“Yeah, that would be nice.”
Mom goes and gets my iPod, flicks on the music. “Do you want a playlist or put it on shuffle?”
“Adele’s album please, Mom.”
She scrolls through, presses play, and leaves it on the cabinet in the bathroom before leaving.
There’s a lot of racket outside the house, and it piques my curiosity, though the gorgeous, deep soul sound of Adele manages to drown out a lot of the noise. Closing my eyes and relaxing back in the warmth of the water, I manage to block out whatever is going on.
Adele’s voice flawlessly flows from one song to the next, and before I know it, the entire album has played. Blinking my eyes open I realize the water’s barely warm and I decide I should get out. I lean over and take the plug out, then call out for Mom.
Within seconds she opens the door and stares down at my wrinkly body. “Did you fall asleep?” she asks as she leans over to help me up.
“No . . . yes.” I smile.
“Are you still feeling cold?” She wraps a large bath towel around me.
“I’m okay. But I’m very tired. I wouldn’t even describe it as tired, more like meh. But I think I’ll fall asleep when I lay down. Can you get me a drink please? Just some juice.”
“I’ll go grab some clothes for you, then get you a juice when you’re back in your room.”
“Thank you.”
She closes the door and I towel myself dry. My foot is back, and being normal . . . for now. Mom opens the door to the bathroom and hands me the clothes. “Do you need help?”
“I’m okay.” Mom pokes her head out of the bathroom, and nods then holds up a finger. But I didn’t hear anyone talking to her. “Mom, what’s going on?” I hate secrets.
“Nothing.” She swings around and smiles at me. But she doesn’t look like ‘nothing’ is going on. She looks like she’s in the middle of something and she’s had to leave so she can help me.
“I don’t need you, you can go.”
“No, no, no. I’ll make sure you get back to your room okay.” Yeah right.
“Aha.” I lift my eyebrows in question.
She responds with a cheeky grin. “I’ll help you into bed.” She’s so trying to keep me inside while something happens outside.
Suddenly a yawn rips through me, and I find I really am tired. “Fine then. But can you get that juice for me, please?”
“Oh my God. I totally forgot.” She taps her palm to her forehead. “Let’s get you in bed.”
Slowly I walk toward my bedroom at the front of the house and crawl into bed. The moment I’m in, Mom takes off and comes back holding a juice. She keeps looking over her shoulder, and slightly shaking her head at someone. It’s fairly obvious, they’re doing something for me. What, though? I have no idea. When I finish half of my juice, I sink right down into the mattress, cover myself up to the chin with the blanket, and close my eyes.
Man, I’m so exhausted and all I’ve done is nothing.
“Mom,” I call in a hoarse voice as I wake. It’s still daylight outside, although judging by the amount of sun coming through my window, I’d say it’s late afternoon.
Stretching in bed, I try to motivate myself to get up. But my bed’s so comfortable.
Surprisingly, Mom hasn’t come in when I called for her. “Where is everyone?” I grumble. I push the covers back, grab my sweater from the end of the bed, and slide it on. Wiggling my feet, I find they’re playing nice with me now.
When I open my bedroom door, I hear murmurs coming from outside. “Mom,” I call again, curious at the lack of people.
As I head into the family room, I hear the back door open and come face to face with Elijah. “You’re awake,” he says, sounding surprised by my presence.
“I am. What’s going on?” I try to look past him and out the kitchen window, but the blinds are drawn and I can’t see anything.
“Nothing.” He rubs his hands down my arms and leans in for a quick peck. “Just stay here. Don’t move.” He points his finger at me. “Promise me, you won’t take another step this way.” He sweeps his hand behind him.
“Okay, I promise.” I cross my heart.
“Stay here.” He turns and goes out through the back door. I try to catch a glimpse at what’s happening, but I can’t see anything because of the angle of the door.
A minute later he comes back in. “Okay. Do you need a drink? Bathroom? Anything?”
