how the movie inspired them. . . . I wanted you to see that your movie really blessed them.
D. writes:That movie inspired me because when I’m down, I never quit. And now I want to play the game of football . . . You inspired me to believe in myself. Thank you, Michael Oher. Thank you.
E. writes:You had a tough childhood. That book and movie taught me not to hang with the wrong people even if they say “Do it.”
K. writes:You have done so much in your life. I would like to be like you one day. Your movie taught me a lot of things, like school is important and family is a key role in life.
L. writes:Your life story has reached my heart as well as many others. I really look up and cherish you. Most famous people get blinded by the money and fame and forget where they come from, but you didn’t. I can relate to your story. My mom was on drugs and my dad was abusive, but over the years things have gotten better and I learned to forgive them and let what happened in the past stay in the past and look forward to the future.
Another wonderful set of letters arrived from Ms. Stacy Rulon at Sunrise Children’s Services. She explains the organization’s efforts:I work in a program for teenage girls that are at risk and have behavior problems. We just watched the movie The Blind Side, based on your life. It was very inspirational how you were able to overcome your past and succeed in life. I think it showed our girls that it
is okay to give happiness a chance, that people can be trusted and to give them a chance to care about them . . . [Some girls from the program] wanted you to know how they felt after watching the movie.
Unfortunately, because of the complications of getting permission from the parents or legal guardians of these children, I won’t be able to quote directly from what the students wrote. But just to give you an idea of what these letters said, I will summarize some of them.
One girl wrote to say that she had been in juvenile detention for about a year and didn’t think she would even finish high school. But the movie showed her that success isn’t just for kids from solid backgrounds and stable homes—it’s something anyone can pursue, and she is now inspired to go after real success, too.
Another girl talked about living on the streets after being neglected by her mother. A friend’s aunt took her in and did not give up on her, even though she kept messing up. She is so grateful for that woman’s concern and wants to know what advice I could share about staying off the streets and out of trouble for good. Another letter told a similar story, and how learning about my life made her decide not to give up and motivated her to turn her life around for her siblings to see and learn from.