Harley went for the pitcher of water sitting on the windowsill. “Oh, my God,” she said, laughing as she poured water on the shoelaces.
Then Dr. O’Neil sprang from her chair. She ran to the cupboard, taking out a broom.
So fitting: the witch and her broom. I wanted to laugh as she stomped the flames out.
Wiping sweat from her brow, she said, “Which one of you put out a cigarette in the trashcan?”
Everyone looked at each other.
“No one,” Nicki said, speaking up for the others.
O’Neil straightened her clothes, picked up her clipboard from her chair, and sat back down. One by one we all returned to our chairs.
“Dayton, empty your pockets,” Dr. O’Neil demanded.
“What for?”
“For the matches,” O’Neil said calmly, as if nothing had just happened.
“Huh…whatever.” Dayton stood and pulled out the inside of his pockets and smiled. There was nothing there.
Laughter erupted from the circle.
Dr. O’Neil ignored the laughter. “I lost my train of thought. Where were we?”
“Dusty was telling us about his imaginary friends,” Victoria said.
“Yeah, I think it was the Easter Bunny,” Dayton gibed.
“That’s enough. How about not yelling our remarks out until after Dusty finishes?”
What gives her the right to be such a bitch? I know where this is heading, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her make a fool out of Dusty this way.
“Dustin, please tell us why your father does not believe it happened,” Dr. O’Neil repeated.
“Stop it. He said he was telling the truth,” I yelled.
“I don’t think you should have said that,” Finn cut in.
I gave him a sharp glare.
Dusty looked back at me. “S-Samantha, tell them.”
Everyone’s eyes were upon me.
I looked at Dusty, shocked. “I––I don’t know if you’re telling the truth.”
“T-Tell them, Sam. You know w-what I’m t-t-talking about.”
Know what? I glared at Dusty, wanting to shake him.
“Yeah, Samantha, why don’t you tell us?” Victoria said smugly.
“How should I know?”
“Why are you here, anyway?” Harley shouted.
“Yes, Samantha. Please engage in the discussion. Why don’t you tell us what happened that brought you to Oakridge Estates?” Dr. O’Neil said with a wicked smile.
“You know why I’m here,” I said, standing up.
“Samantha, please, sit down.”
“No, I shouldn’t even be here. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Samantha, please. Tell the group why you’re here,” Dr. O’Neil repeated.
“No.”
I could feel the color in my cheeks darken and my pulse increase. I retreated and sat down. I could kill my dad. They ogled at me, waiting for my answer.
“Oh, my God. Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.”
“Well?” Harley blurted out.
“If it’s any of your business, and it’s not, I broke up with my boyfriend. My dad thought…I couldn’t deal with it.”
“Is that all, Samantha?” Dr. O’Neil asked. Her dark eyes gleamed with satisfaction. “Didn’t you order prescription medication on the internet?”
“Yes.”
“T-tell them the t-truth, Samantha,” Dusty said, looking at me like I had the key to the universe.
“What’re you blubbering about? What the heck, Dusty? I was being nice. That’s all. You’re all insane,” I said and stormed out.
I had to show them I wasn’t intimidated. I heard Dusty’s voice calling out to me. Fed up, I ignored him and marched down the hallway. I caught my breath outside my room, wishing I were dead. Anything less wouldn’t do.
“S-Samantha,” Dusty nudged my shoulder, “you d-don’t know who I am, d-d-o you?”
I gave Dusty a blank stare. “You’re messed up.”
“You’re h-here for a reason.”
“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.”
“I’ve b-been w-waiting for you.”
“Dusty, not now,” I said as I walked into my room and shut the door in his face.
“What the heck was that about?” Finn asked, walking through the door.
“Don’t talk. Just go away.”
“You have to get a hold of yourself, Sis.”
“Go away. You’re making this worse.”
“You know; you may regret saying that.”
In an instant, he was gone.
16 Punching Bag
I’d decided the best way to handle my prison sentence was to stay out of trouble, and that meant keeping my mouth shut. Dr. O’Neil egged me on, but I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of responding as she hoped I would. Why did Dusty think I knew him? Why would I know what happened to him while he was camping? What if he wasn’t making it up? Could he have been telling the truth? Why couldn’t it be true? Look what happened to me. My life keeps getting stranger.
On the way to the infirmary, I noticed a gym filled with exercise equipment. A red punching bag caught my attention. I poked my head in and looked around. No one was there, so I slipped in. The door slowly clicked shut behind me. I stood next to the punching bag. The red tempted and teased me. I lifted my fist and took a swing.
Ouch.
I shook my wrist in the air, scanning the weights and the Smith Machine. It was at that moment I knew I had to come back and work out. I lifted my bicep and flexed: nothing. Yes, my body was telling me I needed to get strong; I needed to defend myself.
