“Don’t fucking touch her again, and I won’t break anything else.” Elijah grabs my hand again, bringing me tight into his body. When the guy turns and leaves, Elijah’s stance doesn’t ease up, it takes him a full minute before he swings around, cups my face and looks into my eyes. “Did he hurt you?” he asks while tenderly stroking my face.
“No,” I whisper, ashamed and embarrassed about the whole episode.
The room has been restored to its former loud party atmosphere and someone bumps into Elijah, causing him to shuffle forward into me. “Ugh. This party is going to piss me the fuck off,” he booms while looking over his shoulder. “I can’t deal with these people right now.”
Without letting go of my hand, he tunnels his way through the sweat-soaked bodies and we make our way to the back yard. We’re welcomed with a few stares and whispers. Not by too many people, but obviously, the altercation inside has already made headlines out the back yard. It’s not as cramped out here, but the few people who are standing around must’ve heard.
Elijah leads us over to two available seats. He swings one around so it’s facing the other. “Sit,” he indicates as he sweeps his hand over one of the chairs.
“Are you okay?” I ask him after I’ve sat. He’s pacing back and forth, his steps full of agitation as he rakes his hand through his hair.
“No, I’m not,” he finally says after a few deep breaths.
When the silence overtakes the now depleted adrenaline rush, my skin begins to pebble with a dusting of goosebumps. Elijah’s pacing is frightening me. I don’t like him like this, angry and stressed. “Elijah?” I call in order to attempt to settle him down.
My heart races.
“Yeah,” he answers and stops pacing. “Are you okay?” He rubs his thumb over his bottom lip while looking intently at me.
My pulse quickens.
“Can you come sit down and talk to me, please?” I ask.
He furrows his brows together and lets out a deep breath. Slightly shaking his head, he takes a few steps over to the seat, brings it closer to me and sits. God, the heat radiating off him is penetrating through his jeans straight into me.
Butterflies flutter crazily in my stomach.
“You have to calm down, alright?” I ask.
His mouth turns up in a half smirk as he shakes his head again. “It’s not that easy, Alice. He touched you, and I don’t like it.”
“I know what he did was wrong, but you have to calm down.”
“This . . .” He waves between us, indicating the two of us. “Is foreign to me. My reaction to this whole situation is unfamiliar to me. I’m not sure how to act around you, especially when it comes to jerks like him who try and touch you.”
He’s so confusing. “I didn’t want him touching me either, but I kind of don’t get how you’re acting.”
“Trust me, I’m struggling too.”
“Try to explain it to me.” I sit back in the seat and wrap my arms around my body.
“Are you cold?” He stands and shrugs out of the light jacket he’s wearing. He places it around my shoulders before I even get a chance to tell him that I’m okay. Instantly, the moment his jacket is around me, his cologne invades my nose. A delicate, citrus aroma mixed with a hint of the sea floods my senses. God, I want to hug his jacket and bury my nose in the lapel, breathing his scent in. Of course I don’t.
“Thank you,” I say as his subtle aroma teases me. I quickly regain my senses, and try not to obviously breathe in his delicious smell. “Why are you struggling?” Get it together, Alice.
He shrugs one shoulder. Leaning forward, he balances his elbows on his knees, and hangs his head down. “The floodgates have opened up for me, Alice. Something inside me is telling me that you and I belong together. I don’t know what it is. And I know it’s going to sound crazy to you, because truthfully, it sounds crazy even to me. Man, this is fucked,” he mumbles while still looking down at the ground.
“Hey,” I say leaning forward and softly grasping his interlocked hands. “Don’t be so harsh on yourself.” Can you say anything lamer, Alice?
Elijah lifts his head and immediately he scrunches his eyebrows together, forming a deep V between them. His eyes are swinging back and forth, looking at each of mine. “Alice, are you okay?” he asks as he sits forward and grasps onto my upper arms.
“Yeah, why?”
“Your left eye has turned out a bit.”
“What?” I say, blinking crazily. However, my focus hasn’t gone blurry or anything. “Am I okay?” I start freaking out. “Is my eye okay?” I almost yell at Elijah.
