by Kacey Shea
Her brow creases with her frown. “Jessica, you didn’t list a desired salary.” Her gaze lifts to mine and I’m stunned silent. That’s what she’s concerned about?
“Oh, I’m good with whatever. The experience alone is more than I could gain elsewhere.”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” Cora interjects and meets her friend’s gaze with a smile. “Paula makes good money with her brilliant designs. She can afford to pay you a just wage.”
Paula rolls her eyes and for a second I fear Cora’s insulted her. “Please, Cora. Tell that to the producers of your last movie.” She turns her gaze back to me. “I can do twenty an hour until you’ve proven yourself. After a month, we’ll re-evaluate. I really need someone here in the afternoons. Two to close? Will that be a problem?”
It couldn’t be better. “Yes. I’m mean, thank you. Thank you so much.”
“Start tomorrow? Bring two forms of ID and we’ll make copies then.”
I nod and smile because for the first time in my life, that won’t be a problem. “I’ll be here tomorrow at two.”
“Good. Now, I hate to be a bore, but I have to kick you both out. I have a design to finish.”
I walk to the door with Cora, waiting as she stops to hug Paula and wish her good-bye. “Thank you again.” I shake Paula’s hand before we step outside and she locks up behind us.
“That was okay? Sorry, I can be pushy.” Cora winces before giving in to a smile.
“Okay? That was amazing.” My mind races with excitement. I cannot wait to tell Sean. Deb, too. They’ll be so proud. I’m proud.
“Yay!” Cora clasps her hands together. “We must celebrate, then. My treat.”
“Oh, you don’t have to . . .” I shake my head. “You’ve already done so much.”
“I insist. Besides, I need to know everything about the woman Sean Willis is hiding away.” Her words strike a chord of insecurity. By the alarm on her face I do a poor job of masking my reaction. “That came out wrong!” Her brows rise and she reaches for my arm. “I only meant that I haven’t seen him in months, and anyone who’s a friend of Sean’s should be one of mine. He’s a good person.”
“I’d like that.” I push away the niggling thought that she’s insincere or has an ulterior motive. With my past, I don’t always expect the best in people. It’s something I’m working on.
“Good. Now, how do you feel about tacos? Because that’s also a means I use to measure friendship compatibility.” Her stare turns serious, but she’s obviously acting.
“We’re good there. I love Mexican food.” A giggle escapes my lips.
She locks her arm through mine again and walks us down the street. “Good. Because that’s where I’m taking you.”
30
Sean
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe it does for some, but I was pretty fucking fond of Jess before I left for this tour. After a few months on the road my feelings haven’t wavered, and the growing? That’s been all Jess. Saying good-bye was the hardest choice I made. Not as much a good-bye as a see you later, but still . . . I questioned whether I made the right decision. In my heart of hearts, I knew I did. She needed space to flourish and bloom, and damn, that’s exactly what she’s done.
On the road I settle into the routine. It’s all about the music, so I focus on that. Our new drummer isn’t bad. I think I’ve maybe said ten words to the guy outside of playing on stage. Not because I don’t like him, but because I’m not ready to get close to another drummer—not with our cursed luck. I have no doubt he’ll leave at some point, but for now he gets the job done and that’s all that matters. Maybe I should care more, but my mind is preoccupied with the woman back home. A woman who has not only captured my heart, but my admiration.
I had my doubts. It’s a dangerous thing to be on your own for the first time, but she’s kicking ass. I shouldn’t have expected otherwise. Jess is a fighter. She doesn’t give up. After everything she’s been through and all that she aspires to be, I count myself lucky to be her best friend.
Friend.
That pesky word is both the highlight and downfall to our relationship. I promised her no pressure. I promised her time, and I’m fully committed to that promise. Doesn’t mean I’ve stopped dreaming of how her skin feels against mine, how our bodies fit as though they were always meant to be, or that I haven’t memorized how she sounds when she comes. Because I never stop thinking of that. Or earning her trust, because I want to share those things with Jess again. Only this time I don’t want to be hers hidden in the shadows of night. I want her everywhere and always. She’s the only woman for me, and I want the entire world to know it.
“He’s got the face again,” Austin grumbles and shucks a water bottle across the bus, but I catch it before it hits me in the head.
“It’s my face! Stop trying to maim it.” I set the bottle on the counter and take a seat next to Opal.
Austin glances away from his video game to shake his head with disdain. “I’m not used to you smiling so much. It’s freaky.”
“He’s in love.” Trent chuckles, drawing out the word. Everyone laughs, but he’s not wrong. After playing a packed arena like tonight, the former me would be jonesin’ to head out and celebrate. Grab a beer and hook up with a beautiful woman. But that Sean is no more. Instead, I’m here in the bus hoping Jess is still awake to get my text message. That maybe she’ll call.
I’m so in love.
Opal crosses her arms on the table and rests her chin in her hands. “I think it’s sweet. Jess is a lucky woman.”
I shake my head. “I’m the lucky one.”
“God, I can’t even stand it.” Austin pretends to throw up.