“Nooooo.” I draw out the word, really having no idea what’s happening.
“Alright then. I need you to close your eyes for me.”
“What?” This is insane. “Why am I closing my eyes?”
“Because I’m asking you to.” The look on his face is like a kid’s on Christmas morning. He’s almost jumping out of his body with excitement. “Please?” he adds. “Trust me.”
I breathe out an exasperated breath. “Okay.” I close my eyes but lean out to hold onto him. Cool, smooth fabric whispers across my eyes, I lift my hand to touch the material. “What’s going on?’
“Do you trust me?” he asks in a small voice. I nod my head, my breath caught in my throat. “Then please, don’t ask any questions.” His warm lips brush against mine for a fleeting moment. Even though my eyes are closed, I reach up to run my hand through his hair. “I love you so much.” I smile at his words. When he pulls away from our kiss he clears his throat. “Okay, we’re going out back. I’m going to lead you, guide you so you don’t fall.”
Excitement floods me. Although I hate surprises, I’m loving this one. “I can’t wait,” I say.
He carefully leads me out to the back yard. I know its layout like the back of my hand. When he guides me to sit in a seat, I know it’s the swing under my tree. I can hear the soft rustling of the leaves in the gentle afternoon breeze.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
His hands fumble at the back of my head where the blindfold has been tied together. When the material falls away I open my eyes and what I find completely amazes me. “Oh my God!” I gasp as my hand flies up to my mouth.
My backyard has been transformed. In front of me is a makeshift stage, Miss Lauren standing on it, looking at me with a huge smile. I look around the backyard, and there’s so many people here. All folks I’ve met as I’ve grown. Larry and his wife Janelle who own the local hardware store. Marissa, who’s the town’s florist. The other parents from the dance studio I attended. Becky’s dad, Elijah’s parents. And so many more people.
“What’s happening?” I ask, tears streaming down my face. Elijah’s standing beside me, his hand on my shoulder.
Miss Lauren clears her throat, though her eyes are sparkling from the tears building in them. “It’s come to my attention that you’ve always wanted to be the principal dancer at the American Ballet Theatre. I’ve also been informed that you wanted to dance The Nutcracker or Swan Lake.”
I look at Elijah, tears cascading freely down my cheeks. “Did you do this?” I ask.
He leans down and places a soft kiss on my cheek. “I’d do anything for you.”
“Unfortunately I was unable to get any of the dancers from the Theatre to attend. So we came up with the next best thing. Without any further ado, please make welcome, your dance company performing Swan Lake.” Miss Lauren leaves the stage and all the dancers from her studio begin the routine.
The most amazing and beautiful performance takes place up on that stage. Every one of those dancers are doing this for me. Every person in the audience has tears gleaming in their eyes. The music is magnificent and haunting. The dancers, although technically not perfect, are impeccable. They fly through the air, their torsos splendid, their gorgeous ballerina hands superbly extended.
“This is . . . just . . .” I can’t control the tears. The people from the town have come together and given me something I was never going to be able to achieve on my own in the short time I have to live.
“It’s okay.” Becky smiles
at me, and grasps my hand with hers. “We all understand.”
The production is nothing short of brilliant. And when it ends, I can’t help but stand and clap while my body reacts by shedding tears.
“Thank you,” I say to everyone. Turning, I try and look at every single person who’s gone out of their way and given up their free time to make this special for me, and try to convey to them how much I love and appreciate what they’ve done. “Thank you, to everyone. This, today, is why when it’s time for me to say goodbye, I’ll be saying it with love in my heart and wonderful memories to take with me.” My hand moves to cover my chest. As I look around, there are a lot of people with tears in their eyes, and some are wiping them away with tissues. “I never knew our community was so supportive. Thank you.”
I’m overwhelmed by well-wishers, and offers to help in any way possible.
When I turn to Elijah, I throw myself in his arms. “You did this.”
“No, we all did this.” He kisses my hair, while holding me close to his body.
