“Jesus, Morgan. Why would I be ashamed of you?”
“Then what is it? Because you can’t claim that you ran off with Nicole because of my relationship with Ashe. I wasn’t even with him when you started dating her.” She wanted to yell at him, to shout and scream, but she could barely get out the hoarse, breathless words. “So what’s the real reason? Because after everything we’ve been through, I think I have a right to know.”
He lowered his head again, his chest rising and falling as he stared at a distant spot on the floor. “I come from evil, Morgan. From weak, nasty shit.”
She blinked, stunned, not knowing what to think. “What are you talking about?”
“My father was a murderer.” Rough, husky words, scraping against her skin. “A mean, jealous bastard who killed my mother during one of his rages.”
“Oh my God.” Kellan had told her that their parents had died in some kind of tragic accident when Kierland was a little boy, but that was all. “What happened? Was she having an affair?”
He shook his head with a sharp, abbreviated movement, and a muscle began to tic in his temple. “As far as I know, there was never another man. Hell, he was so over the top, the simplest thing could set him off. She probably smiled at the milkman the wrong way. Said hello to the postman. That was all it took with him.” He drew in a deep breath, held it, then slowly let it out as he said, “I was there when it happened. I walked into the kitchen to ask if Kell and I could have some cookies, and she was lying on the friggin’ floor at my father’s feet, bleeding out. He looked at me, stared me right in the eye and told me to never love anyone. Said that it would rip a man apart. Then he tore his claws across his own gut and killed himself.”
“And you think…” She couldn’t get the words out, her mouth trembling.
He lifted his hand, rubbing at the back of his neck, a feverish rush of color burning in his face. “I had hoped that maybe…that maybe I wasn’t like him. And I was finally starting to believe it. Then you walked into my class at the academy on your first day, and I knew that I was just like the bloody bastard. That was all that it took.” He held out his right hand, his fingers spread, and watched the way it trembled. “You smiled at me, and I knew that I’d do anything—steal, murder, cheat—to have you. Keep you. Make you mine. And in the end, I knew there was the chance that you’d end up just like my mother. I couldn’t…no matter what it cost me, I couldn’t let that happen to you.” His hand fisted, the dark veins thickening beneath his hair-dusted skin. “I won’t let that happen, Morgan.”
“Are you anything like him?” she asked, tasting the saltiness of tears on her lips that she hadn’t even realized were falling. “Anything like the man that he was?”
He shook his head. Muttered, “I try not to be.”
“Then what makes you think you could ever act like him? Just because he did something horrible doesn’t mean that you—”
“I know that!” he cut in, his deep voice thick with frustration. “I’m not stupid. I know I’m not the same person. But I also know that every time Ashe looked at you back then, I wanted to kill him. Rip him apart with my bare hands. And I still do.” His chest shook with a sudden burst of grim, breathless laughter that held nothing but more anger and pain, and he slid her another shuttered look from the corner of his eye. “Maybe I have more of my old man in me than you think.”
“So then what you’re saying is that you decided my future for me, right?” She swiped at the tears on her cheeks, surprised by the heat in her face, too much of her own anger and worry and pain burning inside her. “Without even giving me a choice?”
“Don’t you get it? There was no choice!” he roared, the harsh, guttural words slamming through the room like a scalding force of energy, blasting against her.
Her hands fisted, her pulse roaring in her ears like some kind of thrashing, destructive storm. “Damn it,” she cried, her voice rising as she fought the urge to cross the distance between them and grab him, locking herself around him in a hold that could never be broken. But it was an illusion. A dream. Because no matter how tightly she gripped him, he would slip away. No matter how desperately she struggled, it wouldn’t be enough. “Believe it or not, you don’t always know what’s best for everyone!”
“I knew this was a bad idea,” he growled, his chest heaving with the ragged force of his breaths. “I should have packed your little ass back on a flight to England the second you stepped foot into that club on Saturday night.”
