by Crystal Ash
"Why is mine on top?" I asked. "Didn't you align with Lucifer's rebellion first?"
"Yes," he said, clasping his hand over mine. "But you have always come first for me. And you always will."
I reached up to kiss him, which he returned sweetly.
"You come first for me too," I said softly, losing myself in his crystal gaze. "Always. You're the reason I'm still here at all." I kissed him again. "My connection with each of you is so different and unique. I love all of you guys but no one will replace who you are to me."
He lowered his eyes, a small smile playing on his stoic face.
"I know, Deja. Now that your memories are back, I think we all want you to ourselves a bit selfishly. I don't mind seeing you with them, but I always have been the most selfish about being with you."
"I know," I said, stroking my hand along the coarse beard on his jaw. "You're not jealous, you're possessive. I think I understand the difference."
He kissed my hair and I nuzzled my head under his chin. My fingers returned to the ink traced under his skin.
"I want to get all three of yours tattooed on me," I said suddenly. "Yours first, then Sal's then Raum's, in the order that I met you. And Lucifer's somewhere else, of course."
"You're going to have to keep reapplying them," he teased. "Tattoos don't transfer over to a new body when your current lifetime is done."
"How does the whole reincarnation thing work?" I asked, lifting my head. "Does my soul move to a newborn baby and I have to grow up before I'm with you guys again? I feel like I should know this."
"Lucifer plays a hand in it. A lot of it is his power and even I don't understand it completely," he answered. "But no. After you die in one body, you always find us within days in a new body. Sometimes you're a teenager, but almost always near adulthood."
"How do you know it's me?"
"Your eyes never change," he said, stroking my cheek affectionately. "And we just know. We feel your power. We felt it that day you, as Deja, first met us at that party."
"Before I even knew I was a witch?"
He nodded. "We sensed your power had been blocked or stunted in some way. Figured it had to be your oppressive upbringing never allowing you to practice. Once you came to that realization, we felt your magic open like floodgates."
I rested my head on his chest again. "What happened to make me forget everything?"
His body stiffened and his arms tightened around me.
"If you truly don't remember that, then it's best you don't," he said crisply. "It was extraordinarily painful for the three of us. I can't even imagine what it felt like for you."
"That bad, huh?"
"It didn't just hurt us personally to lose you. It threw the whole world into the dark ages," he said softly. "Without you, we had little motivation to continue our cause. Libraries full of timeless knowledge were burned. Illiteracy, famine, and disease were at an all-time high. Women were nothing but breeders and glorified slaves. For a few hundred years, the cross-bearers got the faithful, frightened people they always wanted."
"Then what happened?" I asked.
He sighed. "The tide turned so slowly, I can't even pinpoint it to one thing. Christianity reached every corner of the world like a pandemic before we saw our first glimmers of hope."
"What did that look like?"
He smiled. "Women who refused to lie down and take it. Some of it was as simple as getting a job outside the home. Others disguised themselves as men to go to war. But my personal favorites?" He tightened his arms around me. "They killed the men who abused and raped them. I saw a little bit of you in all of them because parts of you were in there."
"What do you mean?"
He hesitated but went on. "Your soul was essentially split apart into many pieces and you lived in different bodies at the same time. That turned off your consciousness, which is why you don't remember any of that time. But your spirit and instincts shined through those people's personalities."
I froze, speechless against him. "Who has the kind of power to do something like that?"
"No one," he said firmly. "Not anymore." He patted my non-bruised butt cheek. "Now you should probably get up. You'll be late for work."
"Shit." I kissed him long and deeply. "Can I see you after I close?"
"What about Raum?" he teased.
"He can wait," I said, my hand lingering on his cheek. My fingers didn't want to lose the rough touch of his beard on them. "He got his morning sugar. I think he'll live."
2
DEJA
By the time I rolled out of bed, got showered and dressed, opening time was already upon us and I still had to walk a brisk five minutes to the shop.
The guys shared a house a couple blocks down from my tea shop. I lived right above my shop but I hadn't even set foot in my own place since my coven initiation two days ago. To be honest, I barely got out of the guys' beds except to work and shower.
I smiled as I walked across the street. It felt like a dream vacation spending all day in bed with my lovers. I felt so relaxed now that I remembered everything we'd been through, over many, many lifetimes. They were no longer strangers but an essential part of me.
The shop was still slow by the time I reached it. My loyal employee Nona prepared brews behind the counter while Raum sat patiently on a stool across from her.
"I hope that smile means it was worth kicking me out of bed this morning," he said, his lips twitching with a smirk.
"What? She kicked you out of bed?" Nona gasped as Raum and I chuckled.
I wished so badly that she was a witch. She was the only one who knew about me seeing three guys but that was as far as it went. I trusted her on the same level as my demons, and more so than any witch in my coven. But she was an ordinary human, which prohibited me from sharing anything supernatural to her.
"I know, right? Thank you, Nona! I can't believe she said no to this," Raum agreed emphatically, although his smirk gave away that he was joking.
"Did you have a nice, er, run this morning?" I asked, leaning into him for a kiss.
