by Naomi Niles
“You run out of weed?”
“Never.” He chugged his beer. “Who’s that fine thing you’re with? Is that Gillian?”
“Yeah.” I looked back to the bathroom door.
“Fucking sexy, dude.”
“Back off,” I warned as I took a step forward.
“Hey, hey…” He held out his arms. “I’m just saying. You got yourself a keeper.”
“You really think so?”
“I saw the way she was looking at you on the dance floor. That’s not just sex.”
“I’ve never been one to trust your judgment, you know that, but I think you might be right.”
“I am.” He chugged his beer and walked back to the bar.
“Were you two talking about me?” Gillian came up behind me.
“I… No…”
“It’s okay,” she laughed. “I’m just fooling with you. You wanna go dance?”
“Of course.” She pulled me back onto the dance floor.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Gillian
The morning light streamed into the curtains, casting a warm ray over my face. I turned over, still basking in the sweet moments from the night before. I could smell the sex and sweat, mingling with the scent of frying bacon and coffee. I stood up and pulled on my clothes. I had slept over at Dwayne’s house, nestled in his arms.
When I walked out, he was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but his white boxer briefs and an apron. He took the bacon out of the pan and set it on a plate. “That is so sexy.” I went up behind him and pinched his butt.
“Are you hungry?”
My eyes moved from the plate of bacon, to the pile of pancakes, strawberries, and eggs. “That looks delicious.”
“Here.” He picked up a strawberry and held it out. I bit into it, letting the juice roll down the side of my mouth.
“You didn’t have to do all this.”
“I’ve decided that you deserve nothing but the best, and I will spend every moment I can making sure that you have it.”
“That’s a valiant effort, but I don’t need a man to do that for me. I’m happy just having you here.”
“I can try, though. Can’t I?”
“Hmm,” I rubbed my chin, pretending to think about it. “I suppose, but don’t go overboard.”
“There is no overboard.” He pulled a plate out of the cupboard.
He had a rose sitting in water next to my place. I sat down and let him fret over me. He poured the syrup over my pancakes and made sure I had enough before he even sat down. I felt honored, but I didn’t want him to think that he had to do all of that to be with me. He had me.
“Thank you,” I said when he sat down.
“You’re always welcome.” He bit into a sausage.
I started to cut my pancakes, then felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out. “Michael, as always, you have the worst timing.”
“Gillian…” His voice was low and hoarse.
“Michael, what’s wrong?” Dwayne looked up at me and leaned forward.
“It’s Mom.”
“What about Mom?” My voice cracked and I felt tears welling up.
“She’s not well. She’s in the hospital.”
“What happened? Michael, please tell me…” My breath caught in my throat. Dwayne took my hand.
“I don’t know what to say. She was having some pain in her shoulder last night and seized up, so Dad took her to the hospital.”
“Is it a heart attack?”
No response.
“Michael, did Mom have a heart attack?”
“Yes,” he was sobbing.
“I’m coming. If anything happens to her, let me know right away. You promise?”
“Yes,” he promised.
When I hung up, something cracked, and the tears started falling. I was shaking, struggling to catch my breath, holding onto Dwayne’s hand as if he could save me. “Come here,” he said, standing and walking around the table to hold me.
“She could die.”
“I’m not letting you go through this alone.”
I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. He would be my anchor, the one vibrant thing in a world that’d lost its luster. Everything was hazy, dull and numb. This didn’t feel real. I told myself I was dreaming and I’d wake up with my head resting on Dwayne’s shoulder. It made it easier to swallow what was happening. If it wasn’t real, it didn’t matter.
I was still sobbing when we pulled into the hospital and parked. Dwayne took my hand. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
“Okay.” That was the only comfort I was going to get. It should’ve been enough, but it wasn’t. When we walked into the waiting room, still holding hands, the receptionist was talking on the phone.
She looked up at me and pointed a brittle finger at the clipboard sitting on top of the desk. I signed in and waited until she hung up. “Are you here to check-in?”
“No, my mother was admitted for a heart attack last night.”
“What’s the name?” She started typing something on her computer.
“June Halstead.”
“Go on back.” She buzzed us through into the maze of freezing cold corridors. I watched the rooms as we passed by. There’d be couples, holding their lover’s hand for the last time. Young men, bleeding out of fatal gunshot wounds, and children that never had a chance. I didn’t think they could raise the temperature in there if they tried. Death had become a part of the place, as much as the plaster and the paint.
Before we got to the room, I turned to Dwayne and took his hand, shaking now, sobs rolling down my body. He didn’t say anything. He just pulled me closer, making soft, soothing sounds. “Do you want me to go in with you?”
“No,” I stepped back, “I have to do this myself.”
“Okay.” He squeezed my hand.
I turned back to the open door and took a breath, hoping to calm myself, so I could be ready for what I was about to see. I took a step closer, another breath, another sob. She was lying on her hospital bed, her normally perfect black hair matted and drenched in sweat.
