What do you mean,
what do I mean?
((love is a virtue granted not won))
At first, my eyes were closed. I had never been on a motorcycle, and I was terrified of seeing anything within arm’s reach of me. Of course, that meant missing out on literally sharing this with Joe. So I carefully opened my eyes. It was amazing. The day was perfect, not to mention it helped a little that I was holding on to the world's most gorgeous man. But, I understood completely now why anyone would want to own a motorcycle. It was an amazing feeling to be free like this on the road. We should go somewhere far away just so I could hold on to this feeling a bit longer. Maybe he was taking me up to Canada. I wouldn’t object to that.
Rounding a corner onto the open four lane road, I wanted to take a picture. I felt for my purse over my shoulder. Nothing was there. Had I really left it? How could I have not paid attention?
“I left my purse!” I said to him when he stopped at a red light.
“Why would you need it?” He called back when the bike stopped moving.
“Because not only does it contain my money, it contains my cell phone.” I said sardonically.
“What makes you think you need either of those?” He yelled now that we were moving again.
“Well, typically people need money to get breakfast.” I yelled back.
“Pardon my French, but have you ever been on a date before?” He asked.
I thought about what he said for a moment. I mean, I knew I never had, but I wasn’t sure if I should admit that to him. It may seem lame, or it may make this out to be more than he wanted it to be. He had mentioned something about taking someone else out on a date, though. Did he mean it?
“No, I really haven’t.” I said. I didn’t want to lie to him.
“Huh.” Joe grunted.
“What’s that mean?” I asked, a little scared.
“Nothing, I just understand why you would be so worried about getting your purse, now. But don’t worry, I’ll show you what constitutes a date.”
I could feel him smiling again. He was utterly charming. I was melting, thinking of his smile; his half dimples and his blue eyes sparkling. I realized he really was my knight in shining armor. Of course the horse was the one shining and covered in armor, but I didn’t mind one bit. I wanted him to be there and rescue me from all of life’s troubles. He made me forget the sadness eating away at my heart. He made me forget everything.
We were slowing down again. When he checked his blind spot, I searched around to see where he could be taking me. There were a few shops and restaurants in the shopping center, but I had never been there before. A small coffee shop on the corner caught my eye. I hoped that would be the place. He didn’t seem like the coffee shop kind of guy, but then again he hadn’t seemed like the Harley Davidson kind, either.
He proved me right when he parked in front of a sandwich shop just a few doors over. He cut the engine and just sat there. I wasn’t going to move without him getting up first. I wasn’t even sure I could walk properly yet. My butt was still vibrating and my legs were numb. I imagined that my butt was numb, too. Walking was going to be very awkward. Good thing he’s already seen me at my worse.
He tapped my hands explaining why he hadn’t moved yet. I blushed and let go of him. Helping me off, it was just as a prince would do to his princess getting off the black armored stallion. I stared at him for a few seconds, I was doubly happy he was taller than me when I was in my heels. I hadn’t noticed earlier, with all the playing around we did at the apartment.
He undid his helmet and held his hand out for mine. While he was putting all the gear up, I flattened my hair some and fixed the part that was pinned back. He stood back upright and smiled at me. I melted. With his elbow shoved out towards me, I more than willingly wrapped my arm around it and we took off.
“Aren’t we-?”I pointed to the door we passed that was the entrance to the sandwich shop.
“You are just no fun.” He laughed.
“What?”
I looked at him. He just smiled and shook his head. I felt a bit foolish. My face was probably red again. I was glad we were walking so I had a few seconds to cool off before he had to look at me again. We stopped in front of the coffee shop and he held the door open for me. The only people that held doors open for me were complete strangers, and, well, Joe. Of course, the first time he ever held the door open for me I went falling through it, but he is more than making it up to me. He was so good to me.
I had been questioning everything up until now. The signs were so obvious. I didn’t notice anyone except him, and he treated me like I was the only one in the world. I wanted to spend every day here, by his side. It couldn’t be possible to survive not feeling like this. How had I ever managed before? It was insane. He was staring at me. Had he asked something? I looked at my surroundings and realized we were at the register.
“Do you know what you want? Or do you need some time?” He asked, trying not to laugh.
I wondered how obvious it had been that I had been lost, staring at him.
“Oh, no. I’ll have some green tea and a coffee cake.” I said to the cashier.
The cashier sort of looked at me inquisitively. I assumed it was just because someone like me was standing next to someone like him. I brushed it off and looked back at Joe; after all, I was that someone who got to stand next to him and look at him without being crazy. He was laughing again. Was he a mind reader, too?
“What’s so funny?” I asked when we stepped aside to wait.
“You ordered tea with a coffee cake.” He said.
“And… ” I egged him on.
“Nothing, it’s just cute.”
He was blushing. I had no idea what was going on.
“Okay.” I sighed. I really hated feeling stupid around him.
