by Naomi Niles
“I was more worried about her daughter stabbing one of the girls before the recital,” Lexie laughed. “I have an idea, and I want to know what you think about it. It’s a little bit unconventional, I know, but I think you’d have a lot of fun.”
“I’m automatically pessimistic,” I joked. “What is it?”
“Speed dating,” she announced a little warily.
“Speed dating? That’s creepy. The idea of somebody having to resort to something like that… I don’t know, Lexie.”
“I just don’t want to go alone,” she confessed. “You don’t have to go for any of the guys, but please don’t leave me alone with them.”
“That’s a little bit more reasonable.” I took a drink of water.
Tchaikovsky’s “Dance of the Swans” started blasting from inside my duffel bag. I reached in to pull out my phone. I didn’t recognize the number. “Hello?”
“Hi, Gillian?” A rich, deep voice. It was Dwayne.
“Hi.” I got up to walk into the lobby, ignoring Lexie’s suspicious glare.
“I hope I didn’t bother you. Were you working?”
“I have a break midday. I’m glad you called. I’ve been wondering how you’re holding up.”
“I’ve been fine. I found a place in town. It’s not much, but it’s in a good neighborhood. I’m planning on moving in tomorrow morning.”
“Really? That’s awesome. It happened so quick.”
“I have to work on Monday, so I’m getting things situated this week. I was hoping maybe you’d like to go out to dinner with me Saturday night.”
I stopped, realizing I’d been pacing. He really wanted to take me out. “Saturday’s fine.”
“Good, I’ll give you a call.”
“Who was that?” Lexie was standing behind me when I hung up.
“Dwayne.” I didn’t know I was smiling until his name left my mouth.
“You are bright red, girl. You can’t even play it off.”
“I am not.” I rushed into the bathroom to check the mirror.
“See, it’s just like I said. You’re reliving a childhood dream.”
“That’s not true.” I pushed past Lexie to walk out. “It’s just dinner.” She followed me.
“Just dinner? Who even says that?”
“Alright, you got me. I’m nervous as hell, Lexie. You didn’t see him. He’s built and tan and big and… Ugh.” I collapsed in a chair next to the front desk.
“You can’t be thinking about any of those things if you’re going to go out with him. You don’t want to get caught up like that.”
“I know.” I laid my head back against the wall. “But I can’t help it.”
“Try — because we both know you’re going to go out with him. If you get attached, and he uses you for sex or drops you altogether, then you’re going to get upset.”
“Whatever happened to you talking about how I need a life outside of work?”
“That doesn’t mean you have to be reckless,” Lexie said. “And, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go out with him. It could be fun, but there’s a difference between fun and jumping into a relationship. You could get hurt.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“It could.” Lexie sat down next to me. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”
“I promise. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I hope not.”
“Have you noticed how well little Beth is progressing?” I said.
“I have.”
“I have a confession to make.”
“Yes?”
“She’s my favorite. I know. I know I’m not supposed to pick favorites, but she’s just so sweet, and her mother — not at all like those petty women.”
“Whatever you do,” Lexie leveled her eyes on mine, “don’t let it show. Those moms will hop on that so fast.”
“I know. You should’ve seen the way Mrs. Regis was talking to me. I’m not sure, but I think there’s a chance that some of the other moms are starting to notice.” I shrank back a bit, still smiling. “But I can’t help it.”
“I can’t, either. She really is a sweetheart. Did you see the way she was jumping up and down when she finished her exercises?”
“Yes,” we both laughed. “I think this is a good thing, though. If we give her the help she needs, we might really be able to make a difference in her life. This isn’t just a class. These girls want to make a career out of it.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. The moms are going to see Beth succeed and blame us if their daughters don’t.”
“Then we have to make sure the other girls succeed, too.”
“I like that attitude,” Lexie said.
“Let’s get some food. I’m starving.”
“Come on.” She grabbed her purse, and we locked up.
Chapter Nine
Dwayne
I was alone in my new house. Everything was quiet, tense, and empty. If this was my new reality, then there would be no going back to civilian life. It wasn’t a home. I wasn’t sure I even knew what that meant, just what it wasn’t. I had an old TV sitting on a milk crate in the front of the room and a pair of lawn chairs sitting across from it. I’d purchased them a few hours earlier just so I could have something to sit on until I could get furniture. Now, I felt like an idiot having them there at all.
I sighed in frustration and walked down the hall into my bedroom, where I’d setup my old twin bed from high school, along with the dresser from my old room. There was a pile of clothes sitting in the corner that needed to be folded, and I had nothing but time, so I sat down, working through the socks, boxers, then shirts and finally, pants. I didn’t have the foresight to purchase hangers, so I had to fold them up and put them in the dresser.
I took my time making sure that they were all neat, perfectly folded, in the place where they belonged before I stepped back to get a look at them. It was perfect, of course, but I still had an hour before I had to pick up Gillian. I was losing my mind, nitpicking at every little thing.