By the time I let go, Miss Lauren has made her way to where we’re standing. “Miss Lauren.” I hug her tightly. “I can’t thank you enough. I’m beyond humbled by your generosity.”
“When Elijah came to me, I had to make sure you had your own production of Swan Lake. Alice, you’ve been my star pupil, the girl all the other dancers want to be. I’m so proud, and honored to be part of all of this.” I look behind her and notice some of the men taking down the makeshift stage, while others are collecting the stackable chairs and taking them away.
“Thank you.” Miss Lauren kisses my cheek while Elijah holds my hand. As she walks away, I have the gut-wrenching feeling this will be the last time I’ll ever see her again.
“Miss Lauren,” I call before she disappears. She turns around and waits for me to speak. “The pleasure has been all mine.” I curtsy to her, like I do at the end of every lesson.
Miss Lauren straightens her shoulders, and gives me a small nod.
The sadness in her eyes tells me she also knows this is our last goodbye.
With every passing day, my body is becoming weaker. I’m still walking, but I’m tired most of the time. My body may be betraying me, but I refuse to show that to the people I love. So I continue, living each day with pain flowing through my body, but with love in my heart.
Sitting in the kitchen, I’m watching Mom prepare dinner. Dad had to go to work for a couple of days, so he’s been getting home late. He said it’s only a few days of work. Becky and Elijah disappeared earlier today saying they had to do something and would be back later. I have a feeling those two are up to something. I think another surprise is on its way to me.
“Mom,” I say, grabbing her attention from the meal she’s preparing for us.
“What is it, sweetheart? Do you need something?” She stops peeling the potatoes and looks over at me.
“I want you to cremate me.”
Mom drops the peeler and it makes a loud, sharp clank as it hits the kitchen sink. “Alice.” Her shoulders shake and her breath becomes ragged. “Um.”
“Mom.” I put my hand up to stop her. It’s a conversation I knew we’d have to have eventually, and a subject I’ve thought about often since my diagnosis. “I want to be cremated, and I’d really love for you and Dad to dig around my tree and scatter my ashes there.”
Mom’s look is intent. Her eyes are pained, though filled with love. “Is that what you truly want?” I nod my head. I try to find the strength to smile at her, though a daughter talking to her mother about her death is nothing to smile at. “If that’s your wish, then of course.”
Mom’s shoulders slump while she turns around and continues to peel the potatoes. There’s sadness here, and if I leave it like this I fear there will be tears too. “The weather’s changing,” I say as I look outside.
My trees’ leaves have started to turn color. Soon they’ll be completely red and falling to the ground. For now, they’re that gorgeous hue of green heavily tinged with orange around the edges.
“It’ll start getting cooler soon,” Mom remarks, her voice catching.
“I love that tree out back. It’s always been home for me. There’s something about it, like it’s steady and it’ll never let me down.”
From her profile, I can see how she’s frowning. “Maybe because this is your home, and we’ve worked hard to give you everything you’ve needed.”
“I’ve never doubted the love you and Dad gave me, Mom. I’ve had a wonderful childhood; but my days on this earth are numbered now and you need to know what I want to happen once I say goodbye.”
A lump rises in my throat, and I can only imagine how Mom must be feeling. I work hard to hold my tears back, so she doesn’t see my sadness. I don’t want to be sick for one day. If I could, I’d even wish for death to take me while I sleep. Perhaps, my parents want that too.
I often dream of them standing over me, watching me to make sure I haven’t slipped away in the night. Sometimes I dream of how they smile when they see my chest rise and fall, then sometimes I dream of how they cry.
“What time will Dad be home?” I ask, changing the mood of the room.
“He should be back soon.”
“I wonder what Becky and Elijah are doing?” I roll my neck from side to side to try and relieve the mounting pressure.
“I’m sure they’ll be back soon too. Those two don’t go too far, and wherever they go, they always end up here.”
“I’m getting a bit tired, Mom. I might go and lie down for a while. Can you wake me when dinner’s done?”