The cashier finally set our drinks on the counter. She leaned over, closer to Joe than me, and asked if I wanted a plate for my cake. I thought that was a very odd question. What else was I supposed to eat it on? I said yes, a bit snobbishly, and the lady tossed the plate and cake up and walked away. There was no fork. Where would forks be? I looked around and saw the table with everything on it just behind me. Joe was already standing there with the lid off to his coffee pouring something in it.
I picked up a fork and placed it on the plate that I was balancing very carefully against my chest. Then I grabbed my drink and waited for Joe. He popped the lid back in place and stepped aside so someone else could use the stand. We stood there for a few moments in the middle of the coffee shop just staring at each other.
“Where shall we sit?” I asked when it didn’t seem like he was going to say anything.
“Pick.”
He spread his arms over all the empty tables. Of course, why wouldn’t he stand there waiting on me to pick a table? He was such a gentleman. I decided that it would be best to sit outside. His bike was a very nice bike and my helmet was just sitting there on top of the seat. I’d feel a bit anxious if I couldn’t see it at all costs, myself. So I led the way outside. He happily followed me to a nice table at the corner. It gave a plain view down the street for him, and towards all the people shopping for things for me. I loved people watching. It was probably the best thing about a café.
“Careful.” He whispered, taking the plate.
I smiled at him. I hadn’t even noticed I was about to spill my cake everywhere. He set everything down for me then helped me scoot in my chair. I was constantly amazed by him. He finally sat and relaxed. I watched him shake the hair out of his face and take a sip of his coffee. He honestly was so beautiful.
“You keep giving me that look. ” He grinned.
“What look?” I asked, trying not to smile too much. It didn’t work so well.
“That one!”
He pointed at me nearly choking on his coffee. I started laughing. His face went really red. He held his hand in front of his mouth and looked away. It only made me laugh even more that he got just as em
barrassed as I did. He was pathetically adorable when he did it, though. I was sure I just looked weird and deranged.
“This is really nice. Thank you.” I mumbled picking at my cake.
I ran my fingers across the edges of my bangs to make sure they were still held back and smiled at him.
“Well, you’re welcome. I’m glad to see you smile so much. Not that I think you’re a person who doesn’t smile that often, but you seem to be doing it a lot right now.”
“You make me smile tons more than normal.” I assured him.
“Good. That makes me feel good.”
“Good.” I nodded.
He sat back and started drumming on his chair. My mind went blank. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say to him. We were acting like students on the first day of school with assigned seats next to strangers. We were strangers. I didn’t really get how he could make my thought process so complicated. I felt useless.
I could hear crickets chirping. I picked some more at my cake, trying to find something interesting. He didn’t seem to mind the silence so much. He was just watching me and sipping on his coffee. My hand was shaking knowing that he studying every one of my features. I wasn’t sure how to chew, or even hold my posture.
Suddenly, he moved; I hoped he was going to say something. When he settled back in his seat I felt like my nerves were going to kill me. I had to break the silence. I looked at my plate and figured I’d offer him some of the barely touched cake.
“Want some cake to go with your coffee?”
I was shaking again. This is stupid. He thought for a second and sat up again.
“Well seeing as it is coffee cake, I suppose it would be blasphemy not to.” He winked. He picked up my unused fork and cut a piece off.
“Oh! That’s why you were laughing!” I finally got it.
Suddenly Joe was really laughing. His face was completely red. Bits of coffee cake flew out of his mouth. He put his hand up trying to catch it but he missed. I backed up and looked at him curiously. Was he choking on the piece of cake he had just put into his mouth? Should I help him? All I could do was laugh, I couldn’t help it.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I just spewed cake everywhere, but it was totally worth it.” He laughed.
“Hey!” I whimpered.
“No. I just didn’t realize you honestly didn’t get it. I thought you were just messing around.” He laughed again.
“Ha-ha, take another bite, why don’t you.” I grinned.
“I like you.” He smiled.
My entire body froze. My eyes got big and I could feel my heart racing. He…likes me? Honestly? I couldn’t believe it. Talk Mirabelle, say something. Tell him you like him too. Four words, that’s all it takes.
“I like you, too.” I finally managed to blurt out. It was horrendously embarrassing.
We were staring just past each other, now. I tried to think of something to say to him that could stop the embarrassment.
“Why did you decide to go by ‘Joe’ if your name is ‘Johnavon’?”
“What do you mean?”
“Johnavon is a very fancy name, and Joe seems like the plain version of it. Just curious why’d you want to take the attention away.”
“Well, I suppose that is what I was doing. I wanted to be an ‘Average Joe’. So I took that chance. What about you, why’d you go with Mira instead of Belle?” He asked.
“I’m more reflection than beauty. People see what they want when they look at me, but I always see me.” I laughed.
“Interesting. I beg to differ, though.” He grinned. “And speaking of beauty, I really like the blue in your hair. It’s different and looks really good on you.”
“An, ‘Average Joe’ likes uniqueness? No way.”
He laughed.
“Touché. But honestly, I like it. Think you can give me some color?”
“I would love to. I think you’d look great in this teal, it’d match your eyes. ‘Course if you’re teal, then I’d have to be a different color.”