I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes. I had to stop thinking about her. It didn’t matter how wonderful she looked in those shorts, how she had attached herself to me immediately, or how when she smiled, her cheeks folded in, creating the perfect dimples.
I stood up, groaning. This wasn’t me. I was the pragmatist, not the romantic. I was the guy that talked people out of the clouds and made sure that they saw the harsh truth before they got themselves hurt.
It was probably because it was my first date since I was a teenager. I didn’t get many chances to go off base. Most of the time, the only women I saw were covered from head to toe. It only made sense that I’d be sexually frustrated, but this wasn’t just about sex.
Gillian was vibrant and bubbly. She had a way of making me smile when all I wanted to do was punch everyone else around me. It was infectious, irresistible, and I wanted more. I stood up and checked myself in the mirror mindlessly.
I was wearing a white button up with the sleeves rolled up just enough to emphasize my muscles, and a pair of dark, fade wash jeans that highlighted all of the right areas. I looked good, but I wasn’t satisfied. I’d never be fully satisfied.
I checked my phone again. It’d only been ten minutes since the last time I checked. Even if I left in fifty minutes, I would still get to her house early. I didn’t want to seem desperate. I’d just have to wait.
I took out my laptop and started looking for something to watch online. I settled on a World War II documentary, shut off the lights, and propped myself up in bed, determined to cut off all distraction. But I couldn’t focus on what the narrator was saying. All I could think of was her face when she handed me the napkin and how scared she’d seemed.
She wanted me. I shouldn’t have had to worry, but I was worried. I could be intense and closed off. I didn’t want to alienate her. I promised myself that I would try to make conversation and open up to her.
But what would I talk abou
t? Al Qaeda? The various uses for goat’s milk in the Afghani desert? What if we didn’t have anything in common? Why did I care so much? I went back and forth between the movie and my thoughts, hoping to find some peace in between, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep myself from worrying.
Finally, five minutes before I was supposed to leave, I gave up and called Gillian. “Hey,” she answered. “I’m ready. Are you?”
“Yeah, I was just about to head out.”
“Great. I’ll see you in a minute.”
I rushed to her house, weaving through traffic like a madman, determined not to keep her waiting. When I got to her complex, she was standing outside, wearing a tight black top and pants that hugged her body in all the right places. I could already feel my cock getting hard.
When she got in, I caught a whiff of her perfume, like a meadow of flowers. “Hello, how are you?”
“I’m good.” I got the car going. “I hope you’re hungry.”
“I’m starving.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her looking at me. I tried not to let on that I noticed.
“Good because I’ve got the perfect place. I hope you like Cajun.”
“I could die for some etouffee.”
“That’s exactly what I planned on ordering.”
“I’ll bet you haven’t had good Cajun in a while.”
“I haven’t. If I have to even look at another hummus plate again, I am going to kill somebody.”
She laughed. “I’ve never tried Arabic food before. Is it any good?”
“Not where I was.” She looked out the window as I pulled onto the freeway, watching as the city passed us by, until we reached our exit and I pulled up to the restaurant. It was a small shack with faded white paint and a ship’s steering wheel on the front door.
I had the waitress bring us in back to a private booth, and we ordered. The entire time, from the minute we got out of the car, till after we sat down and started waiting for our food, Gillian kept looking at me, sizing my body up. I loved it.
“Are you glad to be out?” she finally asked me.
“It’s weird. You get used to things being one way and then everything changes. I’m told it takes some time to get used to it.”
“I can’t imagine what it was like for you.”
“There were high and low points. I don’t regret enlisting, though. I got to see a lot and learn about the world.”
“Tell me something about the world.”
“Hmm,” I thought about it for a moment. “Americans tend to think everyone has the same standards of living. We all have houses and cars and electricity and running water, but in reality, we’re lucky. I’ve seen people living like they would thousands of years ago. It was shocking, and it still shocks me just how little the people had and how bad their lives were.”
“You’re talking about Afghanistan?”
“Yes.”
When our food came, I focused on it. I didn’t want to alienate her, and a conversation like that could easily take a controversial turn. I wasn’t about to let things go down that path. We sat in a tense silence while I tried to think of something to say — anything, just to end the standoff.
“Are you all moved into your house?” she finally asked.
“Yeah, I only have the things I brought from my parents, though. I still have to make it a home.”
“You’ll get it. Everyone has that problem at first, then it starts to come together. I’ll bet you’re doing all this for the first time, aren’t you?”
I didn’t want to admit to that, but she’d know that I was lying if I denied it. “It’s easy stuff.”
“I know this sounds strange, but I’m kind of in a bad situation,” she said, changing the topic.
“Really?” I stopped eating.
“I mean, I’m not in trouble or anything. It’s just that my friend Lexie wants me to go to this speed dating thing with her, and I really don’t want to do it, but she doesn’t want to be alone with the guys. I was thinking maybe you might like to come along.”
