Sarah came back then, and I turned to catch a glimpse of Ben, but he was already gone.
“So, how was it, dancing with Benedick?” asked Margaret. “Tell us all about it.”
“It was—I can’t believe it,” said Sarah. Sarah was breathing a little hard, her eyes were bright and her hands kept fluttering.
I don’t know why, but my heart started thumping and I started to feel sick to my stomach. I did not want to hear her talk about how wonderful Benedick was and how he had wooed her. It was probably because he had used a bunch of really old lines and she had fallen for them. It was probably because I was going to have to do a lot of work to make her see the real Benedick. I shook my head and started to walk away. For her to change her interest from Claudio to Benedick that quickly was just wrong and childish, too.
“Wait!” said Sarah. “Bee, I want your opinion.”
“Of Benedick?” I said. “I don’t think you want it that much. Really.” She was all dewy-eyed. Girls like that never wanted to hear the truth. She’d commiserate with me later, after he let her down. Then we could bash guys all we wanted. But not now.
“But I need to know if I can trust him,” she said.
“Trust Benedick? To hurt you and then laugh about it? Yeah, you can trust him for that,” I said bitterly. Then I took a step away.
I heard Sarah make a little distressed sound and I realized that I was being obnoxious. It wasn’t her fault that I was in a bad mood. Maybe Benedick could make her happy—for three or four minutes, anyway. And really, could any girl expect more than that? Claudio might be just as bad for all I knew.
I turned back and sighed. “Tell me what he said to you.” I braced myself to hear all about how much he was in love with her.
“He said that Claudio wants to go out with me,” said Sarah, her smile so wide that I thought how much she looked like a muppet, her face cracked wide open.
“What?” I said. My ears seemed to be filled with a rushing noise, and it wasn’t even Benedick talking about himself.
“Claudio likes me,” said Sarah. “And he has, for a whole year. He was just waiting until I was a year older. And he’s a little shy.”
“Claudio,” I said again, still not quite grasping this. Benedick danced with her—so he could ask her how she felt about Claudio? That seemed about as likely as, well, Pedro dancing with me so he could ask about Benedick? What was this a guy’s support group for cowards? Since when didn’t guys just ask girls out for themselves?
“What should I tell him?” said Sarah.
“Didn’t you already say something?” asked Ursula?
“Well, I told him I’d think about it. I didn’t know what to say.”
“You didn’t know if you like him or not? Then maybe it’s not such a good idea,” said Margaret.
“I like him. But, well, I was worried about what happened last year. You know, with Benedick and Claudio and Pedro. And well—” Sarah looked at me.
I shook my head. “Hey, don’t get me involved in this. It has nothing to do with me. It’s just about you and your feelings about Claudio.”
“But if they were jerks to you then doesn’t that mean—?” said Sarah.
“Claudio had nothing to do with it anyway,” I said. He was the only one of the three I didn’t blame, and I’d just danced with Pedro, so that must mean I was over it. “Date him if you think you should date him. Although I wonder about a guy who can’t ask you out himself.”
I realized when I finished speaking that Claudio was standing right next to Sarah. I didn’t know if he’d heard what I said. He seemed sort of in a fog of happiness. He was smiling widely and he held out his hand. He didn’t say a word, but on the other hand, he was putting himself out there. If she said no to him now, it would be in front of everyone. So I couldn’t exactly call him a coward.
Sarah smiled and took Claudio’s hand. They went out on the dance floor together. It was funny seeing them dance. They both hardly moved, but they seemed so perfect for each other. I wonder why I hadn’t seen it before.
“So?” said Ursula.
“So what?” I asked.
“What was it with Pedro asking you to dance?”
“I guess he wanted to apologize and make sure things could go back to normal,” I said. “He’s actually not so bad.”
Margaret gaped at me.
Ursula seemed faintly amused. “So he finally realized how great you are?” she asked.
“Oh, wait a minute. No, no. It’s not like that. He and I—we’re not. It’s not like that. I’m just not mad at him anymore”
“He went to all that trouble, but he isn’t interested, is that what you’re saying? I think you might need to take a little bit of advice about guys. They never apologize just to apologize,” said Margaret.
Maybe she was right, but I had no idea what to do about that. I didn’t like Pedro like that—not anymore.
Chapter 8: Ben
“What was that about?” I asked Pedro when he came back from dancing with Beatrice.
“I was apologizing to her,” said Pedro.
“And?” I said.
“She accepted it. I think.”
I didn’t know what to say. Did this mean they were dating now? I thought we were here for Claudio to get with Sarah, not for Pedro to make up for lost time with Beatrice.
“Are you jealous?” asked Pedro.
“No, of course I’m not jealous,” I said.
“You can tell me if you are. We’re friends, so we can be honest with each other.”
“I’m not jealous,” I said. I was annoyed. At Beatrice, mostly. Because last time I talked to her, she wouldn’t forgive me. So why was it that she could forgive Pedro? Because he was Arragon and I was only Paduan, and everyone knew that girls were going to choose an Arragon over a Paduan any day?
“So you’re fine with it if I start dating her?” said Pedro.