I couldn’t believe how small she was. It was like she’d shrunk to half her size overnight, and her skin, like thin tissue paper, revealed a map of veins and arteries. “No, come on. You don’t have to be like that.” My Dad and Michael were standing next to her. “Come here,” she held out her arms. They stepped aside so could get through.
I held her for a moment, still sobbing, then pulled back. “What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m more worried about you. You look like you’re to go to a funeral. I’m not going yet.”
“What did the doctors say?” I asked.
“She’s stable,” Michael said. His face was bright red from crying.
“Thank God. Mom, I don’t what I would do if something happened to you.”
“You don’t have to worry, sweetheart.”
“She’s going to be okay,” Michael said. Something caught his attention, and he turned towards the door. His hands balled up into fists when he saw Dwayne was standing in the door looking at him.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Dwayne
When Michael saw me, I was certain that he was going to rush out and attack me. He had his fists balled up and was standing on the balls of his feet, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he relaxed and looked to me, then Gillian, then back at me again. “What are you doing here?”
“Michael, can I talk to you outside for a moment?”
“Wait!” Gillian rushed over to get between us.
“No, it’s fine.”
“Come on,” I motioned for Michael to follow me out.
“Now, I’m going to ask you one more time,” he stepped out, his teeth bared. “What are you doing here?” He stepped closer.
I moved back, trying to keep my body language neutral. “What do you want me to say? You’re not stupid.”
“Are you saying what I think you�
�re saying?”
“We’ve been dating for some time now.”
“You’re dating my sister.” He blazed forward, his fist raised. “Are you dating my sister!?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’m going to kill you. You’re my best friend. This is not okay.”
“We’re adults, Michael. It’s not something that I planned. I’m not using her for sex.”
“Then what is it?”
“I— I don’t know what it is.” I slumped against the wall. “But I know how I feel.”
“I don’t want to hear this crap.”
“What if it’s a good thing?” I couldn’t mask the anger in my voice. “What if she’s exactly what I need, and I’m the one she wants to be with?”
“You’re stepping into some dangerous territory.”
I stood up, met his eyes, and said, “Michael, I love her.”
Gillian was standing right next to the door. She went rigid went she heard me.
Michael got in my face. “You hurt her, I’ll kill you.”
“I don’t think I could do it if I tried.”
He nodded his head, resigned to the fact that there was nothing he could do. He turned around and walked back into his mother’s room. Gillian turned to me, met my eyes, and walked out. “Do you mean it?’
I was caught off guard, but I wasn’t going to deny it. “Yes.”
She pushed me against the wall and our lips crashed together, creating a flurry of sensation that rolled down my body like somebody poured a bucket of ice cold water on my head. She pulled away and took my hands. “I love you, Dwayne. I don’t want you to go anywhere.”
“I won’t. I couldn’t.”
She kissed again, this time slowly and passionately. She didn’t care that her brother was watching or that he wanted to kick my ass. I didn’t, either. I had a woman I loved, who I would spend every day trying to please, and there was nothing more beautiful.
A young Asian woman in a white coat walked into Gillian’s mother’s room. “Look,” I motioned towards the room.
“Come on.” She took my hand to bring me back into the room where the nurse had her mother propped up while she listened to her heart.
“Tell us something good,” Gillian’s father prompted.
The nurse held up a finger, forcing us to wait and see what happened. I could feel Gillian bristling with anticipation. There was a sense of uncertainty and a tension so thick I could almost reach out and touch it. When the nurse was done, she pulled out her clipboard and wrote something down.
“Well?” Gillian stepped forward.
“She’s going to have to stay for observation.”
“Is she stable?” Michael snapped.
“It’s hard to say with these things, but I don’t foresee any issues, so long as her EKG remains normal.”
“Thanks for the reassurance,” he snapped and stormed out.
“It’s the best I can do,” she shrugged.
“We know,” Gillian’s dad said.
“I feel fine. I just want to go home and take a shower.”
“You can bathe,” the nurse said, “but you can’t leave. I’m sorry.”
“This is some bull.” Gillian’s mother laid back.
“Mom, is there anything that you need?”
“No, I’ll be fine, and I don’t want you worrying. Go home and get some rest, okay?”
“Okay.” Gillian gave her mother a hug, and walked with me out into the hall.
“I don’t think it would do us any good to stay here any longer,” I said.
“I want to stay. It’s still up in the air, and I don’t want to leave her here.”
“She seems alright.”
“That’s just her way. Inside, she’s freaking out. She’d just never let on.”
“Do you want me to stay with you?”
“I can’t keep putting you through this. I’m sorry.”
“Hey.” I took her hand and lifted her chin so that she was looking up at me. “You don’t ever have to apologize for anything.”
She hugged me. “Get going. I’ll give you a call when I’m back in town.”