I turned and looked in the wall-length mirror. God, did I look like hell. My hair had grown to my butt. My eyes were not the eyes of a seventeen-year-old. They were rimmed with red from all the late-night tears. I was pathetic. Is this how people see me? My eyes had become so light that they were almost as gray as Lucien’s. I looked like a freak because my eyes looked like one of the zombies on The Walking Dead. They used to the color of new grass in the spring. No wonder people stopped and stared. Suddenly, I heard sound coming from the glass-windowed office; I rushed out before someone caught me.
I passed the exercise room again the next day. I walked in, at first not sure of what I was doing. I zipped my hood up over my hair and put on a pair of red gloves that were sitting on the bench. I looked at the punching bag and pictured Dr. O’Neil’s face, then Lucien’s, and then Cassiel’s.
Right as I was going to hit the bag, in walked a man with a dark complexion and a stocky build. He wrapped his hands with tape, watching me from the corner of his eye. I lifted my leg and kicked the bag, almost stumbling. I caught myself before I fell. It looked like the man was about to come over to me when I decided I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and I walked out.
“What are you waiting for?” It was Finn whispering over my shoulder.
“If I have to live the rest of my life with you popping in and out….”
“Don’t worry, the big guy won’t have it.” He put his arm around me.
“You actually saw him?”
“Not exactly. Let’s just say he makes his presence known.” He looked to his right. “I’m coming, already,” he said to someone. And he was gone.
“Finn, where’d you go?”
I rolled my eyes and put him out of my mind.
17 Thoughts
I missed everything about home; I even missed going to school. And I missed Cassiel, of all people. I was rinsing the last bit of suds out of my hair when I heard the bathroom stall door creak. One thing I didn’t like much was being in a shower alone when someone else was in there. My thoughts went right to a women’s prison scene, the kind Finn’s best friend made me watch back home; it ki
nd it freaked me out just thinking about it. While I was getting out of the shower, Victoria was coming out of a stall with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.
“O’Neil’s looking for you. There’s a guy in the lobby for you. Not half bad for an old dude.”
That was the last thing I wanted to hear. I nodded and got dressed quickly, throwing on a pair of jeans and sweatshirt. I had talked to Dad a couple of times since he had dropped me off here. It was mostly him talking and me listening. I was still mad as hell at him for sending me there. Wishing it away was not going to change my situation. There was nothing I could do to change it but to endure.
18 I Didn’t Care Anymore
I took my time walking to the lobby. Dad was there with his back toward me, looking out of the window. Boy, his hair had grown long, too. We both needed a good haircut. I stood right behind him. Sensing me, he turned around.
“Hey, baby.”
He reached to give me a hug, but I backed away quickly. He gave me a horrid frown. What, did he think I was going to welcome him with open arms? He had sent me away. He didn’t want to deal with me. It was so easy for him; he didn’t even look back after he left me here.
“How was your first week?”
I stared at him with hard, unwavering eyes.
“Are you going to be mad at me forever?”
His voice was weak, not like my dad’s at all. Mad was an understatement. I was fuming. I wanted to scream and yell at him and hit him and claw him with my nails like a wounded animal. But I also wanted to run into his arms and plead with him to take me home.
“Give him a chance, Sam.” Finn reappeared.
“No.”
“Sam, please.”
“I don’t know. How long are you going to keep me here?” I said as my eyes shifted to the ground. I hated this. Why couldn’t I play along with him so I could go home? Why was I so damn stubborn?
“That depends on you,” he echoed.
I noticed Harley and Nicki skipping into the recreation room, both gawking at us. My eyes shifted back to Dad.
“Did you make any friends?” He looked at Harley and smiled; she waved like she knew him.
“You have to be kidding. Why would I want to make friends with the likes of them? One cuts herself for fun and the other….” I stopped myself short.
“Try to get better and talk with Dr. O’Neil,” Dad said.
“Get better? I’m not sick.”
“You know what I mean.”
“What? You want me to open up and talk to that bitch of a doctor?”
“Watch your mouth.”
“No, I will not watch my mouth.”
“Samantha….” Dad’s eyes pleaded with me.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine. How many times do I have to tell everyone? Lucien and I broke up. That’s it in a nutshell. It’s over. We’re over and I’m over him. Now let me go home.”
“If you’re over him, why can’t you talk about it?”
“Daddy,” I whispered. “Please.”
“Come on, baby. Why?”
It was too late. He swung his arms around me, trapping me in an unwanted hug. I wanted to pull away but I missed him so much I couldn’t. I could see Finn out of the corner of my eye. He was smiling.
“I don’t see the point.” I raised my gaze, meeting his blue eyes and released his embrace. The only thing that would happen to me if I opened up to O’Neil would be more time here. I would be marked insane, and I would never see the outside world again. I pondered the thought. I could lie, make something up.
“Sam, show me that you’re okay by letting Dr. O’Neil in, and I’ll sign your release in an instant.”
“What do you want me to say to her? Dad, I don’t know what you want. I just want to go home.” I started to feel tears coursing down my cheeks. “Why are you doing this? Daddy, why are you so cruel?”
“Sam, I’m not trying to be cruel. Just try to work with the doctors here.” His voice was as weak as mine.
“All right, all right.”