Morgan was so angry she wanted to slap him. Hit him. Make him hurt, the way he’d made her hurt all those years ago. The way he was hurting her now. But she couldn’t do it, because she ached for him, too. As ridiculous as the idea seemed that he could ever physically harm her, she could see that he honestly believed it. That he didn’t trust himself to be close to her. To care about her. Take a chance on her…
They both jumped as the cabin door suddenly banged open, and Ashe stepped into the room, his dark hair and clothes dusted with snow. Morgan shook her head a little, sending him a look that said Bad timing, but he let out a tight, tired sigh, and murmured, “Sorry, sunshine, but I’ve got news for the wolf.”
Kierland turned toward him, his expression one of sharp, alert focus, and Ashe explained. “Your brother’s nearby. I caught his scent while I was running a perimeter in the woods, and I followed it. Found him at a camp a few miles east of here. There were some Kraven on site, guarding him at gunpoint, but I masked my scent, so they never even knew I was there. They also had some redhead with them, who looked like she was running things, but she’s human.”
“Spark,” Kierland muttered, his gaze darkening as he absorbed the news.
Ashe slid the Lycan a curious look. “Spark?”
“The human,” Kierland told him, his voice cold…hard. “Her name is Spark. She’s a Collective assassin.”
“And one of the most heinous bitches you’ve ever met,” Morgan added. “Was he—”
“Did you talk to him?” Kierland grunted, cutting her off.
The vampire shook his head. “No. But I put myself where he could see me. It looked like he recognized me.”
“He probably did,” she murmured. “He’s seen photographs I have of the two of us together.”
Ashe acknowledged the explanation with a slow nod, his piercing gaze moving between her and Kierland, and Morgan knew he was trying to figure out what had happened between them. His gaze finally settled on the Lycan, and he said, “I was going to try to get closer to him, but he warned me back with a look. He’s not ready to be saved.”
“That’s too damn bad,” Kierland muttered, heading toward his backpack.
“Wait!” she gasped, reaching out and grabbing his arm. “Just stop and think for a second. This is exactly what Kellan wanted to happen, Kier. You’ve got to let him do this his way.”
He looked down at her with an arrested expression, a violent rush of color flaring across his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. “You knew?” The soft words lashed with fury, and she flinched, watching his anger shape itself into something dark and raw as he ripped his arm out of her hold.
“Knew what?” she whispered, swiping her tongue across her lower lip.
“Do not mess with me, Morgan.” He shook with barely contained rage, a muscle ticking in the hollow of his shadowed cheek. “If he’s as close as Granger says, you would know.”
She didn’t want to lie to him—wouldn’t—but she knew he wasn’t going to believe the truth. And in the end, her silence condemned her.
“What is this?” he sneered, cutting an ugly look between her and Ashe, who looked as if he wanted to take her into his arms and protect her from Kierland’s anger, but knew better than to push his luck. “Have the two of you just been trying to screw me over?”
“No! God, you know that’s not true,” she said unsteadily, begging him with her eyes to believe her.
He ran his hand over the grim shape of his mouth, looking as if he wanted so badly to have
faith in her, but was afraid to. “Then why the hell didn’t you say anything?”
“Because, to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t paying attention to where Kellan was last night.” The quiet words shook with emotion. “I was too busy worrying about you. I didn’t realize his ‘pull’ was so close until I woke up this morning. And then you…distracted me. I haven’t had a chance to say anything. But I would have told you.”
He just stared at her, his tall, powerful body rigid with tension, muscles hard and coiled, bulging as if he was going to explode into movement at any moment.
With a deep, trembling breath, Morgan forced herself to say the words she knew needed to be said. “We’re not meant to stop him. You know that. We’re meant to be here waiting, close by, when he comes out with Chloe and needs our help. But that’s all. You have to have faith, Kier, because Kellan’s not going to fail. This is too important to him.”
“Yeah, well, it’s important to me, too,” he muttered, turning away from her.
