by Linda Warren
Her days were mostly the same, caring for babies and children. Occasionally she dealt with teenagers. Today she saw a fifteen-year-old girl who’d been sick with vomiting for a week. The mother insisted she had the flu and needed something for it because the girl couldn’t miss any more school. Becca gave the girl, Katie Adams, a thorough exam and ran some tests. She suspected Katie was pregnant. The mother was very domineering, and Becca could see her daughter was afraid of telling her. While Mrs. Adams went to get coffee, she talked with Katie, who admitted she was pregnant. Becca told her she had to tell her parents. What followed was a big scene. The mother screamed and yelled, but it didn’t change the fact that the girl was pregnant. Becca set up counseling for them, hoping they could work things out.
It was one of those days she was glad to go home.
JULY HAD TURNED into August, and she’d still heard nothing from Cord. Her family went to Rockport, but she stayed in Houston. She had to be here if Cord called, but she finally realized that wasn’t likely to happen. She had a decision to make. She could go on waiting or—or what?
Then she discovered a certain fact that changed her whole perspective. Her body had begun to tell her something and she knew what it was. She and Cord hadn’t used any protection when they’d been together. Doctor or not, she hadn’t even thought about it. Love had blinded her to that need. She took a pregnancy test and confirmed it: she was having a baby. That knowledge sent her into orbit with delight, then just as quickly brought her down to earth. How did she tell Cord? He was dealing with so much already, and she had no idea how he’d take the news. She definitely would not tell him with the intent of getting him back. Cord had to decide that on his own.
She sat on the sofa with her hand on her flat stomach and knew she wanted Cord’s child with all her heart. “We’ll be fine,” she whispered. “I love you already and your father will, too, but I’m not sure there’s time for him to realize that before you’re born.”
She thought of the fifteen-year-old and so many girls like her. Sex came with a price—responsibility. Emily had told her that once. Maybe that was why she’d waited so long. At her age, sex was a choice she’d made consciously and with full awareness. She could handle the consequences.
She considered Emily and what it must’ve been like to be pregnant at seventeen. Becca was older, self-supporting, mature, but what if she’d been seventeen and unmarried—and had to face Rose? Becca trembled. For the first time, she could really imagine the fear and turmoil Emily must have experienced. It was a revelation.
“Don’t worry.” She patted her stomach. “You and I will never be parted.” But, oh, she didn’t think she could wait eighteen years, as her mother had, for Cord to rejoin their lives.
She curled up and wondered how her parents were going to react. A smile spread across her face. There would be no harsh words or judgments, because she was their daughter and they loved her. She’d tried so hard to be perfect for them, but she didn’t have to be. They loved her just the way she was—faults and all. And they’d love her baby.
HER BIRTHDAY came and she spent it with her family. She wasn’t very good company, but no one seemed to notice. She just kept thinking she was twenty-nine, pregnant and alone. The thought didn’t depress her; it gave her something to look forward to—the birth of their child.
Nicki started classes in Houston at the private school Anette had wanted her to attend. Nicki was eager to have Becca meet her teacher. So far, Becca had managed to put her off.
Blanche had also enrolled Nicki in ballet classes. The school was having a party to allow students, teachers and parents to meet each other, and families were welcome. Nicki had begged her to come, and Becca couldn’t tell her she wasn’t part of the family. It didn’t help that Blanche kept insisting. Becca said she’d have to check her schedule, but she’d already decided she couldn’t go. Cord would be there, and if she saw him she’d fall to pieces. Her emotions were very precarious these days.
The night of the party, Colton and Ginger stopped by. Colton frowned at her. “What? You’re not dressed.” She had on jeans and a knit top.
She knew exactly what he was talking about. “I’m not going.”
“You have to. Nicki’s expecting you.”
“Colton…”
“So what if Cord’s there?” Gin said. “Thumb your nose at him. Come on, I’ll pick out something sexy for you to wear.” Gin disappeared into her bedroom.
Becca turned to Colton. “I can’t do this.”
“Sure you can, gorgeous. Just smile and everything’ll be fine.”
Still she hesitated.
“I’m mad as hell at Cord,” Colton told her, “but I can’t even imagine what he’s going through. I know one thing, though—you’re the only person who can reach him. He has to see that life goes on. One look at you is all he needs.”
She smiled. “I never knew you were a matchmaker.”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to help two people I care about.”
“Bec, are you coming?” Gin called from the bedroom.
Colton raised an eyebrow. “You’d better go. You know how she is when she gets going on something.”
She hugged him. “I’m so happy for you and Gin.”
“You were right. I needed someone to make me laugh. Ginger makes me feel like the kid I never was, and it’s a wonderful feeling.” He paused, then looked into her eyes. “For so many years I thought my future was with you but…”
“We’d have been miserable together,” she finished for him.
He grinned. “That about sums it up. Now, what’s it gonna be? Are you planning to let Nicki down?”
