by Lili Zander
My blood is tainted. Nero, Zeke, and Saber can’t drink from me. They might never be able to drink from me. What kind of future can we have?
None. The answer is none.
We pull up to the safe house. When we’re inside the courtyard, I turn to Dr. Karling. “Thank you for your help today,” I say woodenly.
He gives me a look of pity. “Raven, this is not the end,” he says. “This is just a setback. We can’t give up.”
I force a smile on my face. “I understand. Please excuse me, I need to be alone now.” I turn to my vampires. “Don’t follow me, please. I just want a few hours by myself.”
Hours pass. I huddle on my bed, too keyed up to sleep, too exhausted to get up. My stomach rumbles, but I ignore it, and eventually, the hunger goes away. My throat is dry, but I can’t summon up enough caring to get a glass of water.
Finally, there's a quiet knock. “Can I come in?” Saber asks through the door.
I contemplate sending him away, but I can't. This situation affects them too. They’ve got to be feeling just as crappy as I’m feeling right now. And as much as I want to, I can't hide here in my room and stew in my own misery. We’re going to need to make plans. That's probably what Saber is here for.
“Sure.”
The door slides aside, and Saber walks in. He's dressed casually. He’s wearing a pair of dark pants that hug his lower body very nicely, and a black shirt. In his hands, he carries the daggers.
I groan. “Saber, I'm really not in the mood for training right now.”
“That's the thing about training,” he says. “It's something that happens whether you're in the mood or not. But that's not the reason I'm here.”
I make room on the bed for him, and he sits down next to me, setting the daggers down on the mattress. “You want to talk about what we’re going to do next?”
He shakes his head. “No, that can wait. I thought I’d tell you the story of these swords.”
A prickle of interest courses through me. “Really? You’ve been so mysterious about them.”
A smile tugs at his lips. “Not mysterious, just waiting for the right time. You’re going to like this story.” He puts one of the blades on my lap. “The swords are a family heirloom. They're old, so old that the story of their origin is lost in the mists of time.”
“This sounds like the start of a bedtime story.”
He grins. “There are many things I want to do to you on this bed,” he says. “Telling you bedtime stories is not one of them.”
Even now, even through the despair I feel, when Saber looks at me with that look in his eyes, heat flashes through me. “Pity.”
He gives me a maddening half-smile. “You remember how Jomar Hafsson met the humans fleeing their planet and offered them shelter?”
“It’s not the kind of story you forget.”
“When the Treaty of Blood was signed, the vampires and the humans exchanged gifts. I don’t know what Jomar gave the humans, but they gave him a pair of swords, the Daggers of Xerxes.”
My eyes widen. “These swords?”
“Indeed. I've tried to look up their history, but all I know is the blades are very, very old. By the Old Earth calendar, they were made in the twenty-fifth century. By that time, humans were using guns as weapons, not swords. Most daggers made in this period were ceremonial weapons.”
“Not these though.” I’ve fought with them. I’ve oiled their blades. And they are older than I can imagine, a precious piece of human history dating back to the Great Resettlement.
“No, these are weapons, designed to kill. Whoever made them was a master in their craft. They have been handed down from one firstborn Hafsson to the next.” He glances at me. “It is customary to offer a betrothal gift to your partner when you join a bô. These are yours.”
Shock jolts through me. I scramble backward and hit the wall. “Saber, I can’t accept this. These daggers are priceless. Invaluable.”
“As are you,” he says quietly. “I love you. You're everything to me. The swords are a piece of our shared history, your people and mine. They’re a symbol that we are stronger together than we are apart.”
I love you. You’re everything to me.
He's not lying.
There’s a knock on the door. Nero enters, followed by Zeke. “Saber, who keeps reminding me that he’s not my superior officer anymore, pulled rank to talk to you,” Nero quips. His eyes find mine. “Are you okay?”
Zeke sits down on the other side of the bed. “Talk to us,” he urges. “Tell us why you’ve locked yourself in this room for hours.”