“Yeah, you’re fine now. Man, that was weird. Are you tired or something?” He rubs his hands up and down my arms.
Now he’s mentioned being tired, I kind of am. “Yeah, I suppose. And I’m stressed a bit because of my ballet exams and stuff like that.” And you. I keep blinking rapidly, hoping whatever it was has totally disappeared.
“You’re just as beautiful as ever, Alice, no need to keep blinking. It’s probably ‘cause you’re tired.”
“Yeah.” How weird.
“I think you should go out with me. You know, like a date.”
“You’ve already asked me, and I’m not sure if I can.”
“Why can’t you?”
He’s proven tonight how he’s protective of me, and wouldn’t let anything happen if we did go on a date. But I have to keep a level head and try to remember I have a goal, and that is to dance on stage, not fall for a guy who’s got a terrible reputation for loving then leaving.
“Um . . .” I look sideways and push a thick strand of hair off my face, tucking it behind my ear.
“Um, what? That’s not really an answer either way. Do you think I’m going to try and use you for sex?”
Yes. “No.”
“Then you must think I’m going to dump your ass the moment I get something from you.”
There’s that too. “No.”
“Then someone’s said something to you.”
“Ugh. No one’s said anything. Truthfully, I’m finding it difficult to trust in you.” Elijah’s eyebrows fly up as he leans back in his seat. I can tell he’s hurt by what I’ve said, but I’d rather he knows how I feel than to have him think I’m okay with it all. “I have to protect myself.”
Elijah blinks rapidly, takes a deep breath and huffs an exasperated breath. “Of course you do,” he concedes. “I already know I’m nowhere near good enough for you, Alice.” Shit. “I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough.”
“Don’t say that.” Now I feel like a jerk for making him feel bad.
He stands and paces in front of me. “I’m not saying it so I get sympathy. I’m saying it because it doesn’t matter if we live a thousand lifetimes, I’ll always regret this damn reputation I have because I know it’s affected how you think of me. But I promise you . . .” He stops in front of me, falls to his knees and takes my hands into his big, warm palms. “I promise you, I won’t ever let you down. I’ll spend forever trying to be the man you should have, instead of a man who doesn’t deserve you.”
Whoa. “Elijah,” I whisper in the smallest, breathiest tone. “Don’t talk if all you’re going to tell me is lies.” God, I want to believe him, but can I?
“I’ll never lie to you.”
My heart beats quicker and suddenly I feel my throat closing, affecting my breathing, pushing air out to make a small purr-like sound. “This is crazy.” I unknit both my hands from Elijah’s and bring them up to cover my face.
“Tell me about it.” He lets out a small chuckle.
Spreading my fingers, I look between them and notice Elijah’s peering at me, his eyes steely and dark. “You’re so full on. I don’t understand it.”
“Trust me, I know.” He huffs and slumps his shoulders. Lowering my hands, I look at him in question. Elijah heaves an exasperated sigh, and looks sideways avoiding my gaze. “It’s frustrating to me too. I’ve gone from lusting after virtually every pretty girl, to onl
y being able to think of you. Everywhere I look, I see you. Every perfume I smell, it reminds me of you. Every song . . . every fucking day, Alice, and it’s making me crazy. So this is why we have to try, we have to try to be together. Because if we don’t, it’s going to send me around the bend. Hell, you’re going to make me crazy.” He pauses and slumps his shoulders even further.
Remaining still, I watch him. There’s an array of emotions coursing through him and he’s doing nothing at all to try and conceal them. It’s blatantly obvious to even me, he actually is remorseful for having the reputation he has.
“Fucking crazy,” he mumbles while raking his hand through his hair, still avoiding my eyes.
It’s like it’s eating him up alive. He’s so consumed with guilt that it’s affecting him. “Okay,” I finally say in a low voice. “But . . .”
Elijah’s eyes snap to mine, his mouth opens as if he’s not believing the words I’m speaking. “Anything,” he says eagerly. His beautiful, determined eyes hold so much hope.
