by Natalie Dean
“Well then, Mr. Miles, it seems you leave me no choice.”
With great hesitation, she placed the application back down on the desk.
When she looked up, Mr. Miles smiled at her. She couldn’t help but feel proud that she’d detected a hint of relief in that smile.
“Wise decision,” he said. “Now, I suggest you go into the kitchen and help Billy with dinner. I’ll tell him to let you assist.”
He opened the door for her and raised his hand to escort her out.
Bernadette gave him the most insincere smile she could before moving towards the door. As she did, she made sure to indiscreetly drop the dust rag behind her. That would give her a reason to go back into the office the next morning. She was certain Billy would accept that.
As Bernadette made her way out of Miles’ office and back towards the kitchen, one thought danced through her head. She knew what she had to do.
Still, fear gripped her heart.
As she reached her room once more, she sat down on the bed and pulled Frank’s Bible from its drawer.
Opening it, she traced the words of his favorite verse several times before closing her eyes and offering another prayer.
“Dear God,” she said. “Help me to be strong and courageous. Like Frank would want me to be. Help me tell Matt what I need to tell him.”
Chapter 7
“Why would you keep that a secret?”
Matt’s eyes were wide in surprise more than disgust. He sat in the large, cushioned chair in the corner of Bernadette’s room while Bernadette paced back and forth in front of the bed. Her late husband’s Bible was clutched against her chest. As though the words inside it were propping her up and keeping her from falling.
Be strong and courageous.
“I…I knew a child…particularly another man’s child…was a great responsibility,” she said hesitantly. “Most men would not wish to take it on. And I…I was desperate.”
Matt nodded, his lips pursed tightly together. His eyes moved away from her and down to the floor. A sudden sense of panic rose in her chest.
What if he told her that he wasn’t prepared to take on another man’s child? What if he decided he didn’t want a wife who would lie to him about something as big as this?
The silence grew between them, and Bernadette could feel the tension mounting with each breath she took. Unable to bear it any longer, she looked down at the ground. Hugging the Bible more tightly to her chest, she allowed a silent prayer to echo in her mind.
‘God, please. Let him say something. Anything.’
The silence continued. And, assuming that her prayer had not been answered, Bernadette took a deep breath and spoke.
“I suppose, if you like, I can leave in the morning.”
“What do you mean?” Matt asked. She didn’t look up at him.
“I should have just enough money left to make my way back to Philadelphia,” she said.
The feeling in the room shifted perceptibly. Though Bernadette still focused on the Bible, the hand still bearing her dead husband’s ring resting on top of it, she could feel the energy around her change.
“Is…is that what you want?” Matt asked quietly. “To leave?”
She looked up to see Matt staring at her. Surprise and a little bit of hurt lined his blue eyes, and his brow was furrowed in confusion.
“I…I thought that…given my condition,” she began tentatively. “You might wish to relieve yourself of such a responsibility.”
“But, do you really want to leave?”
He looked straight into her eyes insisting that she answer the question. Bernadette bit her lip, unsure how to answer. The truth was, she didn’t want to leave at all. Of course, she had always known that she did not wish to return to Philadelphia. But, now, her reasons had changed.
When she first arrived on this ranch, she was determined to make things work for the sake of the child. Now, when she thought about leaving this wild, beautiful country; when she thought about giving up the little farm Matt had shown her just outside of town; when she thought about never seeing Matt again; never seeing those blue eyes light up when he talked about their future; never again seeing that smile filled with warmth…a deep, empty ache filled her. And, she knew now, that this was not only because of the child.
So, with her eyes fixed on his, she shook her head.
“No,” she said. “No, I don’t want to leave.”
His shoulder’s relaxed and his eyes softened. The corners of his mouth looked as though they were about to lift into a smile but didn’t quite manage it.
“Good,” he said. “Then, I only have one more question for you.”
“What is that?” she asked.
“Why now? Why would you wait so long to tell me about the baby and then choose to tell me tonight?”
Bernadette took a deep steadying breath. Somehow, she knew that telling him about Mr. Miles would be harder than telling him about her pregnancy. After all, he had so much respect for his boss. All the boys on the ranch seemed unfailingly loyal.
Even so, Bernadette knew she had to tell Matt what Mr. Miles was truly up to.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be Afraid.
‘God, please, help me,’ She said the silent prayer once again. Feeling a small sense of peace come over her, she took another breath and told him her story.
She told him about going in to straighten the study. About finding the application, hidden and undelivered beneath a pile of papers. Then, she told him about what Mr. Miles had said to her. How he had threatened to expose her if she told Matt the truth.
When she was done, Matt stood from his chair and began pacing. Bernadette in turn, found herself sinking down onto the edge of the bed. Her eyes were fixed on her fiancé, like a defendant waiting on the verdict from a jury.
“I can’t believe it,” Matt said finally. He’d stopped his pacing briefly to look out the window.
“I know it’s difficult to accept,” Bernadette said. “But, I swear it’s true.”
