His Adam’s apple jerked up and down his throat. His eyes searched hers. He wasn’t going to find any easy answers in them. “Okay.” He nodded. Once. “I won’t.”
She studied him. The man she’d loved for as long as she could remember. God, she hated him.
No, you don’t. And you understand why he did what he did. You just don’t agree with it.
“But I didn’t want you getting hurt because of me.”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You didn’t give me a say though, did you?” The words scratched at her dry throat. “You took it on yourself to make a decision that was mine to make.”
He opened his mouth, but she shook her head again. “You don’t get to do that. No one does. Not now, not ever. And I don’t care if it’s for my safety. I’m a big girl. I can decide for myself. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
She frowned. “Where did you go?”
Guilt flashed over his face and he dragged his hands through his hair. They were shaking. Just as well. She shouldn’t be the only freaking nervous wreck. “Just outside of Launceston.”
“As in Launceston, Tasmania? Bottom of the country?”
“Yes. I own another safe house there. Out in the bush. Totally off the grid. No one knows about that one, not even Ruckus or Bebe.”
“Why? Why did you go there?”
“I figured everyone I loved would be safer that way.”
“And are we?”
“Yes.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Oh, that’s good to know. I’d hate to think I could one day die from an embolism or brown snake bike or get hit by a bus.”
His jaw bunched. At the sarcasm in her response, no doubt. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I know, but can’t you see the ridiculousness of what you did? To keep me safe, you vanished from my life, but life—everyday life—isn’t one-hundred percent safe. So really, you didn’t achieve anything but to leave me when I needed you the most.”
Clawing a hand through his hair again, he let out a sharp breath. “My past life will always haunt me, Niki. You need to understand that.”
“I get it. I did from the moment we arrived at your safe house. And I was totally okay with that. I wouldn’t have slept with you if I wasn’t. And I sure as hell wouldn’t have hung around. I did though, because I was one-hundred percent okay with who you are. Who you were.”
Once again, guilt fell over his eyes.
Good.
He flicked the cricket bat a glance where it sat in the grass. “At least you’ll never have to worry about Pete again. I made sure of that.”
Her stomach rolled at the man’s name. “You have no idea how much Pete messed me up, Lincoln. I’m still jumping at the slightest movement in the corner of my eye, and holy shit, my heart goes crazy when I hear a knock at the door. Any door. And as you can see, I’m still carrying a cricket bat around.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be. But not for the reasons you think. Not because if it weren’t for you, Pete never would have known I existed. Not for any bullshit reason like that.”
Confusion tugged at his eyebrows. “Then why?”
She grunted out a short laugh. “Because when I needed your strength, your arms, your warmth, you weren’t there. When I was safe from the physical threat of Pete, but not the emotional threat, that’s when I needed you the most. And what did you do? Stuck me on a plane back to Perth with some bullshit story you were coming as soon as you could. Tell me, did you know? When you hugged and kissed me goodbye? Did you know then you were going to disappear again?”
His stare held hers, his eyes unreadable. “Yes.”
All the heat left the world. “Bastard.”
“Yes.”
“I hate you.”
“No. You don’t.”
“Excuse me?”
He shook his head and took a step towards her. “You don’t, but you should. I was a gutless prick bastard for taking off. And all I can do now is stand before you and apologise, and hope you love me enough to forgive me.”
“Forgive?” She snorted. “Yeah, I think that’s a no.”
His jaw bunched again.
How many times had she ached for him these last two weeks? How many times had she turned at a sound, wanting him to be there?
And now he is…
“Do you have any idea how much you hurt me, Lincoln?” Shaking her head, she studied the cloudless sky above him for a second. “And you’re right. I don’t hate you. I wish I could. I wish I could loathe you. But I don’t.”
His chest swelled with a choppy breath. “So what now?”
She chuckled, although it sounded more like a broken snort. “You go away. Forget I was ever in your life, and I do the same.”
“Can you really do that?”
“God, no.” She rolled her eyes. “But I’m going to try.”
Again, his jaw knotted, and he dipped his head in a single nod. “Okay.”
Her chest clenched. “Okay.”
“Is there anything I can say or do to change your mind?”
“No.”
Liar. Say “I’ll never hurt you again.” Say “I love you” again.
“No,” she repeated.
“Fair enough.” He slipped his hand into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Here.”
“What’s this?”
A small smile pulled at one corner of his mouth. “My number.”
Heart thumping, she took it. For a split second, her finger brushed his, and then she stepped back. Too close. She couldn’t get that close again. She didn’t have the strength.
“No one will ever have that number but you, Niki. If you need me—”
She laughed. One short, sharp laugh.
He had the good decency to grimace. “If you ever need anything…”
“Why are you here, Lincoln?”
He frowned.
“Right now,” she said. “Why now? What’s happened to make you crawl out of your hiding spot and come to me now?”
His gaze locked with hers again. “I couldn’t fight it any longer.”
“Fight what?”
