* * *
The dank darkness surrounded him as though he were wearing a straightjacket. The pain gnawed at his insides, consuming his whole body. The heat pressed down on him, making it difficult to breathe. Tight. Suffocating—He reached out. Fire licked at his fingers, searing his flesh.
With a gasp Dane opened his eyes and found a gray-and-black cat balanced on his chest, two blue eyes staring at him. A cat? Where was he? Confusion clouded his mind, the fragments of his reoccurring nightmare lingering in his thoughts.
The animal lifted his paw and batted at Dane’s face. He scrambled to sit up.
“What in the world—”
“That’s Pepper, our cat.”
Dane snapped his head around to find Mandy sitting by the couch staring at him. He was in Sweetwater, Kentucky. Zoey’s house. I’m okay. He shoved the nightmare to the back recesses of his mind.
“He’s my pet. Blake doesn’t like him.”
“He doesn’t?”
“He wanted a dog, but I found Pepper, cryin’ outside in the front yard. He was wet and hungry. No one claimed him so we kept him.” Mandy perched on the side of the bed and bounced a few times. “Do ya want to play a game?”
Pepper rubbed his body against Dane’s chest, then nudged his hand. “How about after breakfast?” Dane glanced at his watch and saw that it was early. “Is anyone else up?”
“Oh, yes. Mommy’s takin’ a bath. She likes to do that sometimes instead of a shower. She’s been in the bathroom a loo-oong time.”
Dane decided if he ever wanted to know what was going on in the family all he had to do was ask Mandy. “Let me get dressed and see if I can get some coffee started. Maybe you can help me.”
“Sure.” She jumped to her feet and scooped Pepper up into her arms. “I’ll be in the kitchen. I don’t know if we have any coffee. Mommy doesn’t drink it.”
“She still drinks tea?”
“Yep.” Mandy said, walking slowly from the den.
That was one of the many differences Zoey and he’d had. One of the first things he’d requested when he’d returned to civilization was a large mug of brewed coffee. Before the plane crash, he’d drunk at least five cups a day. After the crash, he hadn’t been able to remember what he liked for a long time. Even if he had, coffee hadn’t been on the menu in the Indian village where he’d stayed.
Dane used the bathroom off the den, quickly shaving and showering. When he entered the kitchen, he found Zoey putting a kettle of water on the stove. Mandy sat at the table, eating a bowl of cereal with bananas. When she saw him, she beamed at him, revealing her missing front tooth.
“We have to put Pepper out in the backyard when we eat. He likes to get up on the table and stick his nose into my food. No matter how many times we put him on the floor, he gets back up. Mommy finally gave up tryin’ to teach him not to get up on the table.”
Zoey turned from the stove, a flushed cast to her cheeks. Her long blond hair was tied back in a ponytail while her brown eyes stared at him with a wariness that he’d seen a lot in the last months before his disappearance.
“I have some instant coffee somewhere in here.” She opened several cabinet doors and found the jar.
He winced.
“Instant is all I can offer you.”
“Maybe I can go to the Quick Mart on the corner and get some real coffee.”
“Sorry. I don’t have a coffeepot anymore.”
“What happened to it?”
“I gave it away after—” A frown flitted across her features.
“Never mind. Instant will be fine.”
“I’ll get a pot today at the super center.”
“That’s okay. I can take care of it. I don’t want to put you out.”
“Nonsense. You’re our guest—” She swallowed her next words. “I mean—”
Dane held up his hand. “I understand, Zoey. Really. This isn’t a normal situation. I don’t want you to go to any trouble.”
“It’s no trouble. I’m going to the store anyway.” She snatched up the kettle as it began to whistle and poured hot water into two mugs.
Her hand shook. They sounded like polite strangers instead of husband and wife, she thought, and stirred the coffee granules into his mug, then gave it to him.
“I’ll go with you to the store. There are some things I want to pick up.” Dane took a sip of his coffee and kept his expression neutral.