“I told you I’m not jealous.”
“Yeah, but you did it with your fists clenched and ready to punch me out.”
I carefully unclenched my fists. “I’m just surprised, that’s all.” I shook out my arms. The tension went out of my shoulders and into my face. I had a smile on that I could not peel off now.
“She is beautiful, isn’t she?”
I glanced over at her, as if I needed to do that to remember how she looked. “She’s not conventionally beautiful, but I think I like her better that way,” I said. “She has a unique look.” Which was unusual for a Hero. They could apparently use the beauty spell for any kind of beauty, but they all tended to go for the same thing.
“So you’re saying she’s not beautiful?” said Pedro.
“No. I’m just saying she’s not like any other Hero.”
“I just want to make sure you’re not going to tease me about her being ugly.”
When she was his girlfriend? No, I would keep my mouth shut. And my eyes averted.
“We’re cool, then, right?” said Pedro.
“Cold as ice,” I said.
He clapped me on the shoulder. “So, what about Sarah and Claudio?”
I gestured to them. They were already dancing.
Pedro smiled and shrugged. “Some people have to be pushed toward love. Others shoved,” he said.
“Absolutely,” I said. And what about him and Beatrice? Had they been pushed? And was I the one who had done the pushing?
“Have you seen Leanata?” asked Pedro.
“Uh, yeah. Somewhere.” The demi-head of the Heros had made a big entrance earlier. She was breathtaking in whatever she wore, but somehow, it left me feeling like I’d eaten too much cotton candy. No substance underneath, you know?
“There she is. Doesn’t she look great tonight?” said Pedro.
“Wait a minute. I thought you—” I said.
“Hey, a guy can enjoy a painting when he’s going to have a feast, right?”
I had to work my head around that ill-chosen metaphor. So, Beatrice was the feast? And Leanata was t
he painting? “I think Beatrice is the jealous type,” I pointed out, trying to be helpful.
“You think? So maybe I should be careful around her. Keep my observations about Leanata to myself?” He was smiling and I didn’t like it. He acted like it was all a big game, taking Beatrice out. Didn’t he realize how he could hurt her? After everything she’d been through for him?
“You’re going to treat her right, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Of course. But a man cannot live by bread alone,” said Pedro.
I could tell my fists were clenching again. I turned to the side so Pedro didn’t see them. “Well, you should go dance with her if you really want to date her. Make sure people see you as a couple.”
“In a little while. I need to make the rounds. My duty as a demi-head of the Arrogans.” And what about me? I had never felt any obligation to make rounds dancing with girls as demi-head of the Paduans. I did notice the clanless girls, some of them who had come stag. They looked like they were watching us from behind glass, like we were actors in a movie instead of real people.
We were definitely real people, though, complete with flaws. I didn’t think there was any way I had the courage to give up being part of a clan and all the advantages it gave in life. But my father had a brother who had given it up when he was sixteen or seventeen. He lived in a mobile home and traveled around the country, doing odd jobs and whatever he wanted. Never having to follow rules or orders from people who had dubious motives.
I caught the eye of George and sucked in a breath before I could make myself look away. I’d had to kick him out of the Paduan clan as my first act as demi clan-head a year ago and I still hated the thought of that. I hadn’t been given any good reason. My father—who was also my clan head—said he’d abused the spell, but he hadn’t said when or why and George claimed he was innocent.
I couldn’t believe George had done anything worse with the spell than what I’d done to Beatrice. But I got off scot free because I was a demi-head and my father was head. George, on the other hand, was clanless because his father had never had much power in the clan and my father hated him. George probably still knew the spell, but if he ever uttered it again, after being kicked out of the clan, he’d face the same disappearance by the World Council as those who stole spells that weren’t theirs.
“You OK?” said Pedro.
“Fine,” I said. He’d understand if I mentioned about George. He’d had to turn someone out of the clan his first year, too. Like it was part of our initiation as demi-heads. But he had also invited people into the Arrogan clan, and I hadn’t done that. Not yet. I wasn’t trying to be selfish. I just wasn’t sure it was really the favor that people seemed to think it was.
The clans and the clanless were such big divisions in our world. Beatrice was the only person I’d ever met who seemed to ignore it and talked equally to both sides, at least when her demi-head Leanata wasn’t around watching.
Pedro went off, and I was left to watch Sarah and Claudio dancing as a couple. It worked as a distraction from my thoughts about Beatrice and the clanless.
Neither Sarah nor Claudio was going to win any dance competitions but the way they looked at each other might possibly have been the most romantic thing I had ever seen. It almost made me believe in love. They seemed so perfectly tuned to each other, never taking a wrong step. And at the same time, they looked like there was no one else in the world, like the whole dance floor was empty except for the two of them.
I looked for Pedro and saw him over talking to Leanata. She touched him lightly on the arm and laughed at him. What was Pedro doing with her? I disliked her almost as much as Beatrice did.
Then I turned and noticed that Beatrice wasn’t looking in Pedro’s direction. She was chatting with Margaret and Ursula. Occasionally she watched Sarah and Claudio, but not for long.
