Dane opened a drawer and tossed the journal inside, then slammed it close. “I’m taking Blake with me to Dallas.” He pivoted toward her, his hands curling, then uncurling again into fists.
He was prepared for a battle. She didn’t have the energy to fight him anymore. She struggled to her feet, so tired, her hope of making her marriage work gone. She trudged toward the door, needing to leave before she said something she would regret.
But at the entrance she couldn’t help but turn and say, “You have shut me out one too many times. I don’t see how we can stay together. When you come back, we need to make some hard decisions about our future.”
Dane stiffened, his anger disappearing as Zoey did down the hallway. The hurt reflected in her expression stabbed at him. Had he overreacted to Zoey seeing his journal? He’d never exposed his feelings so much as he had in that book. Throughout his childhood he’d been taught over and over not to share his thoughts. The time he had told his teacher about his dad’s drinking he’d been beaten by his father in one of his drunken rages. And worse, no help had arrived on his doorstep because his family had been one of the important ones in the community. All the money in the world hadn’t changed what he and his brother had lived through.
After that encounter he had never said anything to anyone about what went on with him. He’d learned to turn inward. He’d learned to hide himself and his brother when his father had started drinking. He’d become quite an expert at that.
And yet, he had demanded Eddy open up to him.
Dane didn’t bother setting up the sleeper sofa. Instead he lay down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. With the lights off but the curtains still open, the moon rays danced across the ceiling as clouds drifted across the orb. Exhaustion forced his eyelids closed even though he didn’t want to sleep….
His partner aimed his gun at Dane’s heart. The man’s betrayal, paid for by the drug lord they had been after, enraged Dane beyond rational thought. When his partner glanced at the pilot to tell him where to go, Dane leaped forward without thought of the consequences. He knocked the gun to the side as Bob squeezed the trigger. The bullet struck the pilot in the back of the head. The man collapsed forward, sending the plane into a nosedive. As the plane headed for the jungle below, Dane struggled with Bob for the weapon….
Dane’s eyes bolted open, sweat drenching him. He remembered everything surrounding his last assignment, especially Bob’s defection to the other side. He’d worked with the man for several years and had never suspected until Bob had forced Dane onto the plane. Instead of returning home they were heading to the drug lord’s compound in the heart of the jungle. According to Bob, Dane regrettably had become too much of a problem. Bob had been paid handsomely to deliver him to his boss.
Dane pushed to his elbows and looked around the den. Dawn peeked through the open curtains. To think, he had felt guilty for being the only one to survive the plane crash. Yes, he had caused the crash, but it had been him or them. Somehow he had managed to knock Bob out with the butt of the gun, but the plane was too close to the canopy of green for him to do anything about stopping it from crashing. Thinking quickly, he’d opened the door and jumped right before the plane collided with the jungle. He’d hit the top branches of a tree, held on for a few seconds, then plunged to the ground, its hard impact whooshing the breath from him as pain sliced up his legs. He’d crumbled to the ground. The sound of the crash had reverberated through the rain forest as he’d blacked out.
Mopping the sweat from his brow with the edge of his crumpled shirt, Dane swung his legs to the floor. He quaked with the memories flooding his mind.
Slowly he rose. The last piece had fallen into place and with it the knowledge he had messed up his life. He hung his head.
Lord, Samuel and Zoey have told me You listen when someone is in trouble. I am. I’ve made such a mess of my life. I don’t know what to do to make it right. Is it possible for You to forgive me my mistakes? I’ve made so many, starting with my little brother and ending with Zoey. I thought if I ran fast enough the past would stay buried. It doesn’t. It waits and sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I need You, Lord. Help me.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Mandy’s giggle sounded in the silence. Zoey watched her daughter pour tea for Tara, then for Mrs. Giggles and Pepper, and wished life were that simple. Dane had been gone two days, and she still didn’t know what to do when he came back. Their marriage wasn’t working. She needed a partnership. She needed to feel as important in her husband’s life as he was in hers.
These past weeks with him at home had given her a glimpse into what could be. But once Dane let his work absorb him again, she wouldn’t see him much. Although she had learned to live her life without him for almost three years, she wanted her husband by her side sharing in his good as well as his bad times. But how could she when he didn’t let her in?
“Hi, honey.”
Her mother came out onto the deck and took the lounge chair next to hers. Zoey gave her mom a smile she couldn’t maintain.
“Aren’t Dane and Blake coming home Saturday?”
Zoey nodded, her throat thick with tears that in the past two days had been so close to the surface. She didn’t want to admit she’d failed in her marriage, but she didn’t know what else to do. She wasn’t what Dane wanted or needed. He’d made that plain by shutting her out of his life to the point he would rather put his feelings down in a journal than talk to her.
“Well, then why the long face?”
“Frankly, Mom, I’m not even sure if Dane will stay after he brings Blake back.” Staring down, Zoey twisted her hands together in her lap. “We had a terrible fight the night before he went to Dallas. When I took him and Blake to the airport on Wednesday, we hardly said two words to each other. The kids did all the talking.” The memory of the silence between them only strengthened her conviction she wasn’t what Dane needed.