“I would never let Nicki down,” she said, and it was true. As Gin had said, so what if Cord was there? She had to see him eventually, and tonight was a good time to start. She couldn’t keep the excitement from rushing through her at the prospect.
SHE DECIDED—or rather, Ginger decided for her—to wear a maroon slim-fitting dress with a short-sleeved jacket. Ginger said she didn’t need the jacket, but she wore it, anyway. The dress was low-cut and she didn’t want to appear—well, she wasn’t sure so she wore the jacket.
When they arrived, the party was in full swing. Little girls in tutus were running everywhere. A teacher introduced herself, and Colton told her they were the Prescott family. Before the teacher could say anything, a screech was heard.
“Becca, Becca, Becca.”
Becca bent and caught Nicki as the child hurled herself into her arms. “Look at me.” Nicki ran her hands down the pink tutu. “We got them today and the teacher said we could wear them. Don’t I look pretty?”
“Beautiful.” Becca kissed her cheek.
“Watch, I can do this already.”
She stood on tiptoe and raised her hands above her head. She tried to turn and toppled backward, but Colton caught her.
“You need more practice, munchkin,” Colton teased her.
“Yeah,” Nicki said, not deterred for a moment. “Come on. Daddy, Blanche and Edie are over here.” She caught Becca’s hand and pulled her forward.
CORD SAW HER COMING—saw everything about her with painful clarity. She looked as beautiful as she did in his dreams, and he wanted to run, to put as much distance between them as he could. But his feet stayed rooted to the spot and his eyes followed her across the room. There was something different about her, but he couldn’t determine exactly what it was. Her dark hair was longer and hung enchantingly around her face; however, that wasn’t it. Her body seemed fuller—or did it? He wasn’t sure. God, he remembered what it was like to touch those breasts, those hips. He had to get out of here. He couldn’t do this. But his feet wouldn’t move.
BECCA SAW HIM and her insides melted with a need that only he could create. He wore dark slacks and a white shirt with his Sunday boots and hat. He held a glass of punch in one hand and there was a distant, brooding look in his eyes. He was so handsome.
What do I say to him? She had to say something.
>
She hugged Blanche and Edie, then turned to face him. They stared at each other for several seconds. Without realizing it, she placed her hand protectively on her stomach. Her tongue was thick and the words wouldn’t come.
What do I say to him?
“How are you?” he finally asked.
Awful. Without you, I’m awful.
Before she could answer, Nicki broke in. “Becca, look.” Becca tore her eyes away and glanced at Nicki, who was holding a pair of tap shoes. “I’m gonna take tap dance, too. These make lots of noise.”
“I bet they do.”
After that, the liveliness of the party took over. She shook hands with teachers and parents and met some of the little girls. Two of them were her patients, and she visited briefly with their parents. All the while, she avoided looking at Cord. She’d thought they would be able to talk but that barrier was still there. He wasn’t letting her near him, and she didn’t know how to break through. She didn’t understand how she could love him so much, yet still be unable to reach him.
CORD SIPPED HIS PUNCH and watched her. He wanted to look away but he couldn’t. Becca was talking to several little girls, Nicki in the center; he noticed that Nicki wasn’t letting anyone get too close to Becca. They were all drawn to her like a magnet, just as he had been.
Ginger walked up to him. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced, but I’m Ginger Daley, Becca’s friend.”
He spared her a quick glance. “Yes, I know who you are.”
Ginger followed his gaze to Becca. “She’s always been like that. Just about every time we went to the mall, there’d be some kid who’d gotten separated from his mother and we’d spend our afternoon searching for her and making sure the kid was okay. And the baby-sitting jobs. I think our teenage years were spent with Becca taking care of every kid in Rockport. I can’t tell you the number of Saturday nights that ticked me off. But that’s Becca.” She took a sip of her punch. “I could probably stand here all night listing Becca’s good qualities, but I believe you already know them.”
“Yeah,” he murmured. He knew all about Becca, and he didn’t need another person telling him anything. He glowered at her. “Is there a point to this, Ginger?”
“There sure is,” she replied without hesitation. “You’re an idiot, Cordell Prescott.”
His eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve been through hell. So what? A lot of people have. Get over it. Can’t you see you have heaven waiting for you?” Without another word, she walked away.
If one more person tried to interfere in his life, he was going to snap. He didn’t need… Becca raised her head and their eyes met across the room. All he could see was pain. Deep, inner pain.
Pain he’d caused.
All the emotions he kept locked up came pouring into his heart. He couldn’t breathe for a moment and he had to force himself to inhale deeply. He was at the crossroads of his life and he knew it. The past still had a strong hold on him, but there was nothing he could do about it. He finally saw that. The present, though, the pain he saw in Becca’s eyes and the pain he felt in his heart—that was something he could change. You have heaven waiting for you. Suddenly the mist around him cleared. The past would not keep him a prisoner.
