The next morning, I was on a plane to Los Angeles, and that afternoon, I met my dance partner, Tony Dovolani, for the first time. In two days, on Monday night, we would be dancing live together in front of millions of viewers. Strangely, I wasn’t nervous about whether or not I would be able to learn the dance in time. I’m naturally able to hear music and count out the beat so that helped me to master it more quickly. Also, I got lucky, and our first dance was the waltz. Because I had a ballet background growing up, the waltz was probably the easiest dance for me to learn on the fly.
Knowing that we only had two days to master the routine, Tony also watered down the dance quite a bit. What did take me a while to get used to was dancing with a partner. Especially because some of the later dances, like the rumba, got a little, shall we say, intimate, and I’m very goofy when it comes to any kind of sexy stuff.
That first day, Tony and I practiced for about four hours, and then they brought in wardrobe to fit me for my costume. I was in awe when I saw the dress I was going to be wearing. It was a wild moment when I realized that I was actually going to be on Dancing with the Stars.
Me!
I couldn’t even begin to grasp the scope of what I was doing.
On Sunday we again practiced for another four hours. By that point, Tony and I both felt like we were doing pretty well. I didn’t want to overpractice, and I didn’t want to psyche myself out, so we decided to stop while we were ahead.
“All I want to do is have fun,” I told Tony. “You’re coming back here next season. I’m probably going back to my life in Dallas. This is the one little window of this life that I’m going to get, and so I don’t care if we go out and completely bomb. I don’t care if we forget a routine. I don’t care if my shoe falls off. I just want to remember this whole experience and have the best time possible.”
And that’s just what I did.
On Monday night, I went to the studio to get ready to tape the show, and when I got to hair and makeup, they sat me next to Holly Madison. I was freaking out because I was used to watching her on TV, and here we were, getting our hair and makeup done together. I’m sure I would have been even more starstruck if they’d had us with the rest of the cast, which included Denise Richards and Lil’ Kim. But the producers were keeping it hush-hush that Holly and I were the replacements for the two contestants who had dropped out at the last minute, so they kept us separate from the rest of the cast until it was time for us to dance. This did add a little bit of stress to the night because it also meant that Tony and I couldn’t go out and practice on the stage, like all of the other couples were able to do. He and I got one secret run-through on the stage, just so I could see it for the first time. But that was it.
And then we went live.
I’m not sure why I didn’t feel more nervous or unprepared than I did, but I don’t think it ever really sunk in how BIG this was. I had never done live TV before, and I didn’t think about the fact that it was the number one show in America at the time. I was very naïve about how significant the moment was.
If someone called me today and asked me to do the same thing with so little time to prepare, I don’t know that I would do it. But I think that in that moment, my innocence actually worked to my advantage, because it kept me from overthinking the situation and getting stressed out. The only thing that I was worried about was how the public was going to react to me following “After the Final Rose.” I had no idea what people had been saying about me, or how they would feel about suddenly seeing me on Dancing with the Stars. I had purposely avoided hearing or reading about the public’s reaction to the finale, which had aired just a week earlier. For all I knew, everyone in America hated me.
After everything I had just been through, I really didn’t feel emotionally ready to handle people being nasty. As Tony and I stood in the wings, waiting for our cue, I confessed my fears to him.
“I’m terrified we’re going to go out there, and people are going to boo us,” I said. “Or that we’re going to be the first couple voted off because nobody likes me.”
Tony tried to reassure me, and then I heard our names announced as the next couple to dance, and it was time go out. Literally, the second they said my name as Tony and I walked out on stage, the audience went crazy. Viewers at home saw the show cut to a pretaped package that included footage of Tony and me practicing over the weekend. But in the studio, every single person was standing up, clapping and cheering for me. I heard women yelling my name. I could actually see people crying from the stage. I got these huge tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe that all of that warmth and support were for me. It still makes me tear up when I think about it.
Next thing I knew, I heard our music starting, and off we went. I didn’t think twice about anything. My body took over and I went into my Dancing Bubble, which is a good kind of bubble! I didn’t notice the cameras or feel anxious at all. I was just looking at Tony and having a great time.
As soon as we hit our ending position, and the last beat of music played, I started crying again. Oh my gosh! We did it! We did it! It was all so overwhelming.
The crowd erupted! And it was all for us. I couldn’t help my tears; I felt so proud of what we had just accomplished after only eight hours of practice.
I had gone from this awful pit in my life three months ago to not only being so happy personally, but to also being on the number one TV show and having everyone cheering for me right after Tony and I had done a really good job. After the dark place I had come from, it was such an indescribable feeling to see a reaction like that coming from people I’d been expecting to boo me.
After Tony and I were done with the show, I went back to my trailer, and I had all of these messages—the text messages alone numbered fifty-six—from my friends and other people back home:
“Oh my god, you’re on the show!”
“I just saw you on Dancing!”