"Foggy and cold like always." He kissed me with a sharp inhale and squeezed my waist, grinning as his mouth pulled away. "Don't change the subject now. How was your morning with Mr. Resting Bitch Face?"
Nona snorted with laughter at Ash's nickname.
I felt heat rising in my cheeks and cast my eyes downward shyly.
"It was really nice. We just talked for a while and the time got away from us."
"So it wasn't worth kicking me out of bed," he teased, squeezing me again affectionately.
"No, it totally was." I stuck my tongue out at him. "My connection with him is different from you or Sal. It's more, cerebral I guess? We talked about magic and some abstract stuff and it was just so enjoyable. It feels like we could talk about paperclips or something equally boring and still have a great conversation."
Raum nodded knowingly and waited for Nona to go out of earshot before speaking again.
"That's kind of how it's always been with us. I wondered if the same dynamic would fall into place after your memories came back."
"What do you mean?"
"Whenever you and Ash are together? You're always yapping." He opened and shut his fingers to mimic talking. "You're the only one who gets him to open up like that. Even Lucifer threatens to pull the words from his throat sometimes. He's always reading and observing, so you know there's a lot going on in his head. You're just the only person he trusts to tell all of that to."
Raum leaned back in his stool, a rare serious expression on his face. "Did you know that after we lost you, he didn't say a word for years?"
"No," I looked up, surprised. "I had no idea."
He nodded. "We all grieved for you in different ways. Sal and I took our pain out on the humans. He locked it all up inside."
"He didn't tell me that. Or what actually happened for me to be lost."
"With good reason. We've all played our part in the horrors of humanity but none of
us had ever seen anything so violent and shattering as what happened to you." He sipped his tea. "As for not telling you about the years of silence, it's probably just a pride thing." His grin returned. "We're not so unlike human men after all, you see."
"Sometimes I forget you all are even immortal," I mumbled.
"We often forget that you're not." He brought my fingers to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to them. "You're so powerful and your magic runs so deeply through humanity. We were created to protect you and we failed. We took you for granted and allowed your only weakness to be exploited. His eyes lowered. "We'll never let it happen again, Lilith."
"It's Deja," I corrected.
"I know." He tapped me on the nose playfully. "But Lilith is inside you, too. All of your past lives are, but she's the one who started it all. Trust her. Listen to her in there." He touched a finger to my chest. "I wish I had the chance to meet her, but I can easily see why Ash fell in love with her."
"She was also the first human woman he saw naked," I joked. "That might have had something to do with it."
"You took all of our cherries, baby," he laughed. "Well, not the first I saw naked but the first woman I touched in human form."
"But definitely not the only one," I replied, lifting an eyebrow.
His playful smirk dropped.
"No," he said quietly. "You're the only one I've ever touched. It's the same for the others."
"You're kidding." My mouth dropped open.
He shrugged. "I mean, you had a new body every twenty to fifty years so it's not like we didn't have variety."
"But for the last thousand years." I lowered my voice to a whisper, even though I knew Nona couldn't hear us. "While I've been gone, you haven't been with anybody else?"
He shook his head, his eyes locked on mine. "Sal and I were created for you. We have free will but our desire is only for you. Ash?" He paused to think. "He just loves you more than anything else."
"Shit," I muttered. "I've gone a few years without it and that felt like torture."
"Because you’re still human." He raised his teacup to his lips. "It's not so bad to go without sex when the urge to be with one you love is completely gone."
"And then I had to figure it all out and cock tease you guys for a while longer," I chuckled. "That must have been hard, pardon the pun."
He lifted a shoulder in a lazy shrug. "A little but what's important to us is that you're back for good. I'm sure you've figured out by now that it's more than just mind-blowing magical sex between us."
"Yeah," I smiled warmly. "I have something with each of you that is so unique. And I don't ever want to let it go."
"Yep. You turn Ash into a chatterbox, you and Sal are the calm in each other's chaos. You and me?" he winked. "We got that sexual healing, baby."
"Well you're not wrong," I said, snapping a dish towel at him. "But I didn't think your ego could possibly get any bigger."
"Unfortunately, that's the only part of me that continues to get bigger the longer I live."
I flicked a piece of debris at him and we continued to banter and tease throughout the workday. He hung around as our entertainment and even brought us lunch from a local deli. The day flew by having him there and he even stayed out of our way when we got busy. As the work day wound down, my sore feet still had a spring in my step with the thought of more alone time with Ash soon.
In the last hour, I felt a heating anger at the back of my skull. I saw my grandmother's face in my mind and could feel her anger and frustration radiating through me. As Nona and I began closed duties, I clenched my teeth in my own frustration. Who knew why she was so upset this time but if I had to guess, it had something to do with the devilishly handsome man sitting at my counter.
Right before closing, Diana burst through the door, absolutely fuming. She was pissed. I even felt Raum's aura rise up defensively to protect me like a shield.
"Where have you been?" she demanded. "I've gone to your place and there's no sign of you there for the last two days!" Her fiery aura flickered around her like a bonfire. A shocked Nona made herself scarce in my back room.