Zoey dunked her tea bag into her hot water, then spooned in some honey. “We’ll go after breakfast.”
“Mommy, Daddy was gonna play a game with me.”
“He can later. Blake has a soccer game this morning and I want to get the shopping done before the game.”
Mandy drew her brows together and formed a pout. “We always have to go to his games. Can I stay at Nana’s with Tara?”
“I guess so if it’s okay with her,” Zoey said, bringing her mug to the table and placing it on the mat across from Dane’s.
“Call her. Call her!”
“Not until you’ve cleaned your room and made your bed, young lady.”
Mandy hurriedly finished her cereal in two bites and raced from the room before Zoey could say anything.
Dane chuckled. “I didn’t know it was possible to eat so fast.”
“Mandy does everything on fast mode. She’ll be back down here in a few minutes, declaring her room is clean. Of course, when I go up to inspect it, most of the items on the floor will be shoved under her bed. She’ll moan and groan, but finally pull them all out and put them where they belong.”
“If she knows you’re gonna check, why doesn’t she put them away the first time?”
Zoey shrugged. “I think she’s an eternal optimist. She’s just sure one day I won’t check.”
“She sounds like she’s gotten more than her looks from you.”
“I’ve tempered my optimism with realism. When life slaps you in the face, it’s hard not to.” Zoey sipped at her tea, glad to have something to do with her hands. “Would you like some cereal? I know you like a big breakfast, but the only morning I have time to fix one is Sunday before we go to church.”
“I’m not used to having a big breakfast anymore. Where’s the cereal?”
“You mean cereals.” She pointed to the cabinet next to the refrigerator. “When you have three hungry children, we go through several boxes in a week. I do have some that aren’t laced with tons of sugar.”
“Actually sugar sounds good. I’ve missed it.”
An uncomfortable silence fell between them as Dane prepared his bowl of cereal topped with a banana. Zoey wanted to ask him about his years in the jungle, about his lost memory, but after the night before, she knew he wouldn’t say anything to her until he was ready, if ever. She didn’t want him to reject confiding in her a second time. Her battered emotions could only take so much.
Dane settled again in the chair across from her and dug into his cereal. When he was halfway finished, he looked up and speared her with his intense gaze. “Where’s Blake? I’d hoped to see him this morning.”
Zoey glanced at the clock over the desk. “He should have been down by now. I’d better go see what’s keeping him. He’s supposed to go over to Nate’s this morning before the game. I need to check on Tara, too. She should be up. I usually hear her by now.”
Zoey hurried up the stairs, stopping by Mandy’s room to see how she was progressing with her cleanup. With a quick look under her daughter’s bed, then the closet, Zoey shook her head and said, “You’re gonna have to try harder if you want to go to Nana’s this morning.” There was a part of her that hoped Mandy didn’t accomplish her task, the part that didn’t want to be alone with Dane, the part that was confused and not sure what to do.
“Oh, Mommy. Everything’s off the floor.”
“Yeah, and this time stuffed in your closet.”
“But it’s not under the bed.”
Zoey put her hands on her hips and fixed a stern expression on her face. “Young lad
y, you know what a clean room is supposed to be like.”
Next Zoey went to Blake’s room and knocked on the closed door. When she didn’t hear anything, she knocked again, louder. Suddenly the door swung open. He was still dressed in his pajamas with his hair sticking up at odd angles as though he had just rolled out of bed. He knuckled sleep from his eyes.
“You need to hurry and come down to breakfast before you go to Nate’s.”
“I’m not hungry,” he mumbled, his gaze dropping away from hers.
“You need to eat something. You’ve got a soccer game later this morning.”
“I’ll get dressed and walk over to Nate’s. It’s only five blocks.”
“You can’t avoid your dad, Blake.”
He scowled. “Yes, I can.”
Her son started to close his door, but Zoey stuck her foot in the doorway to stop him. “Your father is here to stay.”
“How do you know?”