“One date, Elijah.” I hold up my pointer finger. “One!”
“That’s all I’m asking for.”
“And if you screw this up.” I shake my head at him. “I can tell you, I’ll be the least of your problems. Becky will rip your balls off and play soccer with them.”
“I know how protective you are of each other. And truthfully, I wouldn’t expect anything less of her.” There’s a tense silence between the both of us. He’s not saying anything, except his face is stretching with a goofy smile. I’m watching him, and I can’t help this feeling inside me. Butterflies are fluttering around and a sense of anxiety is touching all my nerves. Suddenly, Elijah looks up at me, and says, “I will never hurt you, Alice.”
A tiny dusting of goosebumps sprinkle over my skin, and there’s a small voice inside my head telling me I know he’ll never hurt me.
I take in a breath and just nod my head. “What time is it?” I ask, breaking the fierce intensity between us. The air crackles with a deafening silence, I’m hyperaware of Elijah and every one of his movements.
“It’s eleven thirty-five. What time do you have to get home?”
“Becky’s staying over, and Dad said we’re allowed to stay out ’til one. So I’ve got time.” I look around the backyard searching for Becky. “Have you seen her anywhere?”
“Laurie and I walked in together. She jumped him the moment she saw him and they disappeared out toward his car.” Elijah’s voice cracks when he tells me what direction he saw them head toward.
“Oh,” I reply and feel quite awkward now. “Right.”
“Stay here. I’ll go and get us another drink.”
“Okay.” He stands and heads inside. Not even a moment later Amelia comes over and sits where Elijah was. “Hey, having fun?” I ask her while looking around to see where Zeke is.
“Yeah, it’s great. Um . . .” Her eyes squint and her mouth turns up in a pained thin line.
“Spit it out.” I can tell she’s wanting to ask a question, and I have a feeling it’s about Elijah. “What do you want to know?”
“Are you having fun?” I tilt my head to the side and raise my eyebrows. Amelia chuckles and shakes her head. “Like you don’t know what I wanna ask. You and Elijah, you’re looking pretty cozy together. Everyone’s talking about him and you.”
“Ha! We’re the talk of the party, are we? And what is everyone saying? Is it at the very least, interesting?” I sarcastically ask.
“People are surprised by Elijah. He looks completely into you. Usually he’s already made out with at least a couple of girls by now, and tonight his eyes have been glued to you.” She shrugs and looks to the side.
“Not that it’s anyone business, but he is into me.”
“I knew it!” A large smile graces her pretty face. “I knew it,” she says again in a quieter voice. “Is it serious? Like full on boyfriend-girlfriend stuff?”
“Whoa.” I hold my hands up and shake my head. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re going to take it slow and see where things go.”
“If I could help it, she’d be my girlfriend right now,” I hear Elijah boom from behind me. I sneak a look over my shoulder and he’s holding two cans of soda as he walks toward us.
“Let’s just see how things work out first,” I say as he hands me the soda. I open it and take a sip.
“Do you want a drink, Amelia?” he offers, holding out the unopened can to her. She shakes her head, although a huge smile is on her face. “What?” He looks at Amelia, then me in a questioning manner.
“You two are gonna be good together. I can see it in you, Elijah. Alice is going to be your ‘epic.’” She stands and heads back inside.
I look to Elijah and feel my eyebrows draw in together. I’ll be his ‘epic’? What does that mean? “Huh,” I huff when Amelia’s out of hearing range. “I’m going to be your epic,” I tease as I smile.
Elijah looks me straight in the eyes, and says, “What we’ll have won’t be epic, Alice. It’ll be legendary.”
Startled by his words I feel my shoulders pull back in surprise. Elijah carefully puts his soda down on the ground and slowly moves toward me. He gently cups my face and slides his fingers through my hair. He leans down, his face inching closer and closer to mine.
His lips are only a touch away from my own. His hot breath caresses my skin. My heart is joyfully skipping around in my chest and I realize I want Elijah to kiss me. I brace myself for his warm lips, closing my eyes I part my mouth and lean forward.