“Stand what?” Our drummer struts down the hall, freshly showered and changed. He runs a towel over his wet hair and tosses it in a pile of dirty laundry.
Austin groans. “There’s so much fucking love in the air, I might choke.”
“Not everyone can whore around like you.” Trent laughs, but Austin doesn’t take offense.
“It really is an art.” Austin winks at Lexi’s sister and her cheeks pinken with a blush that earns Austin a glare from Trent.
My stomach rumbles as my fingers tap a beat a top the table. “We grubbin’ or what? I’m starved.” As soon as the words leave my lips, my cell rings atop the table. It’s Jess. “Hey.” I stand and move into the hallway for privacy. Not that they’ll stop giving me a hard time for being so far gone for a woman I’m not even officially together with, but at least she won’t have to hear it, too.
“Hey. Sorry, it’s late, I know.” There’s sleepiness in her voice. “I just saw your text.”
“Perfect timing. We just finished the show.”
Trent knocks against the wall. “Hey, you coming?”
I hold the phone away from my mouth and meet his gaze. “Bring me something back?”
He nods before heading out with everyone else.
“Do you need to go? You must be famished. I can call you back—”
“Jess.” I stop her because if she really thinks I’ll trade a conversation with her for a meal with those hooligans, she must be dreaming.
“Yeah.”
“I want to talk to you more.”
“Yeah?” How is it she makes that one word so perfect?
I climb into the bench seat, resting back against the wall, and stretch out my legs. “Yeah. Tell me how your day was?”
“It was really fun, actually.”
“Tell me about it.”
“This morning I had class, then work afterward. Paula gave me free rein in the window display. Like, do you know how amazing that was? I’ve only been there a week and she’s all, here, have these gorgeous clothes and shoes and accessories I designed and put them in the window however you want. Sean, I can’t believe she pays me for this!”
“I’m sure you’re worth every penny. Did you take a picture? I wanna see.”
“I did. I’ll text it to you. How was you
r show?”
It was a good night. It’s always a good night doing what you love for thousands of screaming fans. “We played our hearts out. Philly brings one of the best crowds.”
“I want to come to your show in LA. If that’s okay?”
“Um, let me think about it.” I only pause a second. “Yeah, no, that would be about the greatest.”
She laughs, throaty and deep. “What? I had to ask.”
“For the record you never have to ask. I’ll get you backstage passes. I know a guy.”
“Yeah? He sounds okay.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “So, what did you do tonight?”
“Cora called right before the shop closed and invited me out to dinner. We went to this cute Mediterranean place on Sunset. It was so good.”
“That’s awesome. I’m glad you two get along so well.” She’s hung out with Cora several times since they met. I’m happy she’s gaining friends and setting down roots in the same place I call home.
“Yeah, she’s really sweet. We have a lot of the same interests. I like her.” Jess clears her throat. “Except for how often she mentions you.”
“What? Really?” It takes me by surprise, not only that Cora talks about me, but that it bothers Jess enough to say something.
“Yeah.” The silence stretches across the line. “Did you and she ever . . . ?” There’s a prickliness to her words that goes beyond curiosity. She’s not just asking. She’s jealous.
“You want to know if we slept together?” It’s difficult to hide the grin from my tone. When I left LA I was willing to wait years, if that’s how long it took for Jess to want a “more” with me. I’m elated at the thought she might be ready for that commitment sooner.
“I’m sorry. That’s rude. You don’t have to tell me.” The words tumble out in a rush.
“Jess.”
“I was only curious. I don’t expect that you never hooked up with anyone. Or that you aren’t now.”
“Jess.”
She laughs but it’s the one she uses when she’s nervous. “What I mean is, we’re friends, but you don’t owe me any explanations for your actions.”
“Jess. Stop. First of all, I’m an open book when it comes to you. You can ask me anything and I’ll always tell you the truth, even if it might hurt. No, I never slept with Cora Bentley.” I had the opportunity but it never felt right, and for that I’m thankful. “And second, I hope you understand that when I said I would wait until you were ready for more, I made a commitment not to sleep around. I only want you. I haven’t slept with anyone else since we met.”
“Since we met?” She doesn’t hold back her shock. “Really?”
“Why is that so surprising?” I chuckle and shake my head. How does she think I could share that with anyone else with her in my life?
“It just is. I mean, I’m sure you had the opportunity—”
“I’ve had meaningless sex before. I’m no saint. But that stopped being fun after the first year on tour. If I’m going to be intimate with someone, I want it to be more than fucking.” It was more with her.
“Oh.”
I can’t read her response, and for the thousandth time since hitting the road I wish I could see her face. Or that she would’ve used FaceTime for this call. “Does that make you upset?”
“No. No, it’s just that—” A breath rushes through the line with her exhale.
“You can tell me, Jess.”
“God, this is so embarrassing, but when you were talking just now, all I could think was how much I want that. With you.”
A groan leaves my lips at the knowledge that Jess thinks about me the same way I think about her. I was already turned on with her voice at my ear, but her admission has my entire body tense with the rush of desire. “You know how hot that is? How hard that makes me? God, Jess, I think about you all the time.”