“Violet. I think you’d look amazing with violet in your hair.”
“Don’t know the difference between teal and blue, but you know the difference between violet and purple?” I teased.
“I saw that you had violet next to your name on our buzzer board. I know that the landlord lets you pick the color, so I assumed you chose that because it was your favorite.”
And, I was back at embarrassment. I smiled and sat back in my chair with a happily defeated look on my face. My stomach was doing somersaults. This guy was going to have to bring something up if he wanted a conversation now, because I was lost on words.
“Tell me about you.” He said, leaning over towards me. Thank goodness he took the hint.
“What do you want to know?”
I adjusted myself so I was propped up on my elbows and staring at him. He put his elbows up, too, and batted his eyes. I smiled.
“Your favorite music.”
“Tough one. I like a lot of soul. Blues is really good. My mother and I would listen to Ella and Billie a lot. She may’ve been a bit sexist.”
“Whatever you want to call it, those are very talented ladies.” He agreed with me.
“Thank you. What about you?”
“I’d have to completely agree. I actually play guitar. I’m a huge blues fan. I love to just get involved in all that soul.”
“No kidding.”
I sat upright in my excitement.
“Yeah.”
He smiled but tried to take it down a few notches; he was humble.
“You’ll have to play for me sometime, then.”
“Alright, you have yourself a deal.” He nodded his head.
Silence again. This was hopeless. My cake was cold and getting stale, sitting here in the sunlight. I might as well eat it to make it seem like I was doing something other than just staring at him. He still wasn’t discreet at all. I didn’t understand how he could study me and not feel shy at how obvious he was. Not that I really minded how into me he was, I just wished I had those kind of guts.
I was being so negative. He thought I was interesting enough without conversation. I should be enthralled. It did feel good to be this interesting. I had so much to say, though. He’d listen when the time came. I knew it. He cared. He wanted to get to know me and for no other reason but to have a friend.
Sebastian hadn’t asked me anything about my life, regardless of how I tried to pry into his. Was he really just wasting his time until he left? Joe was jealous of him. Is that why he was trying so hard now? I guess I really didn’t care what the reason was. I was just glad I was the one getting the treatment. I’d let Joe do whatever it took to make him feel like he had one up on Sebastian. Who cares if in reality, compared to Joe, Sebastian was nothing to me. I wasn’t about to tell him that.
A light breeze blew and he moved his hair back behind his ears. I wanted to sit next to him. I felt like we were too far apart. I wanted to be inside his head and know what he was thinking. He had been staring at me for a while now. I sort of wanted things to be something more than friends between us. It’d be the perfect fairytale. I could see us telling our kids how we met that day. It was beautiful.
“Do you have any special talents? Any hobby or craft that you just love to do?” He asked.
It took me off guard. We had been sitting in silence for so long I sort of forgot what his voice sounded like. Come to think of it, he had been thinking this whole time and that’s the best he could come up with? Oh, Joe. There’s so many more interesting things about me. You’ll see, though. This conversation is going to get real gloomy, real quick.
“Honestly, I never had the time to pick up a hobby or anything like that.” I said.
“How come?” He asked. “Everyone should have a hobby. That drive and passion that just takes them away from this world, it’s just priceless.”
And there it was. The start to every conversation I ever dreaded having with someone since even before I lost her
. I really wanted to say that my drive and passion was suddenly him, though. He was becoming that reason and purpose to my life. I couldn’t do that to him. He deserved more time before I delved into my gloomy world of endless heartache.
“That, my dear Joe, is for another time.”
I smiled and ran my fingers across my bangs again without breaking eye contact. I wanted him to know I was being honest.
“Oh, really? Well how about we save it for another date?” He winked. His cheeks dimpled up.
“You’re enjoying this one that much?”
I didn’t mean for it to come out rude, but it did. I didn’t care; he wanted more time with me.
“I am. Are you not having a good time?”
He had started to doubt himself. I liked when he did that. It made me feel like I had less perfection to amount to.
“I am. You lived up to your expectations most impeccably.”
“Ah, yes, very good my dear, very good.” He mocked a British accent.
We raised our glasses and toasted each other. It was ridiculous how cute we were acting. Someone had to be watching us and wanting to throw up in our pool of happiness. He reached out to touch my hand. I let him. It sent a shockwave up my arm.
“Tell me about you, Joe.” I smiled.
“What do you want to know?” He was rubbing the top of my hand now.
“What’s your family like?” I asked.
“Oh my, well, it’s not much. Everyone sort of went their own way after my mom. I’m real close to my father though. I’ve been helping him fix up the house for a few years, now.”
“After your mom?”
It may have been self-centered of me, but the only thing I heard were those words. I moved my hand and sat upright. Could it really be possible that he had lost his mother too? Did he and I share these feelings because we both held the same void in our hearts? Was that our odd connection? Oh, Joe.
“Yes. My mother, she had cancer.” He said.
I felt like I was going to be sick. I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I had to ask what kind of cancer. Maybe they went to the same hospital? Maybe even the same group therapy. There were so many questions.
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