“What are you doing?” she asked, watching as he knelt down on one knee and began searching through the weapons pack, pulling out two handguns and several rounds of ammo.
Without looking at her, he said, “I’m going after him.”
“Didn’t you just hear me? You can’t!”
“Like hell I can’t,” he growled, moving back to his feet. He set the guns and ammo on the room’s only table, then pulled on his jacket and slid everything into the pockets.
Trying to control the tremor in her voice, Morgan took a deep breath and said, “After all that he’s gone through to get here, do you really think this is what he would want? You coming to his rescue? He has a plan, Kier. He’s a grown man and a helluva soldier. Let Kell do what he thinks is right.”
“He could get himself killed!” he snapped, turning around to face her.
“That’s a possibility. Yes. That’s always a possibility. But it’s his choice,” she argued in a husky voice, their gazes locked together in a fierce, explosive battle of wills. “Please, Kierland. For once listen to someone else and stop thinking you know what’s best for everyone.”
He shuddered with rage, but didn’t say anything, and she could only shake her head, her shoulders weighted with disappointment as she realized nothing she said was going to make a difference.
“Have fun trying to talk some sense into him,” Ashe muttered, a resigned note of disgust in his deep voice as he headed toward the door, obviously deciding that he’d heard enough. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”
The door closed behind the vampire, and Morgan waited for Kierland to say something, but he didn’t. He just stood there, his body held in a tight, rigid stance, his big hands fisted at his sides as he stared at the door.
“Are you really just going to walk away and leave me here alone?” she asked, forcing her chin to stay high, when all she really wanted was to slink away into a corner somewhere and lick her wounds.
He cut her a dark, cold look from the corner of his eye. “You won’t be alone,” he muttered. “You’ll have the vamp, same as always.”
“God,” she whispered, blinking against another frustrating spill of tears. “I’ve been so stupid, haven’t I? I actually thought, after last night, that you were…that you might care about me. That we might finally have some kind of chance together. But you’re never going to let that happen, are you, Kier?”
“Don’t make this about us.” He ground out the words, his eyes narrowing with rage. “This is between me and Kell.”
“No.” It was strange to hear her voice sounding so thin, so hollow, as if all the life had just been drained right out of it. “This is about you, Kierland. It’s always about you.”
He made a low sound in the back of his throat that sounded more like the animal than the man, the green of his eyes glowing with fury within the darkness of his face. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Morgan.”
Her breath shuddered past her lips, the tears coming faster, in a hot, unstoppable rush as she wrapped her arms over her chest, trying to hold herself together. “I know I loved you, Kier. I loved you so much that I almost died when you introduced me to Nicole. I loved you so much that I hated you for being with her. And that’s why I ran to Ashe. Because you broke my heart, and you didn’t even know it.”
“Damn you.” His body shook with a hard, violent tremor, as if he was struggling to stay in control. He shoved his hair back from his face with shaking hands and snarled, “That’s a lie and you know it!”
“It’s not,” she told him, shaking her head, unable to stop the flood of words as they came pouring out of her. “I’d spent months waiting for you to ask me out, and you never did. I thought you were just waiting for me to get a bit older, for my birthday to come around, and then…that was when I met her. When you introduced me to Nicole. I didn’t…I didn’t just lust after you, Kier. I loved you. And it broke my heart when you brought her to meet me. Like a slap in the face, which was what I’m sure now that you’d intended, so that I would know you were off-limits. So that I would leave you in peace. And your plan worked, because I went to Ashe that night. You just didn’t know about our relationship until later, because we hadn’t told anyone.”
He appeared stunned. Frozen. Then he shook it off, his lip curling as he growled, “Why him?”
She swiped at the tears under her eyes with her fingertips, her voice trembling almost uncontrollably. “Because I knew he w-wanted me, unlike you. He wasn’t afraid to admit it. And because he’d always been kind to me.”
“Kind?” he snarled. “Christ, Morgan. He just wanted in your pants.”