I didn’t want to leave her there. I knew she was still emotional and would be for a while, but this was a family matter. Old friend, lover, or not, I had no business being there.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Gillian
“What was that?” my mother asked when I walked back into the room.
My father stepped out, sensing the tension between Michael and I. “She’s banging my best friend.”
“I’m a grown woman,” I snapped.
My mother laughed. “You’ve always liked him. I’m not surprised one bit.”
“I just can’t believe he’s doing this.” Michael shook his head.
“Michael, the only thing that matters is that she’s happy, and she is. Look at her. She’s glowing, and you’re throwing a hissy fit. What is wrong with you?”
He pursed his lips. “It’s just weird.”
“What’s weird about it? Would you want her to act like this if you fell in love with her friend? You should be happy for her.”
“I grew up with him.”
“Then you know how good he is. You know he’s not using me and he won’t hurt me. You know he’ll take care of me, he’ll do everything he can to make sure I’m happy, and you’re still pissed over some childish prejudice.”
“She’s right,” my mom jumped in.
“If you really thought about it, you’d know I was right, Michael.”
He stormed out.
“What do I do? He’s freaking out.”
“Give him time. He’s stubborn and hotheaded; he always has been. But he’s not dumb. He just has to learn to get past his base instincts.”
I slumped down in the chair next to my mother. “I’m in love, and he’s throwing a hissy fit about it. It makes absolutely no sense. He’s always wanted the best for me.”
“I’ve never understood this kind of thing myself. I’m excited.”
“Are you?”
“Yes. Why did you kick him out? I wanted to talk to him.”
“I’m not going to let you grill him. He’s upset enough about what happened to you.”
“You’re not staying. I won’t have you guys moping around, acting like I’m dying.”
“We’re worried.”
“I don’t care. If something happens, it happens. There’s no point sitting around waiting for things to go wrong.”
“I don’t want to leave.”
“Well, you have to. You should go talk to your brother, anyway.”
“You’re probably right, but I need you guys to call me if anything happens.”
“Gillian, if I die, you’ll know.”
I laughed and stood up to give her a hug. “Be careful.”
“I’ll be fine. Go talk to him.” She waved me out of the room. I found Michael standing next to the vending machine, trying to feed it a mangled dollar. It just kept coming back out. He kicked it. “Ah!”
“Will you just stop?”
“I’m sorry.” He let his head fall and stared at the tile.
“Are you?”
“Yes. I know I’m a complete prick, and Mom’s right. I should just be happy that you’re happy, and you’re right. He’s a good guy; you could do a lot worse.”
“But you still don’t like it.”
“I’ll get over it.”
“Will you take me home? Mom’s kicking us all out.”
“Yeah, come on.” He led me back to his car.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Dwayne
I stared straight ahead, trying to keep my focus on the freeway, but the sun was reflecting off the road creating a mirage and the sand was starting to become more real than the road. I put on my blinker and pulled into a fast food restaurant parking lot, barely aware of what I was doing.
My breath caught in my throat. Click, click, click, click.
An inhale became an exh
ale, an exhale became an inhale. Then the two melded, and I lost control of my breath entirely. I doubled forward. Click, click, click, click.
That sound — was it an IED? I jumped and looked around. I was standing in the middle of a dirt road with two mud brick walls on either side, watching a little girl covered from head to toe in a baby blue burka. She was walking towards me, carrying a bucket of well water.
“Stop!” I screamed.
She looked at me, stopped, then inched forward.
“Stop!” I screamed in Arabic, but she wouldn’t listen. She just kept walking towards me, humming softly.
“Hurry, move!” I screamed in Arabic. I wanted to run to her and push her aside, but I couldn’t. Time stopped when she took another step forward. For one sweet second, she had a chance at life, then it was gone with resounding crack that blew her to pieces. The Taliban buried IEDs on the road, and I was there to stop people from stepping on them.
Nothing was left of her except for a blood-stained burka and her head, rolling down the hill towards my feet. I tried to stop myself. I told myself that it wasn’t real. I was in the parking lot of a fast food store, not an Afghani village. It wasn’t real.
Click, click, click, click. I was a bomb ready to explode — and there was nothing that could stop it.
I ducked down, screaming, begging myself to turn away, but I didn’t. Instead, I lifted the burka, and looked down at the girl, but this time it wasn’t the girl. It was Gillian.
Click, click, click, click. “AHH!” I roared and slammed my hand down to turn off the blinker.
I closed my eyes. Breathe. Breathe.
My breath came eventually, and my heart settled down, but I still wasn’t comfortable. I didn’t want Gillian to be there alone. I needed to be by her side, comforting her and telling her that everything would be okay. But it wasn’t my place, and I had to accept that.
The world faded in and out the rest of the drive home, and it didn’t stop when I got inside. I needed a distraction, but I couldn’t sit still. I’d slip back into that world. I decided to go into the kitchen and make myself something to eat, hoping that the task of cooking would make it easier for me to deal with what was happening.