“The fact that any life without you in it isn’t a life worth living.” Scrubbing at the back of his neck, he let out a wry laugh. “Even a life as…potentially hazardous as mine.”
She studied him. Raged against him and loved him.
Bastard.
“Take care of yourself, Lincoln.”
His eyes closed for a heartbeat at her whispered dismissal. All the strength seemed to leech from his body, and then he nodded. “Take care, Niki. Stay fierce.”
He turned and walked away, across the dry grass, heading for what looked like a rental Hyundai parked on the edge of the shelter’s grounds.
Stay fierce…
Her phone burst into life in her back pocket, making her jump.
“Goddamn it,” she muttered, yanking it free and bringing it to her ear. Would she ever stop being a basket case? “What?”
“I take it you’ve seen Linc,” Bebe said on the other end.
“Yep.” Seen almost felt like an understatement.
“And I take it you told him to go to hell?”
“Not in so many words, but…yeah.” Oh God, had she done the right thing? Had she?
“And now he’s gone?”
She watched him reach for the Hyundai’s driver-side door. The memory of what had happened the last time she’d seen him near a Hyundai taunted her—him stretching her out on the car’s bonnet, spreading her thighs, going down on her.
“Almost,” she ground out.
“How do you feel about that?”
“About him coming back here? Or him almost being gone?”
Bebe laughed. “Both.”
Stay fierce.
No one will ever have that number.
A life without you in it isn’t worth living.
A life as potentially hazardous as mine.
&
nbsp; She frowned. He’d come to her, knowing maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing, the safest thing to do, because he loved her. Because maybe, just maybe, he knew the last thing she wanted in her life was to be protected. She had, after all, flown to Bali over a year ago to single-handedly deal with a corrupt diplomat. Being treated like she was fragile had always ticked her off. He’d known that about her forever.
Was he, after all this time, finally accepting it?
Stay fierce.
As potentially hazardous as mine.
“Bebe,” she said, heart racing, “I’ve gotta go.”
She killed the connection mid-surprised laugh from Bebe, unfolded the small piece of paper Lincoln had given her and tapped in the number written on it.
Watched him stop the car and pull his phone from his back pocket.
Watched him look at the screen, then over his shoulder toward her.
“Niki.”
His voice through the speaker, deep and calm and strong, played with her sanity. As did the faint hope she heard in it.
“I know for a fact,” she said, studying him across the distance, “that there’s another expat in Bali preying on the homeless kids in the streets and the Australian authorities are doing nothing about it.”
Silence filled the connection.
“What would you do,” she went on, heart racing, mouth dry, “if I bought a ticket over there and took my cricket bat.”
He stared straight at her. Motionless. “I’d buy a ticket and a cricket bat myself.”
A warm finger traced up Niki’s spine. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it, Lincoln.”
His low laugh teased her through the connection. “Babe, it may have taken me a few years, but I’ve come to accept that trying to protect you is not the way to your heart.”
“And what is?”
“Never trying to hobble you.”
She smiled at him across the distance. Watched him exit the car and stride toward her, phone still pressed to his ear.
“So…fancy coming around to my place tonight?” she asked. “After I finish work? We can watch Netflix for a while, and then you can make me come so many times I lose count?” She titled back her head, gaze finding his as he came to a halt directly in front of her. “Or do we need to move to Tasmania,” she continued into her phone, her lips curling, “before we can get it on again?”
“I’ve got a Hyundai over there,” he said, his voice tickling her ear through the phone. “It’s got a nice smooth bonnet. I’m game if you are.”
She lowered her phone and grinned up at him. “In that case…”
She tangled her fingers in his hair, yanked his head down to hers and kissed him.
Life was too short to play it safe.
The End
Authors Note
Dear Reader,
It took a long time, but Rubbing it Out finally happened. Life seriously slammed me these last few months, but Lincoln and Niki’s story wouldn’t stop whispering to me. I hope you enjoyed it.
Thank you so much for reading Rubbing it Out. I hope to see you again for the last book in the Stimulated series, Pinning it Down. Trust me, you’re not going to believe the situation Bebe Wells finds herself in, or the man who gets caught up in it all with her.
Sincerely,
Lexx
Preview another book by this author
Better With You
Outback Skies, Book 5
Lexxie Couper
Chapter 1
Charlie Baynard put down the phone and reached for his gun.
His gut, never really an organ for reacting to the situations he found himself in, knotted. Of course it would now, given the call he’d just taken.
A call he had never expected to receive, from a life long in his past.
He was retired, damn it.
He now existed as a simple cop in a simple Outback town. That was it.
He was on no one’s radar. He was, as far as people went, a non-event. A cop in a small town way out whoop whoop, with a population of just over five hundred people, one pub and not a single set of traffic lights.
He’d picked this life, this existence, after realizing he’d lost all taste for the job he’d been trained for. He’d been good at the job—very, very good—but after an order that had made his gut roil, and a betrayal that had torn what was left of his soul to shreds, he’d called it quits.