“You’re wrong,” she argued. “Ashe was a true friend to me, Kierland. I refuse to feel guilty about our relationship, because he’s been one of the best, most loyal friends I’ve ever had. But the truth is that I ended up with him because you broke my heart. Because you were too afraid to take a chance on me. Because you thought you knew what was right, and you weren’t willing to let anyone else have a say.”
A heavy silence fell between them, the kind that stretched out and made the room vibrate with tension until she could barely breathe, and then he gave another hard shake of his head, his brows pulled together in a deep vee. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, hunching his shoulders as he shoved his hands back into his pockets. “I don’t even know why we’re arguing about it. Jesus. What’s done is done. You fell in love with Ashe and forgot all about me. It was obvious to everyone that you were crazy about him. Devastated when he left you. Whatever you’d felt for me before, it wasn’t as strong as that. So none of what you’ve claimed changes anything now.”
He looked scared. Sounded scared. And it was that fear, she realized, that would always keep him away from her.
“So that’s it, then?” she asked. “You’ll still keep Ashe between us, because that’s what suits you?”
“I’m not keen on being second choice,” he grunted, his stony expression as hard as his tone.
“You’ll only see what you want to see, won’t you?”
He’d turned away from her, his hand already on the handle of the door. “He still wants you, Morgan.” Deep, guttural words, rough with strain. “He obviously regrets walking away from you. Once I step aside, you can have what you want. What you’ve always wanted.”
Staring at the rigid set of his shoulders, she fought for her voice, and finally managed to say, “You think you have it all figured out, but you don’t know anything, Kier.”
“I know you can’t go back and change the past. I lost you, and I’ve learned to live with it.”
“Of course you have,” she whispered, and a choked, kind of broken-sounding laugh fell from her lips. Or maybe it was a sob. She was too destroyed to tell the difference, a strange, shivering tremor beginning in her chest that was threatening to spread through her entire body, breaking her down. “You don’t need anyone, right, Kier?”
“What the hell do you want from me?” he demanded in a hoars
e rasp, his shoulders shaking.
It hurt, she thought, giving your love to someone. Cutting a piece of yourself off and offering it to them. But even worse was the knowledge that it didn’t matter. That they wouldn’t let it matter.
“I want something I can’t have,” she muttered, giving him back the same words he’d said to her.
A low, gritty laugh, and he yanked open the door. “Trust me, Morgan. He’s yours. You’ve wanted the vamp for years, and now you’ve got him. He won’t walk away from you again.”
“Wow. Congratulations, Kier.” Impossible to hide the bitterness in her tone. Not that she tried. “Once again, you’ve got it all figured out.”
The door had already slammed shut behind him as Morgan sank to her knees in the middle of the room. “Too bad you’re always wrong,” she said brokenly, and then she buried her face in her hands.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Thursday evening
KIERLAND CREPT THROUGH THE forest like a shadow, careful not to make a sound. He knew he needed to focus on the present, that he needed to stay sharp, and yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about Morgan. About the pale, devastated look on her face when he’d turned his back on her in the cabin and walked away.
Christ. There were a thousand things he wished he’d said to her before he’d left, but he knew it was better this way. There was nothing she could say to change his mind. They would just keep hurling the same arguments at each other, getting nowhere, while Kellan’s life hung in the balance.
With a gun in his right hand, Kierland lifted his left and rubbed at the ache burning in the center of his chest, while his gut felt like he’d swallowed a block of ice. It was impossible to describe the pain he’d felt when Morgan had told him she’d loved him all those years ago. But it didn’t matter. He couldn’t let it matter. Because the truth was that she’d gotten over him and fallen in love with another man. One who probably still loved her. And that was a risk he couldn’t take—the fact that even if Morgan chose to be with him now, she might eventually change her mind and go running back to the vamp. Not with his father’s blood flowing through his veins. No, he’d rather live with the pain ripping him to shreds for the rest of his miserable existence, than ever risk hurting her.
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