I went back to eating and focused on my plate. I felt like a complete idiot. She thought of me as friend, not somebody she could date. I was too serious for her, too stoic and weird. She’d want somebody with more energy that could keep up with her infectious attitude. That wasn’t me.
“I could go,” I said, mostly because I didn’t want to seem rude.
“Really? Thank you so much. I don’t want to be there alone, either.”
“I don’t blame you — all those guys.”
We finished quickly and left soon after. I didn’t know what to say to her or how to act. I’d made a fool out of myself, and now I was just trying to cover up my intentions. She didn’t say much on the way back to her place. I was convinced at that point that I’d messed everything up. I just wanted it to be over. If she didn’t want me, there was no point in drawing it out.
When we stopped at her house, she turned to me. “Thanks for dinner. I had a lot of fun.”
“Me, too.” I tried my best to smile. I had been so sure that she wanted me.
“Well, good night.” She got out.
I drove away, ready to hide under my covers like a scared child. I just hoped she didn’t think I was some desperate creep trying to relive a high school crush.
Chapter Ten
Gillian
Lexie and I had bought into the sushi craze early and became addicted immediately. If I didn’t get my fix once a week, I started to get withdrawals. Lexie was the same way. There was something about the mixture of wasabi and soy, the taste of the avocado and spicy mayonnaise. People could say what they wanted. I was in love.
She called me late that morning to invite me out, so I slipped into something comfortable and drove down to our favorite spot to meet her. I could tell immediately when I sat down that something was on her mind.
“You’re in crisis,” I said when the food came. I couldn’t hold back any longer.
“I am not.”
“You’re barely thirty, and you’re already going existential on me. That’s what this speed dating bull is about. You’re not lonely. You’re having a pre-midlife crisis.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s pointless, Lexie. You’re beautiful, and men are like dogs. They smell a woman in heat, and they hound her till she bends over. Eventually, you’ll find one that you like and house train him. It’s inevitable. Worrying about it will just make you desperate, and you’ll end up spending the next three years trying to please a drunken idiot.”
“You’re underestimating me.”
“I’m worried. You need to focus on the things that matter. Love will fall into place.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re already swooning over your stiff military boy.”
I let that one go.
“You do what you want, Gillian, but I’m going to give this a chance. You should come with me so we can get our nails done.”
“Why should it matter what our nails look like? They’re just going to be staring at our tits.” I used my chopsticks to grab up a piece of salmon and dipped it in my wasabi and soy sauce mixture.
“I want to look nice, tonight.” Lexie popped a piece of a California roll into her mouth.
“They’re probably all just a bunch of freaks.” I popped the salmon in my mouth.
“I’m not a freak, and I’m going.”
“True.” I took a drink of my soda. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean we have to have full hair and makeup.”
“When was the last time you got your nails done?” she asked.
“It has been a while.” My cuticles were frayed from biting the nails. “Alright, I’ll go.”
We finished up our food and walked to the nail salon next door, where we sat down and let the woman start cleaning our feet. “How did your date go?” Lexie asked, her head back and her eyes closed as she enjoyed the foot massage.
“It was good. He’s deep, more so than he
lets on. He’s just a little stiff and closed off. I want to open him up more and find out what’s going on in his head.”
“Did anything happen?”
“No, and that’s what I’ve been wondering about. I know he likes me. You should’ve seen the way he looked at me when he picked me up, but when he dropped me off, he got all quiet and didn’t say anything. I think I must’ve done something wrong.”
“Maybe it’s not even you. Maybe he has something going on.”
“I don’t know. If he likes me, he likes me. If he doesn’t, then I move onto somebody else. I’ll just have to wait until tonight and find out.”
“Wait — tonight? I thought we were going speed dating?”
“I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you. I invited him. I hope that’s okay.”
“You invited him?” She sat up to look at me. “What are you crazy? No wonder he didn’t do anything. He probably thinks you don’t like him.”
“Fuck,” I laid my head back. “I cannot believe I did that.”
“Neither can I. What were you thinking?”
“That I didn’t want to look available when I was there and that I wanted another excuse to see him. I thought he already knew I wanted him. I’ve been pretty forthcoming about it.”
“I don’t know what to say to that, except that you’re coming tonight, no matter what.”
“I have to make this right first.” We finished with our pedicures and chose the color for our nails. I never liked fake fingernails. I could never adapt to them the way other women did, so I chose a simple rose color and let them paint my real ones.
When we were done, I excused myself and drove home as fast as I could to call Dwayne. He answered right away. “Hello?”
“Hey, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to bother you.”
“No, it’s fine. I was just about to call you, actually.”
“Really?” I tried not to sound hopeful.
“Yeah, I don’t think I can make it tonight. I’ve got to work really early in the morning, and I’m not feeling very good.”
“That’s too bad because I was really hoping that you could come.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. We can go another time.”