Seventeen years had been long enough.
Seventeen years and enough red on his hands to dye the ocean.
He’d walked away. Handed in his non-existent badge. Told the director to never call him again.
Changed his name. Erased who he’d once been.
Pulled a few strings with a secret contact to land the job as Wallaby Ridge’s senior constable.
Moved.
And that had been it.
He’d kept his finger on the pulse of the industry, as it were, without drawing any attention to himself. Seventeen years of habits were hard to break. But apart from knowing things no Outback cop should, things about politicians, world leaders, movers and shakers, media moguls, oil tycoons, tyrants and dictators, he was a simple bloke who lived by two simple rules—keep his small town peaceful and free of ruckus, and be there for his mates whenever they needed him.
His mates.
Tightening his grip around the Glock’s butt, Charlie thought of his mates.
What would the doc, Evan and Ryan think of the call he’d just taken?
Ryan suspected something about him, but even the heli-musterer would be shocked if he knew the truth.
The truth.
Not for four years.
Fuck a bloody duck, when was the last time Charlie Baynard had dealt in truth?
Not since he’d become Charlie Baynard, that was for certain.
Dropping his stare to the standard-issue weapon in his hand, he drew a slow breath. Lowered his heart rate. The fact his heart rate was elevated told him he’d been out of the game for too long. There was a time when the only way Dani De Vries had caused his heart rate to increase was when she was buck naked, moaning his name as they played the life-or-death game that was their job. Getting a call to say she was heading his way now…
His heart beat faster at the thought, despite the deep breaths he was pulling.
Fuck.
Fuck.
His wife was in Australia.
An image of Dani filled Charlie’s head. The last time he’d been in her company, the last time they’d been face-to-face. She’d been in a black lace bra, matching G-string, stilettoes and nothing else. Her hair had been a mess of pitch-black tousled waves, her lipstick smudged by his lips. An unsettling combination of pleasure and contempt had smoldered in her light blue eyes. The Benchmade Mini Griptilian—her blade of choice for close-quarter combat—dripped beads of blood redder than her lipstick.
His blood.
She’d tried to kill him that day.
Tried. Failed.
Knowing Dani the way he did, he was pretty certain she was still holding a grudge about that.
And now she was in the country and, according to his contact at ASIO, heading his way.
His contact didn’t know why.
Turning the Glock over in his hand, Charlie let out a slow breath.
There were two reasons he could think of for Dani De Vries looking for him.
One—someone had put a hit out on him and she’d gladly taken the job.
Two—she was bored and had decided it was time to pay him a visit. And Dani didn’t do visits in the traditional sense.
“Fuck it,” he muttered, rising to his feet and sliding his gun into its holster.
If Dani was coming after him, he had two options to stay breathing. One of them involved leaving Wallaby Ridge. The other option would likely result in someone experiencing a lot of pain and exposure. Regardless of that, he liked Wallaby Ridge too much to leave.
It was his home now.
His mates were here. Matt, Ryan and Evan.
He wasn’t going to walk away from them. Especially because Dani was the kind of person who could very well use them to find out where he was if he did.
Better to face his ex and deal with her without anyone knowing what was going on.
It was the only way his secret could stay just that—a secret.
With a grunt, he scooped up his hat, slapped it on his head and exited his office. Those oblivious mates of his were no doubt already at the pub waiting for him.
It was Friday arvo. Their traditional decompress/beer/catch up awaited.
He’d go have a beer, play a round of darts—it was his turn to kick Matt’s arse at the game, after all—grab some dinner and then head home, dig up his Desert Eagle and fixed-blade tactical knife from his backyard and get ready.
As ready as he could be, given what was coming his way. And when it came down to it, he excelled at being ready for that kind of what.
Very well.
At least, it used to be.
It had been a while.
“Hitting the pub, Senior Constable?”
Charlie swung a look at Timothy Wattle, his deputy and the Ridge’s newest resident. The city boy had only been in the town for a month, not yet long enough to get the smell of concrete and oil out of his pores. He was, in Charlie’s opinion, not cut out for life in the Outback. Charlie gave him another three months, tops, before he scurried back to Sydney.
“Yeah,” he answered, wrapping his fingers around the doorknob of the station house’s main door. He could already feel the late summer afternoon sun baking the world on the other side of the door. Even by Outback standards, it was a scorcher. Brutal. “Make sure the Dutch tourist in Number 2 gets dinner, okay?”
Timothy nodded, looking for all the world like a puppy who’d just been asked if he wanted to go for a walk. “Will do, Senior Constable. Have a good night.”
“Will do. And, Timothy?”
His deputy almost snapped into a right angle behind the front desk. “Senior Constable?”
“For fuck’s sake, call me Charlie.”
Before Timothy could say, “Sure, Senior Constable, I mean, Charlie” like he did every time Charlie instructed him to be less formal, Charlie twisted the doorknob and pulled the door wide.
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