Mom’s lips quirk up in a sly smile. “I will.”
Hmm, they’re up to something again. But I know I won’t get an answer if I ask, so I decide to leave it alone and head to bed.
“Princess . . .”
I love this dream. Elijah’s sexy mouth is on mine, his fingers dragging through my hair. “You’re so sexy,” I say to him as he kisses me.
“My princess thinks I’m sexy.” He chuckles. But that chuckle sounds very real. Opening my eyes, I’m momentarily shocked to see he’s sitting on the edge of my bed with a wide smile and happiness glittering in his eyes.
“Crap,” I say as I stretch. “Did I call you sexy?”
“You did.”
“You were kissing me. I liked the kiss.”
“More than this?” He leans down and drags his mouth across mine. Slowly the passion of our kiss increases, and the heat in my bedroom inches toward inferno. Knotting my hand in his shirt, I pull him toward me. Elijah effortlessly moves without breaking the contact of our mouths.
God, I want him.
A primal growl tears through him as he settles between my legs. “Shit,” he mumbles. “We have to stop.”
“Why?” I smash my mouth to his, trying with everything inside me to deepen the kiss. I push my breasts up into his chest. He wraps an arm around my waist and he drags me up, so I’m sitting on his lap. Sitting higher than him; this is perfect. He is perfectly beautiful. I look down into his hooded gray eyes, his hair flopping to the side. I lift my hand to run it down his face, touching him, wanting him.
My body is reacting to him. My skin is covered in tiny pebbles while my heart thrums with need inside my chest.
His loving eyes stare into mine, his mouth slightly open as his hands protectively hold me. “I want you to remember this moment until your last breath,” I whisper.
Right now, in this second of time, we’re exchanging something much more profound and deeper than love. Our souls are touching, our fates are linked together.
“I will always love you, Alice. Until the day I die, you will always be my greatest love.”
My throat edges closed. There’s a lump in there, and I’m trying to find the words I want to say. To tell Elijah I love him is simply not enough. So I choose to say nothing. Instead, I hug him, and let myself cry into his shoulder. I cry for a love the depths of which I’ll never truly discover.
With Elijah’s ar
ms around me, I feel safe. I know my death will be here soon, but until then, he’ll always protect me.
A long time passes before my tears finally recede. “We have to go,” he says while petting my hair.
“Where are we going?” I don’t want to move from here. This is the spot where I want to die, here in Elijah’s arms. But that’s me being selfish. It’s not fair to him.
“There’s something you need to see.”
I pull back from his loving, warm hug and look into his eyes. They hold secrets, and I doubt me pleading with him will make him tell me. “Let me go to the bathroom.” He helps me off his lap and I head into the bathroom.
When I’m there, loud music begins and the windows in the bathroom rattle from the heavy sound. I open the door and Elijah’s leaning against the opposite wall; his arms crossed in front of his chest. The long-sleeved sweater he’s wearing is pulled tight across his shoulders, making him look much sexier with his muscular arms defined through the fabric.
“What’s happening? What’s all that noise?” I can’t wait to get out in back and see what’s happening.
“Wait, before you go out there, you have to put a sweater on.”
“Okay.” What on earth is going on? I walk into my room and grab my sweater. “You’re not going to blindfold me again are you?”
“No need.”
“Should I be scared?”
“Very.”
I smack him in the chest and lean into him. “Thank you,” I say and push up on my toes to offer him a kiss that he ducks to take.
“What are you thanking me for? You don’t know what it is yet.”
“Well, whatever it is, I know you’ve put in a lot of effort.”
“We all want you to have the best time tonight, okay?” I look at him skeptically and he lets out a roar of a laugh. “You’re so beautiful.”
He links our hands and leads me out the back.
“Oh my God.” My entire body becomes elated. A thrilling shiver rips through my spine. “How did you do this?”
It’s early evening. The sun has disappeared, and there’s a slight chill in the early night air.
Dying Wish Page 24