I glare at him. “Seriously? You can’t figure it out? You're usually more insightful.”
“I want to hear it in your words.”
I take a deep breath. “I'm always going to be in danger. And by extension, so will you if you stay with me. Harek Levitan will always want to cage me. Marya Revit will always be searching for me. The only way out was through this transfusion. It failed.”
“So you're afraid.” Saber laces his fingers in mine. “I don't blame you. I'm afraid too.”
I glance at him. “I didn't think you were afraid of anything.”
He laughs shortly. “I'm afraid all the time. I made a mistake in Rothis, and five members of my team died. I sent Nero and Zeke to look for Levitan's lab, and I spent the entire time they were gone desperately hoping that I hadn’t made another mistake. I can't fall into slumber, because I keep imagining Marya finding you when you are alone.”
Oh. I didn’t know that. I squeeze his hand. “You shouldn’t be too afraid for me,” I murmur. “I can fight back.”
“With all due respect, you're not ready.” His expression turns severe. “And if you keep missing practice, you’re not going to get ready either.”
“You sound like Ma Kaila. She didn’t like us making jokes in class either.” I fall silent for a long time. “I felt like a failure yesterday,” I whisper at last.
“Because you’re not ready to fight Marya? Kära, she has spent her entire life in combat arenas, underground wrestling rings, and gun ranges. She learned to fight in the pits of Idlib. You and I both know that a week of training isn’t enough to counter that.”
Saber lied to me once. Well, he strategically withheld information from me. He’s not doing it now. I might not like being told that I’m not good enough to compete with his ex, but he’s not going to pretend otherwise.
“I don’t feel like a failure because of Marya. It’s everything that happened afterward.” I can’t look at my vampires. I drop my gaze to my lap. “Every human in the courtyard yesterday was more useful than me,” I say, my voice low. “Marcus’ partner gave blood and saved Marcus’ life. I spoke to Antonio before he left. Do you know what he said to me? He said that exchanging blood was the ultimate sign of intimacy. That when Marcus drank from him, it not only made him feel needed and wanted, but it also deepened the bond between them.”
Saber sighs. “He said all that, did he?”
“Mm-hmm. He also said that the physical experience itself was an aphrodisiac.”
Nero rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything to contradict me. My heart sinks. “I can never have that with the three of you. Dr. Karling dressed up in a containment suit today because one stray drop of my blood and he would have died in the most gruesome way.” I spread my hands. “I'm broken. I'm incomplete. I’m a toy that won’t wind or a drone that can’t fly. You should return me to the store and start over.”
Zeke raises an eyebrow. “Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?”
My mouth falls open. Whatever I thought he was going to say, it wasn’t this.
“Yes, vampires need to feed,” he continues. “But do you know who gives in to uncontrolled bloodlust? Animals. Do you think we are animals that can't control their baser urges?”
I just stare at him.
“Zeke’s right,” Saber says. “Do you think we’re here because your value is as a food source? There are billions of humans in t
he galaxy. If I wanted blood, any of them would suffice.”
“It’s an important part of who you are. Don’t try to deny it.”
“It is a part of who I am,” he agrees. “It is not an important part.”
Nero paces restlessly at the foot of my bed. “We talk about you,” he says. “We’ve discussed all your theories.” He lifts his hand and counts them off. “One: We’re not here to prevent you from killing every vampire you meet. That was your first theory, right? You said that to Zeke.”
My mouth falls open.
“We’re not here because the virus makes your blood irresistible,” Saber adds. “You don’t need the virus for that.”
“That was your second hypothesis.” Nero shakes his head. “What was the third?”
“Duty,” Zeke says. “We’re bravely sacrificing our lives and careers because Ottar Thistle screwed up.”
Nero’s teeth flash in a grin. “That’s very noble of me.” He climbs onto the mattress and kneels in front of me. “All those theories,” he says softly, taking my hands in his. “And you forgot the simplest explanation. We’re here with you because we want to be. Because we’re in love with you.”