"Sorry, I've been busy," I said, keeping my voice nonchalant. "And crashing with friends the last couple nights."
"What friends?" she demanded, appearing to take no notice of Raum sitting a few feet away from her.
"Doesn't matter," I said snippily. "If you want to get in touch so badly, you know I have a phone."
Her voice softened a little when she realized I wasn't backing down.
"Deja dear, I haven't seen you since your ceremony. I was hoping to catch up to you in person to tell you I'm proud of you."
Raum rolled his eyes, which she still didn't seem to notice. Only then did I realize his whole body looked a few shades darker, as if under a shadow.
"Thanks, Gran," I said, keeping my voice firm. "But being in the coven now doesn't change the fact that I still have a business to run and a social life."
"Darling, of course," she said patronizingly. "I understand you're busy. However, I do think you should spend more time with your new coven members. They're your family now."
"I know," I huffed, my patience growing thin. "And I will. Just give me some time, alright? I only became official two days ago."
"Well, I don't want to meddle in your affairs." She snidely paused on that last word. "But I have arranged for you to receive an important lesson tonight in shadow magic, which is beyond my scope of teaching."
"Can't. I have plans already." I pictured Ash lying in bed this morning and my core heated at the thought of his mouth, his hands, and every inch of his painfully perfect body. Only twenty more minutes and I'd be right there with him.
"Oh, that's a shame," Diana sneered. "I'd hate to inform the coven you don't take them as seriously as you claimed. They may consider rescinding your membership if you make a habit of blowing them off."
"You have no right to make commitments for me behind my back!" I said, finally losing my cool. "I'm an adult, Diana! Please stop treating me like an incapable child."
She said nothing for a long, tense moment, then turned toward the door.
"Fine, make your choice then. But if you do not want to lose favor with your new family, I suggest you attend your lesson. It's at Laurel and John's house at seven-thirty."
3
DEJA
Raum scoffed, shaking his head as the shadow lifted off his form. "What a fucking cunt."
Nona poked her head out of the back room. "Oh hey, I thought you left?" she said to him.
"Restroom," he said, pointing over his shoulder. "I caught enough of that, though."
I turned to Nona, my heart beating wildly. "How much did you hear?"
"Also enough. Damn, D. She's really pissed about losing at bingo, huh?"
"Yeah..." My eyes trailed over to Raum, who winked at me and my shoulders sagged with relief. She'd burst in so suddenly, I completely forgot about casting a glamour spell to keep Nona from overhearing sensitive details. Thankfully he not only cloaked himself in shadow but had my back regarding Nona as well. I mouthed a thank you and he blew me a kiss.
I told Nona to leave early so I could vent openly to Raum while I finished closing up.
"This fucking sucks, I can't not go now. It would look really bad to the coven." I sighed, looking at the clock. "I have to go over there right away. She didn't even give me time to stop and tell Ash I'll be late." I looked over at Raum with a pout on my face. "Would you mind telling him for me?"
"You can tell him yourself, little witch." His dark eyes sparkled mischievously. "Here's a real lesson for you. You know how our auras can reach out and touch each other? Even when we're not physically touching?"
"Yeah?" I said, unsure of what he was getting at. "That's how you know what I'm feeling, right?"
"Exactly. You can use that to communicate. Try it, picture him in your mind."
"Okay." I closed my eyes.
"Now, reach your aura out to him. Keep your focus on that u
ntil you touch his. When he reaches back, you'll know."
I did as he instructed, deepening my breathing to keep the focus. When Ash returned contact, it felt like his aura wrapped around me in a hug. I realized it was the same feeling as when I was sitting in front of the fire before my coven ceremony. We spoke to each other even if we weren't physically together. It felt like he was speaking directly inside my head.
Hey, my love, he said with amusement and surprise in my brain.
Hey, angel. Am I doing this right?
Absolutely. You're a natural.
Thanks. Hey, I'm sorry but I won't be over after closing tonight.
Did Raum succeed in stealing you away for the evening? His tone was lighthearted, showing he really wasn't jealous.
No, but he did show me how to talk to you with my aura like this! But the reason is my crazy grandmother arranged a magic lesson with a coven member for me. Conveniently right when I wanted to see you.
I see. Be careful, Deja. Trust your instincts. It wouldn't surprise me if Raum has seen something about her.
I chewed my lip. Somehow I'd forgotten that Raum could have visions of the past and the future.
Okay. Thanks, angel. I might be crawling into your bed late tonight.
Just as long as you don't smell like another man, he joked. And then my mind went silent as our auras gently released each other.
"Have you seen anything about my grandmother?" I asked Raum, turning to him.
"Yes," he answered casually as he drained the rest of his teacup.
"And?" I waited. "Past? Future?"
"Both."
He walked around my counter to wash the cup in the sink and set it on the drying rack.
"Well?" I held my hands out expectantly.
He sighed, keeping his gaze down on the sink. "Not everyone is who they seem, Deja. Be cautious, always. It doesn't always make sense to me either. But it will."
"Great," I muttered, gathering up my coat and purse. "More vague hints without telling me outright. I thought we were past this stuff."