I didn’t care anymore. Maybe I am cracking up. I’m seeing dead people. What else? What if everything is a fabrication of my mind and Lucien didn’t exist? How much of my life is real and what part is fantasy?
“I’m sorry, Sam. You’re right; maybe I’ve been overreacting. I’m a terrible father.” He stepped toward me, holding his arms outstretched. “Baby, I love you.”
I didn’t fall for it that time. I stepped further away and lowered my eyes so I couldn’t see the pain in his icy blues.
“Please don’t do this.”
I knew better than anyone how much he loved me. It was too much to take for one day. I shook my head and walked away. I turned the corner and sprinted the rest of the way, knocking into Victoria and some other kids.
“Hey, watch it!” she said.
I tore into my room and landed face down on the bed, wrapping myself in my blankets.
19 How Hungry Can the Bears Be?
My tears poured from my eyes in a waterfall of despair. My stomach ached from hunger and for home. I wanted to break out and run away to the Fosters’ ranch. They would take me in; I knew they would. I would find a way to stay there and live underground until Lucien came home—if he came home.
“Finn?” I whispered.
He wasn’t coming.
I propped myself up on my elbows and thought a moment while I wiped the tears pouring down my face. I pulled the covers back and looked at the clock on the wall; it was well past seven p.m. Dinner was over. The sun was beginning to set, darkening the room. I could try to sneak out and climb down the deck and take the chance of falling and breaking my leg. I would either catch my death by freezing or be ravaged by bears in the mountains. Either way, I was screwed.
How hungry can the bears be?
The next day was no better. I felt isolated from the other patients. Every day I would go into the dining hall for meals when no one was around. They were either moved to other schedules, or they had already finished eating.
It was time for my individual therapy session with O’Neil, and I was in no mood for a stare down.
20 Therapy
I opened the door, stepped into her office, and stared at the white sterile walls. There were no visible pictures or knick-knacks. No wonder she gave me the creeps.
I took a seat and folded my arms in front of my chest. O’ Neil didn’t flinch when I sat down. I noticed a sketch on the wall of two eyes without a face and a tear running down the length of the canvas. How appropriate. Dr. Jekyll was looking over some notes when she decided to acknowledge my presence. She was dressed more formally than usual. Instead of a ponytail, she had her hair styled in a classic bob. She wore black slacks and a white lab coat over a white button-down blouse, like she was pretending to be a serious doctor. She even had a pair of dark-rimmed eyeglasses on her straight witch’s nose. She was really trying to look the part of a professional for someone that day, and it wasn’t me.
“Hello, Samantha. I hope your day is going well.”
“Not bad if you’re a squirrel in a tree, looking at nuts all day long.”
“Glad you’re back and not without a sense of humor, I see.” Dr. O’Neil took hold of her glasses and smiled at me.
“It depends on what you mean by ‘back’.”
“Samantha, I don’t know why you are making this stay impossible. You’ve been here for almost a week, and we have yet to discuss what brought you here. Do you realize I have the power to release you within three months? And I have the power to allow your stay to be extended. Your father has given me that power.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I see you’re ready, I can release you sooner.”
“What do you want from me?” I lowered my leg to the ground and stiffened my posture.
&n
bsp; “Your father has a couple concerns. One is you taking prescription pills without a doctor’s order. And the Lucien Foster matter. Now, I can prescribe anti-depressants and something for your anxiety.”
“No, I don’t want any.”
She stared at me a moment without saying anything.
“Okay. We can try not taking anything if you like. But if you need anything─”
“No. I’m okay,” I snapped back.
“Your father is concerned that Lucien Foster hurt you in some way. Is his concern unwarranted?”
“My father worries too much about me.”
“You don’t like me much, do you? But you know what? You’re not supposed to like me. I’m here to help you; I’m not your friend. If you do what’s expected of you—and that means show me you are making progress––you may go home and back to your life.”
My eyes wandered to the window. I watched the icicles that were hanging from the gutter. Little drops of water fell to the slushy ground below. I’d like to melt and disappear, too.
My eyes roamed back to O’Neil.
“What do I have to do?”
“First off, tell me what happened to you and Lucien Foster.”
“What do you think happened?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”
“Do you really think Lucien did something to me? You think he raped me? Do you think he beat me?”
“Tell me.” Her eyes narrowed.
“Okay, he left me.”
“He left you?”
“Yes, satisfied?”
“Good, Samantha. That’s a start. Did he leave you for another girl?”
I burst out into a roar of laughter. Her stupidity sent my thoughts floating out the window, back to where Lucien had left me on the icy cold ground last December. I wished it had been another girl. How easy it would’ve been if that were the case.
“Oh, my God. What don’t you understand? He left me.”
“I understand that, Samantha. Do you realize how many times in a girl’s lifetime she breaks up with a boyfriend?”
My chest was beginning to burn from the tension in the room. It was as thick as fog in London right after an evening rain. O’Neil seemed content with being blind.
Equinox (Beyond Moondust Trilogy Book 2) Page 5