Saber puts his hand on my thigh. I feel the weight of it all through my core. “Every human has blood,” he says quietly. “I love you for who you are. If I never drank from you, that wouldn't change the way I felt. I love your bravery, your grit, your kindness. Look at me. Do I look unhappy to you? The galaxy is falling apart, and I don't have the slightest desire to return to the fight. I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. Right here, right now. Because I'm with you.”
Zeke nods. “You are a part of us. We are a part of you. You’re not broken. You’re not incomplete. You are perfect.”
For two days after we left Boarus 4. I’d huddled in Ragnar's bedroom and felt sorry for myself. Right now, I can either wallow in my fear and in my misery, or I can get up and fight back.
They really love me. And I love them.
I sit up. I don't know what I've done to deserve the love of my three vampires, but I won’t take it for granted. I don't care how many times it takes for Dr. Karling to get it right. I will be his guinea pig. I will get as many transfusions as it takes.
A smile tugs my lips. Virus or not, I feel like the luckiest person in the empire. “I love you too.” I don’t whisper the words. I want to shout them from the walls of the hutong to everyone in the galaxy.
“Good.” Nero’s dimple flashes into view, and my heart beat starts to accelerate. I haven’t slept with all three of my three vampires together for a very long time. Not since Boarus 4. I held back because of the symbolism of the act. When we all made love, I wanted them to be able to drink from me.
I don’t want to wait.
The vampires’ nostrils flare as they smell my arousal. A slow smile stretches over Saber’s face. “It appears that there’s something we need to do.”
“There is?”
His glacier blue eyes bore into me. He shaved this morning, but stubble still darkens his strong jaw. “Yes,” he says. “Make love to you.”
24
Raven
On Boarus 4, when we slept together, it had been about sex. I’d been attracted to them. If I let myself forget that they were vampires, I even liked them.
But now, this? This is so much deeper. We’ve been through multiple battles. We’ve shared experiences. We’ve exposed the most private and hidden parts of ourselves to each other. I talked about Baird. Zeke told me about his family. Nero shared his grief that his mother has never really recovered from her time as a slave. Saber revealed how his family history has shaped him.
We’ve shared our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities, our fears. And it has only made us stronger. It’s made us come together as one. As a team. As a bô.
This time, it’s more than sex. It’s togetherness. It’s intimacy. It’s an expression of our love.
They undress me, layer by layer. They kiss me, tenderly, reverently. Soft music fills the room, the faint hum of the melody more imagined than heard. The lights dim to a golden glow.
“Lovely.” Zeke’s gaze sears into me. He cups my breasts in his hands and bends his head to suck my nipples between his teeth. Nero moves behind me and undoes my braids, one by one, tangling his fingers in my tresses. Nerve endings in my scalp prickle in response and I can’t hold back my whimper.
Saber reaches under the bed for a blindfold. My mouth falls open in surprise. “What else do you have there?”
“You’ll find out. Close your eyes.”
I do as he asks, and he blindfolds me, brushing a kiss against the back of my neck when he’s done. “Tonight is about you,” he murmurs into my ear. “Your body. Your orgasms. I want to hear you come over and over, kära. Don’t hold back. Sink into pleasure.”
They position me on the bed. I lie on my back, naked, blindfolded, spread out for them. I can’t see anything. All I can do is feel.
A pair of strong hands close over my wrists. The vampire—Zeke, I think?—lifts my hands to his face. My fingertips brush his skin, and I trail them down, touching his face, his neck, and his strong chest. I stroke his nipples and feel them harden, and a groan tears from his throat. Smiling in pleasure, I linger on the beautiful, taut muscles of his abdomen.
Outside this room, events move at the speed of light. At some point, we’ll need to figure out what happens next. I know this is only an interlude. I know this can’t last.
I intend to savor every moment.
Zeke positions my hands above my head. Nero holds them in place, holding me immobile.