“He promised…why would he lie to me? Why would he pretend to help when he had no intention of doing so?”
“I believe he wanted to gain your trust,” Bernadette said. “So that he could keep you here as long as possible.”
Matt bit his lip and turned to her. The softness in his eyes had disappeared, and there was a certain suspicion there now when he looked at her.
“And you saw this application yourself?” he asked. “Did anyone else see it besides you?”
“I am not lying to you,” Bernadette said defensively. Her voice as hard as she could make it. “What motive would I have?”
“Mr. Miles used to say that no man can ever understand the motives of a woman.”
Bernadette let out an indignant huff.
“And you would believe him over me? I know you know what he is. You’ve heard the stories he tells about his business dealings, he is hardly an upstanding citizen.”
Matt opened his mouth to give an answer to this but closed it quickly. It was clear that he had nothing to say. Despite his loyalty, Matt clearly had a sense that his employer was not a man to be trusted. It would only take one more push to convince him.
Slowly, she stood up from the bed and walked towards him.
“Matt,” she said gently. “I’ve told you about my child. That was the only secret I had.”
Matt looked at her quizzically once more. She stared back, unblinking, praying that he would see the truth written on her face. Finally, hesitantly, he reached up a hand and placed it gently on her shoulder.
“I believe you,” he said.
She let out a breath she did not know she was holding in. Even the baby in her womb stopped his wriggling and seemed to relax.
They looked at each other a long while, his warm, strong hand still laying on her shoulder. His eyes looked into hers and, suddenly, that strange stirring entered her chest. The same one she had felt that day at the hotel when she first laid eyes on Mattathias. The one
that was oddly similar to the shiver that passed through her when her late husband had touched her.
A moment later, Matt cleared his throat and removed his hand from her shoulder. The memory of his warmth remained.
Quickly, he began to pace again.
“The question now is, what are we going to do?” he asked. “The application is locked in Mr. Miles’ study. There is no way of fetching it without his noticing.”
At this, Bernadette allowed a secretive smile to pass over her face.
“I believe I have an answer to that,” she said.
Chapter 8
Getting Billy to open the office door for her was much easier than she had expected it would be. The boy did not question her needing to retrieve a rag she had left in there the previous afternoon. And, even though he stood at the threshold, watching as she picked her dust rag up again, he failed to notice the paper she took from the desk and palmed inside her skirt.
Getting Mr. Miles to let them off the ranch was another matter entirely.
“I let you show your bride around town yesterday,” Miles said when Matt asked him for time off. “I can’t afford to lose another day’s work from you.”
“We wanted to get the rings fitted,” Matt explained. “For the wedding. They can’t get the sizes right if both of us aren’t there.”
“You’ve got rings, haven’t you?” he asked. “Don’t see why you can’t just drop ‘em off in town. Hell, you could even have Billy take ‘em for you.”
“Mr. Miles,” Matt began hesitantly, looking down at the ground as he spoke to his employer, “I would really prefer- “
“Matt, you have to understand where I’m coming from,” Mr. Miles said cutting him off. “I am going to lose an entire day’s work for your wedding as it is.”
“And more than that when the application for our farm goes through,” Bernadette said with a glare at Mr. Miles. His eyes turned from Matt to her. There was a hint of fear in his eyes before it transformed into a self-assured smirk.
“Yes,” he said evenly. “You’ll be leaving me soon at any rate. So, I’m sure you can understand that I need to get all the work I can get out of you before that happens.”
“But,” Matt began to protest.
“What if I were to go into town alone?” Bernadette asked before either man could say another word. “I have my own ring after all. I am sure I could secure measurements for Matt before he sets to work this morning.”
Miles looked over to Bernadette again, his self-assured smirk turning to a hardened glare.
“That is certainly a noble gesture, Mrs. Dixon,” he said. “But, I would sooner send Billy or one of the other boys.”
“Better me, I would think than Billy,” Bernadette countered. “The poor boy has so much to do already. And I have nothing to accomplish today that I know of.”
“Even so,” Miles said. His slick, smooth tone becoming harsher. “It’s highly irregular for an unmarried lady to go into town unescorted. I’m sure Matt wouldn’t allow it.”
“Mr. Miles,” Matt spoke up suddenly. “I think that would be best. I would trust Bernadette with this task more than I would trust Billy.”
Matt finally raised his eyes to meet with those of Mr. Miles. Miles’ dark eyes widened in surprise when Matt’s normally soft blue eyes grew hard and glared sternly into his.
Silence fell over the group as a strange shift in the room occurred. Finally, after what seemed like a long while, Mr. Miles nodded.
“All right then,” he said. “You may hitch the wagon for her. Just remember when people in town start whispering about your fiancé, I warned you how this would look.”
Before leaving the room, he sent one more glare to Bernadette. A glare which told her clearly that Mr. Miles knew she was behind this. A glare which told her that he would see her punished for it.
Bernadette glared straight back at him. Confident that there was nothing more he could do to shame her.
She knew what Mr. Miles still didn’t. Matt already knew about the baby. Matt knew the big secret she had. And even that couldn’t tear them apart.