I saw her shake her head and give a rueful smile. I guess she had the same reaction to “true love” that I did. Disbelief, mostly. Which didn’t say all that much for the future she and Pedro could look forward to, sadly.
After a while I wandered over toward Pedro and Leanata, but only to watch them. I didn’t want them to notice me or invite me into their conversation, which was probably something boring about the clans.
Claudio’s dance with Sarah ended soon after, and he started to move toward Pedro. I was going to intercept him, but suddenly stopped when I heard “Beatrice” in the same sentence as “in love with Benedick.” I know it was eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help it.
“Did she actually say that to you?” said Claudio.
Pedro nodded vigorously. “She asked me to help her figure out how to tell him. She says he is so prickly to her she ends up talking back to him. But what she really wants to do is throw herself into his arms and kiss his tender lips.”
Tender lips? That didn’t sound like Beatrice. But maybe she was so much in love that she had changed completely. She had seemed different tonight when I saw her with Pedro.
“When did she fall in love with him, then?”
Love?
“Oh, it has been months now. She said she fell in love with him just after he put the truth spell on her. She could see how strong he was after that, and she’s been waiting for him to get back from Europe ever since, so he could make the next move.”
She was waiting for me? Then why was Pedro going out with her?
“No, she’s not interested in me at all. She just wants me to help make Benedick jealous. She couldn’t think of what else to do. Apparently he ignores her whenever she tries to throw hints in his direction.”
Did I ignore her? I thought I was a pretty good judge of character. Wasn’t I a Paduan?
“She’s been pining away for him, refusing to use the beauty spell of the Heros on herself because she is saving it up for Benedick, if he will ever notice her.”
I looked over at Beatrice. Pining for me?
If that was how she looked without using the beauty spell, then Wowza!
I have to admit that the moment I saw how she was under the truth spell, I felt something for her. It didn’t change her like it usually did with people. It made her a little more open, but she was just as funny, just as sassy, and just as courageous.
“We can’t tell him. He’ll laugh at her in front of the whole school,” said Claudio.
“I know. That is what she is afraid of. I don’t know what we can do for her. I know that Benedick feels nothing for her.”
“He’s a stone. I don’t think he can fall in love with any girl,” said Claudio. “That’s what he’s always saying. He dates anyone once, and no one twice. He says he’s never met anyone worth the risk of the break up that will follow.”
I remember saying that very thing to Pedro a few months ago when he’d asked me. What had I been thinking? Beatrice was amazing. And she was in love with me? Poor Beatrice. I straightened myself up and went over to ask her to dance.
She looked up at me. Her mouth was twisted and I thought about untwisting it with my lips.
I burned for her. I felt faint. Was it sudden or had I been secretly in love with her for months, as Pedro had hinted at before? I didn’t even know.
“How are you, Beatrice?” I said. Such cold, formal words. I cursed myself for not being able to think of anything better. But it was what happened when you were in love.
I felt sudden sympathy for Claudio, for asking me to take his place with Hero. Anyone who was truly in love needed another to speak for him. He could not trust his own words to make any sense, let alone to convey his true feelings. If only I’d thought to memorize some love poetry for precisely an occasion like this.
“Am I supposed to believe you care? This is some clever way of making me look bad, isn’t it, Benedick?”
“Asking how you are?” I said.
“No matter what I say, you will tell me I’m wrong. So I think I will say nothing at all.” She turned her nose up and folded her arms across her chest.
It made her even more bea
utiful, that haughty expression. Not to mention the way that her breasts bulged out a little above her arms.
Urg. This was not helping. It would work better if I didn’t have to look right at her. Did she have any idea how much her honest looks turned me on? If she were more beautiful, she would be less beautiful. That sounds crazy, but it isn’t. With her face just slightly lopsided, her features so sharp, all I could think of was that here was the truth, and that if I did not have it with her, I would never have it with anyone.
“I thought I would ask you to dance,” I said hoarsely.
“You thought you would? That means that you did not actually ask me, did you?” she said. “You can’t fool me, Benedick. I will not be teased.”
How could I make her believe that I was sincere? I could certainly see how she could mistrust me, after everything that had happened between us. “I assure you, I would like to dance with you.”
“And why is that? Because you think I have no dancing skills and you would appear to an advantage next to me?” she said.
“No, because—because—” She made this very difficult for me. But maybe I deserved it. And I was determined. “You may ask a Paduan to come here and put a truth spell on me himself. Then you can find out my real intentions,” I said, as a last resort. I couldn’t use the truth spell on myself. She wouldn’t believe that it was real.
Her eyes narrowed. “This is a trick, isn’t it? You’ve arranged all this in advance with someone who needs your goodwill, I bet.”
“No, I swear it!” How could I get her to dance with me? Or even speak to me with no suspicions? It seemed I had ruined everything before I started.
“And you think I should take your word for it?”
“Are you impugning my honor?” I asked.
“Impugning?” She laughed.
I tried one last time. “I assure you, I would love to dance with you. And to talk to you about—anything you want to talk to me about. Perhaps the feelings you have for me?”
Was that as awkward as it sounded?
Much Ado About Magic Page 6