His heart leapt with this awakening. Circumstances had clouded his judgment and blinded him to what was important in his life. He’d no control over Anette or Mona. He had done everything he could to help his wife, but she’d chosen to keep secrets from him. He had no power over that. And he certainly had nothing to do with Mona’s insane behavior. It was all so clear now, and he knew what he had to do. And he had to do it immediately.
He walked over to Colton. “Could you take Blanche, Edie and Nicki home? I have somewhere to go.”
“Sure, but what the—”
Cord didn’t wait to hear the rest. He strolled quickly to the door.
Becca saw him leave and her heart sank. He couldn’t even stay in the same room with her. All her hopes died. He wasn’t going to give them a chance. She had to get away before the tears took over. She kissed Nicki goodbye and used her cell phone to call a cab. Colton wasn’t too pleased, but she had to be alone to deal with the fact that the life she wanted with Cord was only a fairy tale—as Blanche had once warned her.
CORD DROVE TO THE CEMETERY and walked to Anette’s grave. He stood for a long time breathing in the warm August air. The wind picked up and blew stray leaves around his feet. He was no longer overwhelmed, but he had to confront his emotions concerning Anette. That was the only way to put all this behind him. He remembered when he and Becca had brought Nicki here. Talking had helped his child; maybe it would help him, too.
He remembered the words Nicki had said and they echoed his own feelings. “I’m not mad at you anymore,” he whispered from his soul. For so long he’d been angry at Anette for what she’d done. But now he understood that she hadn’t killed herself. Mona had murdered her. He sucked air into his lungs. He couldn’t let that destroy him because there was nothing he could have done to change it. Nothing. He couldn’t go on blaming himself, punishing himself.
“I’m not mad at you,” he repeated, and the rest of the hurt began to leave him. He put his hat on his head and walked back to his truck.
BECCA UNDRESSED and slipped on a T-shirt, then curled up on the sofa. The tears she’d been holding back suddenly burst forth, and she cried for herself, for Cord and for everything that was lost. She knew Cord was softhearted and felt things deeply, but she’d believed he would find his way back to her. Tonight that hope had dwindled to nothing. He was going to continue blaming himself for everything. He refused to let himself live again.
She sat straighter and dried her tears. She wanted to call her mother and tell her about the baby. She had to tell someone. But she wanted to tell Cord first. A baby was probably the last thing he wanted to hear about, though.
She curled up again. She couldn’t help thinking that unhappy pregnancies ran in the family. Rose and Emily had both gotten pregnant out of wedlock. Why was it that history had a way of repeating itself? But this baby was very much wanted….
THE RINGING OF THE DOORBELL woke her. Groggily she sat up and pushed hair away from her face. It was after twelve. Probably Colton and Ginger making sure she was okay.
She got up and looked through the peephole, and her whole body froze. Cord was standing outside. Was something wrong with Nicki? That was the only reason he’d be here, the only reason she could think of. She quickly opened the door.
For a moment they just stared at each other. He wore the same clothes he had at the party and clutched his hat in one hand. “Can I talk to you, please?” he finally asked.
“Sure,” she answered, moving aside to let him in. “Is it Nicki?” She could hear the anxiety in her voice.
“No, she’s fine.”
He was so much taller, and without her shoes she was reminded of that. His mere presence in her apartment took her breath away.
He noticed her red and puffy eyes. “Have you been crying?”
She tucked hair behind her ear and didn’t know quite how to answer that—so she didn’t. “Cord, why are you here?”
He twisted his hat. “I’m not sure where to start,” he said. “But this thing with Anette and Mona hit me pretty hard.”
“I know that.”
“When I thought Mona could have killed you, too—well, I just couldn’t handle it. I hurt every woman who’s ever loved me and I couldn’t handle that, either. I felt so much guilt and blame that it overshadowed everything.”
Becca’s heart started to beat with alarming speed.
He raised his head and she saw his eyes. The pain was gone. Thank God, the pain was gone.
“Tonight when I saw you, I realized I’m still hurting you. I can’t do that anymore, either.”
“You can’t?”
His eyes held hers. “No, I love you and—”
“Don’t say that.” She broke in fiercely, surpr
ising herself. “How can you love me and still hurt me? Anette didn’t hurt me. Mona didn’t hurt me. You did. You hurt me and…” Emotions overwhelmed her and she couldn’t go on.
“Please, forgive me,” he said in a tortured voice. “I do love you. You may not understand why I had to send you away, but at the time it was the only thing that made sense to me.” He paused, then added, “I love you, Becca. Nothing will ever change that.”
At the look in his eyes and the passion in his voice, everything in her crumbled away, the anger and the grief and the hurt. All that remained was the love. She threw herself into his arms and words were stilled as their lips met in hungry, aching need. Cord lifted her off the floor as the kiss went on and on. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair, giving herself up to this moment, his kiss.
Somehow they were on the sofa and she wasn’t sure how they’d got there. All she wanted to do was hold him, touch him…and love him.
“Oh, Becca.” He groaned as his hands slipped beneath her shirt to her breast. “I’m been starving for this, dying for you.”