A mouth covers mine. Judging by the rasp of stubble against my skin, it’s Saber. He kisses me, soft and slow and possessive. With the tip of his tongue, he traces the edge of my outer lip, and then he pulls back. I groan in protest, and his chuckle reverberates against my skin. He kisses me again, playful and teasing, his tongue outlining my lower lip this time. “Do you like that, Raven?” he asks, squeezing my breasts and pinching my nipples. “Are you imagining me doing this to your cunt?”
Not until he asked. But I am now. I picture Saber sucking my labia into his mouth, and a shock-wave of arousal runs through me. I squirm restlessly on the bed and try to tug my hands free from Nero’s grasp. I want to touch my vampires.
“No.” Nero’s voice is implacable. “Let us pleasure you, Raven.”
“Turn around,” Zeke says, his tone deep and dark. “On your stomach.” I barely have time to wonder what they’re planning to do when a stream of warm oil trickles on my body. I bite back my moan. I’m aching for them, for their touch.
A large hand slides up my thigh, massaging the oil into my skin. Another hand strokes my back, and I arch into the touch, my nerve endings prickling with desire. They touch me everywhere. They massage my arms. My shoulders and my back. Their hands rub my thighs, grazing my pussy as they work, teasing me but never lingering. They move to my calves and my feet. For a few minutes, they work in silence, interspersed by my sighs of pleasure. My skin is slick with oil, and their talented hands stimulate every muscle in my body. I’m still aroused, but I’m also gloriously relaxed.
“Are you falling asleep on us?” Saber sounds amused. He trickles oil down the crack of my ass. He spreads my cheeks, and I feel a blush creep up my face. “Let’s see if I can wake you up.”
His finger teases my tight hole, spreading the oil all over me. He presses down slowly, pushing into me. I bury my face in the pillows and luxuriate in the sensations battering me. My toes curl in pleasure as he adds another finger, slowly stretching me, preparing me for his cock.
A surge of need pulses through me. My muscles clench. I’m so turned on that I can’t think. I can’t focus. I can’t even breathe.
While Saber carefully eases his fingers in and out of my asshole, Nero moves to my side. “Lift up,” he says, his fingers caressing the side of my breasts.
I push myself up on my elbows, and his fingers find my nipples. He rolls the hard nubs be
tween his thumb and forefinger, and I shift restlessly. Heat builds between my legs. “Please, I want your cocks…” Even as I utter the words, I know there’s no point. It’s about me, they’ve promised, and the one thing I’ve learned about my vampires? They keep their promises.
Zeke brushes my hair aside, and his warm lips tickle the skin at the back of my neck. “Turn around.”
I comply. He cups my breasts, bringing them together, and squeezes gently. His mouth finds my nipples, sucking them, nibbling at them. I’m so consumed with pleasure that I barely notice Nero spreading my legs. Saber resumes his attention on my ass, trickling more oil on his fingers and pushing them into my ass, twisting them around to stretch my muscles.
It’s been a while. I whimper in slight discomfort. “Want me to stop?” Saber asks.
“No.” I exhale slowly. I want all three of them. I want it to be overwhelming. Intense. “I’m fine.”
“Distract her, Nero.”
Nero chuckles. “Gladly.”
His beard scratches my delicate skin, and the sensation sends a sharp spike of heat through me. He moves between my legs, and parts my folds with his finger, brushing a thumb over my clitoris. Every nerve ending in my body comes alive. My pussy weeps with need.
“So beautiful,” Zeke whispers. His lips meet mine in a searing, intoxicating kiss. His tongue probes my mouth, exploring me thoroughly. I groan deep in my throat and kiss him back, almost mindless with need. My insides twist with desire. I reach for the blindfold, wanting to take it off. I want to feel the full intensity of Zeke’s hunger. I want to see the lust in his eyes.
To nobody’s surprise, he stops me. “Not yet,” he says, giving my nipples a hard pinch. “You need to come first.”
“Oh, I get to come today?” I snark. “That’s unexpected.”
He chuckles and pinches my nipples again, this time harder. “By the time we’re done, you’ll be begging us to stop, love.”