“Yeah, everything will be fine. I’m going to go get my stuff together and get it loaded.” Leaning forward, I press a kiss against her cheek. “Thank you for letting us stay with you.”
“You’re both welcome here anytime, you know that, sweetie.”
We are both packed and on the road less than an hour later. It’s a quarter till eight and the sun has started to go down, and I know it’s going to be a long drive to Chicago. I slept for shit last night; we didn’t get in until after two in the morning. Looks like it’s going to be another late night.
“Well, aren’t we just two peas in a pod,” Lissa grumbles as she takes another heaping bite of her ice cream. Her red hair is pulled into a high bun on the top of her head, and every time she leans forward for another bite, it bounces around on her head.
I guess I don’t have much room to talk. I haven’t showered in two days, and I’m enjoying my night vegging on the couch. Things haven’t been the same since I got home from Arbor Creek.
For one, I haven’t spoken to Mason since he dropped me off outside of my apartment at two-thirty in the morning.
He tried contacting me a few times when we got back. In the beginning, I was upset that I told myself I needed time. It wasn’t long before the calls and texts stopped and rumors started to circulate that he had been spending his time with Sierra.
I wasn’t stupid enough to believe it was serious, but I can’t lie and say it didn’t bother me. Maybe I’m being a little stubborn, but after the way he embarrassed me in front of his dad and Ellie, it felt like it was the final straw. We promised nothing between us would change, but the truth is, my heart will never be the same. I was naive in thinking I could “hookup” with my best friend, as Mason likes to call it, and think feelings wouldn’t develop.
What hurt the most was feeling like I was being treated like every other girl Mason has been with, then tossed to the side. After Kaleb cheated on me, I was humiliated I could let someone lie to me and break the trust we were building. Then things with Mason started to happen, and as much as I tried to pump the brakes, I couldn’t stop the way my heart fell more in love with him with every passing day.
Now here I am again, with nothing left to show for myself but another embarrassing lesson to learn from at the hands of another man who took my trust and threw it away.
“This is the best way to spend our Friday night,” I murmur, picking up the remote and selecting the next episode of One Tree Hill.
“Seriously though, why can’t guys be as sweet as Lucas? I mean, the man is fucking perfect.”
I can’t help but nod in agreement because it’s the truth. Chad Michael Murray is a slam dunk in my book.
“Amen! Let’s make a pact to never settle for a season one Nathan Scott. We deserve us a season nine Nathan.”
“Cheers to that,” Lissa sings, holding up her spoon between the middle of us, taking my spoon and cheers to her.
If there is anything positive that has come out of the past three months, it’s that Lissa and I have grown closer than ever. Shortly after I stopped talking to Mason, she went through a break-up of her own with Adam. I could sense things had changed between them after he graduated from college, going his own separate way in pursuit of his new career.
Three months after school started, he broke up with her through a text message. He even had the balls to pull the whole, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
So, here we sit on a Friday, kicking off winter break much less, drowning our sorrows in a bowl of ice cream and binge-watching Netflix.
“What time are you leaving tomorrow to head to Cleveland?”
I promised my mom after I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving I wouldn’t miss Christmas. Things are different now. She finally sold the house and recently moved in with David.
I guess I just found it weird to stay with my mom and her boyfriend at their new house. I’m getting over my feelings about it though because I’m really looking forward to spending the holidays with my mom and family.
“I’ll probably leave here a little after eight, that way I can make it for dinner.”
“Sounds good, I won’t be in town until Thursday so I can work my shifts starting on Friday night. Speaking of, are you sure you don’t want to come to Velvet for New Year’s?”
Glancing over to where she’s sitting next to me, I raise my eyebrow at her as if she’s out of her mind. I know Mason will be there, which is the very reason why I have steered clear. He’s been doing the same since I started working at Hard Stop.
While the tips are great, they aren’t as good as they were when I was working at Velvet. I just couldn’t go back there and watch Mason’s line of women parading in front of my face every night.
“No, I’ve decided I’m just going to stay in. I was thinking about going downtown and watching the fireworks.”
Every year, fireworks are lit off downtown from the Navy Pier. Although it is usually freezing cold, it’s always worth it to bundle up in your winter gear and watch the New Year’s celebration.
“Okay, if you’re sure. Although I’m pretty sure Mason’s heading to Arbor Creek for the holidays so he may not even be there.”
I know better than that, but I don’t say a word. Mason wouldn’t miss the opportunity to make a killing on New Year’s. Not to mention, I know how much he loves a good party, and I wouldn’t doubt he has plans to live it up on New Year’s Eve.
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Alright,” she says, leaning back against the couch.
Getting up from the couch, I grab my empty bowl and walk into the kitchen where the bottle of wine we opened earlier is sitting. Pouring what is left into my glass, I meander over to the couch and plop down.
“You may want to chill on the wine, girlfriend. You won’t want to be getting up at seven in the morning at the rate you’re going.”
She has a point, but I am not in the mood to be hearing it right now.