I hadn’t been able to tell anyone except for Tye and my parents that I was doing the show—luckily, all of these reality TV experiences have made me very good at keeping secrets—and so the rest of the people in my life had no idea where I was and what I was doing. At least, not until they turned on their television sets that night and saw me waltzing across the stage with Tony. I’m sure it was just as crazy for them to see me there as it was for me to actually be there! The whole thing had happened so quickly that neither Tye nor my parents had been able to get time off from work to be there, but Tye told me later that he was at the gym that night, and when he saw me on the TV, he couldn’t help shouting encouragement to me.
I think for everyone else, who had watched me on The Bachelor, it was a relief for them to see that I was okay, and that even though I had been knocked down, I had gotten right back up and gone on with my life in an even bigger and better way than before. I think there were a lot of women out there who watched what I went through on “After the Final Rose” and felt like they had been through the exact same thing but never had the chance to tell off the guy who did it to them. And so they were inspired to see that it had all worked out for me in the end. And had it ever worked out for me!
The first episode of Dancing with the Stars aired on March 9, and my birthday was two days later. The year before had been probably my worst birthday ever, spent with my best friends, yes, but heartbroken and directionless at Medieval Times in Dallas. What a difference a year makes. For this birthday, I had dinner at a swanky restaurant with Deena Katz and my dance partner Tony, as well as Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak and ABC executive John Saade. I couldn’t believe how much had changed—and all for the better.
My life quickly developed a new routine. From Wednesday to Sunday, my days were jam-packed with practice, then an interview, then a fitting in wardrobe, then another quick interview, then another practice, then a trip to the stage to mark the dance for our live performance, and then maybe I’d go pick up some new shoes. Monday was show day, and Tuesday was elimination day, during which I always loved going into the st
udio and getting my hair and makeup done and putting on the costumes, which were amazing.
Even compared to what I was used to from cheerleading, the practice was grueling. For the first two weeks, I couldn’t move by the end of the day because I was using muscles that I’d never used before, and I was so sore! But it was a great life, and I had it easy. I didn’t have another job when I did Dancing with the Stars, like so many people who were trying to record an album or film a sitcom while they were doing the show. I couldn’t understand how these people did it. Even just doing Dancing, I got up at seven o’clock in the morning, didn’t go to bed until ten at night, and felt like every moment in between was jam-packed.
But I loved every second of the show, and it was such a fun period for me in general. Tye had some downtime before opening his own insurance agency, and so he moved out to LA with me. The show put us up in a cute little apartment and gave us use of a car. When I was done with my obligations for the day, Tye would pick me up, and we’d try a new restaurant or coffee shop, go see a movie, or just play around. It was such a carefree time in my life that I felt like I was being rewarded for the fact that I hadn’t given up, even when I had gone through such a bad period right before that.
My parents came out for every episode, which was especially fun for my mom, because she was a really big fan of the show. Tye’s parents also came to LA several times, as did a couple of our friends. They all enjoyed the experience of getting dressed up and coming out to be a part of a live TV show as it was taped, seeing the celebrities, and marveling over how the whole process worked and the fact that the set was so much smaller than it looked on TV. They all cheered me on when I danced, and then came back to my trailer after the show, so we could go out to dinner afterward. Plus, they had the excitement of being out in Hollywood, and I still don’t know what any of us were doing out in Hollywood, including me!
Tony and I developed a very special relationship. About two weeks in, he already had a good grasp of how I was as a dancer. In practice, I didn’t perform. I learned the steps by walking through them, so my body could develop the muscle memory to internalize the routine by Monday night. Come Monday night, though, I performed my heart out. I came to know Tony, too, and learn that he was also more subdued during practice, but on Monday nights, he threw me a lot higher in the air. When we performed, it was almost like a completely different dance. The time we spent practicing from Wednesday to Sunday allowed us to learn the steps and how to mesh with each other. And then, on Monday, we both went out and we both just—BAM—turned it on.
I adapted really well to both practicing and performing, so Tony soon knew that he didn’t have to remind me to smile, or tilt my head up on a certain part, or NOT focus on the audience. And he did a really good job of choreographing things that he and I could pull off, and picking out great music and costumes that I really liked. We had a special relationship, almost like a brother and sister, where we could joke with each other and make fun of each other, and if I was having a bad day, he knew how to get me out of it, and vice versa.
Five days is not a lot of time to learn a new style of dance and memorize the entire routine, plus do costume fittings and interviews. It was grueling. And that’s why, usually around weeks eight and nine, people started to kind of crack. They cried a lot. They talked about how exhausted they were. I never got that worn down. But as I said, it was a pretty carefree time in my life, and I managed to stay focused on having fun, even as week after week went by without us getting eliminated, and we got closer and closer to winning the show.