His question caught her off guard. She didn’t know for sure. Dane’s job with the DEA had always been so important to him, to the point that she’d felt her and their family had often come in second. He’d told her the evening before he didn’t have plans yet, but if past patterns were any indication, Dane would be gone on some DEA assignment as soon as he felt he had recovered, and Blake needed a full-time father, especially right now. “I want you downstairs for breakfast in ten minutes.”
She didn’t wait for her son to protest her command. She hurried to Tara’s room and found her youngest playing in her crib as though she had been patiently waiting for someone to come get her. It wouldn’t be long before she needed to put the crib away and get a big girl bed for Tara. Her youngest was growing up too fast.
“Sweet pea, time to get up.”
With a big smile, Tara stood in the crib and lifted her arms for Zoey to take. “Mama, up now.”
After quickly changing Tara’s diaper and dressing her, Zoey carried her downstairs, noticing her son’s bedroom door was still closed. Blake was a good kid. He’d do what he needed to do.
As she entered the room, Dane placed his bowl in the dishwasher, then poured himself another cup of coffee. She drew in a deep breath at the sight of him in her kitchen. She’d never thought she would see that again. Then she remembered Blake’s question about Dane staying and needed a more definite answer than the one Dane had given her the night before.
“What are your plans, Dane?” Zoey put Tara into her high chair, then tied a bib around her neck. She gave her daughter some apple juice to drink in a sippy cup.
He glanced up, his eyebrows rising. “To go with you to the store.”
“No, I mean for your future.” She heard the exasperation in her voice and didn’t care. She was frustrated, confused and afraid for her children, for herself.
A shadow dimmed his eyes before he veiled his expression and focused his attention on his mug of coffee. “I told you last night, I haven’t made any plans yet. That hasn’t changed in the past ten hours. I just got back to the States not long ago.”
“How long have you been back?”
“Five days.”
“Five days! Why did it take so long to let me know you were alive?” She was determined not to feel hurt, but it gripped her in its powerful talons.
“Zoey, I wasn’t in the best of shape. The jungle can be hard on a person’s body. I was in a hospital, then I had to be debriefed.”
“Hospital!” She collapsed into a chair next to Dane, her whole body trembling. “I should have been there.”
“I didn’t want our reunion to be in a hospital and Carl wanted me to be checked out thoroughly before leaving Dallas. I even had to see a psychologist.”
“How many people knew you were back before I did?” she asked, the hurt she couldn’t keep at bay lacing her question. Again she was reminded that she had often come in second to his job.
His gaze snared hers, dark, hard and unreadable. “Not many. I didn’t want the media to get a hold of it before I had a chance to see you.”
“Thank you for that.” Zoey gripped the table’s edge and leaned into it. “I still want to know what your plans are. Where do Blake, Mandy, Tara and I fit into your life?”
He hesitated, taking a long sip of his coffee.
His silent wall was in place. She might have changed in the past two years, but Dane really hadn’t. He was still quite good at shutting her out of his life. “Never mind. That says it all.”
He finally pierced her with that probing look of his. “Says what? That I’m not sure what I’m going to do? That I’ve spent the past few years wondering who I am? That I’m still trying to fill in some gaps in my memory?”
Her anger fizzled as quick as it surfaced. “What gaps?”
“I don’t remember anything leading up to the crash and right afterwards. They tell me Bob Patterson, my partner, was on the plane. I don’t remember any of that. So you see, I haven’t had time to decide what I’m going to do.”
She didn’t want to add to Dane’s pain, but she had her son to think about, too. Blake was hurting. “Blake’s worried you’ll leave soon.” And so I am, she silently added.
“I’m not—”
The door eased opened, and her son came into the room, a pout on his face, his eyes downcast. He plodded to the cabinet and prepared himself some cereal, then started eating it at the counter.
“Blake, please have a seat,” Zoey said in a gentle voice, aware how fragile her son’s emotions were at the moment because they mirrored hers.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled, his attention trained on his bowl as though it were the most delicious food he’d ever had.