“What did you two fight about?”
“He thought I read his journal. When I realized that was what it was, I didn’t. But I was really tempted to.” She lifted her gaze to her mother’s, replaying the debate she’d had with herself that night. Her fingers had itched with the desire to open the journal. “I don’t know what Dane really feels. There’s something in his past eating at him and he won’t share it with me. He doesn’t trust our love enough to. That hurts so much, Mom.”
“Oh, baby, I’m sorry. When your father used to clam up, I would get so mad. But you know I would take his silence for another day with him anytime. Some people, particularly men, don’t know how to express their emotions. They have been taught to keep them inside. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, but he shows his love in a different way.”
“To me, trust and love go hand in hand.” Zoey thought of the pain that had impaled her heart as she’d watched the plane take off for Dallas. In her mind it had become a symbol of so much of their time together, with her standing by, while her husband left.
“Dane hasn’t been back that long. Have you given him enough time to adjust to all the changes that have occurred in your life, in his life?”
“Changes,” Zoey murmured, thinking back to the past few years and the necessary adjustments she’d been forced to make when left without a husband.
“You aren’t even living in the same town as before. Nothing of his old life is the same. Have you walked in his shoes? How would you feel surrounded with nothing familiar? With pieces of your memory missing?”
Remorse gripped Zoey. No, she hadn’t. She’d only looked at the problem from her side. What would it be like to have your life erased then slowly returned bit by bit but not in its entirety? “Mom, I’m not even sure if Dane really loves me.”
“Have you asked him? Have you talked to him about this?”
“No, I’m afraid of the answer.”
“Why? You sound like you’re ready to walk away from your marriage. Don’t you think you owe it to him and the children to discover if your love is
still alive? Do you love Dane?”
She thought for a long moment, trying to put her swirling emotions concerning Dane into words. In spite of everything that had transpired between them, she couldn’t deny her love for Dane. “Yes, I don’t think that will ever change. Whether he realizes it or not, he needs me, someone to love and care for him.”
“Then, honey, fight for his love.”
“How?”
“Pray for guidance. You’ll figure something out.”
* * *
“Dad, your job is so cool.”
Dane scribbled his name across his final report concerning the operation in South America. He looked up and grinned at his son.
“Can I come to work with you some other time?”
“We’ll see,” Dane answered, slipping the paper into the folder.
He wasn’t sure where his job would be. Before him was the last sheet he needed to sign—his resignation from the DEA. Coming back to Dallas had only cemented in his mind it was time for him to move on. His heart wasn’t in the job like it used to be. He wanted something different from his life. He wanted time to spend with his family, his wife, and if he worked for the agency, he would fall back into the same old pattern—gone all the time, so absorbed in his work that he neglected the people around him. And most of all, he wouldn’t give his family what they needed.
“Before we leave, can I watch you shoot again? I can’t believe how good you are!”
“Personally I wish I could do my job without the use of a gun. They breed violence.” Flashes of the violence in Dane’s life flickered across his mind. This fight wasn’t his anymore. He wanted peace; he wanted to help in another way. But how?
His boss stuck his head in the doorway. “Have you decided what you want to do? We’re finalizing some plans against Juan Sanchez. I think we’ve finally got him and knew you would want to be in on it.”
Dane saw his son’s eyes grow round, his body tense, his hands clutched the arms of the chair he sat in. Juan Sanchez was the drug lord he had been after three years ago. He’d always been able to slip through their fingers, and even after Dane’s disappearance, the man had managed to—until now. The temptation to be in the thick of things dangled before him like a chocolate cake to a person who’d been fasting for days.
Blake’s lips pressed tightly together, his gaze fastened on Dane. His son never released his grip on the arms of the chair.
“Carl, I just signed my resignation right before you came in here.”
“We can always tear it up. It’s just a piece of paper. Your recovery has been amazing. You’ve checked out in all areas. We’ve missed your drive.” Carl moved farther into the office. “You don’t have to be here in Dallas. You can transfer to our Louisville or Lexington office and still be in on bringing Juan Sanchez down.”
The single cake became two. For a few seconds Dane contemplated crumpling up his resignation and continuing doing what he knew how to do best, what he was trained to do. The unknown lay ahead of him. He didn’t have a job. He had a family to support. Yes, he had been offered two jobs in Sweetwater. But how good would he be as a police officer or as a youth counselor?
“Dad, aren’t we gonna go home tomorrow?”
Blake’s question sliced into Dane’s thoughts. He focused on Carl, who stood a few feet from him waiting for an answer. “I’m getting out. It’s time I left the DEA.”
“Frankly I never thought you, of all my agents, would leave.”
“I’ve lost my edge.” Dane retrieved the resignation from the desk and handed it to Carl. When his boss took the paper, a peace, like in the hallway of his house a few days before, fell over Dane. It was the right thing to do. The past had controlled his life long enough. Now all he had to do was find a job and convince his wife their marriage could work, that he needed her now more than ever.