Frantically breathing, I hold in the excitement, the nervousness that’s crazily running through me. My body is wired and thrumming with eager anticipation of his mouth on mine. Oh God, please let my first real kiss be good.
“I want to kiss those beautiful, full lips so much.” Elijah gently sweeps the pad of his thumb across my lower lip. “But I won’t, because I’ve made a promise to you and to myself. I’m going to make sure you know how much I like you before I ask for a kiss from you.” His thumb now moves to tenderly stroke the column of my throat. He leans in and kisses my cheek, his lips staying longer than a ‘cheek kiss’ should. But I’m not pushing him away, I like them exactly where they are.
When he steps back and sits on his chair, I swallow the huge ball of excitement sitting at the base of my throat. He smiles at me, and keeps his gray eyes trained on me. With heat quickly climbing my body, I know my cheeks will be pink and flustered by that ‘almost’ kiss we ‘almost’ shared. “Um,” I nervously laugh and look around me, smoothing my hair down.
“I know you wanted me to kiss you, and truthfully, all I’ve been thinking about is being able to kiss you. Correction, I still want to kiss you, but I won’t. I have to prove to you, that I’m not the guy everyone says I am. Well, I was . . . but I’m not any more. Shit.” He rakes his hand through his hair, and an expression of pain etches across his face. “You know what I mean.”
I don’t say anything, instead, I observe how he’s reacting. My heart flutters even more as I watch the stress and worry ooze out of him. This is the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen Elijah, and the thing is; he’s not even trying to hide it from me or even the people who are around.
“It’s okay,” I say while keeping an eye on his appearance.
“I want it to be perfect, Alice, because that’s what you deserve. And right now, I’m not perfect for you. But I promise you, I will be.”
I can’t help but smile. He might be an ass, but at least he’s trying not to be. “Hey, where are you going to take me out on our date?”
Elijah looks over at me, his own smile stretching wide across his handsome face. “Date huh?”
I throw my arms up in mock frustration. “You’ve been hounding me to let you take me out on a date and now you’re pretending to have no idea what I’m talking about?”
“Pretending? I really have no idea.” He winks at me, playfully. “Talk about hard work,” he mumbles with jest.
“Huh,” I huff and loo
k away, rolling my eyes. “Well then, this is going to be fun.”
“What is?” he asks as he comes and sits opposite me again, placing his hand on my knee. Instantly I feel the heat from his touch penetrate through my clothes to my skin. And I like it.
“Good luck asking me out again, buddy.” I chew on the inside of my cheek, being cocky toward him.
He squeezes his hand on my thigh and leans in to me. My heart jumps, my palms begin to sweat, because maybe this time he’ll kiss me. And he does . . . on the cheek . . . again.
“You’re amazing just the way you are,” he happily says. Although I’m disappointed that he hasn’t kissed me, I can’t blame him either. He wants to prove to me he’s a good guy, and this is the way he knows he has to do it.
And I’m okay with him treating me like a princess, because that means he may end up being my prince.
“Hey, have you got dancing on tonight?” Becky asks as we head toward the back field so we can sit and have our lunch.
I look at her and squint my eyes as if to say, ‘what do you think?’
“Hello, ladies,” Elijah says from behind me. He plonks down beside me and opens his bag to take his lunch out.
“It’s Wednesday, so that’s a yes,” I tell Becky.
“I’ve got band practice with Triple Threats ’til nine. I’m thinking of crashing at yours tonight.”
“Oh, are you?” I ask. It’s not like Becky to ask, she kinda usually turns up, sneaks in and falls asleep on my bed. She nods her head at me, then takes an orange out of her bag and begins to peel it.
I shake my head while turning to look at Elijah. He’s taking several plastic containers out of his bag and lining them up on the plush green grass. “What’s this?” I ask, eyeing the transparent tubs.
“Looks like Elijah’s packed a picnic for himself,” Becky teases.
Elijah keeps unpacking more containers and chuckles. Obviously, Becky’s taunting doesn’t affect him. “It is a picnic for me and my girl,” he says while quickly lifting his head to smile at me.
Dying Wish Page 9