Zoey scooted back the chair next to her. “We don’t eat at the counter. We sit down as a family at the table.”
He huffed, then grabbed his bowl and trudged to the table where he plopped into the chair. Not once did he look toward Dane. But his father watched him, a sadness in his eyes that ripped apart Zoey’s fragile control. Putting her family back together wouldn’t be easy. Like Humpty Dumpty, the nursery rhyme she often read to Tara, it might never be accomplished.
Silence, thick and heavy, lay like a blanket over the room. Zoey swallowed several times to coat her parched throat, searching for something to say to ease the tension. Nothing came to mind.
“Blake, I hear you have a soccer game later this morning. What position do you play?” Dane asked, cupping his mug between his hands and bringing it to his lips.
“Forward,” her son mumbled, barely audible.
“I used to play in high school and college. I was the goalie.”
Blake continued to eat his cereal, his movements quickening as if he couldn’t finish fast enough. Finally he spooned the last bite into his mouth and shot to his feet. “Mom, may I get ready to go to Nate’s?”
Zoey nodded, her throat constricted.
After putting his bowl in the sink, Blake hurried from the kitchen. Zoey looked at Dane, wishing there was something she could do to make the situation better between father and son.
“I didn’t do it on purpose, you know,” Dane said into the quiet that again reigned.
“What?”
“Be gone for two-and-a-half years.”
“It’s more than that, Dane. He thought you had died. He had to deal with those emotions and now he realizes that wasn’t really what happened. He didn’t handle it very well then and I’m afraid he might not handle it very well now.”
“And what about you?”
CHAPTER THREE
“Are you asking me if I handled your ‘death’ well?” Zoey remembered the days of numbness, of not feeling as though she could get a handle on anything, and never wanted to revisit that time—not even in her memories. Despite often coming in second in Dane’s life, hers had revolved around him. His disappearance had shaken the very foundation of her life to the point she’d had to grapple with who she was.
“I suppose I am.” One corner of Dane’s mouth hitched up in a self-mocking smile that reminded
her so much of the old Dane, self-assured of every move he made.
“I’d rather not talk about the past right now,” was all she could say.
“I guess I deserve that.”
She didn’t want to reveal the depth of her despair. That would leave her open to being hurt by Dane all over again, and she wouldn’t allow that to happen—once was enough. She shoved back her chair and rose. “I’d better get Tara fed, then we need to leave if we’re going to get any shopping done before the soccer game.”
“I’m eager to see Blake play. I just wish he was eager for me to see him play.”
“Give him time. He’ll come around.”
“I hope you’re right. It’s been a while since I’ve been a father.”
The wistful tone in Dane’s voice bothered her more than she cared to acknowledge. “It’s like riding a bike. If you fall, you can pick yourself up and try again.” Zoey prepared Tara’s breakfast, then started to sit and feed her.
Dane waved her away, taking the spoon and dipping it into the cereal. “I’ll do this.”
She glanced about her, needing something to do. She couldn’t just stand there and stare at Dane feeding their youngest daughter. Watching him with Tara brought emotions to the surface she wasn’t ready to deal with. How many times had she wished for this very thing? She had prayed for Dane to be a part of the children’s lives—her life—again, but how long would this last? Their discussion of what he was going to do underscored all the reasons she should guard her heart from further pain. He had broken it once before, and she had finally patched it together. She couldn’t go through that anguish again. Zoey began cleaning up what few dishes remained, then placed a call to her mother to make sure it was all right for Mandy to join Tara.
When Dane was finished, he wiped Tara’s face and hands, then lifted her from the high chair. “We’re all ready.”
Zoey scooped up Tara’s dishes and placed them in the sink to take care of later. “Then let’s go.” I need to be around people, she thought and headed for the front of the house. At the bottom of the stairs she called, “Blake. Mandy, it’s time to go.”
When Dreams Come True Page 3