As Carl left Dane’s office, he thought of the last time he’d seen Zoey at the airport when she’d dropped him and Blake off. She’d kissed her son goodbye and hadn’t said a word to him, hadn’t even looked at him the whole trip to the airport. Was it too late for them? And if it wasn’t, what did he need to do to get her back? He knew the answer the second he thought the question. But he didn’t know if he could do what needed to be done.
Lord, I’m asking for Your help again. Please show me the way.
* * *
“Mom, what are you doing here?” Zoey asked, stepping back to allow her mother into the house.
“Dane called me and asked me if I would come over and babysit while he took you out.”
Surprised that Dane had done that having only been home half an hour, Zoey quietly closed the front door. What was her husband up to? On the drive from the airport, they had only shared polite conversation, with the children in the car listening to everything said. Tension still vibrated between them, making Zoey wonder if Dane’s offer to take her out was to get her away from the house so he could break the news he had decided to continue his work with the DEA in Dallas.
Zoey heard Dane’s footsteps coming down the hall and turned toward her husband. “What’s this about going out?”
“I thought we could go for a walk. I’d like to see what they’ve done with the youth center.”
“The youth center? They just started it a few days ago.”
“I know. But I feel it’s my baby.”
Still puzzled by the invitation, Zoey glanced at her mother. “We won’t be gone long.”
Emma looked behind Zoey toward Dane. “Don’t hurry back on my account. I promised Tara and Mandy I would have tea with them. I know it’s near dinnertime so I thought we could have a picnic out in the backyard, especially since Blake went over to Sean’s. Why don’t you two walk into town and grab something at Alice’s Café after you see the youth center?”
Dane came to Zoey’s side. “We will, Emma. Thanks.”
He held the door open for Zoey. Peering at her casual attire of tan slacks and a red blouse, she decided she was dressed all right to go for a walk then to Alice’s Café. Out on the porch Dane didn’t pause but kept going down the steps. At the bottom he finally turned and waited for her. When she came abreast of him, he took her hand and started down the street toward the church and youth center.
The late afternoon was beautiful with a light breeze stirring the trees and cooling the warm air. A hint of a sweet flower wafted to Zoey. She scanned the area and decided it was the climbing red roses along Wilbur’s white picket fence.
The sedate pace and silence eroded Zoey’s composure. If she had to move back to Dallas, she wanted to know now so she could start preparing herself. For the past twenty-four hours she had prayed over what she should do and had come to the decision the family needed to stay together even if it meant going back to Dallas.
The light feel of Dane’s hand around hers gave her the confidence to say, “I realized it was wrong of me to tell you I wouldn’t move back to Dallas if you went back to your old job.” The very thought of leaving Sweetwater broke her heart, but the chance to repair her marriage was more important. “I don’t want to live there, but I still think we need to stay together for the kids’ sake.”
“Only for them?”
He kept walking while Zoey halted in the middle of the street. “We have to consider the children.”
He pivoted a few feet in front of her and faced her with a neutral look that slowly evolved into a grin, his eyes twinkling. “I was thinking we should stay together for our sake. After all, what will we do when Tara leaves home in, say, sixteen years? Then it will be just you and me.”
Zoey placed a hand on her waist. “What’s going on, Dane? Are you staying in Dallas? Are you working for the DEA?”
The breeze picked up slightly, teasing a strand of his hair. He plowed his fingers through it to brush the stray lock out of his face. “I have to say, Zoey, I’m mighty touched that you would even consider going back to Dallas to keep our family together. But I have to disappoint you. I’ve resigned from the DEA.”
>
Stunned, Zoey let her arm fall to her side. Then pure elation zipped through her, and she threw herself into Dane’s embrace, kissing him on the mouth. “You did! That’s great!”
He laughed. “I take it you don’t mind having an unemployed husband then?”
“That won’t last long at all.” She snuggled against his chest, feeling his heart pounding beneath her palm, its fast tempo matching the pace of hers.
“Actually it may only last a day or so.”
She pulled back and stared into his eyes. “What are you thinking of doing? Taking Zach up on the offer to be on the Sweetwater police force?”
“I called Samuel last night and told him I’d be the head of the youth center if he still wanted me.”
Zoey’s lower jaw dropped. Dane put a finger under her chin and pushed up gently.
“You’re going to be a counseler?”
He nodded slowly, his mouth twisting into a wry grin. “I may be rusty. I might have to get pointers from you.”
“But I thought you didn’t—”
He pressed his finger to her lips to still her words. “Let’s not continue this conversation until we can have some privacy. I’ve got just the place. I’ve got things I want to tell you.”
Taking her hand again, he tugged her to his side and slipped his arm around her, then set out toward the church. She thought of how perfect she fit against him. He strolled to the center of the Garden of Serenity by the fish pond and settled himself next to her on a bench.
Above them a mockingbird trilled a beautiful song while perched on the branch of the dogwood tree, its white flowers gone now that it was nearing summer. The sound of the water trickling across the rocks competed with the bird to fill the silence between her and Dane. She waited for him to begin, her breath captured in her lungs.
When Dreams Come True Page 18