“I’ll be fine. I’ll set five alarms on my phone. If they don’t wake me up, I know they’ll drive you nuts until they do.” I chuckle, which earns me an eye roll. Thankfully I was thinking about it earlier and packed all my bags so it’s not like I have a lot to do before I leave.
“Holy shit, I feel like I just ate my body weight in ice cream,” she groans, leaning back on the couch and pats her stomach.
“You never did tell me, how are you feeling about seeing your dad for Christmas?”
I told my dad the last time we spoke I didn’t think I would ever be able to move on and accept his new family, and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it. In some ways, I feel guilty for how closed off I’ve been to the idea of meeting Kyla and Kaden. I know someday I will want to meet them because I know the divorce is not their fault. On the other hand, I know they may not understand why I’ve chosen to distance myself from their side of the family.
I’m just trying to get to the point where I’m able to put the past behind me. Although I’m trying to forgive, not being able to fully let go of the hurt my dad caused us is what is holding me back from truly doing so. I know I need to do that before I can move forward.
“I’m feeling okay about it. I mean, I know it was hard for him to hear all the things I said when we last saw each other, but I told him I was ready to forgive him and I’m doing my best to do that. I’m still not sure I’m ready to meet Patricia, Kyla, and Kaden, but I guess the way I see it is I can’t jump all in with both feet. Sometimes you just have to take baby steps,” I say, running my hand through my long hair. The strands are still damp from the shower I took earlier, feeling cold against my fingers.
“Just don’t let him pressure you into doing something you’re not ready to do. There is no right or wrong way, it’s what is best for you.”
She is right. I just need to make sure I am continuing to move forward and stop looking back. The past is
in the past now.
“I was thinking when I get home, I might stop and talk to Sam at The Coffee House. I could really use the extra money to make up for the loss of tips I am making now at Hard Stop. Not to mention, school has been going a lot better this year, so I think I can manage the two of them, plus going to class.”
“You know you don’t have to do that, Brea. We only have a few more months left until we graduate. I have no problem covering more.”
Lissa grew up a lot like I did, with two parents who were more than capable of providing for her. She has an expensive taste for clothes, which is why she even bothers working at Velvet. The tips are just too good for her to pass up.
“You know I don’t want you to take care of me. I appreciate it but I need to know I’m contributing. I don’t want a free ride.”
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear you say that.”
“Yeah, on that note, I’m going to head off to bed.” I laugh, picking up my phone. “Goodnight,” I say, walking into the kitchen and setting my empty wine glass in the sink before making my way down the hall to my bedroom.
Pulling back the comforter on my bed, I turn off the light and climb under the covers before pulling them up to my chin.
Sliding my phone out, I pull up Facebook and scroll through my newsfeed, checking to see what my friends are up to on winter break. I’m about to close out and head to bed when I see Mason’s face on my screen.
My heart hammers nearly out of my chest as I take in the photo of him with Sierra. I think I rationalized the rumors that they were just that, rumors. Seeing him standing next to her in a picture though has a way of changing my perspective on things.
Her beautiful blond hair and legs for miles as she stands next to him. I can tell just looking at the dopey smile on Mason’s face he’s been drinking. He holds her close to him, so close her face is pressed against his cheek.
Tears fill my eyes seeing him with her again.
It’s not like I haven’t told myself he would move on eventually. If anything, I all but guaranteed it would after the way we ended things. He asked me to tell him if I saw a future with him, and I closed the book on us when I lied and told him he wasn’t the guy I could see myself settling down with.
I’ve done everything I could to push him away and keep him away. I knew it wouldn’t take much before he was back to his old ways. It still doesn’t make my heart ache any less when I see it in front of me. I guess I just wish he felt like I did, so wrapped up in his heartbreak he can’t even stand the thought of being with another woman.
Hitting the lock button on my phone, I slide my hand under the covers and reach out, setting my phone on my nightstand. I feel the alcohol induced haze pulling me under, as my eyes get heavy with sleep.
I just need one good night of sleep where my dreams don’t plague me, making me think of all the things that could’ve been but I’ll never have again.
The sunlight peering in through the window causes my eyes to squint against the brightness. Throwing an arm over my face, I grunt through the aches radiating through my forehead. Even my body is sore from moving my arm. What the hell did I do last night?
“If you’re still planning on heading to Arbor Creek, you may want to wake your ass up.” Graham yells before the pillow hits me in the face.
Grumbling, I chuck it back at him not bothering to pay attention to where I’m throwing it.
Rubbing the sleep away from my eyes, I peek an eye open but immediately squeeze them shut. The sunlight is blinding and it causes a sharp pain to shoot through my pounding head once again.
“What the fuck time is it?” I groan.
“It’s after eleven. I thought you were going to leave an hour ago.”
Shit! I was planning on being out the door and on the road already. I still need to get up and shower. At this rate, I’m not going to make it there until after eight o’clock tonight.
“Damn it. Why didn’t you wake me up?” I grumble rubbing my eyes. My facial hair is longer than normal, but I quite honestly don’t have the fucks to give where that’s concerned.