Mr. Miles was the first to break his gaze from hers as he turned and stalked out of the room.
When he did, Matt glanced over to Bernadette, and their eyes met. He gave her a smile. Not the apologetic half smile he usually gave when she’d had a run-in with Mr. Miles. No, this one lifted all the way to his eyes and made them sparkle.
“Well,” he said moving towards her. “I suppose I should show you to the wagon.”
Almost hesitantly, he offered her his arm. There was a hint of uncertainty to this offer, as though such behavior was still new and foreign to him. A tiny pink blush covered his tan cheeks, and Bernadette found herself holding back a giggle.
It was strange, but now, after only three days, her fiancé’s discomfort with formal and courtly behavior was more endearing than it was demeaning. Giving him a bright smile of her own, the two of them walked silently out of the house and towards the barn where the wagon was held.
Matt only removed his hand from hers when they reached the horses. They remained silent as he hitched them to the wagon. Bernadette absent-mindedly fingered the wedding ring still present on her right hand. Though, strangely, her late husband’s ring had begun to feel foreign there now. As if it did not truly belong to her.
“You have the application?” Matt asked as he hitched the second strong, brown mare to the wagon head.
“Of course,” Bernadette said. “I fetched it from the office this morning. It should be a good while before Miles notices that it is missing. By that time, we should have our deed to the farm fully secured.”
Matt turned from the horse to Bernadette biting down on his lip.
“You’re sure it will be that easy?” he asked.
“The bank won’t want one of their properties going to waste,” Bernadette said. “Besides, you’ve had steady employment in the territory for the last three years. And, your employment has been in work similar to farming. You are already a better candidate for the property than someone coming in from back east.”
“They still may ask for collateral,” Matt said. “Mr. Miles claimed that was what was holding up the process before.”
Bernadette fought against the urge to roll her eyes. It seemed that despite what Matt now knew about his employer, a small vestige of loyalty remained. Like a habit that was tough to break.
“Mr. Miles was lying to you,” Bernadette said evenly. “Many banks out west don’t seek collateral. And, even if they do…I suppose I can think of something to offer.”
The skepticism in his eyes remained for a moment. He opened his mouth as though to make some kind of argument against her reasoning. But, when none presented itself, he merely nodded.
He moved from the horse and took her waist, helping her up into the carriage. The warmth from his strong arm circled around her, and the shiver down Bernadette’s spine returned. It intensified when his hand moved across the fabric of her dress as she sidled into the driver’s seat and, even when it disappeared, the warmth from his skin remained.
She turned to him to find that he was standing on the wagon step, much closer to her than she’d imagined he would be. For the first time since they’d met, she glanced down to Matt’s lips and wondered just what kissing this man might feel like.
Heart hammering, she pulled her eyes away from his lips and back to his eyes. To her surprise, he seemed to be staring at her lips in a very similar manner. Half a moment passed before Matt cleared his throat and stepped down off the wagon. His cheeks were, once more, tinted pink. But, this time, Bernadette had the feeling that the color was not due to embarrassment.
He gave her an apologetic smile as Bernadette took the reins of the wagon horses.
“Hurry back,” he said stepping off the wagon.
“I’ll do my best,” she said. With that, she cracked the reins of the horses and started down the long road into town.
Though she had spoken with a
s much confidence as she could to Matt, she knew that this was not a task she could undertake alone. So, as she road into town, she passed the bank and made her way to the church praying that Pastor Rhodes would be there.
Chapter 9
“And you say this man is your fiancé?”
A well-dressed bank manager with light brown hair and a matching mustache sat at a small brown desk peering over the application Bernadette had handed him. He looked up from the paper, and his eyes glanced from Bernadette to Pastor Rhodes who sat in the wooden chair next to her.
Bernadette glanced at the pastor, and he gave her an encouraging smile before she answered.
“Yes,” she said. “We’re meant to be married in three days’ time.”
“Congratulations,” the bank manager said absently looking back down at the application.
“And, Pastor Rhodes, you are prepared to cosign on this loan as well?” the manager asked the pastor.
“I am,” Pastor Rhodes said. “Though I am certain there will be no need. Matt is an upstanding citizen, and I am certain he will keep his obligation to the bank.”
The bank manager let out a non-committal grunt but gave no other answer.
Silence fell in the small room, and Bernadette found herself glancing about for something to keep her mind occupied. There was not much of interest to look at in this bank. Indeed, the bank in Laramie, Wyoming, was smaller than any she had encountered back east. There was only one room. A long wooden bar-like structure stood to the right-hand side. A bored looking young teller stood behind that. And behind him was one lone safe.
In the middle of the room, several chairs had been haphazardly thrown together for guests and at the back was the wooden desk where Bernadette now sat with the bank manager on the other side.
It seemed strange for her to stare at the lone teller and even stranger to keep her eyes on the bank manager in front of her. So, she glanced about the room, taking in the wood paneling all the while twisting her old wedding ring nervously.