Tony and I developed a routine on Monday night. We always knew when we were going on. We never watched the people who danced before us, but while they were dancing, we got ourselves into position and psyched ourselves up. When the music started, I always went out on such a huge adrenaline high that it was almost like I became a different person for the two or three minutes I was onstage. Even though I’d only had five days to practice, I always knew the routine, so I just let my body take over. That’s when that muscle memory kicked in. As anyone who’s watched the show knows, contestants never go out there, forget their steps, and freeze completely. All of the contestants have always practiced enough that they know what they’re doing. It’s just that some people can turn it on at the last second and some people can’t. Luckily, that wasn’t hard for me. I always felt like my only job was to really let the personality out. And I could do that. Beyond that, I just made sure to have fun! And I always did.
thirteen
•
A TOTALLY SURREAL EXPERIENCE
There definitely is something called “fifteen minutes of fame,” and during this time, I was smack-dab in the middle of mine. I was immediately thrown into a whole new world: the world of celebrities and paparazzi. Because Dancing with the Stars was so popular, and people were still talking about what had happened on the “After the Final Rose” special, I got a lot of attention during the time I was in LA for Dancing. It baffled me that people cared so much about what I was doing. Paparazzi waited outside our dance studio hoping to get a shot. And let me tell you, it is weird having people follow you around taking your picture! There is nothing natural about it!
To this day, I’m still not used to paparazzi (thankfully, we don’t have any in Dallas!), but I was especially uncomfortable around them when I was first thrust into the spotlight. I was particularly freaked out one evening when I was heading home from practicing with Tony, and I noticed a car following me. I recognized it as one of the paparazzi cars that parked in the parking lot of the dance studio, hoping to get pictures of all the celebrities leaving practice.
Oh, great.
I started taking detours, going in and out of random little neighborhoods, trying to lose him. But he was relentless and stayed right behind me. I started getting upset, because I was going home! I didn’t want them to know where I lived! I kept weaving in and out of traffic, going in and out of parking lots, doing everything I could to lose him—or at least give him the hint that I knew he was following me. It didn’t work. Panicking, I called Tye for help.
“Baby! I’m getting followed by paparazzi!” I said. “And I just want to go home! What do I do?”
I’m not sure what I thought Tye could do to help. He was two thousand miles away in Dallas, and neither of us had ever had to deal with an issue like this before.
“What can I do?” he replied. “I can’t really do anything. But are you okay?”
I felt bad for worrying Tye when he was so far away, but he suggested that I try calling Tony.
Brilliant! So I called Tony and told him what was going on. Thankfully, he was right down the street and said he’d meet me at the coffee shop next to my apartment. When I pulled in, the paparazzi car parked behind me. Tony arrived about five minutes later. When Tony saw us, he got out of his car, went up to the car, leaned in and talked to the paparazzo.
“You’re freaking her out a little bit,” he said. “She’s not used to this. She’s not going anywhere. She’s just trying to go home. And she doesn’t want you to follow her home.”
“Oh, yeah, absolutely,” the guy said. “I didn’t mean to scare her.” And just like that, he drove off. I was so relieved.
Wow, that was easy.
It was great to know that Tony was there for me, especially because he was really all I had in LA while Tye was still in Dallas. Although it was a small gesture on Tony’s part, it had meant the world to me.
During the second week of Dancing with the Stars, I was on the cover of People magazine, which was a totally surreal experience. Around this time, I first realized that the public really knew who I was. When Tye and I went out to have coffee or go to the grocery store, people started coming up to talk to me about the show, and it became increasingly common for paparazzi to follow us.
The first time it happened when Tye and I were together, it felt totally crazy and weird. This was during the second week, after Tony and I had done our waltz, and Tye had moved to LA to be
with me. He and I were in the car on our way to the dance studio so he could drop me off for rehearsal, when Tony called me.
“Hey, I just want you to know, there’s paparazzi out front,” he said.
I was surprised. But after the paparazzi debacle that had just happened, I thought it was such a sweet gesture for Tony to call and warn me.
“Really?” I said. “What should I do?”
“Don’t talk to them, don’t do anything, just come in,” he said.
“Okay,” I said.
I was nervous. I had never dealt with paparazzi, or even really seen them, except on TV and that one time Tony had to shoo them away for me. When Tye and I walked into the studio, I remember trying so hard not to make any eye contact. I’d covered the label of the Red Bull I was holding, because on Bachelor, we had to tape over all labels. And so, for some reason, I thought that was true in the outside world, too. From the time we got out of the car to when we went inside the studio, they filmed us with a video camera and took a bunch of still pictures, too. It’s was such an awkward feeling, and I had no idea how to behave.
Do I smile? Do I wave? Do I act for the cameras? Or do I pretend they’re not there? Oy!
After that, it became a regular occurrence. The paparazzi knew where we practiced and at what times, and they were always there before and after practice. They also followed us home. It just kind of became . . . not normal exactly, but that was just how life was. I went to practice, or out to brunch with Tye or a girlfriend, knowing there would be paparazzi waiting for me.
I soon figured out how they always knew where I was (and not just me, but the entire cast of DWTS). Remember how I said the show put us in an apartment while I was in LA? Well, we were all in the same apartment complex—and I’m sure it’s the one they use every season. It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist paparazzo to figure this out. So all they had to do was wait outside the complex for one of the cast members to exit the parking lot, and—BAM they were found out! And since the rental car I was in was bright red, I was easily discovered! While I got used to this attention, I was always a little uncomfortable with it.
My Reality Page 17