“I think about you, too.” Sweet and sin. That’s what she is.
My hand moves to my growing erection and I can’t help but palm myself over my jeans, “What are you wearing right now?”
“I’m . . . uh.” Her breathy rasp only makes me harder. “I’m wearing a sexy black bra and matching panties. It has lace for the cups so you can see my nipples.”
“Really?”
“No.” Her giggle seduces me more than she’ll ever know. “I’m wearing one of your T-shirts. Nothing sexy.”
“You’re wrong.” I groan remembering how she looked in my clothes. “That’s way sexier.”
“I’m in your bed, too. I sleep here every night.”
Fuck me. “God, Jess. That’s so hot. I wish I were there.”
“I know you said we should take it slow. That I could have all the time I needed.” The pleading from her voice is enough to set my mind straight.
“You can, and I’m sorry. I guess phone sex doesn’t really belong in the taking it slow catalog.” A chuckle escapes my lips and I tell my dick to get on board with the program.
“I’m ready.” Her voice is so soft I almost don’t hear the words.
“Jess, you don’t have to.” I don’t want her to feel pressure. If she did, that would stain whatever we shared next.
“I know. And I appreciate the time you’ve given me, but it’s only made clear what I already knew. Well, that and my sessions with my therapist. She’s helped a lot.” She sighs and the rustle of fabric scrapes against the receiver as if she’s settled back onto the bed. It’s a visual that makes it difficult to keep my mind focused. What I wouldn’t give to be there with her now.
“What did you already know?”
“That my heart belongs with you. I’m not going to be the perfect girlfriend. In fact, it’ll probably be annoying navigating a relationship with someone who moves with the grace of a newborn giraffe, but I want to do the work. I want to be with you, Sean.”
“Jess?”
“Yeah?”
“My heart chooses you, too.” There’s more I want to say; there’s more I want to show her. But for now, all that matters is she’s all in. I always was. “We’ll make this work. We’ll figure it out together.”
“I was really hoping you’d say that.” I can hear the delight in her voice and it’s enough to set my heart soaring.
“Okay, girlfriend. Now that we’re official, where do we start?”
Her giggle is a light, throaty sound. “I don’t know. I thought phone sex was a good place.”
God, I love you. The words almost slip through my lips. I want to speak them aloud. I want her to know that’s how invested I am, but when I say those words for the first time, I want her in my arms. Two more weeks. That’s how long until we have a break in the tour. Until I get to see my girlfriend. Girlfriend. Fuck, I love that. “How about you tell me all the things you’d like me to do when I get back? Starting with my tongue.”
And she does just that.
31
Jess
“There’s no reason to be nervous.” Deb raises one arched brow above the top of her coffee cup.
“I’m not nervous.” My finger traces the rim of my almost empty mug as one foot bounces a staccato beat under the counter. The band is on their way back from the airport and I’ve been not-so-patiently waiting. Sean, Austin, Trent, Lexi, and Opal should walk through the front door any second if the travel time on my smartphone predicts correctly. Not like I’ve been watching the clock that closely. Okay, I have.
Deb clears her throat and lets loose a chuckle that says she doesn’t buy my bullcrap.
“Okay, I’m completely nervous.” I push the mug away and stand up to rinse it in the sink.
“He’s gonna walk in that door and you’ll be fine.”
With the corner of my bottom lip between my teeth, I meet her stare and shrug before blowing out a rush of breath. “I hope so. It’s silly with as much as we’ve talked, but this is the first time we’ll be together. In person. You know, since everything happened.”
“And you have done so much over the past three mo
nths.” She slides off the barstool, coming around the island to wrap me in her arms. “I’m so proud of you Jess. I really am.”
“Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I squeeze her back. I’m now the proud owner of a high school equivalency degree. To most that’s probably nothing, but to me it feels like a giant step forward after years of being stuck in hopelessness.
“You would have, but you’re welcome.” Commotion at the front door followed by the chatter of voices pulls us apart. Deb’s smile is wide. “Now, go get your man.”
My feet want to run, but I force them to take steady, even steps down the hall. Everyone is inside the entryway, but my eyes are only for Sean.
His lips pull up at the sight of me and continue until a full smile fills his face. He doesn’t say a thing, but drops his bags and stalks toward me until I’m close enough to wrap in his arms. Of course I let him.
I press my face to his chest and inhale the scent that’s uniquely his. It smells like his cologne. It’s the reason I wear his shirts to bed. The smell lingers in the fabric even after it’s washed, but there’s nothing comparable to the warmth of his arms. The sure and steady beat of his heart. The safety of his love.
“God, I missed you,” he whispers into my ear.
If there’s anyone still around us I don’t take notice, tipping my chin up to meet his gaze. “I missed you, too.” The words are barely out of my lips before his mouth is on mine. Hungry and decadent, I enjoy the sensation of his kiss. His arms encircle my waist. I want him so badly.
“Sorry.” He chuckles and loosens me in the space between us. “I’ve been waiting to do that since I left.”
Saying things like that only melts my heart even more. If my body wasn’t completely amped up in this moment, I might savor it a little more.