“Am I your fucking mother now, too?” Graham spits. He’s been giving me crap for the past week and I’ve about had it with his mood.
“No, but you’re my fucking friend. Are you sure you don’t want to come with me? I’m sure your mom would enjoy having you at her house this year.”
I still feel bad for not stopping by to see her when I was in Arbor Creek before we left town.
“Naw, man. I’m planning on staying here. I’m helping Craig get shit ready for New Year’s Eve. Mom is coming into the city tonight after she gets off work. We will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together before she heads home on Monday morning.”
“You’re going to have to go back there someday,” I say. Graham will do anything to avoid the topic.
Shaking his head at me, he turns and walks into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he bends down and pulls out a bottle of water. Unscrewing the cap, he raises it to his mouth and downs half the bottle.
“We’re going to do this now?” he breathes.
“I’m already going to be late, so why the hell not? Spit it out already. You know Gage wouldn’t want you to avoid home like you have been. When are you going to accept his accident wasn’t your fault?”
Picking my cell phone off the coffee table, I check for any missed messages.
“How long has it been since you’ve spoken to Brea?” Graham sneers. Hearing his question, I toss my phone down on the couch cushion. The force behind the throw causes the phone to bounce and fall onto the floor.
“What the fuck does she have to do with this?” I scoff.
“Are you blind? She has everything to do with this. You come back home after your trip and now you two are no longer talking. Don’t tell me avoiding your trip home doesn’t have anything to do with her.”
“Actually, I hate to break it to you but it has nothing to do with her. I was up too late after a night out with Sierra. As much as you may like to think otherwise, I’m over this shit with Brea.”
It’s been three months and I’ve thought about her every single day, but I am not going to tell Graham that. I’m not going to tell my best friend how every day when I’m at school, I look for her. That my eyes survey the crowd of people hoping I may just catch a small glimpse of her. I purposely walk home from school and take the long way, passing by The Coffee House in hopes I’ll see her sitting at one of the tables studying. I don’t mention how whenever I see her, how she quickly averts her eyes and walks away from me, avoiding me altogether. Or how Lissa still gives me shit for what I did but tells me how she’s doing or how I hang onto any piece of information like it’s my lifeline.
I attempted to reach out to her when we got back from Arbor Creek. I knew she was hurt, and I didn’t expect her to pick up. It didn’t stop me from trying.
I tried every day for a week. The last time happened on a night that I had one too many beers. I wasn’t angry, despite how hurt I have been, I could never be angry with her. I knew I needed to find a way to stop. If she wanted to talk to me, she would’ve answered. I just didn’t know how to give it up. So, I did what any reasonable person would do, I threw my phone over the side of our balcony.
Okay, maybe it wasn’t reasonable but it prevented me from contacting her. I told myself it was what I needed to do to give her the space she wanted.
“Sierra, really?!” he jeers, pulling me back to reality.
What he doesn’t know is Sierra is the only person I’ve talked to about Brea. The week after we stopped talking, Sierra could tell something was wrong. I wanted someone to talk to, and despite the fact we have a history, we both know those days were in the past.
“She’s my friend,” I spit, picking up the t-shirt I tossed on the floor last night.
“Yeah, we all know how frien
dships with women work for you. You really are doing a fan-fucking-tastic job of doing exactly what Brea expected, you know that?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“She tells you she feels like she’s just one of many in the long line of women, how she basically feels like you’re only in this for the physical aspect, and when she stops talking to you, what do you do? You turn around and run to the person she always questioned you having feelings for?”
“Who? Sierra?!”
“You really are blind as hell.” Graham laughs as he shakes his head.
“Do you remember the day in the locker room after she found out Kaleb cheated on her? You made a comment, most likely because you didn’t want to say anything in front of Lissa and I about that night.”
Squinting my eyes at him, I wonder how it is he knows. I never told him I knew they broke up.
I don’t say anything because now I’m curious where this could be going, so instead I nod my head.
“I know you guys hooked up the night at the party.” It takes everything in me to control my reaction. I don’t want to know how he knows, and I also don’t want to know why he never said anything until now.
Or why he’s waiting until now to spill this.
“Okay,” I say, letting it draw out, hoping he’ll get to the fucking point.
“Brea doesn’t open up and trust people like she does you. It’s what drove a wedge between her and Kaleb. Then the night she finds out he was unfaithful, who does she run to? I don’t know how it happened, man. I don’t want to hear it, that shit stays between you two. All I’m saying is I’ve yet to see how you’ve shown her she’s more than some quick lay. That girl is gold, man, pure fucking gold. You’d be a fucking idiot to lose her.”
I don’t say anything to him because as embarrassed as I am to admit it, he’s right. Girls like Brea are hard to find.
Standing, I make my way down the hall leading toward my bedroom. Stopping, I turn around and face Graham, who’s standing there with his arms crossed. I see the hint of pride at his assumption that he just put me in my place.
Lost Before You (Heart's Compass Book 2) Page 20